Newgrounds: Under Fire

[Ghanden]

I've been seeing a lot of original stories on Newgrounds lately, so I thought I would showcase this one I've been thinking of. Tell me if you'd like to be in it and I may give you a part. Well, anyway, here it is. Enjoy!

Newgrounds: Under Fire
Chapter 1

In the land of Newgrounds, power is everything. Among the many users, there are three truly powerful figures: Tom Fulp, the founder and leader of Newgrounds;
Pimp, the wielder of the mighty blam spear; Strawberry Clock, the leader of the powerful and feared Clock Crew.
One day, one of the three was confronted by a mysterious figure. He was Pimp and in his right hand he held the mighty blam spear, which held the power to pwn any user. He turned to face the foolish challenger.
"Who would dare challenge me?!", he said with fury.
The mysterious figure stepped before him, his fire red hair shining in the moonlight. He wore a large cloak, covering his entire torso.
"My name is Chris Jones. If I am correct, that is the mighty blam spear you hold in your right hand.", said he in a ominous voice. "Perhaps you could hand it over to me?"
Pimp could only laugh at the fool standing before him.
"Hahahahaha!! And just why would I do that?! If you want to take it from my cold, dead, hands!!"
"I was hoping you would say that.", he sneered as he threw off his cloak, revealing a terrifying sight.
"T-The three shining blam wands!!", he gasped."H-How did you get those?!
A sickening smile crossed his face.
"It's sad really. I thought that they could put up a bigger fight than that."
The three shining blam wands floated in front of him, as he spoke the incantations for the all powerful blamming spell.
"Sweet pwnage...!", whispered Pimp as he was engulfed in the mighty inferno.

Miles away, in the Newgrounds capital, Wade slammed open the door to Tom's room, bearing terrifying news.
"T-Tom!! The mighty blam spear! Pimp! They-"
"I know Wade. It has begun."

To be continued..

[PhoenixDancer]

Cool

[Sixers1fan]

i wish i had the blam spear

[Athlas]

Hmm, quite original. I'd like to see where this is going, and hope this doesn't die after two more episodes.

[Edd360]

At 8/16/06 06:24 PM, Sixers1fan wrote: i wish i had the blam spear

I call it the level 30 blam wand.

[Ghanden]

Newgrounds: Under Fire
Chapter 2

Strawberry Clock was nervous. He had just learned of a terrible crime on the citizens of Newgrounds. They were under the rule of someone other than him. He couldn't remember their exact name, but he felt it was something along the lines of Wade. Oh well, it didn't matter. His coup would free the users from the tyrannical rule of whoever-it-was.
"My king, you have a guest.", said Pineapple.
"Well who the fuck is it, you lazy son of a bitch?!"
"He says his name is Chris Jones and that he wants to kill you."
"It must be my goddamn mother again! Oh well, let her in."
"My king, are sure that-"
"What are you waiting for asshole?!
With digruntled compliance, he opened the door. A man in a long cloak came in.
"Mommy!! I missed you!", squealed Strawberry.
The man ignored him and began to speak.
"Strawberry Clock, do you have any last words?"
"Of course! B! BBBBBBBBBBBBBBB!!"
"Wha-what are you talking about?", asked the confused man.
"Fuck if I know.", said Strawberry, as he bolted out the door.
"What?! Damn, he's getting away... Come back here!!", he said turning to go after him.
Before he could get to the door, Orange and Rasberry were in front of him.
"We'll die before we let you harm our king!!", they screamed zealously.
"Very well. Have it your way!!", he replied as he drew his wands.

Orange Clock and Rasberry Clock's sacrifices were not in vain. Strawberry Clock and the rest of his entourage escaped safely. Chris stood by the bodies of his victims and said only one thing: "Two down, one to go."
To be continued...

[Ghanden]

I know that a lot of people call it the level 30 blam wand, but I thought it looked more like a spear. Besides the level 29 weapon looks more like a wand.

[SkweakyMuffin]

Sweet tell the rest

[Ghanden]

Newgrounds: Under Fire
Chapter 3

Inside Newgrounds Tower in the capital city, two brothers discussed the fate of Newgrounds. A desperate situation was before them. The mighty blam spear was gone along with Pimp, the shining blam wands were stolen as well, and a rebellion of the clocks was beginning.
"Tom, who is this Chris Jones?!",said Wade."What does he have against us and Newgrounds?!"
Tom spoke the words in fear. "Wade, a long time ago, I may have said some things that might make some people angry. Chris still hasn't gotten over how I made him look like a serious noob."
"So he's trying to take over Newgrounds?!"
"No. He's trying to destroy it!"

At the same time, in the Clocktopia HQ, Strawberry was addressing the situation with tact and caution.
"Oh...My...God... We are so fucked."
He was right. Two of his strongest supporters were dead. He, Weird, Turd, and Pineapple were all alone in a warehouse hiding from a maniac. His coup was scheduled for tomorrow. Also, he had gas.
"Well guys, it looks like we might as well leave here."
"Why do you say this my king?"
"What the fuck are you talking about?! Don't you know that people always get ambushed in warehouses in movies?! Who's idea was this?!"
"Yours."
"Oh."
But there was a problem to Strawberry's escape plan: Pineapple Clock.
"I'm sorry my king, but this is the end of the line for you.", said the treacherous clock.
"I've supported you these many years thinking you were the strongest user. But seeing Orange and Rasberry die made me realize: I was all wrong."
He raised up his gun to fire at the defenseless Strawberry Clock but never fired a shot. He looked down to see three bullet hole in his chest. He died silently.
"Well Strawberry, it seems you and I have something in common.", said a figure emerging from the shadows with a smoking gun in his hand. "We both have a score to settle with Chris Jones."
In disbelief, Strawberry Clock said two words: "Banana Lock..."
To be continued...

[Aurion]

pretty good story continue you left me in suspense

[Ghanden]

This thread isn't getting too much attention, but as long as somone's listening, I'll keep writing. :)

Newgrounds: Under Fire
Chapter 4

"Bananna... What are you doing here?!",questioned Strawberry. "Have you come to challenge me?
"Quite the opposite Strawberry. I too have been targeted by this "Chris". I woke up with several knives to my throat. It seems that these shining blam wands have the power to bewitch others, as shown by Pineapple."
He paused, regretting what he was about to say.
"Strawberry...We must team up to defeat this evil!!"
"What?! The Clock Crew and the Lock Legion?! You're mad!", responded Weird Clock.
"No. He's right. Alone we are too weak to defeat him!",said Strawberry."We will meet tomorrow morning to discuss our battle plan."
As he walked away, Strawberry Clock thought to himself:
"It's a damn good thing he doesn't know about my coup tomorrow."
As he walked away, Bananna Lock thought to himself:
"It's a damn good thing he doesn't know about my coup tomorrow."

On the outskirts of the city, a man was talking in his cell.
"Sir, we're all ready for battle! When do you want us to move out?"
"Tomorrow morning. Be ready for anything. I'm counting on you guys."
"Yes sir, Mr. Fulp, sir!! We will nip this evil in the bud!!"
The tankmen had arrived.

All of the pieces are set. Tomorrow the battle for the portal will begin!!
I'd love to keep writing, but I've got to get going. If this thread dies, I'll make a new one
to continue it. :)

[PsychoticMind]

Nice story, it was hillarious when strawberry clock started saying B randomly.

[Flameo-Ninja]

At 8/16/06 06:23 PM, ghandenhanden wrote: Newgrounds: U-

As far as I got.

[NudistBuddhist]

Thumbs up!

[Athlas]

I know the feeling. When writing something, you always hope to get some feedback, supportive or otherwise. It's a shame when you don't get any response. So I'll try to give you a decent commentary.

1) Subject. Quite creative. Doesn't match some of the other stories that have been posted in the past month, but still ery decent. Above average even, I'd say. Lately, there has been to much crap. You're a nice variation to that.

2) Humour. Although not always subtle or refined, your humour does count for a couple of laughs. Not always necessairy to create a good story, but it does deliver you some bonus points.

3) Length. To be honest, I think you're using the correct approach. Writers who post entire stories in three posts or less, even though they only have a mere 60 characters left at the end of them, often post decent tales, but are unable to draw the attention of the midstream user. Which is a shame. Your posts could be a bit longer, but they're fine the way they are.

4) Overall. Very decent story. Above average. If I was a grammar nazi, I'd probably tell you to work on spelling, but that's peanuts. You might want to consider clarifying some of the things you write. From time to time, your descriptions are a bit vague, or you could easily use a colourful description to add to the 'feeling' of the story. Which I miss at certain points. But as I've said before, that's peanuts.

That's all I can think off at the time being. I hope it is of some use to you.

[Ghanden]

I'ts alive! Well, sort of. Not really... Anyway here's chapter 5!

Newgrounds: Under Fire
Chapter 5

Strawberry Clock woke up angrily. His sweet dreams of nectarine and B were over. Today was the day of judgement. For everyone else. Lying near him, in the small warehouse were hundreds of clocks, recruited during the night. From Leek Clock and KittyToast Clock to the lesser HairyToe Clock, everyone was ready for battle.
"Wake up you goddamn idiots!!",he screamed."What are you doing sleeping on the day of battle?!"
"Forgive me my king!!",responded hundreds of clocks.
Across the street, the locks were preparing for battle as well. Bananna Lock looked across the street and nodded a sign of acknoledgement.

Far away, on the other side of the Newgrounds capital, the tankmen were preparing for battle. Among their ranks were some of the mightiest of mods: Ozcar, Denvish, and BadReligionSkater. Due to lack of funding there were only three tanks, which were controlled by them. The department of defense members were there too, along with the elite guards. If they couldn't stop Chris, no one could. As Ozcar mounted his tank, he saw somone coming out of the fog. It was Tom.
"Sir, you shouldn't be out here!", he called."The battle is about to begin!"
Tom paid no attention and slung his AK47 over his shoulder. He started this, now he would finish it. He walked to the front of the army. His army. He took in the sense of pride he felt knowing that all of these users would die to protect Newgrounds.
As would he.
"H-Help!! The Mafia! T-They're being attacked by some wizard!!", screamed an unknown voice in the distance.
It was Ocelot, a member of the Newgrounds mafia. His left arm was covered in blood and he had a bullet hole in his knee.
"He walked in... a-and started talkin smack to Ghost when suddenly, everyone went berserk!! It was all I could do to get away!!"
Tom was shocked. The Newgrounds Mafia?! It was one of the mightiest clubs in Newgrounds!! He had to stop Chris before he could bewitch any more members. If he did, he would have incredible power.
"Everyone!!", he screamed."We have a crisis on our hands!! Our victory may rest on one thing...Saving the Newgrounds Mafia!!"
"FOR NEWGROUNDS!!!", yelled hundreds of zealous troops, as they marched to battle.

Strawberry was surprised. In the middle of the street in front of the Newgrounds Tower, were hundreds of mafia members fighting amongst themselves!
Chris Jones was nowhere to be found!! The door to Newgrounds Tower was wide open!!! This was his chance. With a distraction like this, he could easily make it to the top floor of the tower and steal the almighty Newgrounds Crown!!
"Weird!! Turd!! Knotts!! Do not let anyone else through this door!!"
"Yes, my king!!", they all responded as he bolted into the tower and up the stairs.
Bananna Lock saw it all. He understood now. Strawberry Clock was after the crown too. But he still had a chance to get it first, if he used the elevator. The Newgrounds Crown would be his!!
To be continued...

[TheAmateurAnimator]

At 8/17/06 10:54 AM, ghandenhanden wrote: Bananna Lock saw it all. He understood now. Strawberry Clock was after the crown too. But he still had a chance to get it first, if he used the elevator. The Newgrounds Crown would be his!!
To be continued...

Ooh, treachery!

[Ghanden]

Newgrounds: Under Fire
Chapter 6

Bananna Lock ran towards the tower, leaving his men to their battle. As he approached, he was blocked by three clocks.
"Our king has told us to let no one in!", said Weird Clock, drawing his uzis.
"Like I give a fuck!!", yelled Bananna as he kicked Weird's knee and somersaulted over the stunned clocks.
He ran through the hall, avoiding their gunfire, in hopes of reaching the elevator. Just as he reached it the door opened. A very shocked looking Wade, wearing only a pink towel and hairnet, waited on the other side.
"Excellent!! A hostage!!", said Bananna triumphantly.
"W-What?!", said Wade as Bananna grabbed him and ran into the elevator.

Tom and his army had reached the center of the Newgrounds capital when they saw a terrifying sight. Not only was the mafia there, clocks and locks were battling in the street as well! But Chris was nowhere to be seen.
"What chaos!!", said a stunned Tom."It's like Newgrounds is imploding upon itself!! But where are Ghost and Chris?!"
"I'm right here.", said a figure emerging from the battle.
It was Ghost, the don of the Newgrounds Mafia. He limped toward them, his left leg covered in blood. When he saw him, Ocelot jumped out of the tank.
"Godfather!! You're okay!!"
"Speak for yourself."
Tom interrupted them. "It's good that you're alright, but where is Chris?! Ghost seemed pained by the thought: "He ran into the tower."
Now Tom understood. All this time he thought his grudge was against Newgrounds and him, but he was really after the crown.

Strawberry Clock was nearly there. He had reached the lobby of the tower. All he had to do now was go into tom's room and take the crown.
"Stop right there, Strawberry!!", said a familiar voice."The crown is mine!!"
Bananna Lock and a terrified Wade walked out of the elevator behind him.
"So Bananna, you would challenge the power of B?", said Strawberry, raising his fists.
"There is no B.", replied Bananna.

The two of them launched themselves at each other, fists flying and seeds bursting, while Wade looked on in horror. For every Fist of B there was a Kick of Gorlock to counter it. The two were equaly matched in power, but Bananna was smarter. He drew a hidden knife and stabbed Strawberry in the back of his knee.
"Sweet mother of B!!", said Strawberry, falling to the floor in pain.
The one moment of inaction was enough. Bananna rushed to the door. This was the moment he would open the door and take his crown.
As he opened the door to Tom's room, he turned to Strawberry.
"I applaud you Strawberry!! You almost thought you could defeat the might Bana-"
He never finished. In horror Strawberry and Wade watched as Bananna Lock was blown apart by the all powerful blamming spell.

Chris Jones stepped out of Tom's room and said to them:
"This land...Newgrounds...the users...and the portal. They are all mine."
He wore the Newgrounds Crown atop his head.
To be continued...

Well, that's all for a couple hours, but I'll be back.

[TheD-LucksEdition]

At 8/17/06 12:27 PM, ghandenhanden wrote:

A very shocked looking Wade, wearing only a pink towel and hairnet, waited on the other side.

lmao!

Chris Jones stepped out of Tom's room and said to them:
"This land...Newgrounds...the users...and the portal. They are all mine."
He wore the Newgrounds Crown atop his head.
To be continued...

ZOMG! Cliffhanger!

[UltimateAxl]

You sure do type alot for a 14 year old.

[reality-monkey]

wat about adam philips? he has the brackenwood empire. i would fear him more then the clock crew.

[Black-Flame]

Sounds a lot like the other ones.

[reality-monkey]

and i personnally like the one story where newgrounds and ebaums and a few other places area at war and have those mind synchronis helmets so the war is cooler

[Cripple-fight]

At 8/16/06 06:23 PM, ghandenhanden wrote: I've been seeing a lot of original stories on Newgrounds lately, so I thought I would showcase this one I've been thinking of. Tell me if you'd like to be in it and I may give you a part. Well, anyway, here it is. Enjoy!

oooo! i want to be in it please!!!

[The-Hydra-of-Spore]

Go Bannana Lock!

[Suntime]

great story keep it up!

[Suntime]

sorry for the double post but can i be in the story please?

[III-D]

really cool story! can i be in the story as long as i am not portrayed as a weirdo

[Ghanden]

Newgrounds: Under Fire
Chapter7

Ghost and Ocelot were relieved. The tankmen were able to stop the bewitched mafia members with minimal casualties. The clocks and locks were beginning to cool off. Though even with all of this good news, something was bothering them. The way Tom ran into the tower right after Ghost informed him on Chris was unsettling. He said only one thing:
"The portal."

Tom knew he was too late. The lobby was covered in what looked to mashed bananna. He didn't need to go into his room to know that Chris had the crown.
But he did. He wasn't surprised by what he saw. Bound and gagged in the corner were his brother and Strawberry Clock. Next to them was Chris.
"How's it going Jeff?", said Tom.
"Not bad, Dave.", said Chris.

Upon hearing all the noise, many more users came out of their homes. Medics treated the injured and crowds gallered in front of the tower. Suddenly, a voice rang out from the top of the tower.
"NEWGROUNDS!!! BEHOLD YOUR NEW KING!!!"
On the very top of the tower stood Chris, the crown atop his head and the three wands before him. He had carried Tom, Wade, and Strawberry along with him.
The people of Newgrounds were stunned. Chris turned back to Tom.
"You know what this crown does Tom."
"Chris! You cannot open the portal!! All hell would break loose!!"
He didn't listen. Using the power of the almighty crown and the three wands, he spoke the magic words: "OPEN SESAME!!!"
Time and space collided. Logic and reason exploded. Before Chris, The swirling rift opened. He called his true servants.
"Come to me, my servants!!", he called."Come and gain freedom from your creators!!"
Characters from every flash imaginable spilled forth. Characters you thought only existed in your nightmares, like Salad Fingers or X-naut, emerged. Any other user would be terrified, but Chris had the wands. They granted him complete control over them.
There was only one thing left to do.
"Well Tom, I hope you enjoy your new home!!", he sneered with delight as he through his three hostages into the portal. Tom Fulp was finished.

With them out of the way and the flash characters under his control, no one was left to stop him. Newgrounds was his to control.

However, he had not taken into considerateion the will of the users. If they could somehow reach the portal and save Tom and Strawberry, they might still have a chance...
To be continued...

I'd be happy to put everyone who's asked into the story, but if you could pm me instead, I'd be grateful.

[TheSilentRuler]

you know what... this post is almost dead... hurry up and post again... or do i have to.

yes i do