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How to rob a store.

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Fragment
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How to rob a store. Jul. 10th, 2006 @ 08:22 PM

Welcome, future criminals. This here is FRAGMENT'S GUIDE TO ROBBING STORES, copyrighted 2006. Before you embark on this quest, there are some things you need to be aware of:

Warnings
Robbing is a serious crime
There is something known as the police
There is also something known as a cop off duty.
I am sexier than you.

All righty, then, let's get to the robbing. First of all, pick the store which you want to rob. You should pick a convenience store, a drug store, a fast food joint, or a gas station for less chance of being stopped by someone.

What you will need:
A handgun (ooh, we're getting serious)
Three or four large, inflated balloons
Binoculars
Some sort of mask
A big pair of balls
Your pride

You will need a large, long-sleeved jacket before you attempt your robbery. Make sure that the sleeves are able to cover your hands.

Park your car (or hide) on the other side of the street where the store is located. Using your binoculars, surveil the store and it's surroundings. Check how many staff members there are. Check if there are any security cameras. If there are, note where they are located. Check to see that no police cars are around. Once these things are done, you need to disguise yourself. Using a marker or a pen, draw a beard and mustache on your face or if you're a kid, accentuate your eyebrows and draw yourself a mole. Put on eyeglasses of any kind. Stow the gun in your pockets or under your belt. Keep the ski mask in your pocket or in a place where it won't be seen, but that you be able to take it out quickly. You are ready, champ.

Walk up to the store with the balloons in your hand. Make sure that they float and that the won't separate. When you get to the door, either push it with your shoulder to enter or pull your sleeve over your hand and fingers and pull. Do not look at the staff: Your fake beard and glasses will provide them with a fake "face". Walk to the back of the store and pretend that you are looking at everything, anything. Pull the ski mask over your face (QUICKLY!) and walk to the cashier.

Here is where it gets interesting. If there is another costumer, point the gun at him/her and instruct him/her to drop to the ground and not move. The cashier will be too worried to do anything. Then, with the balloons, let them go in front of the camera so that they obstruct its view. Point the gun at the cashier, blah blah blah, get the money. Stash the money in your pockets while you point the gun at the cashier. Walk towards the door (still pointing the gun) Push or pull as said earlier, and run out. Run to your car, stash the weapon and ski mask, drive away OR run away for about 200 yards, until you find a hiding spot. There, you will clean your face, wait an hour or two, and go back home or to a motel/hotel.

Congratulations, you succeesed in robbing a store.

Notes:

The best time to rob a store is in between 3:00 am and 5:00 am. Do not go back to that store ever again, and do not frequently go by that area for the next weeks after the robbery.


HEY MY NAME IS FRAGMENT, AND I GO TO THE POTTY ALLL BY MYSEEEELFFF
Don't talk back.<3
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SuperSmoothSmiley
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Response to How to rob a store. Jul. 10th, 2006 @ 08:25 PM

HOORAY for fragment! Training criminals of the future!

On a seirous not...is this thread not illegal in any way?

balto-boy
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Response to How to rob a store. Jul. 10th, 2006 @ 08:27 PM

uh, tell me, did you actually do this and did it actually work


"Growing old is mandatory, but growing up is optional."

Also, Newgrounds can't stop the Brawl!!!

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Response to How to rob a store. Jul. 10th, 2006 @ 08:28 PM

The cashier will be too worried to do anything.

That's a HUGE assumption!

Loch-Ness-Monster
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Response to How to rob a store. Jul. 10th, 2006 @ 08:28 PM

Don't forget that if you're using your car, get a false set of plates. Because people like me make a note of the registration number of suspicious looking vehicles.

The-Elven-Lady
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Response to How to rob a store. Jul. 10th, 2006 @ 08:30 PM

you can do this also. I worked for a pizza place and it would have been so easy to rob them at the end of the night. Just wait out side of the back door and when they go to empty the trash rush themn and go for the cash and then run like hell.

MetalDart
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Response to How to rob a store. Jul. 10th, 2006 @ 08:31 PM

At 7/10/06 08:22 PM, Fragment wrote: What you will need:
Three or four large, inflated balloons

Can't we just give them balloons in exchange for the money? It worked in the Simpsons. :(


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Response to How to rob a store. Jul. 10th, 2006 @ 08:32 PM

wow..thats..very interesting

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Response to How to rob a store. Jul. 10th, 2006 @ 08:34 PM

At 7/10/06 08:30 PM, Josette_Beau_Pre wrote: you can do this also. I worked for a pizza place and it would have been so easy to rob them at the end of the night. Just wait out side of the back door and when they go to empty the trash rush themn and go for the cash and then run like hell.

Also, around the end of a lunch rush in any given retaurant when the manager goes to a nearby bank to drop off their deposit.

Fragment
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Response to How to rob a store. Jul. 10th, 2006 @ 08:48 PM

At 7/10/06 08:25 PM, SuperSmoothSmiley wrote: HOORAY for fragment! Training criminals of the future!

Next projects: How to escape from jail, how to commit a murder, and finally how to stash a corpse. And I'm dead serious.

On a seirous not...is this thread not illegal in any way?

*munches on an apple*...No?


HEY MY NAME IS FRAGMENT, AND I GO TO THE POTTY ALLL BY MYSEEEELFFF
Don't talk back.<3
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strumpy
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Response to How to rob a store. Jul. 10th, 2006 @ 08:49 PM

thanks fragment =)

DestroyerofMan
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Response to How to rob a store. Jul. 10th, 2006 @ 08:50 PM

Can I rob a jewelry store, and tell them to make me a grill?

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Response to How to rob a store. Jul. 10th, 2006 @ 08:53 PM

woah dude...that was awesome...wonder if it would actualy work?

seems like it would...
Anti-pie
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Response to How to rob a store. Jul. 10th, 2006 @ 08:55 PM

And what are the balloons for?


We're meat and that's it. So lets fuck it, fuck it, fuck it.
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Response to How to rob a store. Jul. 10th, 2006 @ 08:55 PM

At 7/10/06 08:27 PM, balto_boy wrote: uh, tell me, did you actually do this and did it actually work

I was wondering that, too.

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Response to How to rob a store. Jul. 10th, 2006 @ 08:56 PM

At 7/10/06 08:22 PM, Fragment wrote:

Flaw 1:

Do not look at the staff: Your fake beard and glasses will provide them with a fake "face". Walk to the back of the store and pretend that you are looking at everything, anything. Pull the ski mask over your face (QUICKLY!) and walk to the cashier.

Any intelligent employee will be immediately suspicuous of the balloon toting marker-face who is sketching out in the back. Element of surprise is weakened.

Flaw 2:

Here is where it gets interesting. If there is another costumer, point the gun at him/her and instruct him/her to drop to the ground and not move.

2+ customers?

Flaw 3:

The cashier will be too worried to do anything.

Unless they're the type with am itchy trigger finger, nothing going for them but this dead end job, a sudden desire to be a hero, an a 12 gauge under the counter.

Flaw 4:

Then, with the balloons, let them go in front of the camera so that they obstruct its view.

This assumes that 1) the camera is mounted high up, 2) that there is only one camera and 3) that the cameras do not record or that you were not noted (when you were LESS disguised) upon entry.

Flaw 5:

Point the gun at the cashier, blah blah blah, get the money. Stash the money in your pockets while you point the gun at the cashier. Walk towards the door (still pointing the gun)

This assumes the register has a lot of cash in it.

Summary: Life != Movies.


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PuRpLe-KusH
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Response to How to rob a store. Jul. 10th, 2006 @ 09:05 PM

2 complicated.Id rather get a JOB


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Response to How to rob a store. Jul. 10th, 2006 @ 09:05 PM

That wouldn't work for multiple reasons.

1. You would leave DNA evidence such as sweat on the strings of the balloons, unless you have a set of brass balls and aren't gonna' be overly cautious and fearful when robbing them.

2. 3 AM - 5 AM is the most common times for police officers to be making rounds of said places, just because there aren't many civilians doesn't mean there aren't any bacon bits.

3. You are basing on facts that the cashier wouldn't fight. Most convenience stores have a policy (such as 7-11) to cooperate with the robber. Many employees do not think they are paid enough to put up with that bull, so they will most likely hop over the counter and engage in a fight, all while on the phone calling the police.

4. Marker is VERY VERY VERY noticable. It would strike suspiscion upon your entering of the said robbing place. Not very wise as you would be looked at more closely, especially since your carrying ballons. If you truely wish a guise actually use make up.

5. You are also supposing that the balloons will go directly in front of the camera and that there is only one camera, in most places this is not true in the least.

6. Most likely your plates will be seen, if you REALLY wanna' do it right, steal a car first and then dump it, but dump it right, w/o fabric evidence or DNA evidence,

7. Basically if your robbing a store with ballons and then need to don a ski mask, you will only have one hand to do it and thus it will take longer aND YOU WILL BE NOTICED quick.

8. There are many more flaws in your plot, but I shall leave them be for now, I pointed out the obvious ones.

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Response to How to rob a store. Jul. 10th, 2006 @ 09:09 PM

I've thought of better ways to rob a store

Instead of drawing on your face you should:

If your white make yourself look black so when the person was robbed they are going to say it was a black man. You can use make up and shave you head.

If your black then just do the opposite

Wear gloves: Just so you don't leave any finger prints anywhere

If mexican do black or white... or asian!

The fake License Plate would not work unless if you have a friend who will make you one and doesn't snitch

Instead take off the license plates before you go anywhere, The store or stores you drive by may have camras, also do it in a garage so no one can see you.

After you rob the store drive home but not fast. When you get home quickly get off the make up and leave your home then go to a hotel/motel for a little while.


We're meat and that's it. So lets fuck it, fuck it, fuck it.
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Response to How to rob a store. Jul. 10th, 2006 @ 09:12 PM

At 7/10/06 08:56 PM, Zerok wrote: Any intelligent employee will be immediately suspicuous of the balloon toting marker-face who is sketching out in the back. Element of surprise is weakened.

Which is why I said to immediately move to the back of the store or into some isle. The cashier won't be able to notice that the beard has been drawn on unless the robber walked by very slowly or took in all of the details of the robber's face.

Flaw 2:

Here is where it gets interesting. If there is another costumer, point the gun at him/her and instruct him/her to drop to the ground and not move.
2+ customers?

I stand corrected. However this may be sloved by simply waiting until all costumers are near each other (i.e, waiting to pay), or simply ditch the plan.

Flaw 3:

The cashier will be too worried to do anything.
Unless they're the type with am itchy trigger finger, nothing going for them but this dead end job, a sudden desire to be a hero, an a 12 gauge under the counter.

Heavy shotgun+ supervision from the robber+ possibility of suing from the costumer+ One handgun= One cashier with a hole in his head.

Flaw 4:

Then, with the balloons, let them go in front of the camera so that they obstruct its view.
This assumes that 1) the camera is mounted high up, 2) that there is only one camera and 3) that the cameras do not record or that you were not noted (when you were LESS disguised) upon entry.

1) There is no need for a camera to be mounted low since it could barely detect a face and has an obstructed view of the store 2) That being taken into consideration, as I said earlier, small gas stations/convenience stores/fast food joints are small, thus do not need more than a camera inside and a camera for outdoor surveillance, which is usually placed in the back door to prevent burglars. 3) Camera cannot detect that the mustache-beard combination is fake unless it is high-tech and/or has the ability to zoom in and out + movement.

Flaw 5:

Point the gun at the cashier, blah blah blah, get the money. Stash the money in your pockets while you point the gun at the cashier. Walk towards the door (still pointing the gun)
This assumes the register has a lot of cash in it.

Problem?

Summary: Life != Movies.

I got my information from THREE different store owners, a police man, plus my research and basic surveillance of all the stores I walk into.


HEY MY NAME IS FRAGMENT, AND I GO TO THE POTTY ALLL BY MYSEEEELFFF
Don't talk back.<3
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Response to How to rob a store. Jul. 10th, 2006 @ 09:16 PM

At 7/10/06 09:05 PM, EOVBloodNikka wrote: That wouldn't work for multiple reasons. <snip>

That's very true. No matter how many precautions you take, there is no way to guard against all unforseen circumstances. There have been so many intelligent criminals that have meticulously planned out their crimes for months, but ended up getting caught in the end, despite there being no major flaws in their plans.

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Response to How to rob a store. Jul. 10th, 2006 @ 09:23 PM

At 7/10/06 09:12 PM, Fragment wrote: Which is why I said to immediately move to the back of the store or into some isle. The cashier won't be able to notice that the beard has been drawn on unless the robber walked by very slowly or took in all of the details of the robber's face.

But the giant balloons will attract lots of attention. They're just asking for attention. They're pretty much the worst part of the whole thing, since the sole purpose is to obstruct ONE camera angle.

Heavy shotgun+ supervision from the robber+ possibility of suing from the costumer+ One handgun= One cashier with a hole in his head.

That makes no sense whatsoever. You're just assuming it has to be a shotgun? You're assuming that you're a faster gunslinger than the cashier? And what the Hell does suing have to do with any of it?

1) There is no need for a camera to be mounted low since it could barely detect a face and has an obstructed view of the store

Except for the VERY purpose of being less of a target for obstruction. You mean to tell me you've never seen those "CAUGHT ON TAPE" videos where the robbers were screwed over by the hidden cam on the shelf, made to look like it was for sale?

2) That being taken into consideration, as I said earlier, small gas stations/convenience stores/fast food joints are small, thus do not need more than a camera inside and a camera for outdoor surveillance, which is usually placed in the back door to prevent burglars.

Unless... they happen... to have more than one.
There is no MAXIMUM amount of cameras per square foot law, sorry.

3) Camera cannot detect that the mustache-beard combination is fake unless it is high-tech and/or has the ability to zoom in and out + movement.

There's also no technology limit.

Problem?

I don't think risking a robbery is worth $23.43.

I got my information from THREE different store owners, a police man, plus my research and basic surveillance of all the stores I walk into.

You need to update your information.


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Response to How to rob a store. Jul. 10th, 2006 @ 09:27 PM

I doubt this would work...

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Response to How to rob a store. Jul. 10th, 2006 @ 09:28 PM

And we need to know this why...?


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Response to How to rob a store. Jul. 10th, 2006 @ 09:29 PM

I have experienced many people in my neighborhood that I count among my friends that just robbed places the old fashioned way, some got caught, some didn't. They just walk in toting gun and wearing mask already walk out w/ money or end up getting caught. The most safe assumption is that robbing a place is like gambling. Honestly if you over think things and rely on the fact that you are intelligent you will most likely end up making an unforseen stupid mistake, such as the cashier having a .357 behind the counter ready to blow your head OFF. Your best bet to rob a place would be a bank. They are the only place that really does carry that much money anymore. Besides, potentially getting locked up for 5 to 20 or w/e your local state law is for armed robbery is stupid unless your going for the big bucks. Go big, or not at all.

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Response to How to rob a store. Jul. 10th, 2006 @ 09:31 PM

Have a partner to open the door, he will fake a customer

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Response to How to rob a store. Jul. 10th, 2006 @ 09:32 PM

At 7/10/06 09:29 PM, EOVBloodNikka wrote: Your best bet to rob a place would be a bank.

Hahahah.

A successful bank robbery takes more intelligence and ingenuity than an average clump of BBS users could ever muster in their entire lifetimes. Not to mentione a boatload of luck.


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Response to How to rob a store. Jul. 10th, 2006 @ 09:33 PM

cool, ill be back tomarrow with my results


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Response to How to rob a store. Jul. 10th, 2006 @ 09:34 PM

At 7/10/06 09:32 PM, Zerok wrote:
At 7/10/06 09:29 PM, EOVBloodNikka wrote: Your best bet to rob a place would be a bank.
Hahahah.

A successful bank robbery takes more intelligence and ingenuity than an average clump of BBS users could ever muster in their entire lifetimes. Not to mentione a boatload of luck.

Yeah, but at least you'd wouldn't be wasting your time, I mean if you succeed robbing a convenience store at the most you'll get $30 as that is usually the most that they keepin the registers and most employees don't know the safe combo. Might as well go down for doing something others in prison will respect then for robbing a convenience store and becoming the proverbial Buba's bitch hahaha

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Response to How to rob a store. Jul. 10th, 2006 @ 09:34 PM

Wow! This is a very nice educational piece!


Hello, matey.

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