Confessional

[PreacherJ]

Does anybody have anything they'd like to come to me with for advice? If so, post here, and I'll try to give you the best advice I can. I'll listen to any problems you might have, and will try to lend a sympathetic ear.

I'm not actually religious in any way, but I understand the need for such things in people.

I've seen a lot of messed up crap in my time, and all I wanna do is help.

It is at this time, I must request that nobody bashes anybody else for posting on this topic thread, and that I only get serious posts. It's a messed up world.

Everyone needs solace one way, or another.

Thanks-

-PJ

[VGK]

So..Atomic

[PreacherJ]

Well, I guess nobody wants any advice or therapy via BBS Posts. Bummer. I like hearing about other people's problems and helping out, too. :(

[aherdofgoats]

Its a trick, Preacher will touch your naughties

[Dark-Serpent]

I have a coonfession: people who post stupid topics in the bbs piss me off and give me the urge to kill...

[Kiwi-Clock]

Yes.. I have one.. I masturbate about 12 times a day and it's starting to encroach on my performance at work and social behaiviour.. as I am always ducking off to the toilet.. can you help me?

[Bradondo]

Why would anyone want to air their dirty laundry in a public forum like this when you can go on Jerry Springer and get paid for it? Seriously, though, it's not that bad an idea for a thread, except there's too many vultures out there waiting to pounce on anything personal or embarrassing.

[Inglis]

PreacherJ
How could you think that newgrounds bbs usesers would take this thread seriously?

[AvocadoClock]

At 1/29/03 03:29 PM, PreacherJ wrote: Does anybody have anything they'd like to come to me with for advice?

I don't have any huge mediation problems that I'd rather share online. Besides, I'm supposed to be having fun to get away from it all when I'm online instead of moaning about my situations and life problems. =)

Thanks for the offer, though.
{{PreacherJ}}

[PreacherJ]

At 2/6/03 11:55 PM, Pissed_Italian wrote: I have a coonfession: people who post stupid topics in the bbs piss me off and give me the urge to kill...

Boy, guys-
I sure am afraid of this threat. Has this faceless internet wonder decided to further propogate the stereotypes that Italians are always pissed, and that they feel the need to kill? That they all have ties to... say... crime families?

Sheesh. There are plenty of stupid topics on the BBS, but I hadn't realized that everyone's post topics need to meet with your specific "stupidity" requirements to not face death.

What a jackass.

I just thought plenty of people would appreciate the anonymity of the internet to air their dirty laundry, and to possibly seek some information about their options.

Yes, I realize that it would only be ripe for other assholes (like you) to come in and bash them, but they wouldn't have to post if they didn't wanna. they could e-mail me, or talk to me on AIM.

Sometimes it's hard to find someone to listen. Too many people stand ready to slap you down and call you stupid.

Well, SOOO SORRY for trying to improve the well-being of a few troubled folks who can't seek this kind of help anywhere else.

Dick.

[stealmyinternet]

seriously i have a problem. its been never since my last confession. preacherj... ive killed a man. in fact several men. so many men that my basement reeks of death. i think maybe it could be wrong, then i realize they were assholes and deserved it! so i really dont need your help. natural selection doesnt work so think of me as your little personal gene pool tweaker. i wipe out the bad seeds so the smart folk can have smart babies who will someday rule the wrold with an iron fist. a cute little wittle baby iron fist.

[Bradondo]

At 2/7/03 12:45 AM, PreacherJ wrote: Well, SOOO SORRY for trying to improve the well-being of a few troubled folks who can't seek this kind of help anywhere else.

I think it's admirable that you'd like to help people. I could tell that your offer was genuine and I respect that, but this IS the Newgrounds BBS and therefore nothing is sacred...so probably no one will feel comfortable bringing up personal issues on this thread. It's too bad, really. There are probably plenty of people who could use a sympathetic ear.

[PreacherJ]

At 2/6/03 11:58 PM, My-anus-is-BLEEDING wrote: Yes.. I have one.. I masturbate about 12 times a day and it's starting to encroach on my performance at work and social behaiviour.. as I am always ducking off to the toilet.. can you help me?

I've taken the liberty to look up a website that you can go to to help with your addiction (real or not).

http://www.sexualcontrol.com/most-personal-index.html

[PreacherJ]

At 2/7/03 12:51 AM, ManWithTheGoldenGun wrote:

At 1/29/03 03:29 PM, PreacherJ wrote: Everyone needs solace one way, or another.

I don't need help from you. There is nothing I need help with. And I always help myself in times of need, and it works just as fine.

Well, more power to you, pal. There are some out there who lack your infinite will, though. I only said that to try and make people more comfortable.

[PreacherJ]

At 2/7/03 12:52 AM, MidgetThug wrote: seriously i have a problem. its been never since my last confession. preacherj... ive killed a man. in fact several men. so many men that my basement reeks of death. i think maybe it could be wrong, then i realize they were assholes and deserved it! so i really dont need your help. natural selection doesnt work so think of me as your little personal gene pool tweaker. i wipe out the bad seeds so the smart folk can have smart babies who will someday rule the wrold with an iron fist. a cute little wittle baby iron fist.

Good job. Keep up the good work, if these people truly deserved their deaths. As far as disposal of bodies, I recommend putting them in a woodchipper, and then burying them in your backyard. Then plant a garden or something. The nitrogen and other vital nutrients in the decaying corpses will help fertilize them. If you're having second thoughts about this, though, you should probably turn yourself in. I'm sure if you give them the same speech you gave me, you'll spend some time in an institution, instead of prison, and hey, you can watch TV in an asylum!

Word.

[aherdofgoats]

At 2/7/03 01:00 AM, ManWithTheGoldenGun wrote

Then I turn to my church.

YOUR CHURCH?! Seriously though no one needs help from some random 20 year old guy online.

[mutedtempest]

I really appreciate your offer, and I am having a bit of a problem. For most of my life, I have been a pathological liar. I have ruined just about every friendship that I had with this problem, and I was nineteen before I began to seek help. I am now on the road to recovery, medicated with Zoloft to quell the chemical imbalance which leads to the compulsion. I have been doing well, but it seems that my reputation precedes me. It seems that I will always be judged by these past mistakes, no matter how much I change and better myself. I am unwelcome in my own hometown, and am considering a move. However, I don't really want to leave...what would you suggest? Should I go it alone and try to begin again in a place where I have no reputation?

[PreacherJ]

At 2/7/03 12:53 AM, Bradondo wrote:

At 2/7/03 12:45 AM, PreacherJ wrote: Well, SOOO SORRY for trying to improve the well-being of a few troubled folks who can't seek this kind of help anywhere else.

I think it's admirable that you'd like to help people. I could tell that your offer was genuine and I respect that, but this IS the Newgrounds BBS and therefore nothing is sacred...so probably no one will feel comfortable bringing up personal issues on this thread. It's too bad, really. There are probably plenty of people who could use a sympathetic ear.

True, true.

I understand that so many people feel uncomfortable in posting their problems, so if they don't want to here, then they can e-mail me. I really hope that someday maybe I can be a mod or something so that I can delete posts that bring these people down.

Oh, well.

It needs to start somewhere. Ridicule they might, but I've already helped a few people who were too shy to post, and that lets me know that there's a demand for it. I may only be twenty years old, but I have the information of the internet at my fingertips, and if anything, I can help people find information about themselves that they are too lazy or otherwise unable to find.

When it comes down to it, it's just something I wanna do.

Thanks for the compliment.

[PreacherJ]

At 2/7/03 01:00 AM, ManWithTheGoldenGun wrote:

I already know there are people who lack my will. I think you're doing a good job by trying to help. But remember, I won't need any help from you, or anyone else, unless I have a very serious problem. Then I turn to my church.

I said "everybody needs solace somewhere."

If you get it from your church, and not me, isn't that still somewhere?

Thanks for realizing that I'm trying to do good.

[therazorsedge555]

Ok Preacher here's my situation. About a year ago I managed to score an apprenticeship at a funeral parlor. Dead bodies don't bother me that much and the money is fan-fucking-tastic! Sadly, about two months ago I gave in to temptation one night and had intercourse with one of the corpses. And now, to my surprise, I have found that I can pleasure myself freely with female and male corpses. I doubt that I will ever be caught. Here's the problem: I caught another apprentice cheating with my favorite the other night! How can I broach the subject without causing too much workplace drama?

[F8L]

Well, I have a terrible problem.
You see three nights ago I accidently dropped a lit cigarette that this hooker was smoking down my pants. Anyway it burned a small dent type thing into my penis.
Well, the next day there was a scab over the burn and I picked it and now every time I look at it the hole is bigger. The hole is now about an inch deep and is about 2 inches wide. I have no clue what to do. I let my dog sniff it to check for infection and I pored some gravy on it but that only made it worse. There are little bugs living it now.

WHAT DO I DO!?

[Tacitacial]

I doubt you'll get any real problems here, people aint crazy. They're not just gonna post their problems here.

[iOcide]

TRICK QUESTIONS ARE FER FEWLS!

[PreacherJ]

At 2/7/03 03:24 AM, therazorsedge555 wrote: Ok Preacher here's my situation. About a year ago I managed to score an apprenticeship at a funeral parlor. Dead bodies don't bother me that much and the money is fan-fucking-tastic! Sadly, about two months ago I gave in to temptation one night and had intercourse with one of the corpses. And now, to my surprise, I have found that I can pleasure myself freely with female and male corpses. I doubt that I will ever be caught. Here's the problem: I caught another apprentice cheating with my favorite the other night! How can I broach the subject without causing too much workplace drama?

Boy, Razor-
Interesting problem. I don't quite understand how you can have a favorite corpse, though, as most of them get buried/burned/whatever.

The only advice I can offer you in this situation is this-

1. Stop having sex with dead people. It's not healthy.
There are a number of diseases you can catch, and it's illegal. If the money is so great, why don't you just go out and get a prostitute? You obviously aren't picky if you're having sex with dead people.

Unless you prefer dead people...

to which I reply-

2. If you don't stop having sex with dead people, at least have sex with fresh dead people. Don't pick a favorite. Because if you constantly dig up corpses to have sex with, you are in dire, dire need of professional help. Even more so than the "normal" necropheliacs, and you are going to end up doing something you'll regret. Like getting your ass kicked by, oh... I dunno... ANYONE WHO FINDS OUT! (As would normal necropheliacs, I'd hope).

I try to be non-judgemental, Razor, but this is a topic I couldn't support you on in any way. It's just wrong, on all sorts of levels. Besides, I'm sure these people don't give you their consent before you "do the deed".

So, I recommend that you get out of the business you're in, or have a nice long discussion with your co-worker. There's no way I can see for you to avoid this workplace stress you speak of. You knew the risk when you had sex with a dead body the first time.

Yuck.

[PreacherJ]

At 2/7/03 03:34 AM, F8L wrote:
Well, the next day there was a scab over the burn and I picked it and now every time I look at it the hole is bigger. The hole is now about an inch deep and is about 2 inches wide. I have no clue what to do. I let my dog sniff it to check for infection and I pored some gravy on it but that only made it worse. There are little bugs living it now.

WHAT DO I DO!?

You should go see a doctor. A professional is always discreet, and they can fix you right up, I'm sure. The bugs and initial wound can be fixed by antibiotics and a scalpel, I'm sure.

[therazorsedge555]

At 2/7/03 03:53 AM, PreacherJ wrote: So, I recommend that you get out of the business you're in, or have a nice long discussion with your co-worker. There's no way I can see for you to avoid this workplace stress you speak of. You knew the risk when you had sex with a dead body the first time.

Yuck.

Thanks Preacher. I read your inspiring words of wisdom and discussed the problem with my co-worker. We just had a threesome with the corpse. Wow, sometimes if you shake them enough it's like a real person. I guess since one is dead and the other isn't, that makes me BI. Thanks again.

[Oddweb]

I am kind of tited so :

[Oddweb]

Oops Tired i meant tired
so i am kind of tired now so :

[PreacherJ]

At 2/7/03 05:52 AM, Oddweb wrote:

so i am kind of tired now so

(Picture of STFU):

Uhh...
No.

[caseyizzle]

people dont know how to be nice and not say anything about someone else. but yes i have a question i am married now almost a year and the last guy i was with cheated on me and i didn't find out until 3 months they had been cheating. and now he's talking to me like everything is fine and dandy what do i do? i dont want to be mean i try not to be. and in the ned he chose her and it hurt we had been together for almost 8 months i am over him now and have no feelings whatsoever it just gets me mad that he thinks everything is fine now. and talks to me like nothing even happened. what would you do?