Ladies and gentlemen, I have decided to found a political party, the Raging Awesome Political Party. Here is our platform:
1. No Welfare - Poor people will have to fight bears in the newly designed gladiatorial domes for money. Every year there will be a festival where we pit half of the homeless population against the other half, and continue doing this until we have the Top 10 Homeless in America. As a reward, they are all shot in the head.
2. Abortions by Gut Shot Only - Women need to be as many and ragingly awesome as the Party leaders. If you want an abortion, the only legal method is being punched in the gut by the strongest member of your community. If you die, you were not supposed to have an abortion.
3. God - From here on out, only drawn with rippling muscles.
4. Guns and Knives - Totally legal, no questions asked.
5. State of the Union - Every year the SoTU is opened with a rousing heavy metal medley by the best bands of the 70s, 80s, 90s and today. By Today I mean the 70s, 80s and 90s.
6. Political Parties - Liberals will have to fight Conservatives for the coveted nomination of their combined parties to run against the muscular Raging Awesome Party candidate. This means Conservatives will have to face Libertarians, because Liberals can't fight.
7. California - Not going to exist anymore.
8. Hard Liquor and Lumberjacks - Mandatory in every state to enforce laws.
9. The Constitution - rewritten to sound manlier, with less care for rights. Any right you want you will have to fight for in the bear pits, or against your fellow man. With spears. Hot spears. Hot, rusty spears.
10. Supreme Court - The entire cast of The Running Man.