The Perfect Topic
There was a topic back in 2004 where a respected member discussed how much they despised making topics because of the result.
He said he often pondered if the thread would either reach several pages or would be submerged to the bottom of the first page of topics in less than 5 minutes during peak times.
His topic was providentially triumphant and had numerous pages, the outcome of what he hated was avoided. Ironic a topic about a topic’s popularity was admired.
What is the secret to creating a superior topic you may ask? That question is probably the most difficult question you could come across as it depends on the situation.
The situation is broken down in different sections.
1. Setting
Where you are posting a thread is significant to a topic. You could be at either Newgrounds BBS or the local council Forums. Being formal is a necessity in a council forum as no one will listen to someone who says, “teh gjym is gay”. However if you are in an environment where you are allowed to be casual being formal or informal is your right.
2. Time
The time is the greatest weapon to wholly slaughter a topic to the depths. Posting a topic in non-peak hours will allow the topic to be at the top of the list, giving it exposure but not many people will reply within it, as there is a lack of people. Peak hours is risky to post a topic, the problem is when you post your topic there could be three other posters posting their own thread exactly 2 seconds after you post your great topic when the top threads are basically asking where something is. The advantage of posting in peak times is that there is an opportunity for more people to post, it’s like a bet 12/1.
3. People
Without people who would reply?
The type of people currently online affects your topic to the highest degree. If you’re posting a serious topic in front of 90 immature 13 year olds for a lust for anything naked and fuckable that topic is going to die faster than a KKK member in a Race Equality meeting. This can clash with setting slightly.
4. Subject
Posting about irons won’t get any replies except if your posting in an electricals support forum or someone has a fetish for them. You need to post what involves everyone in someway.
5. How it’s said
Comedy works in the same way as a topic; if you’re saying a joke in plain monotone it won’t get any laughs. For a topic you need to type like a professional or if your typing otherwise for a joke.
6. Length
The duration of a topic is a strange one; one-sentence topics can make an essay’s worth of writing look inferior. A thesis sized topic can generate a thought in the readers mind making them think that the topic poster is intelligent and has a lot of evidence in his argument. However there is a chance nobody can be bothered to read so much and dismiss it.
Apart from these major points, a topic’s esteem depends on luck as no one can predict when certain posters will post and how long the thread will stay at the top when it’s posted, as noted many other topics could popup literally seconds after another topic was introduced.
I’m beginning to think being who you are can affect how well your topic can do; being well known to make excellent topics in the past can cause people to like a person’s topics in the future even if they’re appalling. We’ve learnt this fact from some flash artists that they can submit utter rubbish and receive a high score until someone notices.
However someone with a dire (or even a tedious) posting history can still receive no replies to their topics even if they have made admirable topics.
Who’s to say this topic won’t descend to the floor of the page and continue to rot like a two-month loaf of bread. There are a lot of words in this article and we know people on Newgrounds have a low attention span/A.D.H.D.
I love Newgrounds and the BBS, it has taught me more than anything and has given me so many laughs, I feel as if I should contribute and make a good topic like so many people have.
