Newgrounds.com — Everything, By Everyone.

At 3/31/08 08:37 PM, gamerpeepinpa wrote: I'd like some feedback. Are my posts shitty or worthy?

((Oops, forgot parentheses. But yeah, is there anything I can improve on or what?))

At 3/31/08 08:37 PM, gamerpeepinpa wrote: I'd like some feedback. Are my posts shitty or worthy?

((You pass. Next time, PM me.))

At 3/31/08 05:06 PM, Swordstick76 wrote: ((sorry shalak, my guy is being a bit of a jerk, it's how i felt he would act. He doesn't know your char, he doesn't know anything about him at all, so how would you act. So i apologize ahead for any rudeness.))

Yonie now cleared his throat. "The situation seems bad." He said quietly. In a louder voice "Why are you here as such, British? I am here on medical scholarship. It seems to me that you're an NCO. That's fine and as an officer and not an enlisted man, I hold I higher rank than you. But realistically, I never had any intention of becoming lieutenant. I may be a lieutenant, but I was studying to be a Ká'ab, a medical officer, if you will. I know tactics quite well; I was required to take it while studying to be promoted. Let us go over the situation, but one thing needs to be clear."

"What exactly do you know about the situation?"

Yonie briefly shut his eyes, but continued on. "Why should I trust you?"

He stopped briefly for a moment, choosing his words carefully as not to alienate the man.

"How do I know that if I relenqiush command over to you, and command I do have, as an officer... How do I know that you'll take care of these two? How do I know you will lead these men to safety? I am not particularly worried for myself; I have no intention of relinquishing this gun, or ammo. So I ask you: can I trust you with their lives?"

He grimaced; he didn't like how he said that on second thought. "I will speak tactics with you: but first, I think we ought to know the important question. Who has more information, which of us is better capable to take command, and the last two: do you even want to take command? Will you take responsibility for the men under you?"

Yonie now leaned back and crossed his legs on the stool he was sitting on. "I feel like I'm not being clear and I'm saying the same unintelligible thing over and over again. If I'm not clear; if my purpose isn't clear, please, ask me to explain."

At this point he leaned forward and looked the man straight in the eye. "but if I am clear, I want answers. I do not like leading men. When they're not trained to act then they are usually incompetent. And even then, the men will argue with you. Insubordinate is an annoying quality."

"So yes, let's talk tactics. But let's first talk command."

"You wish to talk about command.... sir?" Danny said, his voice harder now than earlier. Something about the man's attitude hit a nerve in Danny. Taking a slow, long drag from his cigarette, he thought about his reply for a while.

"I have had over fifteen years of experiance serving in her majesty's Armed Forces.... Sir. I also happen to have twelve of those years serving in a unit that has seen continuous combat operations, even when Britain has not been at war."

Again, Danny rose his cigarette to his mouth, perching it in his lips and drawing deeply. He seemed very calm to the others in the room, taking slow movements, not showing any signs of fidgetting or moving around anxiously. But his voice was sharp. It still carried the formal 'obediance' required when speaking to an officer, but an experianced front line soldier, or police officer for that matter, would insantly pick up the subtle tone of indignation.

Danny felt the Israeli was speaking to him as if he was an inexperianced rookie, as if he was a liability. "I understand your position, sir, and am fully ready to co-operate."

"My presence in this city is a matter of top-secret co-operation with the American federal Government and it's Army and Marine Corps, so you'll forgive me for not going into too much detail. As for the lives of your men, as a member of an Allied armed force, I take their safety as seriously as my own, if not greater. I've served with Israeli forces before, sir, during Operation Rainbow in Rafah, acting as a.... Special adviser.... In my proffession as an NCO in the 22nd Special Air Service Regiment."

Finishing off his cigarette, Danny tossed the butt on the floor, tredding it out with his boot. "Sir... I never implied that I wanted command, that is your provision, aswell as your responsibility. Even in the field of battle, I have no right to take your command from you unless you are injured in some way to prevent your ability to lead, and I was the next highest ranked officer, commissioned or not. But, on the same side of the coin, you have the responsibility to exercise that command, and lead me and yourmen to the best of your ability, whether I am more experianced or not."

Standing up, Danny's face was etched with contained anger. He hadn't over stepped the line yet, playing it by the book as an NCO should. But he was getting close... Taking a deep breath in, he composed himself, wondering why this officer was behaving so badly. [I bet he hasn't even had any combat experiance...] Danny thought to himself.

"Now, sir, I advise you to listen to me and what I know about the encirclement of the city by US and British Special Forces.."

{{OOC: Just like to add something. I scoured the posts by Jak and it seems that neither of us has lost any equipment, and no one has actually brought this subject up. Me and Jak shouldstill have Danny's pistol and knife, and Jak's shotgun and stuff. I didn't see anything about any fire-arms being lost on the way to the sawmill.}}

NG account:(DeathVador)
Age:(15)
Character Name:(Darren)
Character age(16)
Area:(Streets)
Weapons:(9mm pistol, Long wooden staff and his brain)
Appearance:(Tall and skinny for his age with long messy black hair, but looks pale in all aspects due to no sleep, stress and not eating on a regular basis)
Breif Bio:(Ordanary teenage boy who studied martial arts as well as other fighting styles and who has a girlfreind who was out of town on holidays when the attack happened. His family were among the first deaths.)

At 4/1/08 03:16 PM, DeathVador wrote: NG account:(DeathVador)
Age:(15)
Character Name:(Darren)
Character age(16)
Area:(Streets)
Weapons:(9mm pistol, Long wooden staff and his brain)
Appearance:(Tall and skinny for his age with long messy black hair, but looks pale in all aspects due to no sleep, stress and not eating on a regular basis)
Breif Bio:(Ordanary teenage boy who studied martial arts as well as other fighting styles and who has a girlfreind who was out of town on holidays when the attack happened. His family were among the first deaths.)

{{OOC}}
Number One. This character isn't very original or different. A pretty bland person with no distinguishing features to set him apart from all of the NPCs that wonder into our story plots just to a} die or b} be rescued and then die.

Number Two. Where the hell did your character get a pistol from? You could atleast explain that, even if it's just saying he got it off of his dad as a birthday present, or got it off of a friend into fire-arms. Something! As for martial arts, it kinda seems like you're trying to make your character have elite awesome pwn skills, while still appearing relativelly 'normal'.

No offence, but I've seen these kind of characters used time and again, and I don't know about others, but I get pretty sick and tired of the usual 'super-metal head, martial arts pro, pistol carrying badass' characters ripped straight out of Colombine.

Or Teen RPs.
[/OOC]

Shudder

Well,you guys sure have been busy.bit cruel on the weaker posters aren't you?.No ones perfect remember,i agree that if a post is only a few lines and is buggering up the story the person should leave but that isn't always the case.you can't tell someone to leave just because they're not as strong a poster as Chicky and Shalak,i'm not a that strong a poster,are you going to tell me to leave?Just ease up a little guys,give them a chance at least.We all improve,i used to be bloody rubbish i think i'm a bit better now.Just keep calm and we'll see what happens

Rich held his eyes as they burned,tears mixed with blood ran down the side of his face.Marie held his arm tight so as to steady his balance.Flint grabbed the old man that had so carelessly blinded Rich.Only once flint had dragged the old man to his feet could he and Marie see that the man was a priest.His holy vestments though torn and stained clearly showed he was a worshiper of god.Flint laughed under his breath.

Flint:you'll never guess Rich,the guys a priest.Of all the things to happen to you,you were blinded by a priest.

Rich didn't answer.Marie gave flint an evil look.He put his hands up as if to say sorry and backed away.
The small group had quickly lost track of time,whatever day it was it was not a good day.Marie had lost her husband,flint had lost his best friend and Rich had seen many unlucky souls ripped to shreds and torn ro pieces,well at least he wouldn't be able to see that happen anymore or anything for that matter.In a small way,rich was thankful.At least he wouldn't be able to see any horrible sights.But losing his sight mean't he was useless to any that still lived.his chance of survival were low now,still he tried to look on the bright side.At least he was still alive.
The holy man prayed to the small group for forgiveness,flint raised the rifle butt against the preachers head,marie just watched.Rich could hear something.

Rich:Stop,leave the preacher alone.He was only trying to defend himself,he should not be punished for that.Anyway there are bigger problems to deal with,the stairs.They're coming up the stairs

Flint:i can't hear anything

Rich:Trust me,they're coming.Preacher i forgive you for blinding me,join us if you wish but don't expect to live long.

The holy man rasied himself from the ground

:i feel like i must follow you,i must repay you for what i have done to you.I shall follow you.

Rich:fine,take your flare gun and anything else you need.

The holy man held a small bible in his hands.

:i have all i will need here.

Rich staggered for a few steps on his own but toppled to his knees after falling over a chair leg.

Rich:This is going to be harder than i thought,well let's go.

Rich rasied himself again,his hands pushed in front of him,he walked forward until he reached the door.Carefully Rich listened.

Rich:They are three floors down,i suggest he head back to the roof
flint:Then where?
Rich:you're guess is as good as mine

The holy man quickly spoke up

:The church,it is built of solid stone,there are supplies there.i was going there myself but then this terrible outbreak occured.I'm sure it is stil safe.

Rich:Well what have we got to lose,only our lives but they're not worth much now.Very well the church it is.

Those that could see quickly ran to the roof,Marie grabbed hold of rich who staggered closely behind.The three stared at the white corss in the distance.They had three miles to cover,no car,it was dark raining and the dead roamed the streets.It hard to act posotive now.The wounded cop,the blind man,the renegade soldier and the preacher readied themselves for the hard journey,if they all survived this day it would be a miracle.

((Wow, spent the last 2 days trying to catch up on 2 1/2 pages of long posts. You people have been workin' it havn't you? Well anyway, I'm in Illinios right now, and don't have much time to a computer, so for the next 3 days, I won't be able to post anything relating to the story sadly.))

((Though to Shalak, no we didn't loose any personal weapons through the journey. I left my baseball bat a long time ago, and all the pistols I found in my grandpa's house I left in the truck after it broke down. I figured we didn't need all these weapons in the plot anyway. Now I just need to find out if I left my Sigma in the truck or not...))

((To the people the current issue is about, just add alot of detail, a page of detail never hurt anyone, in fact it helps me greatly, cause if I don't understand what is happening I get bored. Then I usually skip it... So add LOTS OF DETAIL!

-What does the person look like?

-What does the area look like?

-How was the conversation conversed?

~~~Examples to what I'm talking about.~~~

--Then Jak jumped into a window. Then the window broke. Then there were zombies.
(Boring huh?)

Now with detail.

--Jak ran full speed towards the dust covered window, his hulking form filling it up as he lept through in a desperate attempt to flee from the advancing horde. The window exploded inward from his weight, sending him sailing acrossed a dark room, the only light streaking from the shattered remnants of the window. Coughing slightly from the dust filled air, he became aware he was not alone.
(See what I mean? This tells the reader what the scene looks like, but also gives them some room to costumize it. It also give suspense to an action. What was in the room? Was it hostile? Was it friendly? Human? Animal? Undead? What will Jak do? These are things I want to see.)

((Wow that turned out a lot longer than I wanted it to be. I started writing that detailed peice, and my fingers just started dancing across the keyboard lol.

Also to Chickidy, when you said "Man that felt good" after the assault on the slave station, I was like, "Mental orgasm? Lol" but seriuosly, your killing me with your posts.))

At 4/1/08 03:16 PM, DeathVador wrote: NG account:(DeathVador)
Age:(15)
Character Name:(Darren)
Character age(16)
Area:(Streets)
Weapons:(9mm pistol, Long wooden staff and his brain)
Appearance:(Tall and skinny for his age with long messy black hair, but looks pale in all aspects due to no sleep, stress and not eating on a regular basis)
Breif Bio:(Ordanary teenage boy who studied martial arts as well as other fighting styles and who has a girlfreind who was out of town on holidays when the attack happened. His family were among the first deaths.)

((Alright pal, listen I have no objections to anyone joining the game, albeit a little bit late into the plot but as far as I can tell theres still a solid 26 game days left before my ominous, "The End", so plenty of room for no characters to join in.

Now your character description isn't terrible, but it definitely needs changing. Minimum age is 17, and an explanation for the pistol, and hell even the fighting staff is necessary. Also karate? It won't do shit against the stalkers, blunt wounds anywhere but the head are all pretty much pointless. If your going up against a cultist or one of the Shadow Man's men then maybe, if you can get close enough to use karate without getting shot to death. And a brief bio is more like a paragraph or two, not a sentence or two. I guess the description is ok, but really pretty plain.

All in all I'd say bump up the age one year at least, explain the weapons, maybe cut out the karate skills, and most of all, add more to the biography and you'll be already to start RPing with the rest of us, but just remember this. Before you jump headlong into an already developing story you should maybe develop some back story and character buildup like I did, elements from my character buildup posts still play a role in the story now, and don't expect to just show up and be let into everything right away, this is an rpg and our characters will be acting realistically for the situation.))

((Wow! WTG Shalak, You can really tell danny is pissed way off!! lol, I'm worried my char might be dieing soon... lol))
((Unfortunately, I don't know how to make Yonie act. I'm trying to portray a prideful man who has just been slapped on the wrist for acting like an asshole...

Yonie spoke slowly. He had misstepped and quite obviously enraged the man. That wasn't wise in this situation. Not wise, bah! Just stupid! Yonie didn't want to apologize though, but he had to do something.
"Sergeant, are you religious? You know what, disregard that. And everything else I said. Just tell me about the situation and what you want to do."
Yonie stood and stuck his chest out. Stomach in, chest up, shoulders down. "Let's go sergeant. Let's talk tactics. You can have command anyway..." He frowned as he said that, he was giving up the little power he had right there. "You're in the know. I'm not. Let me into the loop as much as you can. Seargeant."
Yonie planted his feet and stood there like a rooster.

((DOES ANYBODY MIND IF I WRITE THE ASSUALT ON TEH SAWMILL SEGMENT!!! PLEASE! LET ME KNOW IF YOU OBJECT!

At 4/1/08 05:07 PM, Swordstick76 wrote:

((DOES ANYBODY MIND IF I WRITE THE ASSUALT ON TEH SAWMILL SEGMENT!!! PLEASE! LET ME KNOW IF YOU OBJECT!

{{Write away after my next post.}}

"You're in the know. I'm not. Let me into the loop as much as you can. Seargeant."

Danny clicked his jaw quietly, appearing somewhat satisfied with the conclusion. "Sir, I won't be taking command from you, but I will advise you on what's best. No offence, sir, but I have a feeling you have absolutely no combat experiance, so I'm here to help."

Guiding the officer to the table, Danny picked up his knife left on the side {{I decided to have it there for convinience, I'm tired of constantly having my character ask or wonder where it is}}, carving a large circle on the wooden surface.

"Ok, the entire city is surrounded by a large wall structure. They're publicly intended to act as flood defenses, as the city is in a flood plain. However, for the last fifty years or so, the American government has been.... Experimenting. So, they needed these so called 'flood defenses' to act as defensive measure to prevent a situation like we have right now from spilling out."

As he spoke, Danny carved in small 'niches' into the circle, representing gates. "Now, in the event of a break out, the American military would close off all of these gates, leaving just the one open for evacuation, so long as no infected personel get through. Our only chance of escape, sir, is through this gate. Otherwise we'll be directly fighting a large division sized organisation."

Danny proceeded to mark small squares, symbols that represented types of units that almost every Military stratagist, officer or senior NCO would recognise. "Currently, I'm aware that the American Marine Corps has a regiment's worth of Marine Scout Snipers. These are the back up units to the Special Operations Detachment. Green Berets, Special Flight, Delta Force and the Navy Seals are all present."

Danny then proceeded to mark several Xs within the circle, along with arrows. "My unit was a Squadron from the 22nd SAS, we are here on behalf of the British Government to extract British Citizens. In co-operation with Delta assault units, we were to enter through these routes and exfiltrate all known VIPs. Seals were to set up an assault base somewhere within the city, to assist in launching counter-attacks on any infected areas. Apparently, there's a secretive cult movement in the city related to the infection, or something, but I can't remember much."

Coughing, Danny sighed, wiping his brow softly. "My advice, sir, is that we proceed from this location and find any supplies we can. We need to then move on the city gate and extract, I'll use my credentials to get us through. In the event of the city gate closing, we'll need to find that SEAL base, or some other fortified area, and proceedingly hold up tight till we can find an alternate extraction route..." {{Sorry for raw amount of talk and little action, soon the sawmill assault will happen, and THEN I can do some real RPing again..}}

((TO ALL NEW MEMBERS AND CURRENT MEMBERS WHO DON"T POST SO GOOD

I found all of what Jak said very good, and you should take his words very seriously, also I know what it was like to be on the outside. In the beginning not to long ago when I first joined I was just a confused noob who had half an Idea of what the story was and how to add to it. I was basically a man in a dark room with a small flashlight, but after a while I got into the groove of things, developing my own style in my character build-up phase and then sort of jumped into the story by writing a really big part of the plot. The only reason I am where I am is because of effort and only posting quality work. I feel that as time had gone by I have grown as a writer as has the respect I weild from the vets, so let my history with this fine club be an example to you all!

Also Jak I couldn't have described it better myself, "Mental Orgasm" (lol), its just perfect. I was shaking, my mind felt like it was on cocaine . . . but seriously I'm glad your enjoying my posts.))

((tell me when I need to start coming up with the sawmill))
"Those crafty government bastards!" Michael whispered, but loudly enough for everyone to hear him.
"I've never been on the front lines, but I've had enough experience as a border guard, sergeant." Yonie mumbled, rather embarrassedly.
More loudly, so that everyone in the room could hear, he said calmly, "Are there other units from other foreign countries? Such as my own? Regardless of that, we'll need to get to that gate. Do you know the way there? Or will it be more likely that we need to find maps of some sort? And how will we locate the Seals? Wait, no, How do we know which gate is the open one??? Are we going to need to go to each gate to find out whether or not it's open? Too many questions at one time. I apologize. This is better-where do you want to go at this exact moment? Because I don't care less as long as we can survive for that day."
"Lastly, can we have something to eat? I think the three of us are all starving." Yonie said.
Both Michael and Darby nodded at this.

At 4/1/08 06:13 PM, Swordstick76 wrote: ((tell me when I need to start coming up with the sawmill))

((Well from what shalask said any old time now, since he said right away after his next post, just remember to include my fellows over their, since their your ride out of their and Jak's character knows it.))

((I'm sorry my posts havn't been very good, That day when i posted I read through the whole story but couldn't really follow along. Could somebody clear up the story a LITTLE more?

At 4/1/08 07:42 PM, Kerma wrote: ((I'm sorry my posts havn't been very good, That day when i posted I read through the whole story but couldn't really follow along. Could somebody clear up the story a LITTLE more?

((Well I can't really be critical of your writing without offering help. To really flat line the most recent bits of the story its basically been about my character gathering up the police and assaulting a slave-base of the Shadow Man, the main antagonist whom had something mysterious happen in his past on his 22nd birthday from which he draws his power. Meanwhile my Character had sent two guys to go up to the sawmill to evacuate Swordstick's, Shalask's, and Jak's characters who's presence their was revealed to him in a dream by the dead man from his home earlier in the story. (Other things about the Shadow Man, his plans on leaving the city, and a mysterious madman who claims to be a prophet of god were also revealed to him in this dream.) The Shadow Man, sensing the danger from these people at the sawmill dispatched a force of stalkers, using his strange powers, to try and kill them off before they became a threat. Now the people at the sawmill must defend their position form the Shadow Man's dark horde until they can escape to City Hall and meet with Ben to decide how to finally deal with the Shadow Man.

But of course this is really, really dulled down, honestly I think you'd be better off actually reading them and trying to understand them, even if it means reading the whole thing a couple of times. I tend to use elements from my character-build up so that may have confused you a little bit.))

((Oh also, you didn't try to read the whole thing did you? I mean page 1-108? Because if you check Jak's sig theres the new beginning of the story, which is only about 10 pages long or so.))

At 4/1/08 06:13 PM, Swordstick76 wrote:

"Lastly, can we have something to eat? I think the three of us are all starving." Yonie said.
Both Michael and Darby nodded at this.

Jak nodded and fetched the three some sandwiches and cans of cola from the fridge, setting them down on the main table. Once he was done, Danny resumed his briefing again, feeling a little wary of the officer.. [He's basically throwing his command away, not what a decent officer would do at all...]

"Well, sir, the only gate that was open at the time of my insertion to the city was the north eastern gate, near the main highway. And yes, pretty sneaky fucking bastards... But it's not like the British, or say, the Israeli governments are any more honest."

Sighing, the sergeant shrugged his shoulders, recapping in his mind what he was about to say before continuing. He needed to make sure this officer was fully briefed. Even if he was behaving like a rookie, and in truth the Israeli was, he was still the senior officer and HAD to take command for the sake of his men, if they were fellow soldiers at any rate...

"We still require maps, sir, unless Jak, here, knows his way to the gate. Following that, the location of the SEAL's base would be easy enough to decide. I've gone on an exchange training course with SEAL team 4, so I know their tactics. It'll be a case of which location I'd choose. But the main problem is logistics. I don't have my M4A1, and I only have a limited supply of nine millimetre for my Browning, so we'll need to find some kind of police station to raid their armouries, or something like that. Unless there's an Army depot, a precinct armoury locker is the only place we'll find automatic weapons, judging by American laws against civil use of rapid fire weapons."

Michael grabbed a sandwich, and devoured it. Darby did the same, and Yonie took a look inside, and then took a bite. He then resumed talking.
"Ok, ok. I think I get it." Yonie frowned as he said this and tried to concentrate on what he wanted to do. "So it looks like we'll need maps and weapons. Fine. There's a police station down by the college Michael and I go to, but'll likely be flooded with zombies due to the high condensation of people." [It looks like I'm going to have to take command then, the man just refuses to take control, even though he's a much better soldier than I am... fine. If he wants me to lead, then I'll lead: but my way.]
"If I am in control, which I believe I am..." Yonie looked at this "Danny" almost curiously. "Let's go outside, and scope out our surroundings. It looks as if we'll need to get back to the city, so we'll need to hit the road soon. Get everything you guys want. We three will meet you outside where we'll be eating lunch."
"Can I have a smoke?" The brit motioned toward the cigarettes as Yonie took one and lighted up. "Aah..." Yonie puffed up some smoke. "Thank you, Sergeant."

((alright. At this point, I'm gonna say that I'm gonna start writing the attack on the sawmill part. Unless anybody has anything they want to add, that is, but write and submit before 8:00 Central time, because that's the last time i'll check before hitting the sack. Then I'm gonna write it during my boring classes in school and quickly type it up and submit it tomorrow.))

... I am so beautiful.

At 4/2/08 07:54 PM, Swordstick76 wrote:

confusing stuff about posting

((Wait a minute . . . are you posting it today or tomorrow?))

At 4/2/08 08:08 PM, Chickidydow wrote:

((Wait a minute . . . are you posting it today or tomorrow?))

If I'm reading it correctly, he means that the last time he will check the forum is tonight at 8p.m. Centrel Time, then tomorrow he will write it up and post it after class.

At 4/2/08 08:10 PM, JakFro5t wrote:

At 4/2/08 08:08 PM, Chickidydow wrote:

((Wait a minute . . . are you posting it today or tomorrow?))

If I'm reading it correctly, he means that the last time he will check the forum is tonight at 8p.m. Centrel Time, then tomorrow he will write it up and post it after class.

((Ahh, very good then.))

At 4/2/08 08:10 PM, JakFro5t wrote:
If I'm reading it correctly, he means that the last time he will check the forum is tonight at 8p.m. Centrel Time, then tomorrow he will write it up and post it after class.

very correct. Now, I shall retire, so that my brain may cook up the beauty that shall come to be known as the assault on teh sawmill.

I'm gonna bring it beartch!

At 4/2/08 09:05 PM, Swordstick76 wrote:

At 4/2/08 08:10 PM, JakFro5t wrote:

very correct. Now, I shall retire, so that my brain may cook up the beauty that shall come to be known as the assault on teh sawmill.

I'm gonna bring it beartch!

((I look forward too it, so that I might trump it thoroughly and dash all your hopes

JK . . . beartch

((Hey guys, sorry about the 12 pg. absence Ive been trying to post more often I just have been busy lately. any-who, here's my part continuing from the part BEFORE the last part on pg.97 of this thread if you want to check it out.))

"Lad?, are you awake?" Said the man.
"huh...?....where am I...?"
"Hey your awake! I saw you getting swarmed so I helped out, I dragged you back to my house, you've been out cold for 3 days.."
"......shit, wheres my gun?"
"On the table and outta ammo" The man replied.
"Do you have any other weapons in this place?"
" Sadly, no. I have been hiding out here, the creatures unaware of my presents, but when I saw you in need of help I rushed out with a Butcher knife and Impeded them long enough to get you to safety. They are probably still out there now recovered and waiting for us, we have no weapons, and surely the boards I put up wont hold."

"We just have to find a safe way out....or some weapons... Making a break for it will just get us slaughtered."
"Yeah. Hey, how is your leg wound holding up? I managed to stop blood loss but that's it. Can you run?"
"I don't know."
"your leg certainly isn't help the situation."
"Hey,, give me a gun and I'll sit down here and fend for myself."
"No need for stubborn acts of stupidity. We just need to get some guns back here or find another safe house, maybe there are more survivors!"
"And if what if they're aren't any? that's just signing your life away."
"True....."

((Well thats it for now, I should post tomorrow, but if not the next day. I just want one question. Is my story worth reading, do any of you even read it?))

At 4/3/08 02:16 AM, ironraven24 wrote:

((Well thats it for now, I should post tomorrow, but if not the next day. I just want one question. Is my story worth reading, do any of you even read it?))

((I read it, it was pretty good, but I don't have any idea of where it came from, and I looked. How about a link?))

NG account:Guszy
Age:17
Character Name:Guszy
Character age: 18 (I figger 18's good...)
Area: Mall
Weapons: M1 Garand
Appearance: 6'2'' Lanky.... Brown hair.... Distance glasses....
Breif Bio: I was a student... in high school....

At 4/3/08 09:10 PM, Guszy wrote: NG account:Guszy
Age:17
Character Name:Guszy
Character age: 18 (I figger 18's good...)
Area: Mall
Weapons: M1 Garand
Appearance: 6'2'' Lanky.... Brown hair.... Distance glasses....
Breif Bio: I was a student... in high school....

((I forgot parentheses, and tell me if I should change it, I saw you yell at the guy up there....))

At 4/3/08 09:10 PM, Guszy wrote: NG account:Guszy
Age:17
Character Name:Guszy
Character age: 18 (I figger 18's good...)
Area: Mall
Weapons: M1 Garand
Appearance: 6'2'' Lanky.... Brown hair.... Distance glasses....
Breif Bio: I was a student... in high school....

((Gonna need to change char's name, (have you ever heard of anyone actually named Guszy?) Be more descriptive with the area. What mall? Where's the mall located? Weapons: Why would an 18 year old have M1 Garand in a mall, where guns aren't usually allowed, last time i checked... Also, it has to be a gun that is easy to get your hands on. No automatics, unless you can explain how you smuggled em into the country... Appearance: How fat is this guy? all you gave me was a description of a 6 foot 2 kid with brown hair that wears glasses. What's his eye color, what's his ethnicity? Bio: Again, how did an 18 year old get an M1? Especially if you where in highschool, meaning that'd be illegal. Also, give some description what your character did. Any siblings, was the kid an ace student, a jock, etc etc...))

((Also, guys, I'm sorry but'll need some more time. Sorry. Today was cluttered... To say the least. I'll get it up tomorrow fo sho.))

At 4/3/08 09:29 PM, Swordstick76 wrote:

At 4/3/08 09:10 PM, Guszy wrote: NG account:Guszy
Age:17
Character Name:Guszy
Character age: 18 (I figger 18's good...)
Area: Mall
Weapons: M1 Garand
Appearance: 6'2'' Lanky.... Brown hair.... Distance glasses....
Breif Bio: I was a student... in high school....

((Gonna need to change char's name, (have you ever heard of anyone actually named Guszy?) Be more descriptive with the area. What mall? Where's the mall located? Weapons: Why would an 18 year old have M1 Garand in a mall, where guns aren't usually allowed, last time i checked... Also, it has to be a gun that is easy to get your hands on. No automatics, unless you can explain how you smuggled em into the country... Appearance: How fat is this guy? all you gave me was a description of a 6 foot 2 kid with brown hair that wears glasses. What's his eye color, what's his ethnicity? Bio: Again, how did an 18 year old get an M1? Especially if you where in highschool, meaning that'd be illegal. Also, give some description what your character did. Any siblings, was the kid an ace student, a jock, etc etc...))

((Alright... let's see, Name: Mike
Ok...
Weapon: Bow and Arrows....
Lanky... That means skinny... About 145 Lbs... we'll say.
Ok... Mall... A Mall in Boulder, Colorado... Called Southbrook Mall.... ok....
White... White kid... Green Eyes.... And... uh.... He's always seems to be sleeping, but he's resting his eyes...
He was an O.K. student in Boulder High... Nothing exceptional... except he was really good at math... But he barely did well on the tests.... so He's smart... but not, like Booksmart.... And he was on the Archery Team..... (Thus explaining the Bow and Arrows......) anything else?))