Dear Chuck,
How you doing? Probably pretty good, eh? All the recent attention you've been getting must be nice. Just about everyone this side of Siam knows your name by heart now, and is more than happy to bust out in song about it. You have a plethera of websites devoted to you, even if they are filled with absolute lies. "Chuck Norris Facts" my ass. You seem to be enjoying a kind of fame that was previously accessable only to whores and Paris Hilton in that you haven't done anything special.
It almost makes me wonder how you managed it. I mean, you're a shitty actor. You're "karate skills" are pretty weak, you have the personality of a drunk Texan, and your newfound rise to fame gives no explanation. And for the record, "Because Chuck Norris is fuckin' awesome!" is NOT a viable explanation.
I'm sure this isn't the first letter of this nature you've received. And that nature is an angry one. I have had three, I repeat three nights out at the bar ruined by you and your ilk. If I have to hear what Red Bull is supposedly made of or how many "speeds" you have, I'm going to kill myself. And I was seriously considering it for a time. I was going to go "Chuck Norris" on myself, just to protest the lunacy.
But then it hit me. How do you kill a legend? By becoming a greater one. But how do you surpass the legend of Chuck Norris? By being The Man who Killed Chuck Norris.
I can't believe I didn't see it before. All I have to do to make it stop is end your life Chuck. Mind you, it will be difficult. Not killing you, that shoudl be pretty easy. The hard part is going to be how to do it in a legendary fashion. Should I simply gun you down, Pacino-style? Duel at dawn? Throw you into a strategically-placed tank of sharks? No, I'll have to kill you with my bare hands Chuck. It's the only way to make sure your legend dies with you.
I can see the headlines now! "Chuck Norris felled by complete stranger! Karate skills useless against enraged pshycopath!"
"Norris never had a chance," they'll say. "What a fucking fake."
People might be upset for a time, but they'll get over it. Hell, your redneck fans might stop kicking each other in the face and crushing beer cans with karate chops long enough to give you a moment of silence. But then the silence will be broken by the roar of Jeff Gordon's 24 car and they'll forget all about you. You will be nothing but a memory, and not a very good one at that.
I hope you understand Chuck. This is the way it has to be. It's nothing personal, but I just can't stand it anymore. You simply have to go. I wish it was a simple as kidnapping you and leaving you in the desert somewhere, but people actually have to see me kill you in order to end the legend forever. If you were to just disappear, people will rationalize it into something retarded like, "he went to go kick some ass in outer space, 'cause Chuck don't need no fuckin' space suit!" Just thinking about it makes me want to vomit.
Well, I'll see you soon Chuck. Take the time to say goodbye and make any apologies that you have to. You can try and prepare yourself, but it really won't do you any good. The best you can do is try and be a good sport about it and put on a little show for the people. You know, try valiantly to defend yourself against my onslaught with little success. Just think of it as role reversal. Now you get to play the bad guy who dies like a dog at the hands of an adversary he doesn't know.
See you later Chuck,
Love, me
dude its not like u know chuck norris so dont be so sad and think u do!
At 3/27/06 02:16 PM, MrDobson wrote: dude its not like u know chuck norris so dont be so sad and think u do!
He never said he did, wankstain.
At 3/27/06 02:16 PM, MrDobson wrote: dude its not like u know chuck norris so dont be so sad and think u do!
...
Get off newgrounds.
I've lost a few friends because of their baseless love of chuck norris. Bring back Bruce Lee facts.
Dude,
Speaking out against Chuck, is like speaking out ahainst God himself!
Not that that seems to stop people mind.
You can't kll Chuck Norris, HE IS A GOD!
(Look below for proof)
At 3/27/06 02:49 PM, milkman16 wrote: You can't kll Chuck Norris, HE IS A GOD!
(Look below for proof)
You, and all the people who post stuff like this, officially lose credibility and 50 IQ points.
Chuck Norris was my baby-sitter when I was 5. We played shoot the Nazi.
You lose 2000 IQ points and your life for not believing in the Chuck Norris "CODE OF ETHICS". Don't believe me? It's on the Offical Chuck Norris website. And your just jealos because you don't nhave your own action figure! CHUCK NORRIS IS GOD!(1)
CHCUK NORRIS IS GOD!(2)
hmm, the wonderful stench of death, vengeance, anger - all mixed into a cocktail i like to call "fred"
why fred? ye shall never know
I hardly ever come here anymore....
Wait, you mean this lame trend hasn't died yet?
Like, let's say, around a month ago?
At 3/27/06 02:14 PM, -Manman- wrote: "Because Chuck Norris is fuckin' awesome!" is NOT a viable explanation.
Because Chuck Norris is fuckin' awesome!
:)
For the last time, it can't die because CHUCK NORRIS IS A GOD! (a.k.a. immortal)
At 3/27/06 02:16 PM, gotflash wrote: do i smell a death *WISH?
Fixed it...
On a side note, I noticed that the topic starter called Chuck Norris's martial arts skills "pathetic"... right. Did you know that Norris was good freinds with and often sparred with Bruce Lee? And on occasion almost won? I don't understand how that's pathetic...
Wow. You spent all that time writing a letter when in the end I just have to point out that you are stupid.
Here is why.
1. Chuck Norris got famous only because of Conan O Brian.
2. No one EVER thinks that Chuck Norris is a great actor.
3. The truth is that even when people read this "Chuck Norris Facts" they still know he sucks.
Why do people do it? Fun and amusement.
Your ability to not take a joke just makes you look dumber than you already are.
"It is said that when Chuck Norris Burps you can smell the semen for miles"
Jesusatan
At 3/27/06 03:13 PM, SirXVII wrote: Wow. You spent all that time writing a letter when in the end I just have to point out that you are stupid.
Here is why.
1. Chuck Norris got famous only because of Conan O Brian.
2. No one EVER thinks that Chuck Norris is a great actor.
3. The truth is that even when people read this "Chuck Norris Facts" they still know he sucks.
Why do people do it? Fun and amusement.
...And besides if you were going to try to kill Chuck Norris it wouldn't work for several reasons.
1. You, my friend, are a dipshit.
2. CHUCK NORRIS IS GOD!
3. He would have the Karate Kommandos and Bruce Lee to back him up.
4. You are GHEY so you would just have to slap him!
5. CHUCK NORRIS IS A KARATE MASTER!
6. He is a cowboy too.
Your ability to not take a joke just makes you look dumber than you already are.
At 3/27/06 03:13 PM, SirXVII wrote: Wow. You spent all that time writing a letter when in the end I just have to point out that you are stupid.
1. Blah
2. Blah Blah
3. I still can't hear you.
Your ability to not take a joke just makes you look dumber than you already are.
The irony is delicious.
You do realize that Chuck Norris hasn't done anything to offend you.Its just your friends quoting what they read from the internet oh and by the way
When they say it's raining cats and dogs it's just chukc norris having a fun time at the zoo.
This too will pass.
Memento mori
Chuck Norris' new "fame" was made possible to the Conan 'O Brian show.
Since nbc bought Universal, they were aloud to show as much Walker Texas Ranger clips as they want. Therefore, the invention of the Walker Texas Ranger lever.
This was a very popular bit, as Conan will just pull this lever at the most random of times and it will instantly show a clip of Chuck Norris doing something redonkulous. His facts were probably inspired by that.
Although, you do make a valid point.
At 3/27/06 03:20 PM, -Manman- wrote: The irony is delicious.
You ruined it... it's supposed to be a stupid pun like "Can I get a spot because I have to much irony over here."
At 3/27/06 03:04 PM, milkman16 wrote: You lose 2000 IQ points and your life for not believing in the Chuck Norris "CODE OF ETHICS". Don't believe me? It's on the Offical Chuck Norris website. And your just jealos because you don't nhave your own action figure! CHUCK NORRIS IS GOD!(1)
CHCUK NORRIS IS GOD!(2)
Let me check...
Still alive.
Still positive IQ.
Bad. That's a bad fuckwit. No fuckwit treats for you.
At 3/27/06 03:46 PM, -TheFaces wrote:At 3/27/06 03:20 PM, -Manman- wrote: The irony is delicious.You ruined it... it's supposed to be a stupid pun like "Can I get a spot because I have to much irony over here."
...are...are you serious?
Can I take your picture?
At 3/27/06 04:10 PM, Cryptos_Painbringer wrote: Bad. That's a bad fuckwit. No fuckwit treats for you.
Awwww..... Those are my favorite.
Police label anyone attacking Chuck Norris as a Code 45-11.... a suicide
Bellum omnium contra omnes
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