Perfect President Speech?

[Jerkapotamus]

I checked my email and found this in my inbox:

WOULDN'T IT BE GREAT TO TURN ON THE TV AND HEAR ANY U.S. PRESIDENT, DEMOCRAT OR REPUBLICAN GIVE THE FOLLOWING SPEECH?

My Fellow Americans: As you all know, the defeat of Iraq regime has been completed.

Since congress does not want to spend any more money on this war, our mission in Iraq is complete.

This morning I gave the order for a complete removal of all American forces from Iraq. This action will be complete within 30 days. It is now to begin the reckoning.

Before me, I have two lists. One list contains the names of countries which have stood by our side during the Iraq conflict. This list is short. The United Kingdom, Spain, Bulgaria, Australia, and Poland are some of the countries listed there.

The other list contains everyone not on the first list. Most of the world's nations are on that list. My press secretary will be distributing copies of both lists later this evening.

Let me start by saying that effective immediately, foreign aid to those nations on List 2 ceases immediately and indefinitely. The money saved during the first year alone will pretty much pay for the costs of the Iraqi war.

The American people are no longer going to pour money into third world Hellholes and watch those government leaders grow fat on corruption.

Need help with a famine? Wrestling with an epidemic? Call France.

In the future, together with Congress, I will work to redirect this money toward solving the vexing social problems we still have at home. On that note, a word to terrorist organizations. Screw with us and we will hunt you down and eliminate you and all your friends from the face of the earth.

Thirsting for a gutsy country to terrorize? Try France, or maybe China.

I am ordering the immediate severing of diplomatic relations with France, Germany, and Russia. Thanks for all your help, comrades. We are retiring from NATO as well. Bon chance, mes amis.

I have instructed the Mayor of New York City to begin towing the many UN diplomatic vehicles located in Manhattan with more than two unpaid parking tickets to sites where those vehicles will be stripped, shredded and crushed. I don't care about whatever treaty pertains to this. You creeps have tens of thousands of unpaid tickets. Pay those tickets tomorrow or watch your precious Benzes, Beamers and limos be turned over to some of the finest chop shops in the world. I love New York.

A special note to our neighbors. Canada is on List 2. Since we are likely to be seeing a lot more of each other, you folks might want to try not ticking us off for a change.

Mexico is also on List 2. President Fox and his entire corrupt government really need an attitude adjustment. I will have a couple extra tank and infantry divisions sitting around. Guess where I am going to put em? Yep, border security.

Oh, by the way, the United States is abrogating the NAFTA treaty - starting now.

We are tired of the one-way highway. Immediately, we'll be drilling for oil in Alaska - which will take care of this country's oil needs for decades to come. If you're an environmentalist who opposes this decision, I refer you to List 2 above: pick a country and move there. They care.

It is time for America to focus on its own welfare and its own citizens. Some will accuse us of isolationism. I answer them by saying, "darn tootin."

Nearly a century of trying to help folks live a decent life around the world has only earned us the undying enmity of just about everyone on the planet. It is time to eliminate hunger in America. It is time to eliminate homelessness in America. To the nations on List 1, a final thought. Thank you guys. We owe you and we won't forget.

To the nations on List 2, a final thought: You might want to learn to speak Arabic.

God bless America. Thank you and good night.

Discuss.

My hero.

[Joodah]

HELL YEAH!!!
that's the american ideal right there!
or at least mine.

[pt9-9]

Besides the fact that it if this speech was actually said and executed that the US would look like an ass, its still a really good thurough plan, although not thurough enough.

[psychedelicjesus]

i agree with everything except the alaska thing

[Begoner]

The same happened in Nazi Germany. Germany was like, "fuck you, Poland, France, and pretty much the rest of the world. We don't care if you think what we're doing is wrong, because we'll keep on doing it anyway. And if you protest any more, we'll invade you."

[No-one-inparticular]

At 3/22/06 07:58 PM, Begoner wrote: The same happened in Nazi Germany. Germany was like, "fuck you, Poland, France, and pretty much the rest of the world. We don't care if you think what we're doing is wrong, because we'll keep on doing it anyway. And if you protest any more, we'll invade you."

How can you put our government on a par with a government that supported making lampshades of human skin?

[asdfrasdfg]

I think it would be really funny to watch what happens to our economy the moment we sever ties with China.

[A-Carrot-By-Dr-Riot]

Does anyone know how much we really spend every year in foreign aid? It's a lot of money, but it's still a tiny slice of the pie. Social Security and Defense take up 3/4ths of the pie.

[Shadic-1]

At 3/22/06 09:06 PM, Sir_Snark wrote: I think it would be really funny to watch what happens to our economy the moment we sever ties with China.

And at the same time Japan.

microsoft=gaming system monopoly

[TheTrueMrJack]

At 3/22/06 09:09 PM, -Shadic- wrote:

At 3/22/06 09:06 PM, Sir_Snark wrote: I think it would be really funny to watch what happens to our economy the moment we sever ties with China.

And at the same time Japan.

microsoft=gaming system monopoly

*COUGH* Saudi Araibia *COUGH*

Ahem, excuse me.

[IllustriousPotentate]

Wow, if the President acted like a spoiled brat with that "Screw you guys, I'm going home, and I'm taking our ball with me" attitude, I'd be all in favor of removing him, forcibly if necessary, from office.

How dare you guys have the foresight to be right on Iraq! When we needed help cleaning up the big "success" we made in Iraq, you decided to keep your soldiers from dying needlessly. How dare you econuts want us to look for alternative fuels instead of drilling every square foot of land, looking for the last drops of oil!

Perfect speech my ass.

[TheTrueMrJack]

"Screw you guys, I'm going home...

OH SNAP!!! Its Cartman!! As President!!! For the love of God run for your fucking lives!!!

[Memorize]

I think it's funny because it's exactly how i feel towards our so called "allies".

[Begoner]

How can you put our government on a par with a government that supported making lampshades of human skin?

I\'m not, because the president has not made that speech. Yet. But if he continue to invade countries and taking other harsh actions unilaterally without the world\'s approval and does not pay attention to the future of this country and the entire world, then he is no better.

At 3/22/06 07:23 PM, Jerkapotomus wrote: Discuss.

My hero.

I'd sure as hell would vote for this person. He's/she's my kind of leader.

[RedSkunk]

Yes, that's a sure-fire way to completely and utterly fuck up everything. Good job.

Yea fuck africa go america!

[x-Toadenalin-x]

As many of you will know, I am rabidly left-wing. I consequently hate this idea and anyone who likes this idea by extension.

But since it is only fair to point out my bias, please could a reasonably coherant Conservative explain why it would work.

Also, your point about paying for the Iraq war is incorrect:
Percentage of America's GDP that is International Aid - 1%
Percentage of America's GDP that is Defence - 40%

Number of years for no aid to pay for the Iraq war (assuming NO aid, and that we withdraw late 2006) - c.160

[1349]

I'd love that speech! Self-extermination for the win :)

[No-one-inparticular]

At 3/23/06 12:15 PM, Begoner wrote:

How can you put our government on a par with a government that supported making lampshades of human skin?

I\'m not, because the president has not made that speech. Yet. But if he continue to invade countries and taking other harsh actions unilaterally without the world\'s approval and does not pay attention to the future of this country and the entire world, then he is no better.

That lady in Iraq who named her baby boy after George W Bush thought ousting Saadam Hussein from power was a pretty good idea. And Bush didn't invade "without the world's approval." have you forgotten the coalition of the willing? af ew arab countries were in there, I believe.

[Lhotun]

At 3/23/06 12:13 PM, AccessCode wrote: I think it's funny because it's exactly how i feel towards our so called "allies".

That says a lot more about your problems than those of our "allies".

Most of that entire speech is either childish or ignorant. Like, for instance, most of the nations on "list 2" that are receiving aid aren't likely to have been able to afford to send troops to begin with; unless we're currently dropping food supplies over France or anything. Damn those AIDs-wrecked African countries with no modern industry! They should start looking out for people other than themselves all the time.

Not even to mention, the entire thing would hurt America more than it would hurt everyone else. Besides, I love how we say we won't forget those who had our back in the Iraqi war. Because we all know none of those other countries, like France or Canada, ever backed us up on any other... y'know... more important wars. After all, we never needed France in the American Revolution or anything, and they weren't involved in WW2 at all.

That entire speech is taking international affairs to the lowest common denominator... and it seems a lot of people eat that stuff up. Clearly, one of those vexing social issues we need to work on is education, because I can only imagine you'd need a lack of it to fully support this ideal.

[x-Toadenalin-x]

At 3/22/06 07:58 PM, Begoner wrote: The same happened in Nazi Germany.

Yay! Lets play "King of the moral high-ground"!

[Memorize]

At 3/23/06 01:25 PM, Lhotun wrote:

Most of that entire speech is either childish or ignorant. Like, for instance, most of the nations on "list 2" that are receiving aid aren't likely to have been able to afford to send troops to begin with; unless we're currently dropping food supplies over France or anything. Damn those AIDs-wrecked African countries with no modern industry! They should start looking out for people other than themselves all the time.

Im going to make this short. The point is, we give a lot of AID and we get shit in return.

Not even to mention, the entire thing would hurt America more than it would hurt everyone else. Besides, I love how we say we won't forget those who had our back in the Iraqi war. Because we all know none of those other countries, like France or Canada, ever backed us up on any other... y'know... more important wars. After all, we never needed France in the American Revolution or anything, and they weren't involved in WW2 at all.

I thought liberals and the like were all about fixing our problems first.

Ok, France used to be cool...now they're all pussies, wimps and cowards. WWI and WWII they tried using the same tactic and ended up being captured anyway until the US had to save their asses and we still get nothing but shit from them too ("oh no, the Germans would never think of going around our defenses and thru another country to get into ours"-French intelligence at work).

Now, i didnt agree with all of it, or even most of it for that matter. But it's deffinetely how I feel.

The only part i really agreed on was Alaska, personally I say fuck those enviornmentalists. You want cheaper gas prices? Then let us fucking drill without going thru a handfull of lawsuits!

[HighlyIllogical]

We are the only true global power. It is our DUTY to help other nations! We should cut the defense budget by about $50 billion and stop wasting money on things like the F-22 and the DD(X).

[Lhotun]

At 3/23/06 02:45 PM, AccessCode wrote: Im going to make this short. The point is, we give a lot of AID and we get shit in return.

Yeah, I know. I give to charities to help those wrecked by Katrina, and what have those poor and now homeless people ever given to me? Are they going to send me anything in return? Those ungrateful punks.

Ok, France used to be cool...now they're all pussies, wimps and cowards. WWI and WWII they tried using the same tactic and ended up being captured anyway until the US had to save their asses and we still get nothing but shit from them too ("oh no, the Germans would never think of going around our defenses and thru another country to get into ours"-French intelligence at work).

If you're implying the Marginot line, it isn't like it was a complete act of stupidity. After all, there was no way to get a car through the undefended terrority, so Germany would have to suck it up and carry their shit into France on foot through rough terrain. Then Germany rolled tanks through there instead. Sux2beFrance.
It's like saying the Great Wall of China is retarded because we can fly over it in planes.

You act as if there wasn't a French resistance post-fall, that may have actually... y'know... been the reason the US could just sweep in so effectively. Afterall, it was those "pussies" as you called them that provided intelligence on the Atlantic Wall and helped sabotage the Germans, allowing D-Day to be a success.

Besides, have you ever thought we get shit from them because we call them pussies, wimps, and cowards? Probably if we quit bashing each other every five seconds we'd realize that we've tended to be allies on every conflict that was actually... y'know... important. I don't consider "liberating random countries" to be important compared to "saving the world from genocidal maniacs" or "destroyed terrorism... where it actually exists."

I think the people that helped us in Afghanistan matter far more than the people that helped us in Iraq. Who was in Afghanistan helping us find the people that actually attacked us? France, Canada, UK, Denmark, Japan (who was even in Iraq for awhile), and many more. In fact, some of our "List 1" countries helped a lot less than France did in going after the real terrorists.

Perfect President? No; a very, very forgetful and foolish one.

The only part i really agreed on was Alaska, personally I say fuck those enviornmentalists. You want cheaper gas prices? Then let us fucking drill without going thru a handfull of lawsuits!

Of course, that oil will last us forever and we'll never ever have a problem with dependency on it again. Or perhaps we'll instead eventually run out of oil there too and then won't have our emergency Alaskan back-up to look to (because isn't that what we always say now... "if shit hits the fan, we can always count on Seward's Ice Box;?" Atleast, I seem to remember hearing that said quite a bit... just not in those words).

But what do I know on the subject? I've always found environmental issues to be rather boring, I'll admit.

[Imperator]

At 3/22/06 07:58 PM, Begoner wrote: The same happened in Nazi Germany. Germany was like, "fuck you, Poland, France, and pretty much the rest of the world. We don't care if you think what we're doing is wrong, because we'll keep on doing it anyway. And if you protest any more, we'll invade you."

Oh good, only 5 posts before a comparison to the Nazis......I was beginning to worry no idiot would make that reference.......

[Thespus]

Reminds me of Johnathan Swift's "Modest Proposal" a bit.

[Begoner]

I don't believe we've invaded a country for three years now...

No, we don't have the military capacity. But we haven't left any of the countries we invaded, either.

Bush didn't kill 6 million Jews. I don't care how you try to justify it, comparing Bush to Hitler is wrong. Period.

First of all, I didn't compare Bush to Hitler. In fact, I mentioned neither Bush nor Hitler in my post. I was comparing a government which follows the policies set forth in that letter with Nazi Germany. And I am only comparing certain aspects:

-invading countries without support from the rest of the world
-curtailing civil liberties at home
-prizing money above the well-being of the world and of his country
-being hostile to countries that do not agree with the state policy

In these aspects, they do match up, and there are more.

[BigBlueBalls]

Yeah and good luck cutting off trade with the two countries that provide the U.S. with the most oil LOL

If you want it that way, fine we'll just trade with China. They certainly have been taking a keen interest in Canada's resources lately. Oh and you guys won't be needing that power to the northeastern United States anymore, so we'll be cutting off Hydro Quebec and Ontario Hydro. Don't know what you're gonna be doing about all those homes when their lights shut off, but I'm sure you'll manage.

Let's just say good thing you don't have morons like this running your country. Bush is bad enough as it is. The last thing you need now is not only a crippling huge debt, but now to cut off trade to countries you need if you ever want to pay off that debt.

[RedSkunk]

At 3/23/06 06:36 PM, Grammer wrote:

At 3/23/06 04:06 PM, Begoner wrote:

-invading countries without support from the rest of the world

We did have support when we went into Iraq. Not much, but we still had it. And besides, that's a crappy reason to compare Bush to Hitler. So what if the world doesn't support? Doesn't mean the war still isn't a good idea.

He's not comparing Bush to Hitler. He's comparing neoconservative ideology to National Socialist ideology. Read people's posts before replying to them really helps, dontcha know.