My most depraved, goriest tale ever

[Earfetish]

Once upon a time, in a land far, far away, lived a fierce and frightening dragon. The dragon was so fierce and frightening, there were warning signs one hundred miles away, warning of DRAGONS IN THE AREA.

One day, the brave Sir Robin from the Kingdom of Sir Lancelot decided to take care of this dragon problem once and for all. He grabbed his trusty sword and set off on his adventure.

He had barely gone half a mile when a wise woman approached him. As she came up, he looked at her warty face and broomstick and commanded, “Stop!”

The woman stopped. Sir Robin said, “Stand aside woman, for I am the brave Sir Robin.”

The woman replied, “Sir Robin! Do not go to the dragon, for he is very fierce. Two weeks ago, he flew over to my friend Mabel’s house and knocked on her door. When poor Mabel opened it, she was so scared by the sight of the enormous dragon that she fainted.”

Sir Robin told the woman, “I am going on a noble quest to slay this dragon, and I will not come back until the dragon problem is resolved. I will sort out the dragon problem. Have no fears.”

“I am a magic witch,” the wise woman told him. “May I accompany you on your quest?”

“Of course,” Sir Robin said.

Sir Robin continued on his quest, with the wise woman.. They came to a bridge with a troll living underneath it. This was an evil, hideous troll, with one eye as big as a saucer and he smelled like cabbages and sprouts. Nobody crossed the bridge without the troll’s permission.

Sir Robin was unafraid. “Troll! Show yourself!” Sir Robin shouted. The Troll heaved himself up the bridge.

“Nobody crosses the bridge without me letting them,” the troll snarled.

“Stand aside, Troll, for I am the brave Sir Robin, and I am on a noble quest,” Sir Robin said bravely.

The troll laughed. “A noble quest, eh? What are you up to?”

Sir Robin stuck his chest out and said, “I am here to slay the fierce and ferocious dragon, who lives in these parts.”

The troll looked horrified. “Nobody has ever attacked this dragon. He is the most fierce and ferocious dragon for miles around. May I accompany you on your quest?” the Troll asked.

“Of course,” Sir Robin said. “All help is appreciated. Come with me, Troll.”

So Sir Robin, the troll, and the wise woman continued on their mission.

As they got closer to the dragon, they passed through a magical land. Explosions and wizardry flowed through the air. Half-way through the magical land, a wizard stepped in front of them.

“I am Merlin,” the Wizard Merlin said. “Who are you?”

“Stand aside Wizard, I am the brave Sir Robin,” Sir Robin bravely replied. “I am on a noble quest with the troll and the wise woman.”

Merlin laughed. “A magical quest?” he boomed. “The only quest worthy of going on in this land is the quest to slay the fierce and ferocious dragon that lives near here. I was hanging my wizard robes on the washing line, and that fierce and ferocious dragon came over and scared me half to death. I ran into a nearby cave, and I hid there for days.”

Sir Robin bravely said, “Well, Merlin. Have no fear. I am going to slay this fierce and ferocious dragon with my friends the wise woman and the troll.”

Merlin looked astonished. “I am a mystical and magical magician. I can make fire shoot from the tip of my wand, and I have seen some dark things in my time. I have seen things that would make your head turn! But never have I even considered slaying the fierce and ferocious dragon. May I accompany you on your noble quest?”

“Of course,” Sir Robin said.

And Merlin, the wise woman, the troll, and Sir Robin continued on their journey.

They neared the forest where the dragon lived. There were many signs around here, some of them burned by fiery dragon breath. As they approached the forest, they passed by a village. The villagers told Sir Robin that they had been living in fear of the fierce and ferocious dragon. Sir Robin met a strong Giant who worked in the village moving boulders. He was 20 foot tall and weighed a tonne. He stood in the way of Sir Robin.

“Sir Robin,” the Giant said. “I have lived in this village for five-hundred years, and I plan to live in it for five-hundred more. But that dragon has been here since the dawn of time, and he has been fierce and ferocious ever since. I was scrubbing my Giant shoes one day when I heard a rattling. I opened my door to find out what it was, and the fierce and ferocious dragon was standing there, breathing heavily. He was so big that even I felt small.”

“Have no fear, Giant. I am the Brave Sir Robin, and I have come to rid this village of its dragon problems.”

“Can I accompany you on your brave and noble quest?” The Giant asked.

“Of course,” Sir Robin replied. “All help is appreciated.

So Sir Robin, the troll, the wise woman, Merlin and the Giant approached the dark and gloomy forest where the dragon lived.

The air was hot and sticky and the trees were all burnt. They bravely battled forwards through the forest until they came across the fierce and ferocious dragon.

“Fierce and ferocious dragon!” Sir Robin bravely said. “Merlin the wizard, the troll, the wise woman and the Giant, and of course me, the brave Sir Robin, have all come to slay you!”

“NO!” the dragon said. “I am not a fierce and ferocious dragon! I am a kind and friendly dragon! I have gone around trying to help people, and everyone has always been frightened of me and ran away screaming.”

“Really?” Merlin, the Giant, the wise woman, the troll and Sir Robin all asked.

“Really,” the dragon replied. “I am a nice dragon. I am a loving dragon. I never wanted to be seen as a fierce and ferocious dragon. I want a job, and I want friends. I don’t want to be slain! Please, have mercy on me.”

“Oh, of course,” Sir Robin bravely replied. “You can accompany me back home. I’m sure I can find a job for you.”

And Sir Robin, the troll, the wise woman, Merlin, and the Giant, all travelled back with the dragon to the kingdom of Sir Lancelot. The dragon got a job supplying central heating to the whole kingdom and they all lived happily ever after.

The end.

[Mr-Pope]

Haha, central heating, cos he's like a dragon, like a fire breathing one.

Awesome.

[arab-freak]

What a twist!

[Cal-Gore]

Great story. Was "The Brave Sir Robin" monty python inspired?

[Cajunspirit]

At 2/8/06 12:44 PM, Mr_Pope wrote: Haha, central heating, cos he's like a dragon, like a fire breathing one.

Awesome.

Whoa, you read all that?

Hooray for you

[Mr-Pope]

At 2/8/06 12:47 PM, Cajunspirit wrote:

At 2/8/06 12:44 PM, Mr_Pope wrote: Haha, central heating, cos he's like a dragon, like a fire breathing one.

Awesome.

Whoa, you read all that?

Hooray for you

I read for a whole 4 minutes! Amazing.

[caapo]

lol ''the brave sir robin''

rofl

wow how much time did that cost

guess u where borred

[Earfetish]

At 2/8/06 12:46 PM, Cal-Gore wrote: Great story. Was "The Brave Sir Robin" monty python inspired?

Well, the name of the character was. I decided on a brave knight before I decided to put in the Monty Python reference.

[MaidenHead]

Damn you, Earfetish. Damn you to hell.

10/10

[RabidUterus]

You make the best stories Earfetish lol. but seriously where was the gore, iI need it NOW!

[Geordi-Laforge]

The Art of Blue Balls

[flukersback]

Haha, I was still hoping for that sexual-twist even at the end.

Apart from that good story but it did drag on a bit.

[Gizmokidneo]

Good to see all the plotpoints come to use.

[fukmehardNpullmyhair]

lol it was okay... if like the guys name wasn't robin... lol! cuz thats my name and im like deff a girl

[Earfetish]

At 2/8/06 01:03 PM, Gizmokidneo wrote: Good to see all the plotpoints come to use.

Damn straight. At least they served to show that he travelled, and that he got closer, and built a bit of suspense, and added atmosphere and the magicness of the world, and on the way encountered people, despite none of it actually adding to the storyline.

[RabidUterus]

At 2/8/06 01:06 PM, Earfetish wrote:

Cant wait too see your next story man, every single one of them is great.

They're better be more.

[Fanny-Pirate]

So heith notith slayith thy dragon?

[JackTheRaccoon]

At 2/8/06 12:47 PM, Tahnok wrote: Whoa.

No homosexual necrobeastiality.

dam >:(

[Earfetish]

[Fragment]

God damn it, Earfetish, I look like crap compared to you. Stop being so cool.

[JackTheRaccoon]

hey ear is your 18th birthday on the 15th of feb? becuase if it is then your gonna be 18 when im gonna be 16 :)

[Fanny-Pirate]

At 2/8/06 03:36 PM, Earfetish wrote:

Fap fap fap fap fap fap...

[TheChaosDemon]

I want to have sex with you Earfetish

[TheCreepingDarkness]

That was pretty good!

In a way, the whole central heating thing was a little like soome of Terry Pratchett`s work. And he`s quite cool!

[Ganon-Dorf]

what about his minstrels?

[TheMaster]

Im sure there's some sort of subliminal message here.....

[scottmale24]

Great, as always.

i masturbated like, 6 times.

[Peter-II]

Please.

Have.

My fucking.

Babies.

[BigLundi]

Never fails to amze Earfetish, still waiting for your book AND Maddox's...GRRR I NEED MY FUNNIES!

[East525]

You should have added some sort of demonical, sexual, transvestical twist at the end and then submitted it to Scholastic or something. Good story anyway, even though I passed out halfway through from senseless violence withdrawal.