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At 12/7/05 12:23 PM, pepeatumi wrote: Masturbation is not a crime never has been never will be its something natural.

Of course it's not a crime, that's why I use the word "Illegalize" which means to make illegal. If I had my way it will BECOME illegal (of course that implies that it is not currently illegal, a true statement). You will not go to jail if you masturbate as of the date of this post, but in the future, if my suggestion is taken by the Congresss, you will go to jail.

Botulin is natural. It is not legal to feed botulin to people.

I'm glad to have cleared up that point

Your Crazy!

No really, has your dropped off and your jealous of what other men can do fair enough.
But dont make us have to go thourgh the pain of not having too.

Plus, how do you intend to illegalize it?

This thread baffles me. Prove that mastdurbation is harmful, then I'll listen.
Oh, and if you want to ban mastdurbation for being dangerous, you really should be campaining to ban smoking, as it's addictive, and is a danger to others.
You've got your priorities all wrong, mate.

At 12/7/05 03:17 PM, HomeGrownTurnip wrote: Your Crazy!

No really, has your dropped off and your jealous of what other men can do fair enough.
But dont make us have to go thourgh the pain of not having too.

Plus, how do you intend to illegalize it?

Very carefully. HA HA, just a little humor. Seriously, the plan has many steps. The first is to illegalize it with minimal enforcement. This way it will give people a chance to get help on their own. The next steps are still in debate but they involve increased monitoring and regular checkups at the doctor to check for self abuse.

At 12/7/05 03:23 PM, Dr_Arbitrary wrote:
The next steps are still in debate but they involve increased monitoring and regular checkups at the doctor to check for self abuse.

Are they in mass debate?

ba-doom-tishh

The next steps are still being formulated in smaller groups. We believe that it is important to have a developed plan and solidarity in our support of it before presenting the more drastic steps. We are all in agreement on the first point though. It must be made illegal.

At 12/7/05 07:43 AM, XanthusTheSnowman wrote:
I must ask, did this happen to one of your loved ones?

One of mine.

I would like to report in on my status.

It's been three months, seven days, four hours, and nineteen seconds since my last disgusting incident. I feel very proud about this.

I want to thank everyone for their support. If it hadn't of been for the solidarity recieved from the anti-masturbation crew, I might have gotten weak, and acted upon my disgusting and immoral urges.

Thanks, guys.

It's been...thirteen minutes since I last did it. (just picking random number, but it wasn't that long, lol...)
Y'all are nuts. I swear...medical check-ups to see if we're "abusing ourselves?" I can see it now, doctor going "OMFG, JASON! You have a chafed shaft!" And I'll say "please doc, don't tell! We'll just say it was from those jeans!" And he'll say "sorry, I'm reporting you to the anti-wanker squad!" And I'll get sentenced to what, prison, where my lust for wanking will be replaced by my desire to not get ass-raped? That's reforming society there!
Mental image that reminds of the Handmaid's Tale...except instead of the doctor offering to impregnate the chick, he's telling you to give him head or be turned into the cops...
Trying to get men to stop wanking is like trying to empty the ocean with a spoon...it ain't gonna happen.

man,

how could you even start a post like this?

masturbation, as long as its not done 24/7 and affect your ability to lead a healthy life is not bad for you.

ITS GOOD FOR YOU. more then enough studies show that.

NOW GO READ A BOOK AND LEARN SOMETHING.

I'm surprised no one called me on my CLEARLY FALSE link way at the top.

Lol...

look, I've allready won the argument and all anyone is doing is making the pro-masturbation side of the debate look stupid. Just give up, this is the future, deal with it.

I have a question. I was meditating today, and I managed to bring myself to orgasm when I reached my Nirvanic state. Do I need to punish myself for this act? I did not touch my penis, although I was rocking back and forth a bit as I neared climax. Is this technically masturbation? I have the razor out, but I'm not sure if Jesus is disappointed over this. Could someone please provide some insight?

I'm going to caution you from doing it again until everything is cleared up, but don't start the self flagelation yet. While the bible is clear about spilling one's seed, I am sure it only applies to manual masturbation. The key is "manual" (manual means, with one's hands) I'm not saying that masturbating with one's feet is any better, but coming to a state of climax with no physical contact is completely different.

I have two theories. One, that you reached a higher state of spiritual enlightenment and as a consequence, tapped into the joy that is fundamental to acting in accordance to the universal Good. This joy was previously only neared to by masturbating, similar to how drug addicts feel "high." Your body became confused by the similarity of the sensations and did what it thought it was supposed to do. If this is the case then it's not your fault, and you should be glad that you've found something to replace masturbation. I'm sure that the body is just lagging a little behind the mind and that in time it will catch up.

The second theory is a little more orthodox. Climaxes are a reward for doing a good job. The system is supposed to be that one impregnates one's wife and then gets a divine "pat on the back" for putting another "Begat" into the big book of the world. Masturbation is an evil scam to get the pat on the back for doing nothing. Drugs work in a similar manner. I imagine that you achieving a higher level of consciousness without defiling your own body with impure substances or thoughts may have triggered a divine "pat on the back" Then God saved all the souls from your unused sperm and allowed your body to expel them. I imagine that you are probably not married and God understands why you can't put your sperm to good use. God knows when one is about to have a wet dream and makes sure no souls are wasted when it's time for biology to do it's job. These wet dreams are God's pats on the back for being celebate.

At 12/7/05 03:48 PM, -FestiveDrunk- wrote:

At 12/7/05 07:43 AM, XanthusTheSnowman wrote:
I must ask, did this happen to one of your loved ones?

One of mine.

I'm sorry to hear about that. My condolences.

At 12/7/05 10:46 PM, Dr_Arbitrary wrote: look, I've allready won the argument and all anyone is doing is making the pro-masturbation side of the debate look stupid. Just give up, this is the future, deal with it.

Now that is one of the funniest things I have ever heard.

Here's something for the anti-masturbation crowd to consider: Masturbation has a host of positive effects. It has been known to:

-Increase a man's chances of impregnating a woman.
-Improve a person's sexual responsiveness.
-Reduce the risk of prostate cancer later in a man's life.
-Improve a couple's sex life.
-Reduce stress.
-Make it easier for one to sleep.
-According to some religions, masturbation can even aid with spiritual enlightenment.

Masturbation in itself, is not harmful in the slightest. Only when it is coupled with pointless guilt complexes from antiquated superstitions, or is done horrifically improperly, can it harm anyone.

At 12/8/05 12:05 PM, XanthusTheSnowman wrote:

At 12/7/05 03:48 PM, -FestiveDrunk- wrote:

At 12/7/05 07:43 AM, XanthusTheSnowman wrote:

Masturbation in itself, is not harmful in the slightest. Only when it is coupled with pointless guilt complexes from antiquated superstitions, or is done horrifically improperly, can it harm anyone.

You forgot when it makes hair grow on your palms, makes you go blind, stunts your growth, induces insanity, and leaves you getting raped by Beezlebub because you could not control your fleshy desires!!! Anyway, thank you for your post, Doc. Unfortunately, I read it after I carved a cross into my pelvis (my hands are so scarred that I can't make it out anymore) but it did alleviate some of my existential guilt. I'm just glad to know that those souls are safe, waiting to be poured into the festering vagina of the prostitute who's been helping me deal with my sinful lifestyle. Hopefully, she won't burn me again. Do you mind if I forward this conversation to her so that she knows the lit cigarettes won't be necessary tonite?

There's no reason to keep information about masturbation a secret. Feel free to foward any information about it's perils to anyone

At 12/8/05 06:53 AM, thebigo1081 wrote: I have a question. I was meditating today, and I managed to bring myself to orgasm when I reached my Nirvanic state. Do I need to punish myself for this act?

Of course you do. Anytime you spill your manly seed, without producing offspring...you're sinning against not just god, but mankind itself.

I find the best way to flagelate is to peel the skin on your left forearm back, with a cheese slicer (a tomato slicer works well, too). After that, rub a salt and lemon juice solution in, for ten minutes.

You might have a point... but Masturbation (no, I didn't read the links moron) is healthy... so I disagree, basically.

No, masturbation is unhealthy. That's all there is to it.

At 12/8/05 06:01 PM, Dr_Arbitrary wrote: No, masturbation is unhealthy. That's all there is to it.

That's not all there is to it. It's immoral, as well, not to mention psychologically damaging.

At 12/8/05 06:19 PM, Gunter45 wrote:

At 12/8/05 06:01 PM, Dr_Arbitrary wrote: No, masturbation is unhealthy. That's all there is to it.

That's not all there is to it. It's immoral, as well, not to mention psychologically damaging.

it hurts to say, but I'm wrong, you're right.

masturbation is shouldn't be illegal. and how do you have masturbation paraphanalia anyway? if masturbation is illegal most men would be arrested. to doesn't make any sense. arrest people for being lonely? cmon

Very nice post I agree. But then we might have male PMS on our hands.

At 12/8/05 07:12 PM, thoffmeyer wrote: Very nice post I agree. But then we might have male PMS on our hands.

I'm glad at least some of the guys with low post counts agree that Masturbation should be illegal. I was worried for a while that you guys were all addicts.

...... Ok. I understand the guy's thing with masturbation, but you cant illegalize it. It's like saying "You can't sing in the shower under penalty of law." I don't mean its stupid (well, it really is, but that's not the point), but you just can't keep track of it.

Plus, think of the conciquences. If people actually followed the law, there would probibly be more rapists out there.... and more people in prison (if they were dumb enough to get caught).

Man 1: What're you in here for?
Man 2: Murder. What're you in for?
Man 1: Masturbation.
*Man 2 punches Man 1*
Man 1: You're sick, man! THat's just plain wrong!

Get the point?

At 12/8/05 08:15 PM, shadowfox628 wrote: ...... Ok. I understand the guy's thing with masturbation, but you cant illegalize it. It's like saying "You can't sing in the shower under penalty of law." I don't mean its stupid (well, it really is, but that's not the point), but you just can't keep track of it.

You CAN keep track of it. It's called science, read about it some day.

Yeah, because someday, scientists are going to install chips in our palms. If they rock back and fourth too many times, they will send a signal to the government. You start jacking off and a swat team busts down your door and takes you away. Well, I think i've said enough now. Happy Jacking!

I am forced to wonder: How much longer is this joke going to last?

At 12/8/05 11:23 PM, XanthusTheSnowman wrote: I am forced to wonder: How much longer is this joke going to last?

As long as it takes for you sinners to realize that Jesus died so that you may live. Repent now! Put down the Hustler and take up the Cross!!! For every sperm that goes down the shower hole, God requires another kitten's soul.