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You rested your case. That means you're done, no more talking from you.

LOL, everyone just stfu! It was a joke, dont you guys know how to fucking read! What fucking morons, lol. Shit, i am barely able to sustain myself.

What is this world coming to.
Then again, masturbating in/near school IS pretty nasty. Locker rooms aren't that arousing, now that I think about it.

At 12/5/05 05:29 PM, Dr_Arbitrary wrote:

At 12/5/05 05:26 PM, Ravariel wrote: 13 pages and people still think the OP was serious?

three YEARS and people still think it's serious

Of course!
Its the Newgrounds political forum!

At 12/5/05 11:20 PM, Blackmagic wrote:

At 12/5/05 05:29 PM, Dr_Arbitrary wrote:

At 12/5/05 05:26 PM, Ravariel wrote: 13 pages and people still think the OP was serious?

three YEARS and people still think it's serious

Of course!
Its the Newgrounds political forum!

Years from now, General will be deserted and the Politics regulars lounge will be long forgotten, but the Illegalize Masturbation thread will still suck in the morons

Why would you want to illegalize masterbation? For one thing there would likely be more prostate cancer.

http://news.bbc.co.u..i/health/3072021.stm

Although there are drawbacks. Masturbation does cause hair loss so I guess if you see a bald dude he probably faps more often than the rest of us.

http://www.herballov..m/article.asp?art=62

Did you SEE the article. Right in the middle they have a doctor saying "This is a plausable theory" right in quotation marks. Tell me what the following statements mean:

I'm going to leave a "Present" in that asshole's mailbox
Those hamburgers are made out of "Beef"
My wife is being a bitch, her "friend" came to visit this week

Obviously the doctor thinks this is a big piece of crap.

When my mother caught me masturbating (I was only 8, and still getting to know my body) she imparted these fine words of wisdom upon me:

Masturbation is a lot like procrastination. It seems like a good idea at the time, but in the end, you're just fucking yourself.

She then made me cut crosses into my palms so that anytime I was having perverted thoughts, I would be reminded that Jesus died for my sins. Then she made me cut my cat's throat and drink the blood, reminding me that God requires kitten's soul for every sperm that goes down the shower-hole. More children require this type of discipline. It is essential for maintaining the moral fabric of our society.

God bless that woman, she is truly a saint.

At 12/6/05 06:12 AM, Dr_Arbitrary wrote: God bless that woman, she is truly a saint.

That shit sounds more like a satanic ritual to me...

At 12/6/05 06:25 AM, Sonicgamer00 wrote: That shit sounds more like a satanic ritual to me...

Whenever logic and reason fail, my opponents always turn to Ad Hominem attacks.

Man, I have nothing against him. lol
But seriously, I mean forcing a kid to cut a cat's neck then drink it's blood? I don't think many people have be canonized for that...

okay, so, one question for this asinine debate: If you were to actually illegalize it, how do you plan on enforcing this legislation without violating people's rights to privacy?

I'll tell you, there is no way. Unless you are the kind of person who runs into the middle of Times Square to whack off...

At 12/6/05 06:51 AM, Sonicgamer00 wrote: I'll tell you, there is no way. Unless you are the kind of person who runs into the middle of Times Square to whack off...

My thoughts exactly. So how and WTF did this thread get this long in the first place?

There are an innumerable amount of idiots here, that's why. Me being one of them! =P

At 12/6/05 06:46 AM, bakem0n0 wrote: okay, so, one question for this asinine debate: If you were to actually illegalize it, how do you plan on enforcing this legislation without violating people's rights to privacy?

Griswold v. Connecticut won't last forever. The people are tired of activist judges making laws, once things get straightened out in the Supreme Court, Griswold will fall.

lol @ guy who probebly masterbates himself.

this wont happen because the ones that hear it are masterbaters themselves. they wont allow something to pass if it even harms them personally.

At 12/6/05 06:57 AM, bakem0n0 wrote:

At 12/6/05 06:51 AM, Sonicgamer00 wrote: I'll tell you, there is no way. Unless you are the kind of person who runs into the middle of Times Square to whack off...

My thoughts exactly. So how and WTF did this thread get this long in the first place?

Because it has been going on for 3 years.

And personal privacy shoudl come second to the protection of the morality of society.

*throws tampon at Dr_Arbitrary*

Perhaps one could enforce it through the use of microchips. Plant them under the skin of a newborn and it can act as a universal ID, passport, etc... Among other things, this chip could also send a shock when it detects high levels of sexual pheromones. This, of course, would be shut off after the person is married, but if you wanted to enforce the illegal masterbation act that would be the only way.

P.S. - I am not actually in favor of this, I just think it is a humorous topic to fuck with. Can you imagine the electric glow radiating from an all boys school in the middle of the night due to mass shockings, or people standing in front of a jury to deny their self induced sexual fiascos.

I think it's a good idea. It's a well documented fact that married couples do not masturbate very often and once this policy is in full force, I doubt it will be common at all.

At 12/6/05 06:34 PM, jlwelch wrote: Perhaps one could enforce it through the use of microchips. Plant them under the skin of a newborn and it can act as a universal ID, passport, etc... Among other things, this chip could also send a shock when it detects high levels of sexual pheromones. This, of course, would be shut off after the person is married, but if you wanted to enforce the illegal masterbation act that would be the only way.

Brilliant. And then we could also use this to show where people are going. We'd set up an agency to monitor all of the chips and we could stop tresspass, burglaries, and terrorism with ease!

This will truly usher in a new era of peace and prosperity.

This topic is hilarious! thanks for the amusement everyone. But if ANYONE is taking this seriously, oh my god! I mean, masturbation? Oh, my goodness, what an awful sin! I'm going straight to hell for wanking over large breasted women coz I can't get my woman to put out! lol, it's just so daft! Anyone taking this seriously needs their head checking

At 12/6/05 07:27 PM, Gunter45 wrote:

At 12/6/05 06:34 PM, jlwelch wrote:

Brilliant. And then we could also use this to show where people are going. We'd set up an agency to monitor all of the chips and we could stop tresspass, burglaries, and terrorism with ease!

While we are at it, why dont we just burn the constitution and all the other shit this country was founded on.

At 12/6/05 09:05 PM, adamsaysmoesgay wrote: While we are at it, why dont we just burn the constitution and all the other shit this country was founded on.

What part of the constitution guarantees the right to privacy or the right to masturbate. We've illegalized rape and no one seems to think that we're violating the constitution.

I think that wanking off is a biological imperitive for males. It is how we keep our sperm fresh and what ever else. Although I am a christian I am sure even Jesus had spent some time with an issue of "Hebrew Hunnies" or something.

I was looking back through the thread and I found a graph that I think proves my point quite well.

What are you talking about, locker rooms are erotic.