Illegalize Masturbation

[A-Carrot-By-Dr-Riot]

Most arguments against legalization of cannabis center on studies that show that it is harmful.

I think that if that is a rational reason we should accept the consequences and illegalize masturbation as well.

Here's my proposal for punishment

Masturbation

probation*; $750 - $150,000.
Possible: masturbation rehabilitation, community service, urine tests.

Possession for sale of masturbation paraphenilia:

<2 lbs.: 1.5 - 3 years; $750 - $150,000
>2 lbs.: 2.5 - 7 years; $750 - $150,000
>4 lbs.: 4 - 10 years; $750 - $150,000
Sale or delivery for sale or transport for sale:

<2 lbs.: 2.5 - 7 years; $750 - $150,000
>2 lbs.: 4 - 10 years; $750 - $150,000
Possession or sale in a "masturbation free zone," i.e., within 300 feet of a school, any public property within 1000 feet of a school, or at a school bus stop or on any bus which transports pupils to school: 1 additional year of prison plus $2000 - $150,000.

Production:

2 lbs.: probation or 9 months - 2 years; $750 - $150,000
>2 lbs.: 1.5 - 3 years; $750 - $150,000
>4 lbs.: 2.5 - 7 years; $750 - $150,000

*Probation: People placed on probation or early release generally must perform 24 - 360 hours of community service.

Here are a few links
www.ipocministries.org/masturbation.htm
www.nimbus.org/YoungMan1905.html#Anchor-23522
members.tripod.com/~Leon1/overcome.html

[ULTRAnamic]

Wtf is wrong with you masterbation is healthy and normal its natures way of keeping seamon fresh rarther than wet dreams.Its clears the mind and freshens the body no harmful effects come out of it so this is a load of bull.

[A-Carrot-By-Dr-Riot]

Wow, that sure was a response. do you have any statistics to back that up?

[oooevilmonkeyooo]

Did you have your penis cut off or something and you have something against pleasure, what your trying to say is make masturbation illegal, which would be impossible to uphold for one, people would resort to sex at an earlier age you nimrod, sexual urge is human, and if that urge doesn't get released (ESPECIALLY IN MEN) then shit goes down, possibly rape. So think before you post stupid crap

[A-Carrot-By-Dr-Riot]

Did you look at the links asshole. That is PROOF that masturbation is wrong. I don't have to masturbate because I'm in control of myself.

[IamjustSci]

You idiots, he's being SATIRICAL, I was laughing my ASS off as I read that. OMG it was hilarious. People read the first few sentences before you read the whole thing, "Most arguments against legalization of cannabis center on studies that show that it is harmful. I think that if that is a rational reason we should accept the consequences and illegalize masturbation as well" thus he's pretty much saying dumbasses, marijuana is about as harmful as spanking it, i.e. it's NOT. Then he proceeded to MAKE FUN of marijuana laws. I don't know what's funnier, his joke, or the fact you people thought he was SERIOUS! LMAO!

[A-Carrot-By-Dr-Riot]

Oh, man, you ruined it. I could have kept it up for days, but I guess the cat's out of the bag. Yeah, it's satirical, I copied it from a marajuana site and replaced the references to marajuana with masturbation. The laws listed are the Arizona laws for posession/sale/production of marajuana. That's why they all look the same.

[IamjustSci]

Sorry, I didn't see the end of the marijuana post until after I posted here. I would've joined the fun otherwise.

[A-Carrot-By-Dr-Riot]

it's okay, you probably already posted by the time I finished my marajuana post. I bet people will still post comments to it anyway.

[semaGdniM]

I don't think masturbation should be illegalized. I mean the reason it's actually done is the increase the rate at how far the sperm can travel during ejaculation. That way there is an increased chance of having children. It's a natural instinct like eating.

[A-Carrot-By-Dr-Riot]

I guess I was proven right, people do post without reading... (Changes into right wing extremist costume)

MASTURBATION IS EVIL. IT IS THE WORK OF THE DEVIL. LOOK AT THE LINKS, THE PROOF IS THERE.

[Ted-Easton]

lol. I should have finished reading the whole thread before i linked off. I went and read your links even before I finished and realized you weren't insane.
I'm glad we don't have another psychopath christian on the politics board. Take it to General.

[echoes]

Well if masturbation is so 'evil' why does God make us go through puberty? He knows are hormones are all fucked up, and so we really can't help it. I mean if he really didn't want up to beat off, and think about girls in dirty ways, why would he make up go through it? To make all teenage boys go to hell?

I don't think so, maybe it was just his way of saying "thanks," and go ahead beat off. What is it going to hurt? Nothing that is the point. It's good for you, gets rid of the old seaman. Gotta have your pipes cleaned sometime! And if all the girls in your area haven't even hit puberty...I can hear rosie and her five friends calling!

[Tool-Of-The-System]

What is this "god" you speak of?

[TheNewAuk-defiant]

At 1/6/03 11:44 AM, Dr_Arbitrary wrote: Most arguments against legalization of cannabis center on studies that show that it is harmful.

I think that if that is a rational reason we should accept the ...

I don't quite follow your logic there...

[echoes]

At 1/6/03 08:49 PM, somedudeTMB wrote: What is this "god" you speak of?

lol, I'm guessing your an atheist.
I was talking about the "God," he was talking about in his post. He reffered to the "Devil," and with a devil, there is a "God," if you know what I'm saying :)

[BIGBADjuggalo420]

hey...anyone know were i can score a pound of masterbation?

[MikMan]

This is a joke,or it is extremely stupid weird shit...
Man cannot live without masturbation!!!!!?????
Or if they have money they can hire someone to do it for him...

[ChocolateChipClock]

At 1/6/03 11:44 AM, Dr_Arbitrary wrote: Most arguments against legalization of cannabis center on studies that show that it is harmful.

there is nothing wrong with masterbation, in fact, it's awesome!

[zanz]

I would have liked to have seen this post go on. fucking hilarious man. and its even funnier that people are still posting.

[calmius]

There is nothing wrong with moderate masturbation, but many people do it excessively.

Excessive masturbation does bad things to the body.
It's not a myth that EXCESSIVE masturbation exhausts the body, makes you go bald faster by increasing DHT levels, it also makes you irritable and sometimes mentally unstable.

Excessive masturbation is when you do it everyday, once or more than once per day. It's different for everyone, but once in 2 days is ok I guess.

[A-Carrot-By-Dr-Riot]

Funny, the point I was trying to make is forming.
The people who support legal masturbation (claimus and ted_easton, maybe more) are against legal marajuana. Let's see how this all works out in the long run.

[Ted-Easton]

I'm only posting opinions on this because I want to continue this. Somehow an argument has formed over this when the joke is already out and told.
(I support legal masturbation but not legal cannabis because masturbation is not at all harmful, and it is a natural process)

[A-Carrot-By-Dr-Riot]

(I support legal masturbation but not legal cannabis because masturbation is not at all harmful, and it is a natural process)

The point is that the health risks of both these things are debated. I wonder, would you want masturbation illegal if it turned out that it was as harmful as the fundamentalists say it is?

[NJDeadzone]

i wonder if there is a relation between masturbation and the growing number of prostate cancer cases

[IamjustSci]

At 1/7/03 06:56 AM, Ted_Easton wrote: I'm only posting opinions on this because I want to continue this. Somehow an argument has formed over this when the joke is already out and told.

Yeah but some dumbasses don't read the whole thread, sometimes not even one whole post. They just see the title and jump right into it. Doc did a great job with this one, I still laugh every time I read new posts to it.

[<deleted>]

Ok, This is to every idiot who acually posted on this thread against the form starter. THIS THREAD IS A FUCKING JOKE.
You are the same type of people who sued www.realultimatepower.net for "Defacing the art of Ninjitsu"
Idiots.

It's impossible to Joke with Americans if the joke requires any brain power at all. Please, stop trying, They will never catch on.

[2Dope]

WHUT THE FUCK ARE YOU SMOKING MUTHA FUKA?! aint no body gonna tell me when and where i can punish percy in my palm. and another thing...you DEFINATELY on crack for even suggesting fines for beating the bishop. you either a) need to get laid...or b) try shooting putty at the moon.
you fudkin bitch boy mutha fuka.

[Ted-Easton]

2dope, please leave the politics board and never come back. You're IQ needs to be at least half of your shoe size, and your shoes cannot be that small.

[Ted-Easton]

oh, and by the way, you're not black. Stop talking like one.
You think ghetto is what people do when they're missing the letter beside P on their keyboard.