Being a total asshole and loving it

[IllustriousPotentate]

Every day at work, (and everywhere else for that matter) I put up with a lot of crap. From everything from spoiled brats running around and screaming, breaking important register fixtures, to people holding up the line yapping on their cell phones to people blocking whole aisles walking as slow as molasses on a cold day to people pushing shopping carts around without abandon, to people driving slower than a snails pace in the parking lot.

It nearly drives me nuts. Surely I'm not the only one who can't stand these people. So I decided to do today on my day off what I can't do at work--be a complete and total asshole to them. So I headed down to a Wal*Mart, where there's plenty of these types of people.

First up was this lady I saw while I was driving around, looking for a space. She took her shopping cart, and despite being just a few yards from a cart corral, gave her cart a shove towards the nether regions of the parking lot. Not only do people like this raise prices by damaging carts, but also put dents in other people's cars and make the people who bring them back in's jobs twice as hard.

So I pull up behind her SUV to block her from getting out. For 5 minutes. After 2 minutes, she let out a toot of the horn. 3 minutes, she layed on the horn. I cut the car off, went and got the buggy she had shoved, and set in in behind her SUV, and then drove off, with her yelling "FUCK YOU, YOU SONOFABITCH!" Oh my, how unladylike.

Have you ever resorted to minature vigilante justice to get back at assholes like the people I've described?

[SolusLunes]

At 1/29/06 07:41 PM, IllustriousPotentate wrote: The Most Awesome Shit Ever

I must shake your hand. That was sheer awesomeness. She deserved all of that.

[Sanka]

Hahaha. I like making fun of people's musical tastes for the hell of it. It really gets them pissed off.

[IllustriousPotentate]

At 1/29/06 07:42 PM, SolusLunes wrote:

At 1/29/06 07:41 PM, IllustriousPotentate wrote: The Most Awesome Shit Ever

I must shake your hand. That was sheer awesomeness. She deserved all of that.

Oh, there's more.

Ever see these teenage ditzes walking around taking up the whole aisle, oblivous to everything but their girlfriend Laquanda's latest baby daddy? It's perfect Red Rover practice!

I'm 6' 1", and 260 pounds. I often get asked if I played football. Why should I have to go to elaborate lengths to dodge these little stick girls? Trains don't have to stop and wait for cars, do they?

I was walking down the aisle, and lo and behold, here comes one of these groups, ambling down the aisle. They keep walking towards me, oblivious. I keep walking towards them.

Bam! It was like she walked into a pole. Or one of those crash test dummies in a collision. The other girls turned around, I turned around, and yelled at the one that walked into me, who appeared to be a bit dazed, "Hey! Watch where you're going!" To my surprise, they looked at me a little apprehensively, and continued on, a little quieter. So it may not have done much, but it was sure satisfying.

[boitoi]

At 1/29/06 07:46 PM, -Alex- wrote: Hahaha. I like making fun of people's musical tastes for the hell of it. It really gets them pissed off.

clearly you missed the point that the author was making, they pissed off the old lady because she was rude, you piss off people cuz ur an asshole, im sure youll get treated just like the old ladt in the near future. i just wish i could be the one to do it.

[SolusLunes]

At 1/29/06 07:53 PM, IllustriousPotentate wrote: Some More Awesome Shit

But what's more fun is to walk down a sidewalk the wrong way and make everybody avoid hitting you... 9 times out of 10 someone will move rather than hit you. And it just feels cool to exact that kind of power over people.

[skully]

I hate the assholes that cant even bring there carts back

[soundkat]

At 1/29/06 07:41 PM, IllustriousPotentate wrote:
Have you ever resorted to minature vigilante justice to get back at assholes like the people I've described?

No, but it sure sounds fun!

[Jake]

Wow. Rough day. :D

[Aksumka]

More! This is fuuny.

[Legend]

Yeah, I have wanted to do that to some people sometimes, but I never have. I hope you enjoyed yourself.

[Nick5695]

Ok as far as the shopping car thing goes, I agree with what you did there. Back in the day I worked at a grocery store and I remember having to walk all over the parking lot just to get a couple carts people were too lazy to take to the cart aisle thing. Anyway, about walking into people and stuff, see now you're just adding to the problem. You say why should you have to move, but why should they really have to move? Yeah you might be bigger than they are, but even still, that doesnt mean you need to be an asshole to them, does it?
All said though, I understand, people do generally suck. I don't understand why they do what they do half of the time. What really gets me is that when people complain about other people doing things, meanwhile they go off and do the same thing 5 minutes later while using the excuse, "Oh but I'm allowed to do that, I'm special." Blah anyway, the moral of the story, people suck.

[IllustriousPotentate]

Then there's these people who, while looking at something, will park their cart so it blocks the entire aisle. I rammed a couple out of my way. "Hey that's my cart!" "Yeah? Well act like it!" One really clueless lady took her pocketbook out and left it sitting in the middle of the aisle, then walked down towards the other end of the aisle to look at something. I took her cart and pushed it three aisles over. I saw her later wandering around the store with this bewildered look on her face.

Then this lady in the check out had this little snot nosed brat wondering around, sneezing on everything, coughing on everything. He came over and coughed at me with his mouth uncovered.

I walked up to his mother.

"Ma'am, teach your brat some manners! If you can't take it into a store without it slobbering and spreading disease all over the place, then hire a baby sitter!"

Her eyes got as big as saucers. I walked off and went to another check out.

Synopsis: most of the people who do these things do them out of sheer obliviousness and stupidity, and tend to be shocked when people actually get on to them about it. They're not assholes, they're just morons. The rest, like the lady shoving the cart, know full well what they're doing is wrong, but they don't care. So they get mad at anybody who points that out to them. They're the assholes.

Of course, there was still some fun to be had.

[tigerkitty]

I love the people who take things from one isle... and put them back in other various places about the store.

It's like they are trying to play hide and go seek with you...

jerks

[DestroyerofMan]

Sir, may I have your babies?

[tigerkitty]

At 1/29/06 08:26 PM, -Michael- wrote:
GOD PEOPLE ARE SO DUMB, so when people ask me for a price check, I walk out of the cashout, and walk to the price checker and put the damn item in. I'm trying to teach cavepeople to use a damn price-checker.

Oh, but it's so difficult... I mean waving objects under a little box attached to a pole in the middle of a store is far too complicated

[IllustriousPotentate]

At 1/29/06 08:06 PM, Nick5695 wrote: Anyway, about walking into people and stuff, see now you're just adding to the problem. You say why should you have to move, but why should they really have to move? Yeah you might be bigger than they are, but even still, that doesnt mean you need to be an asshole to them, does it?

I don't know about you, but I've been taught since preschool to walk in a single file line. People don't (or aren't supposed to ) take up all the lanes on the road. Nor should you take up the whole aisle.

<><><>

As I was leaving the store, I had the misfortune of getting stuck behind some old geezer in his Lincoln driving through the parking lot at a snails pace. People using walkers were going faster than us. As he moved over to the left to dodge a tiny, shallow pothole, I seized my opportunity. I pulled to his right side, and began driving along side of him at the same speed, slowly inching him over to the left hand opposing side. Up ahead was another car, coming towards us at a slow speed.

Nothing more exciting than a 2 mph game of chicken with some geezer in the Wal*Mart parking lot!

I looked over at gramps. Scared shitless. He probably hadn't seen such pandemonium since the great stagecoach scare of 1883.

Eventually, gramps and the oncoming car came to a stop, looking at each other in bewilderment, trying to figure out what to do, while I drove on, laughing my head off. I had to pull over and park until I could get my composure back.

[Faille]

wow IllustriousPotentate
Post more! more!

[JadeTheAssassin]

I seriously wish I had the guts to do that where I work.
However, I can't be angry at the old ladies who get offended at everything.
Or the lady (who resembles Doc Brown--no joke) who asks for paper bags inside of plastic bags.. :/

And I ABSOLUTELY hate people who talk away on their cell phones and they don't acknowledge that you're waiting for them to swipe their credit/debit card through. Or they're too busy flapping their jaws to a friend who's two spots down the line.
For fuck's sake.

[Nick5695]

At 1/29/06 08:29 PM, IllustriousPotentate wrote: I don't know about you, but I've been taught since preschool to walk in a single file line. People don't (or aren't supposed to ) take up all the lanes on the road. Nor should you take up the whole aisle.

Yes I understand what you are getting at with how stupid people can be and whatnot, but even still, what if some of this stuff was an accident? Like what if the ladys cart drifted backwards on its own blocking the path just as she was looking at something or whatever, and this just so happened to be the time you came along. Im not saying thats the case all the time, but yeah...

What Im trying to say is, well you were taught to walk in a straight line in preschool, but were you taught to be rude to people as well? It's not really going to accomplish much of anything if you try to force your views onto others. But hey, if you ask them to move out of the way and they give you attitude like your making them have such an inconvience, then hell, I'd definately encourage the whole being rude thing at that point.

[Warrickneff]

I only started working at a mall recently so I'm still pretty casual about the idiots around me.

Although sometimes I wish people would just at least put some effort into shopping. I get asked about 30 times per day how much an item is when the enourmous special sign is right in front of them. I can understand if the price is out of the way, but it never is!

[friend-of-emu]

i love u

[IllustriousPotentate]

At 1/29/06 08:32 PM, -Michael- wrote: Where do you work? And how long have you been working retail. It seems you're very experienced and you don't let the stupidity get to you.

I work at Sam's Club, and I've been working there for about 2 1/2 years. It pays really good for retail, but it's no wonder. You think it's hard putting up with customers at Sears? Imagine putting up with people who pay to shop where you work. You have to stay on your toes all the time.

Back in the summer of '04, when Hurricane Ivan, which had been downgraded to a tropical storm when it got to us, moved through, I was standing at the entrance door, being one of the "door greeters." The wind was blowing at 50 mph, pelting everything with sheets of driving rain, some times blowing it several yards inside the building, the lights were flickering on and off. One stupid moron with an umbrella that had been turned inside out by the wind, totally drenched walked in, and I swear to God, started griping about the carts in the cart corral being wet.

Of course, there's ways you can get back while on the job, especially when you're running a register.

I keep an extra roll of nickels in my till for this express purpose. If anybody who's paying with cash pisses me off, I'll give them their $.94 cents change back in nothing but nickels.

There's also a little glitch that you can freeze the debit reader so it has a blank screen, but the price/item display that everyone sees says "Waiting on customer..." Not only can you get back at them when they make you mad, everyone in your line gets mad at the person, too, because it looks like they're too stupid to figure out how to use the debit machine.

For an added bonus, you can have them trying swiping their card over and over, then ask for the card, unfreeze the debit machine, and swipe it through with no problem.

[East525]

Hah, they deserved every part of that..

I've done somewhat similar stuff, like you know those clerks at stores that don't even pay attention to what they ring up, or to whom? I attempted to purchase a pack of ciggy's which it is illegal for my age group to do. The retard didn't even look twice at it, handed them over, and the women behind me coincidentially contacted the manager.

That was my moment of asshole-ness.. even though it was gay compared to yours. : P

[RedSkunk]

If everyone put their carts in the place they belong, then what would all the hapless ingrates who work there do with their time? There's only so much standing around and scratching that a person can do in a day...

[Eudaimonism]

IllustriousPotentate, please have my children. :')

Well said Ilustrious Potentate , people need to be taught a good lesson on humility and manners. You're more than right in taking the matter to your own hands, some people just need to be scared shitless to get their heads outta their asses!

[RedSkunk]

At 1/29/06 09:04 PM, -Michael- wrote: Someone asks me about a tool I don't know about, I just nod and say yes to them ALL THE TIME. I'm learning, but this is the process I use. I'm really trying to hide the glazed eyes though.

Rightttt.........

You're a sucky tool consultant.

[IllustriousPotentate]

At 1/29/06 08:56 PM, JeenyusNG wrote: Hah, they deserved every part of that..

I've done somewhat similar stuff, like you know those clerks at stores that don't even pay attention to what they ring up, or to whom? I attempted to purchase a pack of ciggy's which it is illegal for my age group to do. The retard didn't even look twice at it, handed them over, and the women behind me coincidentially contacted the manager.

That was my moment of asshole-ness.. even though it was gay compared to yours. : P

Well, since working in retail, I have found myself being much more patient towards workers, I make it a point to be nice to those that are nice to me, I tip generously (30%) for good service at a restaurant. However, I'm much less tolerant of shoddy service than I used to be. Damnit, I work hard for 8, 8 1/2 hours a day. I have to pick up and move 50 lb bags of dog food, 75 lb bags of flour all day, and still be nice to the people I ring up. So I expect someone who just has to ring up a burger order to be nice to me, too, or at the least, not rude.

I understand that you could have a bad day or something, and not be smiling or what ever. But "What do you want" when asking for my order and just shoving the bag in my face while you're too busy yapping to a coworker isn't acceptable. I've got the manager and got my money back several times because of this. If someone overcharges me because of an honest mistake, or I ask someone about something, and they politely inform me that they're not sue because they don't work in that department, I'm fine with that. But the cashier that charges me double (or triple) for something because they're too busy chatting with other cashiers or someone who just shrugs and walks off when I ask a question, that I won't tolerate. If I did stuff like that at work, I'd get in trouble for it, and rightly so. Why should I have to tolerate it when I'm shopping?

[Felis]

Once, in a boring minute of class, this stupid guy was flashing his 20 dollar bill around, and then this guy I knew knocked it out of his hand. The cash fluttered to the floor, and reacting to my strange habit of being kind to just about everyone, even total nerds. So I try to pick it up for him, and he stomps on my hand! Blinded by fury, I worked my infamous trick on him. Just as he began to sit down, I pulled his chair out from under him.(I've gotten people really pissed by doing this. This girl pissed me off once, but after I did it, she slapped me.) He fell to the floor with a crash. That was a moment of pure satisfaction just before I was sent to the office.