AS: Concepts and Corrosion.
Part II
Two days later and you're stuck again. Your hitTests aren't working against enemies. You're superior planning definitely isn't flawed. You've made sure to put the invisible hitTest clip, inside the bullet clip, inside the shell clip, inside the ammo clip, inside frame 7 of the gun clip, which is inside the hero.arm clip, inside the hero.body clip, inside the hero.clip. Why aren't your hitTests working??? You've tried...
if(this.hitTest(_root.LoLhero.heroBody.Big
AssheroArm.thisisagunMC.ammo.HolycrapAshel
l.OmFGbullet.invisihittest){ enemy.dead = true }
and it doesn't work! First make sure to stare blindly at it for at least 3 days; checking instance names, making sure all the clips are where they should be, running a for loop to loop through all of the bullets. Make sure you've tried freaking everything! By this point, your eyes should be bloodshot and you shouldn't have eating in 2 days. What can you do? Oh yeah! Ask for help on the BBS.
Since you can't type out your entire code, some flash guru tells you email you the .fla. Within 2 minutes, the .fla is returned to you with the message:
"You never declared what should happen if enemy.dead = true."
Grit your teeth so hard that it feels like your lower jaw will break off. This helps sometimes. Get up, grab a cup of coffee. Go smoke a cigarette or do some drugs. If you don't do any of that, eat some fudge. Everyone loves fudge. This will help calm the nerves.
Okay. Everything is working. Your game is finished. Time to add in a preloader and intro screen. Make some new scenes that go before your current code and spend about 4 days designing a preloader. Test the movie.
Nothing happens after the intro screen. Your dude is there... but nothing works or moves. Wtf!? This is where you lose it. Get in your car, and disable the airbags. Take your seatbelt off. If you don't own a car, steal one. It doesn't matter at this point. Drive really fast and find a bridge. Drive yourself off of it.
If you can't get your code to work, you have no chance at succeeding at killing yourself. The car misses the bridge, takes out 3 cop cars and a dude in a wheelchair. You're ejected on impact and fly out of site, landing safely in some laundry.
So, walk your mangled ass back to your house and to your computer and figure out the problem. Research onLoad = function() since that seems to be where the problem lies. Hmmm, one of those 15 books that you spent a total of $300.00 on says that onLoad must lie on the first frame of the first scene. You have two scenes before it. Problem. Punch yourself in the face with one of the books. It'll help. Trust me.
You're stuck now... again. What to do? Oh shit! Right! Make a topic on the BBS! Someone replies with something about a container clip. Wtf is a container clip? Google, here we come! 5 days of browsing google and finding out how to make a container clip, make sure everything is in place.
All of your variables are in the clip's "onClipEvent(load)." All of the action works fine. The preloader works. The intro works. The game over screen with a link to a website you'll probably never freaking finish works! All is in place. It's time to submit.
"Sorry, submissions must be less than 5mbs"
I've found that doing a line of coke helps at this point. Not into drugs. Remember, everyone loves fudge. Don't comb your hair or clean your cloths anymore. When you go to the diner and that waitress asks you if you'd like coffee, respond..
if(coffee){
my.caffiene++
}else{
murderOfEveryoneInTheDiner = true
}
only talk in code from here on out. It'll help you practice. If you drop something, or say something mean to someone... simply mutter "Edit>undo" or do the Control+Z motion with your hands... and all will be fine.
Then research compression. Delete bells and whistles. Get that puppy under 5 megs at any cost. Make sure you destroy some of your code and are forced to rewrite it 3-4 more times while modifying your game. Take up talking to yourself in public as a hobby. Chicks dig that.
Finally submit your game and stare in anticipation as it passes judgment. This is 2 months of your life. This is the reason you broke up with your girlfriend. This is the reason you quit school and quit your job. This is the reason you're parked out in front of a bank, stealing their wireless connection because you couldn't afford to pay for yours anymore. It's at the bottom of the judgment list.... holy crap... anytime now. You've waited until now to cast your vote.
Fiven!!
The screen comes up... "You have been the deciding vote in blamming this submission."
Be sure to rip all of your hair out here. ALL of it. Run around your neighborhood, screaming. "I am the blam king!" wearing nothing but a towel as a cape. If you can do this at 3am, it's more effective. Winter = the best. When the cops are called, reached behind your back and scream "I got a gun mother fuckers!!!" and pull out a finger shaped like a gun. Endure the hail of bullets with glee. Holy crap. The cops are 1337. Their hitTests are working.
Black out and dream of fudge. It helps. Trust me.
(I know it's not a real tute, but damnit... AS: Main needed some humor and I was horribly bored. =p )
