TOO LONG DIDN'T READ.
So I was taking the bus ride home from school, minding my own business. A friend of mine called me and asked me if I wanted to laugh my ass off, I happily agreed. So he rounds up a couple more guys, and we sit at the back of the bus.
He then calls a fat 7th grader from the front seat, next to the bus driver. His nickname is "Bo'loz", which is a common name given to fat kids. He tells him to sit in the seat right across from me, and proceeds to ask him some "questions".
Aly: So...uhh...how big is your 'thing'?
Bo'loz: No way man I'm not answering that!
Aly: What's your problem? It's a very simple question and it's perfectly normal! Mine is about this long.
He stretches his arm out, and points his left hand to his shoulder.
Aly: Bially's is exactly the same height, and that dude over there is about half the length.
He points to an 8th grader, who was listening to the conversation.
Aly: It's perfectly normal dude, you can answer my question.
Bo'loz: No, I don't answer these kinds of questions. >:|
Aly: Ok, fine. You don't have to answer me directly. But at least be a man and answer my question with 'yes' or 'no'. Is it this big *points left hand at wrist*
Bo'loz: No.
Aly: Ok, how about this? *points to root of thumb*
Bo'loz: No.
Aly: Ok, how about this big? *points to root of middle finger*
Bo'loz: It's a little smaller.
Suddenly, the entire back-end of the bus burst into maniacal laughter, including myself. I felt sorry for the kid, but at the same time I was laghing hysterically.
Aly: Ok ok ok, so umm...is it that size when it's 'sleeping' or when it's 'awake'?
Bo'loz: No, I'm not answering that question. >:(
Aly: Ok, fine. Be that way. Just one more question.
Bo'loz: What the hell do you want?
Aly: We all know we use our packages to squirt colors. So, what colors do you squirt?
Bo'loz: Huh?!
Aly: Not so loud! When you take a piss, you squirt yellow out, right?
Bo'loz: Yeah...?
Aly: Well, do you squirt out white stuff sometimes?
Bo'loz: I've had enough of your questions. >:O
Aly: You think you can just stop like that? Bially was recording the entire conversation with his phone. If you don't answer them I'll show the conversation to the principal, and you'll be knee-deep in shit.
The kid takes a few steps back, nodds his head, and asks him to ask the question again.
Aly: It's okay man, we're all men. Are you a man? If you are, you'd have no problems answering these questions. It's all normal. Just look at me, I squirt yellow (urine), white (*rolls eyes), and green. Bially squirts blue and black. That dude over there squirts red once every month. *Chuckles*
Bo'loz: I don't know what these colors are.
Aly: Ok, fine then. So uhh...do you think girls "have it"?
Bo'loz: Have what?
Aly: You know... :D
Bo'loz: Why are you asking me all these questions?! What are you going to do with the information?! Marry me?!
The kid suddenly begins to cry. The driver notices it and asks what the hell is going on. Aly tells him that he's only telling him a few jokes, and the kid suddenly stands up and starts laughing, telling the driver he's asking him how tall he is, and other things in that fashion.
The kids goes silent for a few seconds. Aly asks him what's wrong, it's totally normal for us to ask him these questions. He replies: "I don't like it when people ask me these types of questions." :'(
That was the last thing I heard, and I was dropped off. I felt sorry for the kid. =|