I just... I ju-... He's... Dead...

[Dauss]

I heard a noise out side and I... I... Loaded my pistol. I've had problems with thieves before around here... It wasn't my fault... I leaned out and saw some one on the roof of the neighboring building putting something down the chimney. I thought he was lowering his accomplice in, and thought if I killed him... I'd make the other fall to his death. I climbed up the the ladder to the other building... And I... I steadied my aim. HE turned as I cocked the weapon, and he yelled...

"HO HO H-"

I pulled the trigger. The blast was deafening. We both stood there for what seemed an eternity... And... He- he held his side with a look of despair. The bullet had hit him in the side of the stomach. Blood dribbled out from his fingers. His face began to turn a ghostly white, and then he fell face first into the snow. I stared at his body, just as it slid off the roof, and fell 6 stories into the parking lot. I turned and looked at the gun. It was still warm from the shot. I threw it from me, and looked over the edge.

Santa was now one with the front end of a parked SUV. His body had been propelled throught the windsheild, and into the drivers seat, face first. His red suit had been torn in places, and made crimson by his own blood in others. His legs were stuck outwards in different directions, almost comiclly. I turned back to the chimney. the rope was still there, so I went to it, and pulled it upwards. At the end of the rope, was a smashed bag of presents. I opened the bag, to uncover boxes wrapped up in shiny paper marked to boys and girls of all different names.

This was when I knew, I had shot Santa Claus. This wasn't some random fuck who had decided to drop presents down a chimeny, this was the real Santa. I heard a grunt, and looked up. Further down the roof, was a sled, and reindeer. I took a step back. One of them looked at me and gave another grunt. I looked around, nothing except snow and blood. But there, there in the snow, was my pistol. I leaped forward, and grabbed it out of the snow. I almost slid off the roof, but caught my self on a ledge, and pushed myself back.

I stood up, and slowly moved towards the sleigh. The reindeer all started to give grunts and squeals of fear, but I walked forwards. Inside the sleigh was exaclty was I was looking for. I pulled out the butane lighter, (Which was inside the glove compartment) and a can of deoderant, marked for Timmy. I emptied the spray bottle into the sleigh, and turned to the animals. Everyone of them began to stomp the ground, and give me signs of anger and fear. I raised the pistol, and shot every last one of them dead.

It was hard work hauling Santa's fat ass inside the building, and even more difficult to check for witnesses. I hauled his body into the elevator, and hit the roof button. The door opened with a slight crack as the ice was broken off. I grabbed Santa's jolly body, and dragged him to the sliegh. The reindeer were still on the roof, each with a bullet hole in its skull, but I dragged them a little closer to the base of the sliegh too. When I was satasfied with the position of the bodies, I took the lighter, and lit the spray.

At first, the spray almost didn't light, being nearly frozen, but it slowly began to burn the sleigh. I waited until a blazing inferno had begun, and made sure the concrete roof wouldn't leave any marks. I went inside, and returned to my bed.

Tomorrow, I was going to need a dustpan, and a lot of free time.

[HAcoreRD]

was he a day early?

[API]

GODAMN it now who's gonna help me deliver those presents :(

[Dauss]

At 12/24/05 11:49 AM, HAcoreRD wrote: was he a day early?

I wondered about that too, and figured he must have been dropping them off early, so he could place them later.

[CleverNickname]

But . . . . how . . . . NO!!!!

[bigexplosions]

At 12/24/05 11:51 AM, Clever_Nickname wrote: But . . . . how . . . . NO!!!!

Death ain't easy to accept.

[DZKilla]

Good, Santa pissed me off on aim anyway...

[LiquidSnakeNG]

hes not dead, he- he's just sleeping in a pool of his own... blood....

[Disarray-yarrasiD]

that is increadibly cruel
lol

[Dash-Underscore-Dash]

Oh boy is Jesus going to be pissed! You'll be lucky if you even make it it the higher layers of hell now.

[Dauss]

At 12/24/05 12:00 PM, Liquid_Snake12607 wrote: hes not dead, he- he's just sleeping in a pool of his own... blood....

What ever floats your boat there, buddy.

[Dash-Underscore-Dash]

By the way, you sould have never turned your back on his body, Santa has a bad habit of not staying dead.

[DJJ-asshole]

Put on his clothes, then u'll turn into Santa yourself, i want a new computer btw

[SpinTolk]

=(

[Dauss]

At 12/24/05 12:05 PM, lollerskaters wrote: By the way, you sould have never turned your back on his body, Santa has a bad habit of not staying dead.

Oh I think he's dead, I made quite sure of that...

*Glances at hole in wall where Santa's head sits, quite dead.*

[Jinzoa]

damn you dauss!!! santa promised me one of his elves for midget loving:(

[supyohos123]

I heard Jesus was actually born in August.

[LinkSilvermane]

You...you horrible, horrible BASTARD.

You've damned us all. No one can possibly hope to have a true Christmas anymore.

But don't think that you can get away with this. You're thinking: "To stop a snake, cut off it's head, right?"

You're wrong. If you concentrate, I'm sure you'll be able to sense those innumerable red dots on your head and chest, coming in from the window...and when you look up and see the scores of sniper-elves on the rooftops across the street, it'll be too late to say "sorry".

Merry Christmas, you animal. I hope the elves make their last toys out of your carcass.

[RyanKajito]

Congratulations! You're the new Santa Claus!

[Ganon-Dorf]

and now tiny tim wont get his fire truck

[Jovatov]

At 12/24/05 11:49 AM, HAcoreRD wrote: was he a day early?

no, in a different timezone fcourse

[AvsJoe]

Damn man, write a short story or something. This was funny, but long for a post, don't ya think?

[ANIME123]

im tired of fucking people shooting santa because his dick is magically blessed to be 15inches..wtf/!?

[Pink-Ninja]

You son of a bitch!

[IThinkImDrunk]

mm sexy story

[Simiard]

I dont think his Insurance covers this

*flips throught stacks of papers*

[Dauss]

At 12/24/05 12:53 PM, LinkSssilvermane wrote: You...you horrible, horrible BASTARD.

You've damned us all. No one can possibly hope to have a true Christmas anymore.

But don't think that you can get away with this. You're thinking: "To stop a snake, cut off it's head, right?"

You're wrong. If you concentrate, I'm sure you'll be able to sense those innumerable red dots on your head and chest, coming in from the window...and when you look up and see the scores of sniper-elves on the rooftops across the street, it'll be too late to say "sorry".

Merry Christmas, you animal. I hope the elves make their last toys out of your carcass.

I already contacted the elves, they've been plotting to over throw the fat bastard for forcing them into slave labour. They thanked me for my services, and went on their way.

[gamegrrl]

Why didn't you rape him? It's more cushion for the pushin.

[silly-rabies]

what, you...you monster... how will i ever get my presents now!!

[ROFLhead]

YOU BASTARD! I wanted my zepplin :C

Lol Christmas Story