At 8/8/07 08:21 AM, EagleRock wrote: It's annoying that your B/P rate drops so much thanks to the redesign, but remember that if your B/P drops, so does everyone else. Therefore, your relative B/P is about the same. If anything, it might spur us on to work harder to get those precious high-point days.

I like to think that I'm the exception to the rule here. I've been doing close to 40 points per day prior to the redesign, now it's looking at about 30. I've seen people drop something like 20-30 points per day from above me to below me, which is quite shocking.

For once, I've got a tactic that works :)

At 8/8/07 08:31 AM, TheThing wrote: I just hope that just because it's Clock Day, doesn't mean that every flash passes. I remember last year that I had almost no points because I voted fairly on the submissions. I understand it's an important holiday to the Clocks, but that doesn't mean every flash in their honor is going to make it.

Agreed. Last Clock Day I only got about 300 B/P because I wasn't willing to vote 5 on any flash that had the words "clock," "day," or "happy" in it. I must have voted on at least 600 flash, too.

At 8/8/07 08:39 AM, Coop83 wrote: I like to think that I'm the exception to the rule here. I've been doing close to 40 points per day prior to the redesign, now it's looking at about 30. I've seen people drop something like 20-30 points per day from above me to below me, which is quite shocking.

For once, I've got a tactic that works :)

You're probably right. I would imagine that checking the Portal more often than not would help tremendously with this, as you can easily catch those instablams, like I said.

Either way, it proves what I said about you all along: slow and steady wins the race. All of a sudden, we fast B/Pers are dropping 50% in speed, while you are barely touched.

At 8/8/07 10:31 AM, EagleRock wrote: Either way, it proves what I said about you all along: slow and steady wins the race. All of a sudden, we fast B/Pers are dropping 50% in speed, while you are barely touched.

What can I say? I'm an old hand at this game :P

At 8/8/07 08:31 AM, TheThing wrote:

At 8/8/07 06:17 AM, Coop83 wrote: *looks at calender, seeing clock day less than 7 days away*

Really? It's only next week? It seems like should be next month. Oh well, it's not like I'm going to be doing anything important in the next week.

Nope, Wednesday August 15th will be a celebration of the 6th Anniversary of B

Yeah if i could spend the whole day on the computer i woud get alot more b/ping done. As well if i could stay up all night. Which i might wind up doing on clock day. Cause i am going to try to wake up early and get a head start on that day. Cause my usual rate is about 100 b/ps on that day. But this time around i am trying for more like 200-250 b/ps.

At 8/8/07 10:47 AM, Coop83 wrote: Nope, Wednesday August 15th will be a celebration of the 6th Anniversary of B

I think I am taking htis day off. I need to take a day off next week anyway, so it might as well be this day since there will be so much to keep me busy and not bored off my ass.

Last clock day I only got a little B/P time in and I think I still got 150. I didn't vote to pass the shitty clock day Flashes that came. I mean, how many flashes with use a red "B" do we really need here on Newgrounds? Nope, those all got 0.

Hell, I made a Clock Flash day-of and it was awful because I rushed it, yet it has a 3.68 (higher than my very well drawn trailer), a score it doesn't even close to deserve.

I think Clock Day is so overwhelming that people just start 5ing everything to get thru the portal.

What was it 150 or so UJ entries at some points last year? With over 1,000 Flash submitted?

Yikes.

At 8/8/07 02:17 PM, RSQViper wrote: Last clock day I only got a little B/P time in and I think I still got 150. I didn't vote to pass the shitty clock day Flashes that came. I mean, how many flashes with use a red "B" do we really need here on Newgrounds? Nope, those all got 0.

Good call. I'm sure we'll all vote fairly, though, as I have sacrificed many hundreds of B/P on Clock Day alone just to vote fairly. It's worth it in the long run.

Also, stolen alert:
Stolen
Original
Note the lack of toonami.com for the e-mail address.

At 8/8/07 03:09 PM, EagleRock wrote: Also, stolen alert:

Another one stolen:
Stolen
Original

Well i missed both of the stolen flashes. And Stero i think i might nedd your help getting to that gold whistle. But i would if i could i just can never catch the stolen or hateful flashes before they get marked. But anyway all my focus is primary to b/ping and depositing. I hardly can ever get any whistle points. So thats why i think i need you help on that part Stero.

At 8/8/07 10:31 AM, EagleRock wrote:

At 8/8/07 08:31 AM, TheThing wrote: I just hope that just because it's Clock Day, doesn't mean that every flash passes. I remember last year that I had almost no points because I voted fairly on the submissions. I understand it's an important holiday to the Clocks, but that doesn't mean every flash in their honor is going to make it.

Agreed. Last Clock Day I only got about 300 B/P because I wasn't willing to vote 5 on any flash that had the words "clock," "day," or "happy" in it. I must have voted on at least 600 flash, too.

Yeah, I got about 10. But I had voted on easily 100 flash that day, so I only got a 10% return on my votes. I think on that day, we should have a certain time where we all can go and give fair score to the submissions that day, allowing those that should be blammed, be blammed.

At 8/8/07 08:39 AM, Coop83 wrote: I like to think that I'm the exception to the rule here. I've been doing close to 40 points per day prior to the redesign, now it's looking at about 30. I've seen people drop something like 20-30 points per day from above me to below me, which is quite shocking.

Same, although I don't get that many points a day, I've actually improved since the redesign. While most went down at least 10, I've gone up that many (roughly, maybe a little less).

Either way, it proves what I said about you all along: slow and steady wins the race. All of a sudden, we fast B/Pers are dropping 50% in speed, while you are barely touched.

Of course, it takes a or 2 month for us slow ones to even consider moving up a rank, even in the lower ranks.

At 8/8/07 01:09 PM, I-Love-Caitlyn wrote: Yeah if i could spend the whole day on the computer i woud get alot more b/ping done. As well if i could stay up all night. Which i might wind up doing on clock day. Cause i am going to try to wake up early and get a head start on that day. Cause my usual rate is about 100 b/ps on that day. But this time around i am trying for more like 200-250 b/ps.

That's what I've been doing; staying up during the night an extra 2 hours or so and B/Ping while doing other miscellaneous things. I've also been getting up 30 minutes earlier for work to get a couple in, and to check my other various sites. That really helps my average. As for Clock day, I never get too many; I like to vote fair, and I end up viewing the shitty flashes that pass anyway.

At 8/8/07 02:17 PM, RSQViper wrote:

At 8/8/07 10:47 AM, Coop83 wrote: Nope, Wednesday August 15th will be a celebration of the 6th Anniversary of B

Yeah, that's a week from now. Or from my original post, a week and 1 day. I also know all about B.

I think I am taking htis day off. I need to take a day off next week anyway, so it might as well be this day since there will be so much to keep me busy and not bored off my ass.

That's a good idea, but I can' take any more days off; I work on a part-time job, where every week a schedule is made. I've already taken 3 weeks off for vacations, and this upcoming week I'm only available 8/14 shifts, so I need to be available as much as possible.

Last clock day I only got a little B/P time in and I think I still got 150. I didn't vote to pass the shitty clock day Flashes that came. I mean, how many flashes with use a red "B" do we really need here on Newgrounds? Nope, those all got 0.

Same. I don't know how people can get so many points off that day; I guess I'm just stuck with the shitty flashes.

Hell, I made a Clock Flash day-of and it was awful because I rushed it, yet it has a 3.68 (higher than my very well drawn trailer), a score it doesn't even close to deserve.

Because of those damn voters who say "ZOMG!11!! CC flash!111!! It's going to pass, so why not get a protection point?" and they 5 it.

I think Clock Day is so overwhelming that people just start 5ing everything to get thru the portal.

Which is what happens, but it shouldn't be done. So they miss a couple points, it's not like there isn't going to be 165874646354130315012205463 more flashes coming in the next 10 minutes.

What was it 150 or so UJ entries at some points last year? With over 1,000 Flash submitted?

Yikes.

Yikes was right. But everyone was clamoring over the Xbox360 and the $1,000 (?) prize Tom was giving to the best one, along with other great prizes for the top 5. And I think there was a max of 200 UJ submissions last year, and about 1,500 submitted overall.The portal just wasn't big enough to get all the flashes voted on.

The Barracks Under Fire

by EagleRock

Chapter 12 - Backfire

Sarai's grenade was skillfully thrown through the air duct as it landed under Peregrinus. He barely had time to yell "shit" before he was blown away. The force of the blast threw PenguinLink back, who was nearby on the roof. MetalDart, heard the blast as he was climbing down from his sniper post to give assistance.

"DAMMIT! FALL BACK! FALL BACK!" said MetalDart to PenguinLink, as the moderators continued to hold back the Elite Guards from entering the building.

Down below, Alpha squad started shooting at the moderators all at once after setting off a flashbang. SilentSoldier started with a good suppressing fire with his Para, spraying bullets left and right. None of them were hitting anyone, save one to Canas' leg, but he caused them to scramble quick enough for DaRk to gun down Evark. Dobio and Canas jumped up on the ledge to the left and ran out of sight of the Alpha squad.

DarkSoldier said, "Success! Bravo, Bravo, are you in position?"

PenguinLink responded, "I'm the only one left! They've got us covered at all bases!"

MetalDart called out commands as he was running to PenguinLink's aid. "Alpha squad, you need to take out the mods in the air duct! Get some rifles and pummel the duct and anyone near it!"

"You heard him," said DarkSoldier. "Move out!" The four started to run towards the bay door, runs ready. Suddenly, another flashbang went off and blinded them all. Gunshots sounded throughout the warehouse as the terrorists struck back. The Elite Guards retaliated with their guns, shooting blindly. Just as his eyesight came back, DarkSoldier saw Canas, Dobio, Sarai, and Ramagi all crouched and ready. As he backed up behind the warehouse wall, he tossed a grenade towards the four. They backed up from the lobbed grenade, but managed to shoot down SilentSoldier in the process.

That was when TheThing saw his chance. Up near the top of the warehouse, he saw UberBarista guarding the entrance of the air duct. He quickly took up his autosniper and squeezed off two rounds. The first one missed, but the second got UberBarista in the head, downing him. Ramagi saw this and took advantage, killing TheThing with her SG-552.

"GET OUT!" yelled DarkSoldier to DaRk, who quickly complied. They were both pinned outside the warehouse again, each of them up against the two sides of the open garage door. "UberBarista is down, sir! Go!"

"Roger," said MetalDart, who was now with PenguinLink on the roof. He then grabbed a grenade and tossed it inside the air duct. Once it detonated, he jumped in and saw that the grenade killed Sarai. PenguinLink jumped in behind him as they crouched through the air duct. MetalDart, Desert Eagle in hand. He noticed that the air duct had a splitoff to the side, which went directly above the entrance to the foreman's office. In there the hostages were being kept.

"Okay," he said in a whisper to the radio, "we're heading to the hostage room. When I give the word, give a distraction so we can drop down and get them from behind."

"Roger," said DarkSoldier. "DaRk still has a flashbang, which should do the trick." MetalDart then proceeded to step up to the side air duct, when all of a sudden, bullets were being shot at the air duct.

"SHIT! They can get through the metal! Split up! Split up!" But it was too late, as Ramagi's Sig 552 Commando hit PenguinLink one too many times. "MOVE IN! MOVE IN!" he yelled to the remants of the Alpha squad, as he shot his Deagle down at his feet, blindly hoping he would hit Ramagi.

DarkSoldier then ran in, spraying his reloaded Para across the warehouse floor. Ramagi was there. She immediately re-aimed her rifle and shot at DarkSoldier, driving him back behind the warehouse again.

MetalDart had enough time to reload and shuffle down the side airshaft. Below him the air duct ended in a grate, which ended above the doors to the hostage room. He could see the doors from above, but couldn't see anyone guarding the door. Luckily, due to the way the airshaft was built, he had a good amount of metal blocking him, hopefully fending off Ramagi's rogue rifle rounds.

"This is not good," said DaRk aloud. "They killed most of us already, and have us completely pinned outside! What do we do?"

"I don't know," said DarkSoldier, as he was out of ideas himself. "I wish Phantom or EagleRock were here, because they'd know what to do."

EagleRock and Phantom were watching the match from the computer room. EagleRock watched the match in desperation as he saw his soldiers fall, one by one. It was eating away at him that he couldn't help them fight, or even talk to them to give them advice.

"What can they do, Eagle?" inquired Phantom, as he watched himself. While he was not well versed in Counter-Strike, his experience in the Elite Guard gave him great tactical prowess. However, it was failing him, as there was little he could think of for them to do.

"I have no fucking clue," said EagleRock aloud, loud enough for nearby Barracks members to hear. "They're took pinned down to do anything, and being outnumbered 5 to 3 is an impossible advantage. This situation would be hard enough if it was even."

"You mean to tell me there's no hope?" said Sentio. "How can that be?"

"Oh, there's hope," said EagleRock, "but it'd require a leap of faith and an act of God. If they're going to turn the tables, MetalDart needs to get into that hostage room. They're all out on the warehouse floor right now, which means the room is empty. If he can get in there, he can turn the match over."

"But how?" said Sentio. "He'd still have to get the hostages out of the room and get them out of the warehouse."

"True. However, think of the ramifications of him doing it. We're outnumbered, they have the positional advantage. If he could squeeze into that room and garrison himself inside, that would be a big blow to them psychologically. Think how you'd feel if the impossible seemed to happen against you, especially against these odds."

Sentio thought. "Very true. But how can he do it?"

"Like I said, a leap of faith. He'd have to jump down from that air duct and take the 8 foot fall, then run in there without getting shot."

"Christ," said Sentio. "You weren't kidding when you said the odds were against us."

"I know. I trust my soldiers, but this is one battle that even the best of the best would sweat bullets on."

SlashFirestorm thought about those words carefully.

-----

Slash, in his prime, was the most intense, most efficient, and most deadly Elite Guard. His daily patrols did more against the evils of Newgrounds than some Elite Guards could do in a week. As such, his skills on the battlefield were strong, and his speed unparalleled. However, running the scenario through his mind did little to help the situation. No matter how the numbers added up, we were screwed. He knew it was only a matter of time, and that it would require a miracle to get us out alive.

-----

In the map, DarkSoldier was still pinned against the left wall of the warehouse as he breathed heavily. He was gripping his Para so tightly that his knuckles were turning white. He knew that MetalDart needed help, and would die if he didn't do anything. As he quickly racked his brain, one idea came to him.

Sacrifice.

He radioed in his last words. "When you hear my gun, go for the door."

"What are you doing, DarkSoldier?"

"I'm going in. We're dead if we don't move."

"You're dead if you run in there!"

"We're all dead if I don't. Don't waste the opportunity on me. I didn't train all this time in the Elite Guard to have my life go to waste."

"Christ, Dark, you can't really be serious!!!"

"I am. DaRk, toss your last flashbang in, then I'll run in there and cause the distraction."

"Roger," said DaRk. He pulled out the flashbang and tossed it into the middle of the warehouse. Once the flash went off, DarkSoldier ran in, spraying his Para.

MetalDart closed his eyes, as he prepared himself for the jump. Just then, Dobio started shooting at him from the other side of the duct. MetalDart was forced to jump.

Time seemed to stop as he crashed through the grate towards the concrete landing 10 feet below.

End of Chapter 12

Great Chapter EG!!!!

I got shot several times but I'm still alive ALRIGHT!

more more more :)

I shall sum up this chapter.

Awesome.

Intense.

Deadly.

Great job.

At 8/8/07 10:55 PM, EagleRock wrote: Slash, in his prime, was the most intense, most efficient, and most deadly Elite Guard. His daily patrols did more against the evils of Newgrounds than some Elite Guards could do in a week. As such, his skills on the battlefield were strong, and his speed unparalleled.

Hehe, yeah, that IS true. Some of you newer members would be shitting yourselves in awe at some of our paces back in the day...it was not unusual for me to get about 150 B/P a day before I reached EGSC. :-D

Anyhow, OFFICERS AND STUFF. We got the positions official yet? Sooner we got em, the sooner I can update the Barracks FAQ and make everything all up-to-date and sexiful.

At 8/9/07 12:10 AM, DarkSoldier wrote: Great Chapter EG!!!!

I got shot several times but I'm still alive ALRIGHT!

more more more :)

It also looks like you're about to sacrifice your life for the greater good.

Well done, soldier!

Thanks for all the great comments, guys! And yes, DarkSoldier IS being a badass, isn't he?

At 8/9/07 01:42 AM, SlashFirestorm wrote: Hehe, yeah, that IS true. Some of you newer members would be shitting yourselves in awe at some of our paces back in the day...it was not unusual for me to get about 150 B/P a day before I reached EGSC. :-D

You'll notice that a lot of the stuff I put in about people, at least the people I know well enough, have hints of truth in them. More of the story is actual stuff than you'd think.

Anyhow, OFFICERS AND STUFF. We got the positions official yet? Sooner we got em, the sooner I can update the Barracks FAQ and make everything all up-to-date and sexiful.

Oh, right. I forgot to make it official, didn't I?

Okay, then. Slash, you're reinstated as the Barracks Recruitment Officer, Sterockicy and Shanus are now both taking up positions as Barracks Records Officers, and Andrea364 is now the Barracks NGPD Laison. You can go ahead and update the FAQ.

I was hoping to get in another chapter last night, but the espresso I had wired my brain too much, so I stopped concentrating partly into Chapter 13. I'll make sure I get at least 13 done tonight, after which this 8 vs. 8 battle will be over.

I also need to modify the story, as I miscounted who was dead and alive at one point. The paragraph where I talk about them being outnumbered should be this:

"I have no fucking clue," said EagleRock aloud, loud enough for nearby Barracks members to hear. "They're too pinned down to do anything, and their garrison is giving them an impossible advantage. This situation would be hard enough even if they were outnumbered."

I was rushing too much to get the chapter out there, and I didn't proofread. Doh.

At 8/9/07 10:55 AM, EagleRock wrote: You'll notice that a lot of the stuff I put in about people, at least the people I know well enough, have hints of truth in them. More of the story is actual stuff than you'd think.

I can't wait for the part where I save the day by using my huge penis to crush the forces of evil!

...it COULD happen!

Okay, then. Slash, you're reinstated as the Barracks Recruitment Officer,

Haha, it's a fun job, even if I have to fight the urge to yell at the newbies who come in here thinking this is a military roleplay club or whatnot (nowadays they might be justified in that assumption if they look at the more recent pages, HEH).

Sterockicy and Shanus are now both taking up positions as Barracks Records Officers,

How those guys can do lists and stuff like that boggles my fuckin' mind. Maybe it's just the ADHD in me, but I'd go insane after five minutes of calculating stats and links and stuff like that...

and Andrea364 is now the Barracks NGPD Laison.

lolpartyvan

You can go ahead and update the FAQ.

Tis done. If any officers have any contact info (or interesting facts) that they'd like me to put on the FAQ under their name, PM it to me and I'll add it.

I was hoping to get in another chapter last night, but the espresso I had wired my brain too much, so I stopped concentrating partly into Chapter 13. I'll make sure I get at least 13 done tonight, after which this 8 vs. 8 battle will be over.

Sweet, because I've been doing way too much writing lately, and now I'm in a reading mode.

I mean, it's not that I don't enjoy writing 10000 words of guy-on-girl-on-guy action, but sometimes my fingers get tired of typing, lol.

Damn, I was beginning to think I was going to be a bad ass, and take out more than just Uber before getting killed. Oh well, at least I got the head shot in.

Nice chapter too.

Sorry I have been gone for a while guys, had some issues with the computer ( fucking blue screen of death ), but anyways, loving the Chapters so far. haha, I wasted Evark, Nice!

Yeah the story just seems to be getting better by every chapter. It sucks though to see alot of the good guys die. But hey at least us elite guards are trying to tunr the tables. And awesome for DarkSoldier for sacrificing himself for the greater cause. Hope the next chapter to this awesome story comes soon.

At 8/7/07 03:54 AM, Sterockicy wrote: Barracks roster - August 7, 2007
33 // 05772 // 078 // 11.1 // 04.2+ // DarkLotusJuggalo

I see I haven't lost my place but my gain is terrible still. I need to start B/Ping more than I already am but its getting hard to even make my deposit everyday. I will do my best though to be around more.

Off to the portal now to make my rounds. :)

*Salutes*

*Salutes*

How many chapters will there be in your story EagleRock ???

btw, two days before my level up and 3 year newgrounds !!!

Five days and counting, fellow soldiers.

Another good chapter. Although, DarkSoldier being such a badass is kind of making a few of us look bad. Especially me.

At 8/8/07 01:54 AM, Phantom wrote: X-Naut still has his little lead over me but that's beside point, I have a slow but steady pace and that's all I really need. Oh well.

Just so you know, my pace is starting to get a little better.

Also, that dude in your sig. Who is that?

At 8/9/07 12:16 PM, SlashFirestorm wrote: my huge penis

Hey, he said "truth," yo.

At 8/10/07 03:48 AM, X-Naut wrote:

At 8/9/07 12:16 PM, SlashFirestorm wrote: my huge penis

Hey, he said "truth," yo.

dfgasdfasdffasfdasf_IT_IS_ENORMOUS

Incidentally, have y'all seen David Firth's latest flash? It's a fucking winner.

Also, isn't ramagi HOT when she mods?

fapfapfap

At 8/10/07 03:18 AM, HeavenDuff wrote: How many chapters will there be in your story EagleRock ???

To be completely honest, I don't know! Like I've said before, the story has a beginning and an end, and a set number of matches, as well as certain plot twists, etc. However, each match can be anywhere from a half of a chapter to 3 chapters, so the it's really a crapshoot at this point. I'd say count on there being at least 25. :-)

btw, two days before my level up and 3 year newgrounds !!!

Grats to you!

At 8/10/07 03:48 AM, X-Naut wrote: Five days and counting, fellow soldiers.

Another good chapter. Although, DarkSoldier being such a badass is kind of making a few of us look bad. Especially me.

Not true. You're all badasses in the story, considering everyone so far has volunteered to risk dying for the Barracks. It's just that DarkSoldier was willing to do a suicidal run to get MetalDart into the hostie room.

At 8/8/07 01:54 AM, Phantom wrote: X-Naut still has his little lead over me but that's beside point, I have a slow but steady pace and that's all I really need. Oh well.

Just so you know, my pace is starting to get a little better.

Also, that dude in your sig. Who is that?

At 8/9/07 12:16 PM, SlashFirestorm wrote: my huge penis

Hey, he said "truth," yo.

At 8/10/07 03:48 AM, X-Naut wrote: Also, that dude in your sig. Who is that?

this pic

At 8/10/07 11:28 AM, EagleRock wrote:

At 8/8/07 01:54 AM, Phantom wrote: At 8/9/07 12:16 PM, SlashFirestorm wrote:

What's the point of all that bottom quote?

Also, can anyone make this freaking Origami cat? Because I freaking can't, I tried and I got up to the 3 minute point but that's as far as I got, one million E-cookies for anyone who can prove they managed to do the same thing in under 3 days. my attempt below.

At 8/10/07 12:16 PM, Phantom wrote: Also, can anyone make this freaking Origami cat? Because I freaking can't, I tried and I got up to the 3 minute point but that's as far as I got, one million E-cookies for anyone who can prove they managed to do the same thing in under 3 days. my attempt below.

I fail at all things artistic. :-/

Since we've all been talking about writing lately, I spent the morning putting my entire fucking fanfiction library into my userpage posts. XD

That way I can host them all on Newgrounds, and that archive page links to every chapter of every story nice and neatly. :-D

Incidentally, we best get more story from EagleRock soon.

OR ELSE I'LL HAVE SEX WITH THE TANK AGAIN

i wonder if i could fit that whole barrel...up my ass?
there's only one way to find out...

At 8/10/07 12:10 PM, Phantom wrote: What's the point of all that bottom quote?

Oops. I forgot to reply to X-Naut's quote...

At 8/10/07 03:48 AM, X-Naut wrote:

At 8/9/07 12:16 PM, SlashFirestorm wrote: my huge penis

Hey, he said "truth," yo.

PWNT.

All that for that...sad.

At 8/10/07 12:16 PM, Phantom wrote: Also, can anyone make this freaking Origami cat? Because I freaking can't, I tried and I got up to the 3 minute point but that's as far as I got, one million E-cookies for anyone who can prove they managed to do the same thing in under 3 days. my attempt below.

Looks simple. I've been doing origami for about 15 years, so it shouldn't be hard for me. I can't try it now, but maybe on my lunch hour.

Keep in mind that I'm used to doing origami that's much more complicated than that. In fact, the pic below is of John Montroll's Grasshopper, which I've done so much that I can do it by heart:

At 8/10/07 12:45 PM, SlashFirestorm wrote: Incidentally, we best get more story from EagleRock soon.

OR ELSE I'LL HAVE SEX WITH THE TANK AGAIN

Dude, am I supposed to care? It's your ass that'll suffer.

Incidentally, here's Phantom's cat. Took me only the time it took for the video to play:

I CAN HAS E-COOKIES NOW PLZ? KTHX