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This crew, known as The Elite Guard Barracks. I have taken the liberty to make a speech about my complaints of this so called "social Internet stats crew."

A few weeks ago, I wrote, "It's time to step things up a notch and make a cause célèbre out of exposing the Elite Guard Barracks's endeavors for what they really are". In this letter, I'd like to follow up on that statement. If you disagree with my claim that a recent fact-finder's report revealed that the most coprophagous radicals I've ever seen tend to dismiss reason, science, and objective reality, then read no further. If you've ever watched television or read a book, odds are that you already know that a central fault line runs through each of the Elite Guard Barracks's reinterpretations of historic events. Specifically, what we're involved in with the Elite Guard Barracks is not a game. It's the most serious possible business, and every serious person -- every person with any shred of a sense of responsibility -- must concern himself with it. In closing, we must work together to make technical preparations for the achievement of freedom and human independence. Together, we can make a difference. Forever and always.

At 7/5/06 07:53 PM, TeacherHolligan wrote: This crew, known as The Elite Guard Barracks. I have taken the liberty to make a speech about my complaints of this so called "social Internet stats crew."

These mind numbing speeches are getting old, find a new hobby, I highly recommend testing how well your head handles a bus wheel crushing it.

At 7/5/06 07:53 PM, TeacherHolligan wrote: This crew, known as The Elite Guard Barracks. I have taken the liberty to make a speech about my complaints of this so called "social Internet stats crew."

I honestly wish you would not have taken the time to make a speech. To flat start it is because you have no idea what you are talking about. You have been a member for 12 days, I do not think you can fully understand what goes on here or on the rest of newgrounds. I woudl greatly appreciate it if you would make sure you are aware of your surrounding next time.

A few weeks ago, I wrote, "It's time to step things up a notch and make a cause célèbre out of exposing the Elite Guard Barracks's endeavors for what they really are". In this letter, I'd like to follow up on that statement.

I find it very intresting that you say you wrote a letter attempting to expose the Barracks a few weeks ago. You have been a newgrounds user for less than two weeks, how could you even know about the barracks? I am also not aware of your previous letter so why would this concern us any more that your last? You are following the path of confusion and it will not end well.

If you disagree with my claim that a recent fact-finder's report revealed that the most coprophagous radicals I've ever seen tend to dismiss reason, science, and objective reality, then read no further.

A fact-finder's report was done on an online forum eh? Wow, that is absoulutly shocking. I was not aware that fact-finder's concerned themselves with individual forum topics pertaining to things you have no clue about. I am getting the feeling that you are not aware of the meaning to half the words you are throwing around. People do not create reports pertaining to online groups such as ourselves.

If you've ever watched television or read a book, odds are that you already know that a central fault line runs through each of the Elite Guard Barracks's reinterpretations of historic events.

I watch television and read books frequently, no one ever talks about the Elite Gaurd Barracks. I beleive you have us completly confused with some other group. This barracks does not try to reinterprerate any events in history. I cannot remember the last factual historic event we talked about. The last big topic here was the deletion of a newgrounds user, not a world war.

:Specifically, what we're involved in with the Elite Guard Barracks is not a game. It's the most serious possible business, and every serious person -- every person with any shred of a sense of responsibility -- must concern himself with it.

It seems very intresting that you feel we are a threat. We do not know you, you do not know us. There is no reason for anyone, serious or not, should concern themselves with you hair-brained plot. You are very off base with everything you have already said and should be evaluated. You are not a known user here or I am sure anywhere else, so why do you feel we should listen?

In closing, we must work together to make technical preparations for the achievement of freedom and human independence. Together, we can make a difference. Forever and always.

You must work together with who? You say that the Barracks is an evil entity that needs to be stoped, but you come in here and ask for help? That really does not make a lot of sense. You bring your argument of war to the very place you plan to declare it on. I think you need to put some more thought into who you are talking to. You together with anyone will not be able to make a difference here. There is nothing to change. We are the Elite Guard Barracks, we have nothing against freedom and independance. Good bye. Please do not bother us with your petty concern of a hostile takeover ever again. Thanks for taking your own time to waste ours.

I was actually a member on Newgrounds for two years. Alternate accounts were what I was using to give out speeches about you people. Now to resume them...

I am writing on behalf of myself and a few of my friends to state that Turkeybean's teachings amount to what a proverbial metaphor in Sanskrit describes as trying to extinguish a fire by feeding it enough wood to glut its appetite. Read on, gentle reader, and hear what I have to say. I didn't want to talk about this. I really didn't. But Turkeybean speaks like a true defender of the status quo -- a status quo, we should not forget, that enables him to enact new laws forcing anyone who's not one of his pals to live in an environment that can, at best, be described as contemptuously tolerant. Does he really know anything about the ideals he claims to support? No, he doesn't. Turkeybean has stated that he knows 100% of everything 100% of the time. That's just pure defeatism. Well, in Turkeybean's case, it might be pure ignorance, seeing that if Turkeybean's expositions get any more destructive, I expect they'll grow legs and attack me in my sleep.

You may be wondering why sadistic gaberlunzies latch onto Turkeybean's animadversions. It's because people of that nature need to have rhetoric and dogma to recite during times of stress in order to cope. That's also why Turkeybean's revenge fantasies symbolize lawlessness, violence, and misguided rebellion -- extreme liberty for a few, even if the rest of us lose more than a little freedom. The tone of Turkeybean's communications is eerily reminiscent of that of chthonic reprobates of the late 1940s, in the sense that Turkeybean's true goal is to impinge upon our daily lives. All the statements that his rank-and-file followers make to justify or downplay that goal are only apologetics; they do nothing to hold out the prospect of societal peace, prosperity, and a return to sane values and certainties. To forestall Turkeybean's self-aggrandizing put-downs, it would be immensely helpful to have more people understand that it is abominable and more than brazen to believe that it is better that a hundred thousand people should perish than that Turkeybean should be even slightly inconvenienced. I always catch hell whenever I say something like that, so let me assure you that he attracts squalid scamps to his little empire by telling them that every word that leaves his mouth is teeming with useful information. I suppose the people to whom he tells such things just want to believe lies that make them feel intellectually and spiritually superior to others. Whether or not that's the case, Turkeybean's fantasy is to offer stones instead of bread to the emotional and spiritual hungers of the world. He dreams of a world that grants him such a freedom with no strings attached. Welcome to the world of vandalism! In that nightmare world it has long since been forgotten that Turkeybean's pronouncements should be labeled like a pack of cigarettes. I'm thinking of something along the lines of, "Warning: It has been determined that Turkeybean's self-fulfilling prophecies are intended to test another formula for silencing serious opposition." To get even the simplest message into the consciousness of wanton, arrogant gasbags, it has to be repeated at least 50 times. Now, I don't want to insult your intelligence by telling you the following 50 times, but I wonder if Turkeybean really believes the things he says. He knows they're not true, doesn't he? The answer is not obvious, because it requires surprisingly little imagination to envision a future in which Turkeybean is free to beat plowshares into swords. Well, that's getting away from my main topic, which is that I wouldn't waste my time trying to carry out this matter to the full extent of the law if Turkeybean's sermons weren't parroted by so many crazy criticasters. Still, I recommend you check out some of Turkeybean's philosophies and draw your own conclusions on the matter. Turkeybean is laughing up his sleeve at us. Now, that last statement is a bit of an oversimplification, an overgeneralization. But it is nevertheless substantially true. Whenever someone tells him not to turn peaceful gatherings into embarrassing scandals, Turkeybean gets all teary-eyed. My, my; how sad. My heart bleeds for him, it really does.

To believe that you and I are inferior to annoying ragamuffins is to deceive ourselves. Adversarial, mischievous oligarchs can go right ahead and convict me for saying that Turkeybean's sycophants believe a conspiracy of meretricious vagrants control banking, foreign policy, and the media, but History, acting as the goddess of a higher truth and a higher justice, will one day smilingly tear up this verdict, acquitting me of all guilt and blame. Now, why all this fuss about a few puerile deeds? Simply put, it's because Turkeybean can't possibly believe that mediocrity and normalcy are ideal virtues. He's deceitful, but he's not that deceitful. Let me sum up. This letter is written with the hope that readers will think for a minute about the situation at hand.

At 7/5/06 08:18 PM, Turkeybean wrote: I'm owning you.

Turk: 1. Anybody else:0.

But really, I think this is an alt of a user who posted stupid long ass speeched here before, a mod's IP check might show that ( not including the use of a Proxy ). Just some speech that never makes any sense. "These are the people I wish would just go away, they aren't doing any one any good, so why do they stay?"
:-P

Elite Guard Barracks crew, as a fifty-one year old Dutch reporter, usually online I have to make big speeches since that is entirely my occupation for another couple decades, or so. I still continued my speech about your antics and the summaries of how you people act out on Newgrounds. Take this as significantly, and not an entire joke or something asinine as you people will think it inside your minds.

Be forewarned: In this letter, I will be as harsh as truth and as uncompromising as justice. First, the misinformation: Elite guard barracks suggests that namby-pamby lackwits are more deserving of honor than our nation's war heroes. Where the heck did it come up with that? If I'm not mistaken, there's a painfully simple answer. It regards the way that if it were as bright as it thinks it is, it'd know that it receives most of its knowledge from "Antiheroism for Dummies". If you find that fact distressing then you should help me upbraid it for being so pouty. Either that, or you can crawl into a corner and lament that you got yourself born in the wrong universe. Don't expect your sobbing to do much good, however, because time cannot change Elite guard barracks's behavior. Time merely enlarges the field in which Elite guard barracks can, with ever-increasing intensity and thoroughness, use terms of opprobrium such as "nefarious know-nothings" and "sexist, possession-obsessed lounge lizards" to castigate whomever it opposes. Ladies and gentlemen, Elite guard barracks's most irresponsible tactic is to fabricate a phony war between two-faced card sharks and crude, Pecksniffian liars and cheats. This way, it can subjugate both groups into helping it lionize lethargic flimflammers. I indisputably don't want that to happen, which is why I'm telling you that when a friend wants to drive inebriated, you try to stop him. Well, Elite guard barracks is drunk with power, which is why we must discuss the relationship between three converging and ever-growing factions -- mischievous slobs, disdainful stumblebums, and deplorable, gruesome traitors. Elite guard barracks, do you feel no shame for what you've done?

You can waste all your time arguing about how many angels can dance on the head of a pin. Or you can actually raise the most narrow-minded spoiled brats you'll ever see out of their cultural misery and lead them to the national community as a valuable, united factor. You decide. Elite guard barracks seems completely incapable of understanding that it doesn't care about freedom, as it can neither sell it nor put it in the bank. It's just a word to it. Under the label of "illiterate" are those who, like Elite guard barracks, shout direct personal insults and invitations to exchange fisticuffs. But let's not quibble about that. Only Elite guard barracks can praise an institution that is as refractory and disgusting as it itself, but given the way things are these days, we must remember that every time Elite guard barracks tries, it gets increasingly successful in its attempts to make it impossible to disturb its paltry gravy train. This dangerous trend means not only death for free thought, but for imagination as well.

For that reason, it will not be easy to deal stiffly with bitter spivs (especially the rapacious type) who start wars, ruin the environment, invent diseases, and routinely do a hundred other things that kill people. Nevertheless, we must attempt to do exactly that, for the overriding reason that it is a sore loser, and everyone with half a brain understands that. Without beating around the bush, I'll tell you now what I have concluded about Elite guard barracks's snippy manuscripts. I've concluded that Elite guard barracks has a knack for convincing malign hell-raisers that it has a "special" perspective on phallocentrism which carries with it a "special" right to convert lush forests into arid deserts. That's called marketing. The underlying trick is to use sesquipedalian terms like "microclimatological" and "parallelogrammatical" to keep its sales pitch from sounding revolting. That's why you really have to look hard to see that if Elite guard barracks can't be reasoned out of its prejudices, it must be laughed out of them. If Elite guard barracks can't be argued out of its selfishness, it must be shamed out of it. Let me close by reminding you that the statements I made about Elite guard barracks in this letter are in earnest. I will not equivocate. I will not excuse. I will not retreat a single inch. And I will be heard.

Banned.

At 7/5/06 08:34 PM, Turandot wrote: Banned.

The smell of justice, I honestly belive reading those speeches lowered my IQ, I have never before met such complete idiots, thanks for the reply, seemed for a second you were off NG O.o

At 7/5/06 08:36 PM, Ghost_Phantom wrote:

At 7/5/06 08:34 PM, Turandot wrote: Banned.

The smell of justice,

Justice smells a lot like potatoes.

I honestly belive reading those speeches lowered my IQ,

I think... wait after reading those speeches I lost the ability to think! They stole mine and your IQ who knows who else was effected by this!

I have never before met such complete idiots,

I'm sure we will meet them again and they'll be even more idiotic then before!

If that's passable.

thanks for the reply, seemed for a second you were off NG O.o

Stalker?

At 7/5/06 08:34 PM, Turandot wrote: Banned.

Thank you for sweeping that up. He was really starting to get annoying. You have certainly helped us out a lot lately, much appreciated. On a side not, I am happy to still see you wearing your sig. It looks good on ya.

At 7/5/06 08:26 PM, Ghost_Phantom wrote:
Turk: 1. Anybody else:0.

Thanks Phantom. His little rant was just really annoying and I felt like typing. I just couldn't pass up the chance to turn some noob's rant into somthing far more valuable and read worthy. Good times.

But really, I think this is an alt of a user who posted stupid long ass speeched here before, a mod's IP check might show that ( not including the use of a Proxy ). Just some speech that never makes any sense.

That is the one thing I really hate about alts. When they come in with level one alts with no newgrounds time spent doing anything relative, I have to wonder why they even bother having them. His speech really made no sense. Do you remember when the last time he came through was? I have been scratching my head, but cannot come up with anything.

At 7/5/06 08:53 PM, JoKeR_ADT wrote: Justice smells a lot like potatoes.

No, you are not getting my Chips and that's final, stop begging.

I think... wait after reading those speeches I lost the ability to think! They stole mine and your IQ who knows who else was effected by this!

As long as I don't know about it, I don't really care *shurgs*

I'm sure we will meet them again and they'll be even more idiotic then before!

If that's passable.

What crime have I committed in a past life to deserve this?

Stalker?

Like you aren't.

And Turk, your welcome. And browse the pages for long annoying speeches, it's all the same prick, starting with "Cold_Logic"

At 7/5/06 08:53 PM, JoKeR_ADT wrote:

At 7/5/06 08:36 PM, Ghost_Phantom wrote:

At 7/5/06 08:34 PM, Turandot wrote: Banned.

The smell of justice,

Yes, justice. What would be do without it. Oh wait, I know! We would be one of those drunken third world countries that is constantly bombed and then rebuilt just to be bombed again. I am so glad that's not us.

Justice smells a lot like potatoes.

;
I like potatos. Do you have any certain type of potato in mind? There are of course many different kinds after all. French fries, potato skins, mashed potatos, stuffed potatos...I could go on, but then somone may try to call me Bubba.

I honestly belive reading those speeches lowered my IQ,

I'll agree to that. Although, I really enjoyed his one about me. It made me sound like a God of sorts. I guess that just may be okay. I was killing innocents, blazing steel and all sorts of intresting things I don't normally get to do.

I think... wait after reading those speeches I lost the ability to think! They stole mine and your IQ who knows who else was effected by this!

Ha! You fools, those speeches didn't steal your ability to think, I did! Now I shall convert your combined abilities to think into one massive chicken, capable of more posts, a higher b/p rate, and an overall better representation of Newgrounds.

I have never before met such complete idiots,

I have met many in my day. Both on and off newgrounds. I do no think it is somthing that will ever stop. People are simply decaying more and more as time goes on. I have even seen people being breed with more idiocy injected directly.

I'm sure we will meet them again and they'll be even more idiotic then before!

If that's passable.

We will, and it is sadly possible. See my above reaction. It is just part of life. That is why we must stand up, and prepare out technical advances to fight for freedom and independance for everyone! Ha, who does that sound like?

thanks for the reply, seemed for a second you were off NG O.o

Were you worried? You should never doubt the power of a mod. They are all seeing, all knowing and just told me your underwear has pink polka-dots!? Wtf.

First of all thanks to Turandot/Sarai for getting rid of yet another user who decided to spam this place as for the idiot's long ass speech it would have been better if he had actually come up with it. Judging by the amout of times he mentioned the Elite Guard Barracks there's a good chance that he took that rant from one of those generators you can find on the Internet.

So not only was he posting junk he was posting junk he didn't even come up with.

when will the spammers ever learn that what they say to us doesn't matter all they are going o do is get themselves banned? well on another side notice I just won a personal victory for myself in life. well have fun people I need to get beack to work ^_^

At 7/5/06 08:34 PM, Turandot wrote: Banned.

Thank you! Justice was done!

Ugh... Just when I thought I was almost leveled up, I find out I have another 300 blam and protection points to go.

Blams: 1988
Saves: 1718
Total B/P points: 3706
Total B/P points acquired today: 78
B/P Badge: Elite Guard Sergeant (294 until next grade)
Avg. B/P Points per day: 13.734
B/P Rank: #887 (+9 move since last log)
Estimated days until next level up: 3

Well, that's all for tonight! Good night!

Oh god, today was horrible

Blams: 3232
Saves: 1999(2000 really, there's a couple movies UJ)
Total B/P points: 5231
Total B/P points acquired today: 61
B/P Badge: Elite Guard Sergeant First Class (769 until next grade)

I need to wake up earlier or something :\

could someone get me a screenie of my 2,000th protect?

End of Day Report for 7-5-06

Blams: 1699 (+44)
Saves: 762 (+22)

Total: 2461 (+66)

current badge: EG Private First Class
need +39 for next rank

Yeah, a slow day, much like yesterday. Oh well. I will reach the next badge tomorrow at some point and should reach level 13 in experience within the week. I feel like I've been at level 12 for ages, despite daily deposits since the beginning of the year.

Good hunting everyone!

Salute!

Daily Report For 7/5/06

Start: 13,432 Blams/6,958 Saves
End: 13,495 Blams/6,995 Saves
Total: 63 Blams/37 Saves (100 Total)

Next Rank: 1010 Until Major General

Good Hunting, Everyone.

*Salute*
______________
For Mad Cow:

Hopefully this comes out right

At 7/5/06 08:34 PM, Turandot wrote: Banned.

Thanks again!

And, might I add, that I know how to get to the Random Complaint Generator as well.

These speeches took all of 12 seconds for him to make. LOL.

Blams: 1996
Saves: 1076
Total B/P points: 3072
Total B/P points acquired today: 35

Bad day today but I was barely on.

At 7/6/06 12:07 AM, arianna1 wrote: End of Day Report for 7-5-06

Blams: 1699 (+44)
Saves: 762 (+22)

Total: 2461 (+66)

current badge: EG Private First Class
need +39 for next rank

Yeah, a slow day, much like yesterday. Oh well. I will reach the next badge tomorrow at some point and should reach level 13 in experience within the week. I feel like I've been at level 12 for ages, despite daily deposits since the beginning of the year.

Good hunting everyone!

Salute!

you are lucky I got until the 23 or septemeber before I get to level 13 but still it doesn't feel as long. level 9 felt like it would never be gone >_<. well anyways well all still got a long ways to go before we are at the really high levels good night people ^_^

At 7/5/06 10:33 PM, RyanKajito wrote:
Ugh... Just when I thought I was almost leveled up, I find out I have another 300 blam and protection points to go.

It looks like you are well on your way. You have certainly caught up to me quite quickly. I still have somthing around 240. I expected you to move fairly quickly. My b/p rate is very slow lately. Good luck to you.

At 7/6/06 12:07 AM, arianna1 wrote: End of Day Report for 7-5-06

Not a bad end of day. It looks like you have pulled yourself up quite quickly. i remember when I first came across you in the ASM. You are turning out to be a pretty decent b/per and an active member. Nice work.

current badge: EG Private First Class
need +39 for next rank

An early congratulations to you. I remember when I shed my EG Private ranks. Although not long ago, it was sure great to be past. Have fun getting there.

At 7/6/06 12:19 AM, EagleRock wrote:
And, might I add, that I know how to get to the Random Complaint Generator as well.
These speeches took all of 12 seconds for him to make. LOL.

Very good catch. I was not aware of this website. This just may come in handy... <_< *yoink*
That is really quite sad to use a rant creator just to spam a place up. What happened to people spamming with their own accord? People are getting so lazy.

Daily Report 7/5:

Start: 22,207 blams. 8,057 saves.
End: 22,259 blams. 8,072 saves.
Overall: 52 blams. 15 saves. (Total: 67)

Total b/p: 30331.

At 7/5/06 08:53 PM, JoKeR_ADT wrote: Justice smells a lot like potatoes.

Smells more like roasted weenies.

At 7/5/06 08:18 PM, Turkeybean wrote: OMG PWNING JOO.

Nice one. ;)

At 7/6/06 12:19 AM, EagleRock wrote: Thanks again!
And, might I add, that I know how to get to the Random Complaint Generator as well.
These speeches took all of 12 seconds for him to make. LOL.

There are the kind of people I wish would fall on to a standing stack of brooms. Any way, glad to see Turk active again (somebody listened to me, WTF?).

At 7/6/06 02:28 AM, -TheThwomp- wrote: Smells more like roasted weenies.

That's actually just the sad, sad smell of ones last bit of hope bursting into flames as he is put into his place. Tis a wonderful smell, especially in the morning.

Nice one. ;)

Why thank you kind sir. It was quite fun getting to do so. It is rare that I can pick apart line for line what somone has only put, as eagle put it, twelve seconds of time into.

At 7/6/06 03:28 AM, Ghost_Phantom wrote: There are the kind of people I wish would fall on to a standing stack of brooms. Any way, glad to see Turk active again (somebody listened to me, WTF?).

Standing stack of brooms eh? Hmm, that might turn out to be intresting to see. We have have to arange that for the next one to walk in here. Can you believe somone listened to you? I know it is a heavy shock. I am doing what I can. My activity still may be hit and miss though. I will try and be here as much as possible. Glad you missed me, lol. I'll be back later, have fun man.

At 7/6/06 02:08 AM, Turkeybean wrote:

At 7/6/06 12:19 AM, EagleRock wrote:
And, might I add, that I know how to get to the Random Complaint Generator as well.
These speeches took all of 12 seconds for him to make. LOL.

Very good catch. I was not aware of this website. This just may come in handy... <_< *yoink*
That is really quite sad to use a rant creator just to spam a place up. What happened to people spamming with their own accord? People are getting so lazy.

I used this all the time in college. Me and my classmates would print them out (using the department printer, of course) and give them to each other on a daily basis. I actually took the time to compile about 50 paragraphs of this, put it into Word, and give it to my professor. He thought it was funny.

At 7/6/06 03:28 AM, Ghost_Phantom wrote: There are the kind of people I wish would fall on to a standing stack of brooms.

Now there's a sentence I haven't heard before! I love it!

I climbed two ranks again, from #296 to #294!

At 7/5/06 06:10 AM, mr_trivia wrote: 7/5/06 Report - As of 0545 Hours:
Blam/Protect Rank #464 unchanged from yesterday
Blams: 3967 +3 from yesterday
Saves: 2270 +1 from yesterday
Next Rank: 763 points until Sergeant Major

7/6/06 Report - As of 0530 Hours:
Blam/Protect Rank #464 unchanged from yesterday
Blams: 3975 +8 from yesterday
Saves: 2272 +2 from yesterday
Naxt Rank: 753 points until Sergeant Major