I wrote this a few months ago, I put it on my blog... the people liked! So here it is, its really big though!
Once upon a time in a far away planet... not more than 5 minutes away from your home, lived a Panda. His name was Mark and he loved to eat doughnuts fresh from a french mans bottom. So one day Mark set out to find a German man and make love with his fists. When he got to the beehive he was attacked by a Turkey named Josh!
"Aaargh!" Said Josh the pirate. "I am wanting to join thee on thy quest for the golden treasure"
"Im actually after doughnuts fresh from a french mans bottom" said Mark.
"Then I will join thee" Said Josh
When they got to the site of the golden treasure they dug for 2 hours straight. They found the treasure within 5 minutes and it was 1 big hamburger!, once they had finished eating the pizza they went to get a doughnut fresh from a french mans bottom.
"This is stupid" said David
"No your an ant eater" said Mark
When they got to the top of the mountain Josh decided he wanted to kill himself and therefor jumped of the side of the cliff, David went with im which left Mark all alone and scared of giant possums.
"Wait im not scared of possums" said Mark as he flew back to the mountain.
When Mark got to the lake he was attacked by a giant squid called Rhys.
"Im a turtle" said Rhys the turtle and he disappeared.
As Mark was travelling back in time he realized he left his wallet on the top of the apple and he was upset.
"I must find my wallet or we will all surely perish" said Benji with a worried look on his face.
As Benji drew nearer on the apple he decided to look for the wallet. When he got to the apple he decided to look for the wallet. Once at the apple he decided that he should look for the wallet. Seeing the apple in sight he decided to look for the wallet.
"Your a shitty narrarator Mark" said Benji
So Mark the narrarator destroyed Benji and threw in a new character.
As Matt got closer to the apple he decided to search for the wallet and he found it and made love with it, he got Mark's I.D from it and bought $4,000 worth of cheap porno and dildos. He then made love with my cat.
"Thank god I found my wallet on that big apple, it would be very hard to kill the gargoyle without any money" said Matt
"Indeed it would" said Josh "Now lets go to the docks"
So they caught a nearby tractor all the way to the airport. Bought 2 tickets to China (where the gargoyle lived) and set off. But the plane was taken over by terrorist and it crashed into a chinese police station and killed everyone onboard except for David who was wanking in the toilets at the time.
"Wow I'm alive, hey look a note" he said looking at Matt's corpse and picking up the note reading it aloud.
To who it may concern,
If you are reading this, chances are our plane was taken over by some terrorist to crash into a chinese police station, you are now the chosen one to kill the gargoyle, this note will self destruct in 5 seconds.
"What the fuck?" said David looking at the note, but it exploded and he died too, a small lad called Andrew passed and saw David dead and found a note next to his body.
To who it may concern,
If you are reading this, chances are I found a note next to a body which would self destruct killing me 5 seconds later, you are now the chosen one to kill the gargoyle, this note will self destruct in 0.5 seconds.
As you guessed, Andrew died too. This chain continued to happen until pretty much half of china was dead, eventually someone actually was smart enough to run the fuck away from the note, his name was Dylan.
"I must kill the gargoyle" said Dylan
"Ching chong chaaaa" said a nearby asian man
"I must kill the gargoyle" said Dylan
"ching chong chaaaa" said a nearby asian man
So Dylan set of to find the cave of the gargoyle so he could kill it, then rape it. He eventually after 5 years of searching found nothing at all then gave up. So many years past (311 exactly) and the legend of the gargoyle was handed down untill someone decided to go check this legend. A person by the name of GOG.
"Aaargh" said GOG as he went towards the tavern where the gargoyle lived. As he drew nearer to the tavern his face exploded due to a large collection of shit in his pants. So nothing happened, then Mark realised he needed a character and brought GOG back from the dead and he continued his search.
GOG drew nearer to the tavern and he saw the gargoyle, the gargoyle looked at him through his evil eyes which glowed bright red, his bloody teeth gleaming in the sunlight and his massive figure he was over 100ft tall, he got up and said to GOG.
GOG got so scared and accidentally pulled out his digimon from his pocket, which exploded at the sight of the grand leper. GOG pulled out his machine gun and shot at the gargoyle, all the bullets reflected and hit GOG.
"No I’m dying" said GOG and he died on that spot
"NOOOOO!" Screamed Rhys as he let GOG's body fall. "Now its personal"
Rhys pulled out his machine gun and shot the gargoyle, all the bullets reflected and hit the gargoyle, which killed him. Then mark realised that made no fucking sense whatsoever and decided to kill all the characters and chuck in a new one.
"Please prank me on 0410350047" said Mitch, but then he looked for his phone… and OMFG it was gone!
"I bet it was a screen watcher," said Mitch, "I shall go and lag kill him now!"
So Mitch waited for days on end and built up all his lag power and went to go fight the ninja master, He got to the temple of happy happiness and knocked on the door. Nobody answered…
"Ill lag my way through that door" said Mitch, and he went right through the door. He looked around and then saw the ninja master with his phone.
"Ahhh so you have found me eh?" said the Ninja Master
"Give me my phone back!" demanded Mitch
"You must fight for it" Replied the Ninja Master
Mitch realised he could lag kill him and easily win.
"I accept" Smiled Mitch
So they both got to opposite corners of fight arena and then Mitch lagged, he could run round without the Ninja Master fighting back, but then as he un-lagged a sniper shot Mitch in the chest because he’s a spawn killer.
Mitch died, without his phone.. oh the horror