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Let me demonstrate how you could have written it.

Zombie Bob

The sun had set, and nighttime had just begun when they set out for Halloween. Paul and Mike were two friends who always did everything together and were always trying to be the same. Tonight, they were both dressed up as devils, they had the red horns, the tridents, the red shirts, and they looked like the devils should be, the two boys were identical. They had been trick or treating for 5 hours and were almost exhausted, before they headed home they wanted to go to one last house, then they would call it a night.

“Do you think that we should trick or treat at old man bob’s house?” Wondered Paul

“I don’t see why not, it’s not exactly scary, and maybe he has lots of candy because people are too scared to go there.” Relied Mark

The two boys walked slowly up to the spooky house. They were shivering in fear but eventually brought themselves to ring the doorbell.

The door opened, and there stood bob, the two kids looked up at him, he was very pale, and he looked hungry.

Bob groaned and released one word,

“Braaaiiiiiins……..” he murmured

“RUUUN!” they both screamed simultaneously

Before Bob could get anywhere near them, they fled the deceased man. They barely escaped.

It was that night that they learnt why nobody went to trick or treat at the house.
The two kids had dismissed the rumours at school, but they were really true. Bob really was a zombie.

The end.

See, much better, but still pretty poor...

At 10/31/05 12:33 PM, Noob-Antichrist wrote: See, much better, but still pretty poor...

Yes It is still pretty poor but its a freakin sports car compared to the first one.

At 10/31/05 12:33 PM, Noob-Antichrist wrote: See, much better, but still pretty poor...

The storyline is fucking terrible. The dramatic climax is Bob, a zombie, says "brains" and they run. It's completely the worst story ever.

No lack of early English tuition can excuse a shite story.

At 10/31/05 12:38 PM, Earfetish wrote:

The storyline is fucking terrible. The dramatic climax is Bob, a zombie, says "brains" and they run. It's completely the worst story ever.

Everytime i read that it makes me LOL

Hahaha I love this topic lol, hey in anyone actually wants to read something good, go to the second page and look for NG memebers war story, make sure you post comments!!!

-Scott

SIGed!

At 10/31/05 12:48 PM, -Paranoia- wrote: SIGed!

WUT?!

At 10/31/05 12:49 PM, Noob-Antichrist wrote:

At 10/31/05 12:48 PM, -Paranoia- wrote: SIGed!

WUT?!

Exactly

Two trick-or-treaters were all like "LETS GO TRICK ERR TREETIN'!!" And so they were like at the end of their trail, and there was like this one house left. Steve was all like "hey d00d should we go into Crazy Cunt Bob's house?" and Richard was all like "OMFG STFU YOU COCK BRAIN LETS GO!" then they so like totally went up to the house, and like totally rang the bell. DING DONG!! Steve goes "hahaha it said dong" and Richard went "you really are a fucking shit" then the door opened, and it was Crazy Cunt Bob! he looked like a Zombie! "OMFG TATHS SO SCARRY" said Steven, then Richard replied "you mean 'Scary', you fucking prick idiot. Anyway, it's clearly a costume!" and Steven went "oh Bob, you crazy cunt." and Bob was all like "haha i tricked j00 d00ds do you want some sweets?" and the two were like "lawl ok" and then bob said "you have to get them....FROM MAH PANTS" and shown the two boys his meat and two veg, and then the two were like "OMFG CRAZY CUNT BOB IS A PAEDOPHILE" and they ran off.
Then, on the way home, some FUCKING GODDAMMNED COMMUNIST PIRATES were all like "give us your sweets you big jerk" and the two boy were all like "no" and the pirates went home.
The kids ate their sweets and had the best halloween ever, until they realised half of the sweets had been spiked with laxatives, and all the toilets were locked.

This story is better because:
1. It has 1337 in, which shows multiculturalism.
2. It features paedophilia, a hot topic in today's society, and contains tips on how to prevent yourself from touching Crazy Cunt Bob's penis (ie - RUN).
3. It has pirates in, which always make a story better.
4. There's a twist at the end.
5. I use proper English 'n' Grammar 'n' shit, like "and then he like totally said"

Wow, to be honest, penguins story was actually worse.

At 10/31/05 01:07 PM, cool_penguin_0 wrote:

Best story ever

At 10/31/05 12:45 PM, Zen-Zinxe wrote: NG memebers war story

I lost count of the amount of times you have advertised that story in this topic alone. Maybe you should slack off a little with the advertising.

Hey! I'm a newgrounds writer too! Here's an example:

newgrounds newgrounds newgrounds newgrounds newgrounds newgrounds newgrounds newgrounds newgrounds newgrounds newgrounds newgrounds newgrounds newgrounds newgrounds newgrounds newgrounds newgrounds newgrounds newgrounds newgrounds newgrounds newgrounds newgrounds

mmm 24 newgrounds'...

(Okay, lame joke)

At 10/31/05 10:00 AM, EddieBone wrote: You're not a writer, kid.

Oh really then lets see what you can right mister? don't put down people if you don't have anything better

At 10/31/05 01:45 PM, Lost_Chances wrote: I lost count of the amount of times you have advertised that story in this topic alone. Maybe you should slack off a little with the advertising.

You care about that why?? Besides no one else but you noticed so whatever It turned out good and I want people to read more, newgrounds is all crap like "OMFG MY GF DUMPD ME D00D", or "GUESS WHO SUCKS"

this place could use literature.

At 10/31/05 01:53 PM, Zen-Zinxe wrote:

this place could use literature.

General has been seeing entirely too much of it.

At 10/31/05 02:01 PM, -TheDoctor- wrote:

At 10/31/05 01:53 PM, Zen-Zinxe wrote:

this place could use literature.

General has been seeing entirely too much of it.

WUT R U SAYIN? Y?

At 10/31/05 12:33 PM, Noob-Antichrist wrote: Let me demonstrate how you could have written it.

no i like the way i wrote it best but maybe if you keep trying youll be a writer to :)

good try man. just needs a little more work

does anyone want to see more of my stories? i have a lot saved

My guess?: Paul and Mike or whatever his name is are gay.

give it up kid, your fighting a losing battle
just work on it and give it a few years

At 10/31/05 03:38 PM, PublishPul wrote: does anyone want to see more of my stories? i have a lot saved

er... no thanks, we'll call you

At 10/31/05 03:47 PM, UntamedFlames343 wrote: give it up kid, your fighting a losing battle
just work on it and give it a few years

ill keep on posting my stories for those people that enjoy them. the small few who dont like my stories dont have to read them but i wont let the people who like them down.

do us all a favor
pull ur bottom lip over ur head and SWALLOW

btw, welcome to NG

At 10/31/05 01:07 PM, cool_penguin_0 wrote: funny shit.

HAHAAHAHAHAHHAAHAHHAHAAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAAHAH
HAAHHAHAHAHAHAHAHA..... HAHA, CHRIST YOURE FUNNY, whoops forgot to turn off my caps-lock, if the stuff had been viagra it could have been funnier.

At 10/31/05 03:53 PM, PublishPul wrote: ill keep on posting my stories for those people that enjoy them. the small few who dont like my stories dont have to read them but i wont let the people who like them down.

...

..."the small few that don't like them'?

Get a clue.

At 10/31/05 01:53 PM, Zen-Zinxe wrote: You care about that why?? Besides no one else but you noticed so whatever It turned out good

Calm down a little. It was only a surgestion :(.

and I want people to read more, newgrounds is all crap like "OMFG MY GF DUMPD ME D00D", or "GUESS WHO SUCKS"

this place could use literature.

Very true but I think a little too much people are posting literature.

I have to say. You're a cunt pul. I mean your story was a piece of shit. Your ego is so fucking inflated. Does your shit smell better then everyone elses too? You're a fucking moron.
You lose.
You fail.
You suck.
END.

At 10/31/05 04:01 PM, -lawl- wrote:

..."the small few that don't like them'?

Get a clue.

what do you mean?