Newgrounds.com — Everything, By Everyone.

At 11/1/05 09:42 AM, Gunter45 wrote: Oh come on, we all know that's exactly what you're looking for.

>_>

<_<

Actually, NG is the last place I'd look for porn in text form.

A New Ground’s Story – Part 11.2

Sarai dodged the first attack. But Zen was really fast. He already attacked her with his gold fist and almost got her head. She kicked him in the stomach, missing him but forcing him to stay back. She immediately grabbed her katana and pointed it on the masked man. But he wasn’t afraid of the sharp blade. He swung his saw really fast and hit her sword, making her lose her arm stability. He immediately re-attacked but she was ready and finally punched him in the chest. Zen was really quick, but he was too impatient. He was running on her so it was easy to counterattack. Her punch had destabilized him and he made a step back. It was over, she was owning him.
But the second she thought this, the masked man made a front flip on her and hit her behind the head. He was really fast. Faster than she thought. He tried to slash her with his saw but she crunched on the floor and tripped up him, sending him to the ground. She rose on her feet back again and tried to stomp his chest. He rolled on her right and punched her right leg in the tibia. The pain was horrible, but it wouldn’t kill her. She grabbed her katana with her two hands and pointed it to the ground, onto Zen’s chest. She fainted an attack, so he rolls again and almost got him on the second strike. He attacked right after with his saw, forcing Sarai to step back, leaving her katana jammed in the wood floor. In one move, Zen rose and kicked Sarai in the stomach. Not being able to dodge it this time, she choked and lost her breath. Zen laughed. He slowly walked behind her and kicked in her knees, forcing her to kneel down. Sarai was paralyzed. She had lost the fight… it wasn’t possible, not with all the things she had learned with William… She sensed a metal thing in her neck. He was about to cut her head off.
-We gave you a chance, Sarai, said Zen Gaijin. Now you’ll die. For the Kharmah!
She closed her eyes. A whip noise. A body falling on the door. No more metal thing in her neck.Two more whip noises. Sarai opened her eyes. A woman was standing in the door, a silenced pistol smoking. How come this woman was here, standing her, pointing a gun on Noir after having saved her life? Zen Gaijin was down on the floor behind her, dead. So were DanAbnormal and Gunter.
-Protege-moi? asked Sarai to the girl.
She smiled.
-Of course it’s me, dear. Long time to see, responded the woman with a smile and a wink.

Leaving SadicSchoolgirl’s house, Vertigo hurried to Indian Wrestler’s. He was waiting for him in front of his isolated house.
-Come on, we got work to do, Indian, said Vertigo. They got FBI, but if we strike quickly, I’m sure we’ll be able to get Nightcrawler. He’s probably hiding somewhere in the forest. The problem will be finding him.
Indian questioned him with a look.
-He can teleport, or something similar, said the old man. Ozcar and probably all the Moderators are looking for him right now. They’ll probably kill him as soon they find him. You know what does this mean?
Indian shook his head.
-The Moderators will be really busy. If we can get a couple, it would be great. But…
Someone coughed behind them. Surprised, they turned in direction of the noise. It was DanMalo, his monkey on his shoulder. He was smiling.
-A couple of what, Vertigo? he asked calmly.
Vertigo shrank back and stub on Indian’s house.
So they were aware of his plans. They had sent DanMalo to stop him. But he’ll fight. He’ll not be docile.
-You’ll never have me alive, DanMalo, said Vertigo. Now let us go.
DanMalo made a step forward.
-No, he said.
Indian Wrestler advanced on him.
-You get out of here, said the Amerindian. It is my house and I don’t want of you scum in my garden.
DanMalo made another step.
-Or what?
-Or I’m going to crush your bones, Moderator! shouted Indian Wrestler.
DanMalo put a hand in his vest, grabbed a silenced pistol and pointed it on them.
-I have more important things to do, right now than to fight you guys, said the Moderator So I’ll do it clean and clear.
Vertigo didn’t have the time to move. Indian Wrestler was already dead, a bullet in his head.
-I hope everyone discovers what you’re doing and get you traitors. And I hope Nightcrawler eats you and your seed.
The second later, Vertigo was lying on the ground. Dead.

Hey FBI I have not been to see much of this but its looking good, glad to see you are still doing the story in the chaos you started among many other bbs stories haha, anyways good stuff, ill try and keep up with it...

~X~

Damn, me and DanAbnormal keep getting worked over. Lots of twists and turns, good job.

At 11/1/05 10:20 AM, XwaynecoltX wrote: Hey FBI I have not been to see much of this but its looking good, glad to see you are still doing the story in the chaos you started among many other bbs stories haha, anyways good stuff, ill try and keep up with it...

He he, you should have asked for a role in the first thread, I could have found a nice one for you, I'm sure.

Now it's a bit too late ;)

Sweet, I got fucking killed and it was in a very cool way. I enjoy reading your story FBI it continues to impress with every single chapter.

Am I dead yet?

*_^

Awww, the shame of being defeated! I was preparing for death honestly!

Really nice chapter though ;-) Your writing gets better and better.

xxx

Hmmm, I read some of your story (pretty much the first half), and to be honest, I wasn't too impressed. The actual story is lacking, and I think if you tried to concentrate on this more (instead of trying to drop as many names as possible), it would work out a whole lot better. If you must use NG people as characters, then at least don't have so many (have you ever heard of character development?).

Also, your formatting makes it very difficult to read. I imagine you are typing it out before hand, so I think some decent formatting would go a long way in improving your story.

I'm not sure if english is your first language or not (going by memory, you speak french, right?), so incase you don't know what I mean, I took a paragraph from your story and made it a bit more legible, as an example. It really isn't that much extra effort, and it already seems like you a putting time into this; it would improve it alot:

---------------------------------

A young women with brown hairs was sit at the driver’s place. Nev entered the car.
-So, asked the girl to Nev like if she was talking to an old friend. What happened?
Nev sighed and said:
-The Moderators will probably not help us. Protege-Moi, you are free to do whatever you want now. Just don’t hurt Sarai. And try to get the murderer alive. You understand that?
She winked at him and said:
-Trust me, they don’t call me Revird’s best bounty hunter for no reason.

---------------------------------

A young women with brown hair was sitting at the driver’s place. Nev entered the car.
"So", said the girl to Nev like she was talking to an old friend. "What happened?"
Nev sighed and replied,
"The Moderators will probably not help us. Protege-Moi, you are free to do whatever you want now. Just don’t hurt Sarai; and try to get the murderer alive. You understand that?"
"Trust me, they don’t call me Revird’s best bounty hunter for no reason," Protoge-Moi said with a wink.

---------------------------------

Also, getting someone to proof read your story before you post would be cool, and I'm sure there is user around here who would be happy to help out.

Anyway, a final word on the story; not really my cup of tea, but good luck with it.

I wonder if Mystic Williams is actually dead. Can I say I hope not... lol

Some fine writing man. Improving for sure.

I won't write a shit for a few days. I lost my schoolbag and everything I needed for College was into it.

LOT OF WORK TO COME FOR ME.

Excuse the delay.

At 11/2/05 12:41 PM, FBIpolux wrote: I won't write a shit for a few days. I lost my schoolbag and everything I needed for College was into it.

LOT OF WORK TO COME FOR ME.

Excuse the delay.

Good luck finding it and getting it back.

*hug*

At 11/1/05 09:24 AM, Zerok wrote:
If sex is unoriginal, shoot me now.

Bang.

Part 12: Monday.

Promised :)

At 11/4/05 12:47 PM, FBIpolux wrote: Part 12: Monday.

Can't wait.

Promised :)

Oh shit, now you have to. A promise is bond. ; )

I'd be willing to proof read, it'd be no problem.

I'm sorry to see that FBIPolux will be taking a break from the BBS for a bit, however he has not forgotten about finishing the story. He has asked me to post the rest of the story for him. He will still visit the BBS from time to time, so just because he cant respond, dont hesitate to leave comments or questions (which I will help answer).
Now, here is part 12.

A New Ground’s Story – Part 12.1

She pressed on the doorbell with her leather glove. Mary stepped back
and waited. A young boy opened the door. It was Pauls, with his friend
Bahamut. They both looked surprised to see two Moderators standing in front of
her door. Especially the Twins.
-Ummhh, how can I help you ladies? asked Pauls shyly.
Nephthys smiled.
-We need to scour this building, sweethearts, she said. We think someone we are looking for is hiding in your building. Mind if everyone in the building get outside while we do our researches?
Pauls looked nervous. Bahamut swallowed with difficulty.
-It’s because... started Pauls.
Nephthys slammed her whip.
-We are not looking for drug, said Mary with a soothing voice. We are looking for a murderer. Tell everyone to get out or my sis’ will have pleasure to make sure you never tell anything anymore.
Pauls sighed and Bahamut stepped back.
-Of course, my ladies, get in. We’ll get everyone outside.
Bahamut faced a wall where the intercom was. He pressed a button and
asked everyone in the building to get their asses outside. Slowly, the building got evacuated and the Moderators smiled. Nightcrawler didn’t seem to be in the crowd. He was probably hiding somewhere in the building. Nephthys climbed on a truck lying near the apartment and called for attention.
-Fellow New Grounders, she said loudly with her seductive voice. I
require your attention.
Everyone turned to Nephthys. Rejoining the group, GreenLanturn and his wife Moloko stood attentive. They were quite nervous, just as Pauls, Bahamut and Fluffykins. The Twins were probably looking for Nightcrawler. The security guard had hidden his old friend in this building, being sure the huntresses wouldn’t think about looking for his old friend there, the apartment being a really known and populated place. Moloko took his hand while he was listening at Nephthys.
-We have called every one of you people to help us. We are looking for Nightcrawler, the Museum’s director. He… mysteriously disappeared and we would require to find him. So if anyone can give us any information it would really be kind. And trust me, if you have any informations about them, you better give them to us. And if unfortunately you know where he hides, you hide him or you simply defy the authority, we’ll have to use strength. I know from a trustable source that Nightcrawler is hidden in this
building. And remember, I have all the rights to kill. So don’t let me have to.
GreenLanturn wide-looked at Moloko. Pauls approached him from behind.
-What do we do? he whispered to GreenLanturn’s ear. You are the one who
put us all in this trouble.
The officer didn’t turn at him but whispered:
-You put yourself in trouble by doing all this drug. You and your
friends. You accepted to hide Nightcrawler if I don’t get you guys’ asses into the
Asylum, remember. Now shut up and stay quiet.
Pauls threw a dark look at GreenLanturn and returned with Fluffykins
and Bahamut. Of course he wont get help from this bastard security guard.
Now him and his two friends were in death danger. They had to leave New
Ground before the Twins discover the old man they had hidden in the janitor’s
lounge. He looked at the appartment’s door anxiously. Some curious people were rejoining the crowd as the Twins were discussing. Finally, Nephthys sat on the truck while Mary entered the building.
“Nephthys stays here to prevent Nightcrawler from escaping…” thought GreenLanturn. “Good luck, buddy…” And he pulled his wife’s hand, leaving the place before the Twins see him.

SadicSchoolgirl, her brand new AK-47 in her bag entered the crowd grouped near Nephthys. She had to enter this building. She was sure Nightcrawler was somewhere into it, hiding from the Moderators. But the Twins had managed to find him. Nobody could hide from the Twins, even a sneaky bastard like Nightcrawler. They’ll find him, and Sadic would kill him.

Nightcrawler was ready for anything that could come out of the door in front of him. His pistol in his right hand, sat on a chair and smoking a cigarette, he was waiting. Pauls had assured that he wouldn’t be in danger there. Nightcrawler was hungrier than ever. He should have asked some meat to his protectors. Everyone had been evacuated so he had no hope to catch someone in this building. He would have to go outside, but there some dirty Moderator would immediately catch him. His stomach gurgled.

Glad he hasn't forgotten about the story. I think I'll say goodbye to him in his thread, I said it before, but I think it's more fitting for me to say it here.

great keep it going,its awesome

I read part 11. Nice work FBI.

At 11/7/05 03:45 PM, -NightCrawler- wrote: A New Ground’s Story – Part 12.1

Nice again. I was wondering when I'd be mentioned again.

At 11/7/05 03:45 PM, -NightCrawler- wrote: A New Ground’s Story – Part 12.

You have writing skills, damn it! Good job.

Damn you FBI... <3

...great piece though!

I'm honored to be part of your story...but where is the part where I KICK ASS?!?!??!

Polux wanted me to let you guys know that part 12.1 will be out Monday.

Another wonderful addition the Newgrounds Story! But, for some reason, this one had a lot more mistakes? Is FBIpolux slipping?

At 11/12/05 10:51 PM, ZenGaijin wrote: Polux wanted me to let you guys know that part 12.1 will be out Monday.

So, uhh... Wednesday roles by...

At 11/12/05 10:51 PM, ZenGaijin wrote: Polux wanted me to let you guys know that part 12.1 will be out Monday.

Why doesn't he just come back?

*yawns*

Hehe, sorry for it is really late. I will post next part tomorrow morning, Story's almost finished.

<3 for your patience.

At 11/28/05 01:16 PM, FBIpolux wrote: Hehe, sorry for it is really late. I will post next part tomorrow morning, Story's almost finished.

<3 for your patience.

Wow, 22 days.

Definitely worth the name change, overdramatic post.

*yawns*

At 11/28/05 01:20 PM, Dobio wrote:

At 11/28/05 01:16 PM, FBIpolux wrote: Hehe, sorry for it is really late. I will post next part tomorrow morning, Story's almost finished.

<3 for your patience.

Wow, 22 days.

Definitely worth the name change, overdramatic post.

*yawns*

Bah, I will not really post a lot anymore here. Only if I have spare time like right now. There's a lot of things about the BBS that starts pissing me off so I prefer taking a step back and not try to influence anything.

*snway*

/poke