Missed this mile stone; this account turned 10 years old.
Looking back to my previous self upon joining, aside from sexual similarities and attraction, I couldn't be more different. So writing two long differences in life.
Then, very much an Atheist, no chance of anything occurring aside the Tangible, no belief in anything other than the apparent.
In favor of Drugs, no connects.
Now after very personal experiences and experiments, believe greatly in being aside from the tangible that are greater than ourselves, and the likelihood of one supreme being, in some manner or form. (Even if such is the totality of all in and off itself.) And will give two examples of my life.
Have practiced, and caused in my opinion enough occurrences to go far beyond that of coincidental, but rather mind boggling in their manner of manifestation, IE bringing events into actuality that would otherwise be next to impossible by practices that as Crowley would define "Cause change in conformity with will" thus the odds being so ridiculous it would be as if winning the 50 million lottery jackpot three times within 4 years. Thus not "constantly repeatable, as nor would cause be (a psychology we're dealing with here, and numerous factors that need be taken into consideration, along with the human individuals interaction and application of specific actions verify, far from a simple button pushed that causes something to occur, thus "not scientifically proven" which many would thus assume "not real" as they replaced God with the rigidity of science.
The vast number of occurrences of such a slim chance occurring only after these attempts be made (usually three months of intense actions dealing strictly within the mind, or at times interaction within a form of God, until a tremendous upsurge of energy unlike any other is brought into accordance with the procedure and thus continued on methodically.) brought into reality events again, so mind boggling that, in combination with other interaction and results occurring, even when included one's that did not occur, the "coincidences" and vast "Synchronicity" are so massive it, though not consistently replicable, much as asking me for a Hamburger every day, at the same time, when I in the same mood, with the same manner of money, will react differently, regardless, and yet the interaction of my being is not refuted, personality, psychology other aspects to take into consideration ever present, as is the case with these practices.
Thus with such a speech, I've flipped over the forceful miserable skeptic who, at the time would only ever try such practices to disprove them . And as these practices generally function, when one desires to disprove it, it will indeed not work when that being one's deepest goal. To compare, much as one who rather than believe cars are able to turn and be safe, thus turns the car on, speeds off yet crashes due to not steering, the same concept, rather only proving one's own desires and inability to achieve driving, due to his desire to refute it's safety and ability. I was skeptical at first, but came from the perspective it "couldn't hurt to try" knowing it next to impossible to achieve my greatest desire any other way, of what was utilized was of self creation before involving myself in Occultism, (itself holding and teaching many of the same techniques I used, though at the time, due to being mislead and not properly giving it a chance, thought it all superstitions, which the one person I knew believing she lives with faeries, another thinking she changes the seasons, thus I had no real honest explanation on the real depth taught, with these morons living in such a way I can not fathom, nor can I be held accountable for such beliefs of which I've yet to read of) which I now include in addition to my own the integration of other practices toward my own and a lofty goal also being worked toward passionately within this reality. The goal thus detracted, the more expressed involving elevation and a "career" within such a field that is within this current reality we mostly are as closely rooted within as possible, expanding and exploring more as I became more adept.
Never to be a 9-5, nor make money so vast it would only be enjoyable betwixt the few hours not working nor sleeping. Such is great for others, for me I'd rather commit suicide. Thus my goals and steps toward are in play.
Another key difference and lifestyle, have and had a number of new friends.
For the past three years, especially the past year, I was using Heroin rather frequently, until last year I became addicted, eventually shooting over 20 bags of the finest a day. (with minor withdrawal prior I'd say, better to endure than get fully addicted, using once every 4-7 days for quite some time (which is long enough to generally ensure no addiction via withdrawal possible,) though some discomfort, no worse than a hang over, with much being even lessened due to it inducing sleep so long it would usually be 25 hours of intense, amazing dreams, where even the ugliest were beautiful in a nature so profound.
Eventually got hooked, got Sub scripts which I'd switch between the two, at first working right, later horrible withdrawal regardless.
Yet, never regretting using Dope, helped me in ways people simply wouldn't grasp, along with the right situations satisfying parts of myself that needed to be.
I, and my best friend at the time, created our own Crime Syndicate, using all resources we had to acquire currency, eventually it grew as our friend base became much larger, until roughly 8 members existed, all with a specialty, mostly each "out for himself" money wise, but via combination we managed to constantly get the other money in ways they worked best in. With some lager "jobs" planned.
We were often buying and "selling things" in the literally "Most Dangerous City In America" Camden, always in the worst parts, even dipping out from the feds at times.
This however, which at first felt quite bad ass, eventually just became business.
I involved in... "Legal" Sales, so to speak, nothing dangerous sold, often helpful. Also the most honest, with a reputation for being, knowledgeable, and one who "takes care of" his clients, (The only honest person "in the game" being the general term I'd hear.) Otherwise I the "getaway driver" for mass thievery of Walmart and other stores, with IPhones, Blue-Ray box sets, Etc being our targets. (a place I'd rather steal from, seeing it a mass conglomerate whose used very heartless means of acquiring that which they so have done to reach the top.)
Thus I always getting a cut for driving, other all doing there own specialty, some including simply working under the table, though many others being very grimy, the type of things I'd not be present to help nor condone. Such as breaking and entering enemies houses when home, with masks on, ganking that which they desire, knocking the person out, after kicking in their door. Never would I help in that.
Us having affiliation toward the Bloods, though never bought, also could get guns at any times.
All of us nit tight, if ever one of us were giving trouble or attacked by another a jumping would be involved. A humerus case involved a particular bitch side swiping a friends car, then though numbers were exchanged, she didn't want to call the cops on my boy.
One night she "Wanted to get it settled, with him to pay." Us with counterfeit money to give to her, involved me, wearing a long trench coat, standing as I am quite tall and intimidating, being claimed as "his lawyer" scared her so much she thought I was in the Mob and going to kill her, thus she was too afraid to ever try again.
A typical day.
I'm now happily on Methadone Maintenance, for life if I Want, knowing how to get just as high as I was one Dope legally, everyday, thanks to scripts.
Otherwise, I do miss the Pulp Fiction life. But no risks now all legal.
Indeed 10 years can be a lifetime of changes.