After lots of careful thought and planning, as well as magical programming, I came up with quitlife.exe
Aimed at those who are so depressed that they can't stand it anymore, but too poor or too lame to buy a gun and pussy out, quitlife.exe might be just what you're looking for. Simply run the program and call yourself a quitter, because you're now clinically dead.
The program's true usefulness shines when installed onto a handheld PC. Work too much to handle? Tired of your daily commute to and from your dead-end job? Just whip out your Palm pilot, run quitlife.exe, and BAM. All your problems are solved right away.
Don't hesitate, get your copy of quitlife.exe, available through shareware.
Download here, and don't worry about another second.