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1001 ways to torture a cat

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fLashd69
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1001 ways to torture a cat 2005-02-12 13:10:25

Many a time have I wanted to beat the shit out of that furry little bastard that always seems to piss me off. Either by taking a nice warm shit on my brand new carpet, or decided to use me as a clawing device.

In this small file, i'd like to suggest ways to hurt or piss of the little shithead that you can't get rid of, usually cuz you're mom thinks it's the nicest fucker alive.

1 -- Kick it Around, you know, when the fucker get's in your way, whether it be when you're taking a shit and it comes in and watches, or when you're sleeping and it sits on your face. Just put a little force into it and BLAM! The fucker goes flying. It's especially nice to watch a cat go flying on a wood floor, with all four spread, doing 360's and crying like a Mexican without his burrito. Kicking him from under (like under the stomach) let's loose a flying cat, spinning and twirling in the air.

2 -- Tail tricks....This is the fun part...Seeing the cat can't really get to it's tail, you can do shit with it and the cat it defenseless. Try tying the cat's tail to his front paw, cuz everyone time it walks, it's tail get's pulled, looks like some diseased person trying to walk. Or even better, get a nice grab of the tail, and start spinning the cat around using it, the cat will have to take the pain, cuz by force of nature, it can't reach it's paws around to scratch you since it's spinning so fast it's paws are spread-eagle like. If you have glue, and the cat's tail is long enough, or maybe just a tad shorter, you can glue it's tail to it's nose, which is cool. The cat moves his head and his ass comes up with it (how'z that for a chain reaction?) Like it'll be walking around town with it's ass all dangling up, all the other furry fucks will ram it up, which in turn, will make the cat freak when it tries to sit down (get it?).

Deathsaw
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Response to 1001 ways to torture a cat 2005-02-12 13:11:16

If I ever see your noob ass on the streets, i' m gonna destroy you.

Cereal
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Response to 1001 ways to torture a cat 2005-02-12 13:11:35

I recommend this guide! Thanks!


I hope my sig dosen't come out distorted

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McPaper
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Response to 1001 ways to torture a cat 2005-02-12 13:11:38

I see 2.


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SlipperyMooseCakes
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Response to 1001 ways to torture a cat 2005-02-12 13:11:51

lol, you got this off the internet. Allwell still entertaining =)

DanPanic
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Response to 1001 ways to torture a cat 2005-02-12 13:12:15

Mazel Tov! You've officially proven yourself to be a horrible monstrosity of a human being.

fLashd69
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Response to 1001 ways to torture a cat 2005-02-12 13:12:37

Make some up yourself now guys!

Coolboyryans
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Response to 1001 ways to torture a cat 2005-02-12 13:12:41

i do 2 alot its funny =)

McPaper
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Response to 1001 ways to torture a cat 2005-02-12 13:13:23

3. Rape it.


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Deathsaw
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Response to 1001 ways to torture a cat 2005-02-12 13:13:56

At 2/12/05 01:13 PM, McPaper wrote: 3. Rape it.

That' s your solution to everything.

Jun
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Response to 1001 ways to torture a cat 2005-02-12 13:14:00

At 2/12/05 01:12 PM, Coolboyryans wrote: i do 2 alot its funny =)

"Like it'll be walking around town with it's ass all dangling up, all the other furry fucks will ram it up.."

Always knew you stepped that way...

pr0de
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Response to 1001 ways to torture a cat 2005-02-12 13:14:02

Textfiles.com file.
http://www.textfiles.com/anarchy/MISCHIEF/tortrcat.txt

scottmale24
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Response to 1001 ways to torture a cat 2005-02-12 13:14:02

At 2/12/05 01:13 PM, McPaper wrote: 3. Rape it.

only 998 more to go!


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Noctroler
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Response to 1001 ways to torture a cat 2005-02-12 13:14:22

I laughed, cause your mother loves your cat more than she loves you.

pr0de
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Response to 1001 ways to torture a cat 2005-02-12 13:15:25

Next time paste the microwaving the cat part, it's the best.

fLashd69
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Response to 1001 ways to torture a cat 2005-02-12 13:15:25

4 -- Pillow Case....Well, this is kind of funny...All you do is throw the little fuck in a pillow case, and go into an open room (you don't want to beat it to death, well, not yet adleast). And start swinging the fucker around in circles, again and again, the cat will probably crying for it's life (but don't give in to it's whining, cuz when it get's out, it wants blood) keep swinging it around and around, faster and faster, stop when you're too dizzy to figure out where the cat is, then quickly open the pillow case and let the bastard fall out (it WILL fall, believe me). You got to make sure you can see it (cuz you're gonna me almost as dizzy). The fucker will be sitting there, moving it's head in circles, still thinking it spinning. This is the good part, cuz as far as the cat knows, it's totally high on Catnip or something. You can do anything, it's up to you.

b3nnic3
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Response to 1001 ways to torture a cat 2005-02-12 13:16:22

At 2/12/05 01:15 PM, fLashd69 wrote: 4 -- Pillow Case..

If you are going to make a list, at least be original, you idea stealing fuck.

dmitryo
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Response to 1001 ways to torture a cat 2005-02-12 13:17:13

Failed attempt to steal shit from http://totse.com
1001 ways to torture a dumbshit.

Sadists-Frayed-Haven
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Response to 1001 ways to torture a cat 2005-02-12 13:20:13

At 2/12/05 01:18 PM, Mortikie wrote: But if you torture the cat it will torture you

classic

pr0de
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Response to 1001 ways to torture a cat 2005-02-12 13:20:56

At 2/12/05 01:17 PM, -Dmitry- wrote: Failed attempt to steal shit from http://totse.com
1001 ways to torture a dumbshit.

totse took it from textfiles.com
http://www.textfiles.com/anarchy/MISCHIEF/tortrcat.txt
Dipshoot.

dmitryo
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Response to 1001 ways to torture a cat 2005-02-12 13:23:12

At 2/12/05 01:20 PM, unowned wrote:
At 2/12/05 01:17 PM, -Dmitry- wrote: Failed attempt to steal shit from http://totse.com
1001 ways to torture a dumbshit.
totse took it from textfiles.com
http://www.textfiles.com/anarchy/MISCHIEF/tortrcat.txt
Dipshoot.

Who cares, snopes' interesting and that txt is the dumbshorest thing I've ever seen.

papaKLATZ
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Response to 1001 ways to torture a cat 2005-02-12 13:26:21

I think the microwave part was sick, if that person is telling the truth, that's just fucking disgusting.

ExtraLife
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Response to 1001 ways to torture a cat 2005-02-12 13:28:25

put tape over its eyes! Try it its funny!!!!

UVSoaked
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Response to 1001 ways to torture a cat 2005-02-12 13:31:44

At 2/12/05 01:11 PM, SlipperyMooseCakes wrote: lol, you got this off the internet. Allwell still entertaining =)

lol true, but alot of stuff we get from the internet lol


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Romolo
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Response to 1001 ways to torture a cat 2005-02-12 13:31:57

Just refer to Stephen Lynch's "Kill a Kitten".


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Jmcg14
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Response to 1001 ways to torture a cat 2005-02-12 13:32:24

At 2/12/05 01:11 PM, Deathsaw wrote: If I ever see your noob ass on the streets, i' m gonna destroy you.

thats if you can catch up to him... fat ass :P

<3 cats <3

fLashd69
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Response to 1001 ways to torture a cat 2005-02-12 13:33:41

id do it nd id love it MWHAHAUUHAUAUA KILL FUCK DIE DIE DIE!

5. (i made this up myself, yay!)

Ok this is for cats who think they are fucking dogs and drink out of the toilet. what u do is u put bleach, piss, and any other posionous chemicals u can think of in the toilet. Now just wait for that little fucker to come up to the toilet and starts its daily drink. When you see it drinking your bleach and piss, it will take about a week to die afterwards so i suggest u just kick that bastard into the toilet and start stomping on it. It will cry like a little bitch and get all wet, there you will proceed to pee on it. After you pee on it you will close the toilet seat and tape it down so that furry bitch cant escape. Flush the toilet multiple times. Good job.

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Response to 1001 ways to torture a cat 2005-02-12 13:35:49

At 2/12/05 01:11 PM, Deathsaw wrote: If I ever see your noob ass on the streets, i' m gonna destroy you.

And I'll happy.

gayporn
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Response to 1001 ways to torture a cat 2005-02-12 13:37:37

At 2/12/05 01:35 PM, CRAZYSANDER wrote:
At 2/12/05 01:11 PM, Deathsaw wrote: If I ever see your noob ass on the streets, i' m gonna destroy you.
And I'll happy.

Happy?

I meant 'help'.

DDRManiak
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Response to 1001 ways to torture a cat 2005-02-12 13:38:17

At 2/12/05 01:33 PM, fLashd69 wrote: id do it nd id love it MWHAHAUUHAUAUA KILL FUCK DIE DIE DIE!

5. (i made this up myself, yay!)

Ammonia+bleach =dead kitty

You do realize that the cat will not drink from a toilet if it smells anything funny right?