Welcome back to CNN

[Jax-Cross]

THIS IS CNN

Thought of and written by Jax and helped by Jay

Welcome back too CNN, Giving you 100 years of anus slobbering news. And now here is Jeremy "Crotch less panties" Dunbar with sports and weather, how are you today J.

Thanks Jax "Sand god" Cross and today God is shitting on Florida! As unbelievably cold drops of shit hits Tampa today. Will it warm up today I really fucking doubt. And by the way, another nasty festering yet cold fart front makes its way to the western part of this fucked up climate having state! That’s it for the weather! This is Jeremy "crotch less panties" Dunbar back to u Sand god!!

Thanks for the Weather J. Remember CNN where America Takes a shit visit our web sit at www.Myassisfesturing.com. In Other news Prime Roast Minister Abudalinc35-mvgkj4 of some Eastern European Nation I believe called Biscuit was Caught Molesting young innocent sheep today, Quote "That’s right, that’s right, you've been a bad sheep." and also "who's Your ram, that’s right WHO IS YOUR RAM!!!" unquote. Very disturbing. In News closer to home, President George “Redneck-Hillbilly" W Bush Conducted a speech Today in the middle of bum Fuck nowhere, not a word was understood but some believe it had something to do with squandering all of our damn money, for further insight on this bullshit story we go to some Gook we found on the street with a microphone....Gook

Stupid rednecks come to our country. we nuke US bastards!! ching ching fong foo!! And we'll just cut him short because he makes no fucking sense!! Yes these stupid Americans voted for the asshole that thinks he rules the world. Now lets take a new vote. Who thinks World War 3 is coming because of Bush, log on to www.fuckedupshit.com and vote now or on yo Nextel phone press ## and spell bullshit for yo vote back to u Sand god!!

Thank you gook ha ha ha you'll get my vote. Speaking of which this portion is brought to you by world peace, "what’s that we don't have any...That’s right and you never will, World peace it’s only a dream." Also brought to you by Atomic bombs "can’t get along with your neighbor Nuke 'em." And now this week in god. Christians everywhere today are in shock and aw when the Pope himself whipped out is wrinkly old penis today and pissed on the bible saying quote "This job sucks, I hate you all, and why the fuck am I wearing a hat that makes me look like a chess piece" After that Vatican City burst into flames and the End of the World As We know it is happening....This just in, it appears Satin is stepping out of the flames lets see if we can get a word with him lets Go to our Italian Grease ball correspondent....

Ok I’m getting as close to Satan as I can but with all the flames and demons its impossible. Oh my lord is that a pig flying it must be because Nelly just sold more than Eminem!! Anyway, Satan can I get a few words if u speak English? YES!! I AM BACK! Satan what brings u to earth today? Now we know your influence reaches every single thing on the earth but not your bodily presence. WELL I....... come on Satan what's wrong? TRUTHFULLY.. I JUST WANTED SOME OF THAT ULIMATE POWER THAT'S EVERYWHERE. Ok? And what is that Satan? IT'S EVEN MORE POWERFUL THAN I!! IT’S....STARBUCKS COFFEE!!! Well there u have it! Not even the great power of the 7 circles of hell is enough to stop Starbucks coffee!! And Satan wants in! We now turn you to Graceland where Elvis and 2pac's corpse are collaborating on a new album!! We take you there live…..

CNN Remember we're here because you touch yourself at night CNN. Here we are deep in Graceland Were 2pac and Elvis’s corpse are coming up with a new album, lets get word in. 2pac, Elvis Corpses what’s your new album going to be called. 2pac:Raaaaagh *cough* *cough* I mean its going to be called Redneck Zombie Meets Gangsta Zombie, With special guest Rob Zombie with the techno of Zombie Nation. So tell me 2pac are you really dead? 2pac: Unfortunately Steve I was shot down in my prime literally! But I tell you it didn't stop me from make records. I put out so many records since I died people still think I’m alive...now if you will excuse me I’m gonna go get me some Chicken. Elvis what is it like working with 2pac? Elvis: Raaaaagggggh *attacks Steve and eats his brain* Steve: Ahhhhhhhhh help me he's eating my head *blood splats on the camera* <cuts to Commercial> Ladies are you tired of your period. Well here is a new product from Ho-tex. You take this cork and get it on up there....<cuts off> Due to the graphic nature of this Commercial the FCC will now take you back to your regular program. CNN, where we hate you. Welcome back, Sports is brought to you by Jimmy Dean's ultra thick sausages "I bet you can’t eat all our meat." and by Europe "Wow What a Fucked up place" CNN now takes you to Sports with Jeremy "Crotch less Panties" Dunbar....

Today well start with my ass I dare u to kick it!! Lovely sport. We’ll start with an odd and crappy sport, soccer! Someone kicks a ball then they bounce it off their head yada yada yada! Next up Golf and of course Saber tooth Tiger Woods win the US
Open in front of 12 screaming fans because that sport really fucking sucks!! Next up hockey!! Lots of fights and that's all that matters to this black reporter!! This just in: Latrell Sprewell just killed his coach and no one is surprised the violent bastard! This new report is brought to u by Gang Wars: Constantly on the Streets of L.A. “get a bat or gat and join in the fun!!” And by Chicken the Holy food of Black people Bkwak!! Back to u Sand god…

CNN we make shit up, and tell it to you like its real CNN. This report is brought to you by America “fucking with other countries since 1776 and still going strong” and by pig juice “The freshly squeezed taste of pork yum”. Finally our top story today, Fighting in the Middle East, Yes its still happening, and we just cant get enough of fucking with peoples lives who live across the ocean from us. We go live to star wars sand person correspondent….Ungjawa. As you can see Jax there is a big sandstorm and everything from camels to carpets are being blown around….just like back home a jax…..Jax: I uh don’t know what your talking about. Sure you do, remember your lucky cam<transmission interrupted>Jax: looks like we lost contact <under his breath> “thank god”. Well that’s about all the time we have, I’m Jax Cross and this was CNN. CNN We bang your wife when your not home, CNN.

[Jax-Cross]

Feedback is welcomed

[Homophobe]

At 12/20/04 11:39 AM, Jax_Cross wrote: Feedback is welcomed

0_0.

I wish I had that much time.

tldr

[terqui]

cliffs plz kthx.

[Jax-Cross]

Guess its too long sorry about that people

[Jax-Cross]

thanks for the feedback

[Wanion]

I wish I had that much time.

Thats pretty much what it all boils down to.

[GenesisHell]

Ok....that is really long is any one even ganna read all that?

Maybe sum it up abit :P

[Markus]

lol, funny stuff! did you wrote this pr took it fomr the net?

reminds me of: Time mag ellects Bush for man of the year. yeah how convincing

[Fire-cat4692]

I read it all it is hilarious i really think u guys should read it

[Terrifyer]

Dude, if you wrote this, it's gold, at least by my standards.

[Jax-Cross]

Well i took my weeks ban for originally posting this, but i would still like feedback on it. Note I don't think i can get banned again for posting a reply to this