At 7/29/02 06:48 AM, Losperman wrote:
Then he whipped off his beard and said, "Hey, do I look fat?"
Scene 18
[clop clop]
ARTHUR: Old crone! Is there anywhere in this town where we could buy a shrubbery!
[dramatic chord]
CRONE: Who sent you?
ARTHUR: The Knights Who Say Ni.
CRONE: Agh! No! Never! We have no shrubberies here.
ARTHUR: If you do not tell us where we can buy a shrubbery, my friend and I will say... we will say... `Ni!'.
CRONE: Agh! Do your worst!
ARTHUR: Very well! If you will not assist us voluntarily,... Ni!
CRONE: No! Never! No shrubs!
ARTHUR: Ni!
BEDEVERE: Noo! Noo!
ARTHUR: No, no, no, no -- it's not that, it's 'ni!'.
BEDEVERE: Noo!
ARTHUR: No, no -- 'ni!'. You're not doing it properly.
BEDEVERE: Noo! Ni!
ARTHUR: That's it, that's it, you've got it.
ARTHUR and BEDEVERE: Ni! Ni!
ROGER: Are you saying 'ni' to that old woman?
ARTHUR: Um, yes.
ROGER: Oh, what sad times are these when passing ruffians can say `ni' at will to old ladies. ... There is a pestilence upon this land, nothing is sacred. Even those who arrange and design shrubberies are under considerable economic stress at this period in history.
ARTHUR: Did you say `shrubberies'?
ROGER: Yes, shrubberies are my trade -- I am a shrubber. My name is Roger the Shrubber. I arrange, design, and sell shrubberies.
BEDEVERE: Ni!
ARTHUR: No! No, no, no! No!
Scene 19
ARTHUR: Knights of Ni, we have brought you your shrubbery. May we go now?
HEAD KNIGHT: It is a good shrubbery. I like the laurels particularly. But there is one small problem.
ARTHUR: What is that?
HEAD KNIGHT: We are now... no longer the Knights Who Say Ni.
RANDOM: Ni!
HEAD KNIGHT: Shh shh. We are now the Knights Who Say Ecky-ecky-ecky-ecky-pikang-zoom-boing-mumble-mumble.
RANDOM: Ni!
HEAD KNIGHT: Therefore, we must give you a test.
ARTHUR: What is this test, O Knights of-- Knights Who 'Til Recently Said Ni?
HEAD KNIGHT: Firstly, you must find... another shrubbery!
[dramatic chord]
ARTHUR: Not another shrubbery!
HEAD KNIGHT: Then, when you have found the shrubbery, you must place it here beside this shrubbery, only slightly higher so you get a two-level effect with a little path running down the middle.
RANDOM: A path! A path! Ni!
HEAD KNIGHT: Then, when you have found the shrubbery, you must cut down the mightiest tree in the forest... with... a herring!
[dramatic chord]
ARTHUR: We shall do no such thing!
HEAD KNIGHT: Oh, please!
ARTHUR: Cut down a tree with a herring? It can't be done.
KNIGHTS: Aaaaugh! Aaaugh!
HEAD KNIGHT: Don't say that word.
ARTHUR: What word?
HEAD KNIGHT: I cannot tell, suffice to say is one of the words the Knights of Ni cannot hear.
ARTHUR: How can we not say the word if you don't tell us what it is?
KNIGHTS: Aaaaugh! Aaaugh!
ARTHUR: What, `is'?
HEAD KNIGHT: No, not `is' -- we couldn't get vary far in life not saying `is'.
BEDEVERE: My liege, it's Sir Robin!
MINSTREL (singing): Packing it in and packing it up
And sneaking away and buggering off
And chickening out and pissing off home
Yes, bravely he is throwing in the sponge
ARTHUR: Oh, Robin!
ROBIN: My liege! It's good to see you!
KNIGHTS: Aaaaugh!
HEAD KNIGHT: He said the word!
ARTHUR: Surely you've not given up your quest for the Holy Grail?
MINSTREL (singing): He is sneaking away and buggering off-
ROBIN: Shut up! No, no no-- far from it.
HEAD KNIGHT: He said the word again!
ROBIN: I was looking for it.
KNIGHTS: Aaaaugh!
ROBIN: Uh, here, here in this forest.
ARTHUR: No, it is far from--
KNIGHTS: Aaaaugh!
HEAD KNIGHT: Aaaaugh! Stop saying the word!
ARTHUR: Oh, stop it!
KNIGHTS: Aaaaugh!
HEAD KNIGHT: Oh! He said it again!
ARTHUR: Patsy!
HEAD KNIGHT: Wait! I said it! I said it! Ooh! I said it again!
KNIGHTS: Aaaaugh!
Narrative Interlude
NARRATOR: And so Arthur and Bedevere and Sir Robin set out on their search to find the enchanter of whom the old man had spoken in Scene 24. Beyond the forest they met Launcelot and Galahad, and there was much rejoicing.
ALL: Yay! Yay!
NARRATOR: In the frozen land of Nador they were forced to eat Robin's minstrels. And there was much rejoicing.
ALL: Yay!
NARRATOR: A year passed. Winter changed into Spring. Spring changed into Summer. Summer changed back into Winter. And Winter gave Spring and Summer a miss and went straight on into Autumn. Until one day...
