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Meh, I threw it together really quickly, might edit it a bunch, add a chorus, and another verse, maybe make it a song.

Into The Night

Hold on
The day will soon be night
Everything will turn to black
The way it should be
I hate the light
So happy and upbeat
It hurts my eyes.

They say the freaks only come out at night
But not a creature is in sight
All I can see is the stars
The black and darkness of an early three a.m.
A sight so familiar
The beauty of the night

I sit here with my pen in hand
I write my emotions on my page
I see the stars
They shine so bright
It takes me away
Into the night...

At 3/14/05 08:22 PM, Myst_Williams wrote: ^_^ Well i will wait for Manic to say which idea he liked better, his or yours, and if we cant decide, we can vote i s'pose.

I hate it when people leave me to decide. Personally I'd rather my wild west idea but that's only cause I know it well.

At 3/14/05 08:22 PM, Myst_Williams wrote: lol! That was a weird analogy, but what talent were you referring to? I have many. XD

The talent to lure a random Martian into your pants with promise of intelligent lifeforms.. Duh!

At 3/15/05 03:31 AM, -Emo wrote: Alrighty, I'm alive :P Not like anybody missed me.

I missed ya. ^_^

At 3/15/05 01:28 PM, -Manic- wrote: I hate it when people leave me to decide. Personally I'd rather my wild west idea but that's only cause I know it well.

ARG! Well i am kinda feeling the wild west bit myself, but i also think that a couple samurais int it traveliling fro mthe east i nsearch of something wont rui nthe wildwest feel. Maybe a character could take a samurai on and try to teach hi mthe western ways so he doesnt stick out like a sore thumb and get shot.. i dunno, but i personally like both, but like the wild west idea a little better (mostly because i know little about asian culture : P)

At 3/15/05 06:15 PM, WithoutCease wrote: The talent to lure a random Martian into your pants with promise of intelligent lifeforms.. Duh!

lol... that is rated about tenth on my skills list.

At 3/15/05 03:45 AM, -Emo wrote: Into The Night

Like the title already. XD

Hold on
The day will soon be night
Everything will turn to black
The way it should be
I hate the light
So happy and upbeat
It hurts my eyes.

The 'It hursts my eyes' line seems out of whack with the rest unless it is a metapor i will re-see later in the poem...

They say the freaks only come out at night
But not a creature is in sight
All I can see is the stars

You dont live in the city lol.

The black and darkness of an early three a.m.
A sight so familiar
The beauty of the night

I like that stanza.

I sit here with my pen in hand
I write my emotions on my page
I see the stars
They shine so bright
It takes me away
Into the night...

I loved the ending stanza, but i feel another stanza should be added in before it. The poem lacks substance at times and seem to have a beginning and end, but no middle. Get what i mean?

I am not sure what the stipualtions are to call something a ballad, but i will call it a ballad anyhow. I like this balld, but i just feel it ran short without throwing me the entire message. I think one more stanza before the last would clean it up nicer, but that is a choice up to you. Good work though.

At 3/15/05 08:14 PM, Myst_Williams wrote:

At 3/15/05 06:15 PM, WithoutCease wrote: The talent to lure a random Martian into your pants with promise of intelligent lifeforms.. Duh!

lol... that is rated about tenth on my skills list.

I know the first....

The ability to get into my pants!

P

At 3/15/05 08:14 PM, Myst_Williams wrote:

At 3/15/05 03:31 AM, -Emo wrote: Alrighty, I'm alive :P Not like anybody missed me.

I missed ya. ^_^

At least someone noticed I was gone ^_^ :P

At 3/15/05 03:45 AM, -Emo wrote: Into The Night

Like the title already. XD

Haha, good. I really enjoyed the title too.

Hold on
The day will soon be night
Everything will turn to black
The way it should be
I hate the light
So happy and upbeat
It hurts my eyes.

The 'It hursts my eyes' line seems out of whack with the rest unless it is a metapor i will re-see later in the poem...

Yeah I figured it sounded kinda, out of place there, I'm gonna be editing this poem alot anyway, it's going to be a song when I'm finished with it, hehe.

They say the freaks only come out at night
But not a creature is in sight
All I can see is the stars

You dont live in the city lol.

Yeah I do, I seriously don't see any freaks in my city, it's such a craphole...but no freaks...maybe I should move to the ghetto of my city, haha.

The black and darkness of an early three a.m.
A sight so familiar
The beauty of the night

I like that stanza.

Cool, that was actually the part I felt was the best part of the poem, I felt it fit really well with everything.

I sit here with my pen in hand
I write my emotions on my page
I see the stars
They shine so bright
It takes me away
Into the night...

I loved the ending stanza, but i feel another stanza should be added in before it. The poem lacks substance at times and seem to have a beginning and end, but no middle. Get what i mean?

Ah, I know exactly what you mean my friend, I actually wrote this fairly quick, and I'm 100% positive I'm going to come back to it and write some more to it, and fix a bunch of stuff up, thanks for the review :)

I am not sure what the stipualtions are to call something a ballad, but i will call it a ballad anyhow. I like this balld, but i just feel it ran short without throwing me the entire message. I think one more stanza before the last would clean it up nicer, but that is a choice up to you. Good work though.

I never really know what to call my poetry, whenever I submit it to DA I just put it in General Poetry > Open.....lol. I never know what to call it, I guess I'm not a real writer :P

At 3/15/05 09:07 PM, -Emo wrote: At least someone noticed I was gone ^_^ :P

Does my not greeting you affect our relationship?

(

At 3/15/05 09:11 PM, WithoutCease wrote:

At 3/15/05 09:07 PM, -Emo wrote: At least someone noticed I was gone ^_^ :P

Does my not greeting you affect our relationship?

(

Of course not....if I knew who you were =\

At 3/15/05 09:26 PM, -Emo wrote: Of course not....if I knew who you were =\

I'm that guy who slams your face into the urinal in school 'cause your emo. Duh!

lol.. jp.

At 3/15/05 09:31 PM, WithoutCease wrote:

At 3/15/05 09:26 PM, -Emo wrote: Of course not....if I knew who you were =\

I'm that guy who slams your face into the urinal in school 'cause your emo. Duh!

lol.. jp.

Everyone's always so mean to us emo kids :'( lol

I'm in. I write lots........But I don't finish if school/Captain Planet Pupet pals needs doing.

At 3/15/05 10:46 PM, SoulAsylum wrote: I'm in.

Great stuff.

I write lots........

Post your literacy then, and hopefully your grammar is not that bad. lol.......... ^_^

But I don't finish if school/Captain Planet Pupet pals needs doing.

Huh? I didnt understand that for some reason. Maybe it is because i am so tired.

Night All!

I would like to join the writer's guild. I do enjoy writing, though I am by far, no proffesional.

Depression takes its toll on me, yet again.

The Impact Of Your Absence

Depression
a friend Im too familiar with
a face I cant forget
just let me go
Ill waste away my lonely exsistence
you're better off without me

this isn't how I pictured things
thinking we'd be happy
another dream shattered
yet again I've been betrayed

I thought you'd be there
when times got tough
when things got rough
but without reason
you dissapear from sight

anticipating your return
I sit impatiently
hoping you will find it in your heart
to come around and comfort me
in my time of dispair

I need you so much
My heart aches for your return
I'll wait forever and a day
Just to see your face....

I'm in a writing mood....(depressed)

The Day You Ruined My Life

Torn apart
broken down
I feel the weakness in my knees
I seen you again today

I remember a year ago
The times we had
We had it but
But you had to go
You threw it away
When you threw yourself on him

You fucked me over
You tore apart my soul
Sucked out my life
What did I do
To deserve this agony

A year's gone by
And I still remember
The day you ruined my life.

The Feelings That Arise When You Come Into View

Hey old friend
It's been a while
Since we were last together
I don't know what i've done without you
You use to bring me pain
A pain that was so real
So embracing that it felt right

So long and goodnight
Making it on my own
Is easier than you think
One day I'll be fine
Back to being me
Until the day arrives
I'll be waiting with open arms and bloody wrists

Holding on so tightly
Wishing you could see my face
Letting go so lighty
Hoping you know I'm gone...

I tried to help you once
But you shut me out
And threw me down
One day you'll know
That I was the best you ever had....

At 3/16/05 12:10 AM, -Emo wrote: The Feelings That Arise When You Come Into View

The things you posted were pretty good. I'd review them properly but I'm knackered.

Can someone backtrack a bit and review the poem i posted though :-)

At 3/15/05 08:14 PM, Myst_Williams wrote:ell i am kinda feeling the wild west bit myself, but i also think that a couple samurais int it traveliling fro mthe east i nsearch of something wont rui nthe wildwest feel. Maybe a character could take a samurai on and try to teach hi mthe western ways so he doesnt stick out like a sore thumb and get shot.. i dunno, but i personally like both, but like the wild west idea a little better (mostly because i know little about asian culture : P)

that will do me fine. I'll try and get the intro to it done by the weekend I'm a bit swmaped by work at the moment so I can't do it straight away but I should be able tog et it done by the weekend hopefully.

and welcome to any and all new members.....we seemto be doing well for them at the moment.

At 3/16/05 12:41 PM, -Manic- wrote: that will do me fine. I'll try and get the intro to it done by the weekend I'm a bit swmaped by work at the moment so I can't do it straight away but I should be able tog et it done by the weekend hopefully.

Great!

and welcome to any and all new members.....we seemto be doing well for them at the moment.

Dido.

******

Kirkus, i will work on your poetry later, im kind of not i nthe mood for poetry right this moment with my wrters block killing me inside. : P

sorry i havent been posting much, this is the next part of my story, i will be posting less of this story unless i come on a very good part

I slowly got up, and sat at the edge of my bed. Waiting, just waiting for my mom to make me get up like back in the old days when I was a kid. She didn’t come and I could smell the sweet smell of strawberry waffles topped with whip cream and banana slicings. I walked into the kitchen as slowly as I could, I didn’t want to rush the last few moments I had with my parents. I sat down and gulped down some of my milk and started smearing butter and syrup over my pancakes. I could see my dad glancing at me from his newspaper, but didn’t say anything. My mom was making dads breakfast but didn’t say a word. I put the fork down and looked at my dad, I could see tears in his eyes. He brushed them away and gave me stay strong look, I nodded and looked back at my breakfast. As I ate no one said a word, I glanced at my watch. Two hours until I had to leave, just enough time to eat, get dressed, and get packed with a little leisure time. As I rose and scraped my plate into the garbage my mom had already moved into the sink, cleaning dishes. I went into my room and rummaged through my stuff to see what I would need, I picked out my CD player, two pictures, and a long sleeve shirt. One of the pictures was of my parents and me when we went on a skiing trip when I was 7; the other is of me and my friends just taken 3 weeks earlier. I walked back into the kitchen, my dad was still reading the paper and my mom was washing the same dish. I walked over to the fridge to get a drink, the tension was killing me. I wanted to say how much I loved them but I couldn’t muster the strength to. So I walked into the living room and watched TV until it was 9:00. As my watch went off, I slowly got to my feet. I grabbed my bag and my dad and I walked into the car and started driving towards the bus station that I was going to board. As we slowly approached the bus station, I could see many other kids about my age that had been drafted. They all had the same expression, cold-confused-angry-pathetic-why me god looks. As the car slowly pulled up to the curb, waited for it to stop so I could stall. I looked and grabbed my pack, took a sip of coffee. Desperately trying to avoid having to open the door, I looked over at my dad but he was looking away trying to avoid eye contact. I slowly crawled out of the car, I said goodbye to my dad and he muttered a small “I hope I see you later” with a shaky voice. I watched him close the door and then drive away, I watched until he turned and went out of site. I turned to the others, not expecting anything, and only two or three people were looking at me. I could tell this isn’t a place for pity. I saw an open seat on the bench and I sat down. The entire time no one made a sound, not even a “hey” or “you got picked to huh?” As the bus slowly pulled up I rose to my feet and grabbed my pack, I walked to the entrance when the doors opened. What I saw was a disfigured old lady with three pimples on her neck, two boils on her forehead, and a lip that would frighten a pig. I hesitated on getting on, I wanted to just drop my pack and make a run for it. I was thinking if I could outrun the bus driver when she shouted “ Get on the damn bus you pansy.” As if I was mesmerized, I walked on the bus and sat in the back seat. There were two drill sergeants in the very front seat discussing training protocol. As everyone filed in the sergeants rose to there feat. One of them, a tall muscular man about twice the size of me started shouting “Welcome to the military cadets, you have been chosen to fight in this war and you shall! Each one of you will undergo training to be able to handle a firearm. If you are weak then you better pray that the war will end soon. There will be no whining tolerated, the punishment will be severe, punks will be broken into fine model soldiers. When you speak to me you will call me sir, you will not call me Mr. or sergeant. When I address you, you will rise and salute until I let you go to ease, any failure to understand this will result in barfica’s. A barfica is when you run and work out until you vomit. And to summarize, welcome to the army.” He sat down, and the other sergeant started calling role. I starred at the first sergeant; he looked around and noticed me starring. I quickly glanced away. The bus rolled on and soon we stopped at another pickup, I am guessing this is the last one because it was getting pretty full. But it wasn’t, we had 3 more pickups and it was 4-5 to a seat in a recommended 2-3-seat area. After about an hour of picking people up we started to the fort. I could see many other buses near us, I assumed the next few days were pickup days and would be easy. Trust me, they weren’t easy.

hope you enjoy

Yesterday I may have been deftly sick (feeling a bit better now) but I still had heart to write a poem.
_________________________________________-
Everlasting
Heart in verse
By Michael A. Zackular

You are the heat that warms me
When I'm lost in the cold.
You are the light that shows me
Beauty new and old.
You are the strength that makes me
Get up every day.
You are so special to me
So this I have to say.

You are the best thing
That ever crossed my path
You make me smile
During the worst aftermath.
You make me walk in circles
And I don't know where to go.
But when we have those talks
I realize that this is so.
I love you. Always and forever.

At 3/18/05 08:18 AM, WithoutCease wrote: Everlasting
Heart in verse
By Michael A. Zackular

I like the title. It isn't original or anything, but it soft and to the point. It captured my attention.

You are the heat that warms me
When I'm lost in the cold.
You are the light that shows me
Beauty new and old.
You are the strength that makes me
Get up every day.
You are so special to me
So this I have to say.

I like how you split upeach sentence into two lines. It breaks it up nicely and forces this odd pause as i read it. Almost like i speaking this myself and i am emotional about the wrods. Whether or not you meant to do that, who knows, but it really adds an effect.

One problem is that the line, 'So this I have to say.' should not end in a period, it should end in a colon ' : '

You are the best thing
That ever crossed my path
You make me smile
During the worst aftermath.

The word after math is what i thought, when first reading it, i did not like about that line, but reading it again, it works, i just feel the word 'worst' does not describe emotional trauma justly. However, i am always picky with poetry, so it could be just me.

You make me walk in circles
And I don't know where to go.
But when we have those talks
I realize that this is so.

This line should end in a colon also.

I love you. Always and forever.

I am actually quite impressed with this poem. It is clean and well written, thought i lacks punctuation at times. Overall, it is great. If i had to pick out its flaws i would say this (and i only do this to help people improve, not because i do not like the piece): The main flaw that stands out most (aside from the little things i noted throughout the poem) is the topic you chose. I am sure i have said this to you or someone else in the past, but when talking about love you have to be original. Love is as cliche as writing can be, and as much as everyone needs a little love to read about every once and a while to lift their spirits, people get sick of it also. So when writing about love you have to be careful to not say and express the same old things. You have to take an original approach, or people will be bored of the concept within your poem. Now, of course, this is somehwat original, because their are no old cliche lines used, but it really kind of went nowhere and really kind of expressed the same old thing: I love you. I will admit, you did an amazing job, but if you are a serious poet (meaning you want to do it all your life and you do it to please yourself and others and not just yourself) then try to take old cliche poem concepts and try and make them better than anyone else who too kthe same concept before you and succeeded. And if you cant do that, then write about something else.

Anyway, i give you poem an A- because i enjoyed the read. I have no idea if poetry is something you just do for you own amusement or not, but if writing is a career choice for you, try and be more original in your approach. I never stop talking eh, anyway, amazing stuff!

At 3/18/05 11:14 AM, Myst_Williams wrote: A review that is too long to quote for obvious reasons.

Well, as for pursuing poetry as my professional career, that's a maybe. I plan to be a writer moreover a poet.
The "After math" line was bad, I know. But then again, I couldn't find anything to rhyme.
Originality is something that comes and goes like the tide with me. When I write, I pour my heart out into it. That was exactly what I was feeling to her. Just the only thing is I can't tell her that I love her yet, I think it is too early in our friendship to say that, and I don't want to ruin anything. Seems more like what I dream of.
My grammar isn't the greatest, though I like to think it is. You're right about all those flaws.

Hmm... I'd like to join as a part-time writer, but I'm in school a lot so I might not always be able to write out a concept with limited time. Email me if you need a storyline (email address in my profile).

I may not be the best writer in the guild, but I'd definitely like to try this out.

At 3/18/05 05:16 PM, Quadropheniac wrote: Hmm... I'd like to join as a part-time writer

Well then, welcome aboard! You can submit your own stuff, or review others.

At 3/18/05 04:15 PM, WithoutCease wrote: Well, as for pursuing poetry as my professional career, that's a maybe. I plan to be a writer moreover a poet.

Well i want to be a novelist, but i plan on writing poetry my whole, maybe even publishing things. However, i don't plan on being a 'poet'... so you dont have to want to be a professional poet to make use of that, but ya i understand where you are coming from.

The "After math" line was bad, I know. But then again, I couldn't find anything to rhyme.

It was not 'bad', just could have been better. ^_<

Originality is something that comes and goes like the tide with me. When I write, I pour my heart out into it. That was exactly what I was feeling to her. Just the only thing is I can't tell her that I love her yet, I think it is too early in our friendship to say that, and I don't want to ruin anything. Seems more like what I dream of.

Ya, i know what you mean. And by all means, put down your thoughts in verse whenever you can, i find it easier that way.

My grammar isn't the greatest, though I like to think it is.

lol! We all do. XD

You're right about all those flaws.

I would not call them flaws, just places for improvement. It was a good peom none the less. I havn't written anything (for poetry that is) i na while. : P I need to get on it.

At 3/18/05 05:35 PM, Myst_Williams wrote: Well i want to be a novelist, but i plan on writing poetry my whole, maybe even publishing things. However, i don't plan on being a 'poet'... so you dont have to want to be a professional poet to make use of that, but ya i understand where you are coming from.

Well, yeah, I'd write poems every now and then, but I don't think I could get them published and make a living off it.

It was not 'bad', just could have been better. ^_<

Story of my life.

Ya, i know what you mean. And by all means, put down your thoughts in verse whenever you can, i find it easier that way.

Yes, it's very, very easier.

lol! We all do. XD

XD

I would not call them flaws, just places for improvement. It was a good peom none the less. I havn't written anything (for poetry that is) i na while. : P I need to get on it.

Yes you do! Write, damnit! Write like the wind!

when is the WOR i been waiting im not on alot but i figured it would be done Im not trying to be rude i can wait but i cant wait anyways im righting a story which i will summit tonight it my first

At 3/18/05 05:49 PM, VOTE_4_PEDRO wrote: when is the WOR i been waiting im not on alot but i figured it would be done Im not trying to be rude i can wait but i cant wait anyways im righting a story which i will summit tonight it my first

Manic is making the intro to the new story now, and it's going to be wild west with a twist. Your monk guy would be able to be in there.

At 3/18/05 05:59 PM, WithoutCease wrote: Manic is making the intro to the new story now, and it's going to be wild west with a twist. Your monk guy would be able to be in there.

Sunday is when WOR will be open for business hopefully.

Thank god the weekend is here! I needa break from school :-(

At 3/18/05 06:13 PM, -Manic- wrote: Sunday is when WOR will be open for business hopefully.

Sweet! Cant wait. ^_^

Thank god the weekend is here! I needa break from school :-(

The description does not have to be massive, just do what you can. And i'd like to edit it/post it, if that is alright with you (along with the chararcter profile sheet)... or you can post it, but i'd like you to email it to me when your done so i can edit it first. That cool? (I dont plan on changing content, just read it before it goes up and edit any spelling/grammar i find)