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At 2/21/05 12:11 AM, darkdevil92 wrote: here is one i wrote about september 11th about a year back-----

Youve got potential there mate.....you need to fine tune it a little I think before you reach your true potential. but your in the bets palce to improve :P everyone in here is either a budding writer or poet or both so we will be able to help you out.

One thign I think yuo shoudl do is break up the lines so theya re shorter. That way you have mor eof a chance of keeping the audiences attention.

Ah, FanFictions. I started one about Resident Evil 4 last night. I'll post it when I get it onto a computer.

Sad September Review:
.... This was good. Your potential shows in it, but your poems are too simple. Try to find a beat to go off of, and try to learn better words. But, nonetheless, good job.

Manwich, of bun and meat
your sauce is like my communal wine
in simplicity you are great
no food could ever be so fine.

Manwich, of wheat and cow
you fill my belly with pleasure
you taste like ground-up angels would
a taste that has no measure.

Manwich, your time is short
your flavor induces my madness
despite your size, you are no match
for my teeth, hand, and wrist.

Manwich, you are no more
a fearsome maul has sealed your fate
sauce splattered across my entire dish
you were delicious, and now made late.

Welcome Dakrdevil...

Nice Manwich poem Manman... XD

Heres part two of what I posted earlier.

Before long Niku landed in front of a giant stone temple standing hundreds of feet above him, but the prize wasn't at the top but within the intricate tunnells below. Navigating these wouldn't be easy; he was also stessed for time. The power of the jewel could only be tapted on this night, when the moon was closer to Gaia. This could take thousands of years to happen, or it could happen again in his lifetime, but Niku couldn't take that chance.
He stepped through the stone doorway and down a dark hall, which began to slope down. Niku's natural infered vision began to kick in. He could see ancient markings on the walls which he could not decipher.
He was paying attention to the walls and not the floor, he stepped on a tile and it began sinking into the ground. He had set off a trap. Niku ran forward as two logs swung down and hit each other where his head was. Nikukept running not knowing if he was setting of traps or not. He heard a roaring and rolled as a saw came out of the wall and nearly cut him in half. He turned left down a dark hall, when he saw the walls on each side of him closing in trying to crushed him. Niku ran as fast as he could as he slowly ran out of room to run. At the last second he fell through a hole in the floor. Not knowing when he would land he put each leg on the slide to slow down, and stopped just in time as a spike came flying out of the wall just missing in between his legs. Niku moved around the spike and kept falling.
At long last Niku hit a stone floor. He was standing in a small room surronded by tiles. Suspecting another trap he threw a rock on to one the tiles, before he could blink a large square stone fell through ceiling and on to the tile, turning the rock into dust. Niku looked around, the tiles were everywhere, he was standing on the only safe spot in the room. About twenty feet away there were no tiles on the floor, an easy jump, if he had a running start. Niku stepped back on the tile as much as he could and leaped. He soared through the air watching the scenary speed past him. As he looked down he realized he would fall short on the last row of tiles. When he landed he quickly went into a roll on to the safe ground, when he stopped rolling, he was just off the tiles and felt the wind from the back whoosing past his head. He sat there leaning against the rock relieved.
Niku stood up and to his great relief he had arrived at the sealed door. He walked down the stair case and walked across the floor which on two side stood giant statues of ancient heroes. He stood in front of the great stone door, carved on it was jewel glowing black. "Must be because the jewel power is activated" Niku thought.
As Niku looked for a way to open the door he saw a flash of movement to his right.
A voice called out " Freeze your under arrest" the Gaian police had found him.

Well thats part two I'll post the final later. If you have any questions don't be afraid to ask.

hey, i suck at writing so if anybody will write me a story please>?
so email me at phonebooth461@yahoo.com and just send me it.
ill try to animate it and you'll be in the FRONT CREDITS.
please no terribly stupid stories.
i'm also lookin for an animation mentor.

this is a poem that i had to write for english class, it is about a certain part of a myth poem.

From the Void

From the Void, the Great created Life
From the Void, an incomplete World
From the Void, the winged ones swim.
They need to rest, they need to fly
The Great knew best, they must not die.
From the Void, the Great created Sky
From the Void, an incomplete world
From the Void, the winged ones tire.
They need to rest, they need to run
The Great knew best, they, He must not shun.
From the Void, the Great sent a winged creation
From the Void, an incomplete world
From the Void, the mighty ones tried.
They need to rest, they must find land
The Great knew best, the Small One saved them all.

These are poems that i wrote on my own time:

Selfish (incomplete) (working title)

The dark whirl of death consumes you
Pulling you deeper and deeper into life
You don’t know what you are doing or what you are saying
You are ignorant to your own needs
You ignore your own life,
Selfishly tending to the needs of others
You suck your own life away.

Untitled

You sicken me
I despise you
You hate me
I love you
Kill me
I rape you
Destroy me
I fuck you
Me you
Me you.

untitled

My life and your hate
They are one in the same
They are separate loves
Make me calm
And open the gate
Open the gate to your heart
And let my life start
Don’t let me die
Don’t let me hate
Don’t let me lie
I’ll love until I am dead
I only want to be loved by you.

untitled

The end of darkness is the beginning of light
The darkness of love rules our hearts
We are unaware of our love and plight
The end of light just now starts
Bring me light
Bring me the light of hate
And let my heart live.

Here I Am Alone

Here i am alone
all alone with no one to help
i cannot help but cry and moan
my pain is great but i do not yelp
the pain cannot overpower me
i am not weak, yet i am not strong
what is it i seek, why wont anyone stay?
i try to help i try to make things better
but all i get is a kick in the face and told to obey
i fight it, i fight myself
i tell myself i'm fine and i dont need help
forget them, i dont need them,
but i am wrong. i need someone
i just need a friend.

Sex (Watch Me Live)

Sex is the majesty of life
It controls all that we do
It is the beating heart behind everything that we do
We live for sex
We want sex
That is all we want
We try to impress
We try to improve
We try to look important
We try to look like we care.

We don’t care
All we want is sex
To see results, we try to be the best
Can we do it?
Hell, we try everything we can to get it.

Misfortune may run through our life
Even then, we want it.

Living is just a pathway for sex
If we don’t get it, we don’t want to live
Virility is a key to life
Everyone who can’t enjoy sex wants to.

This one is a sonnet:

Where am I?
What is this place I have now come to find?
Be this a wonder or a grotesque place?
Is this real or just a trick of my mind?
What are these things I see before my face?
Is this a heaven or is this a hell?
I know not what is happening to me!
I am lost where no living thing can dwell.
What have I done to reach this place I see?
I cannot find a scent of which to speak.
I feel no emotion of love or hate.
My future now seems so completely bleak.
Is this my saving, or is this my doom?
I suppose my death is cause for my gloom.

Here's my RE4 fanfic. Please review.

Resident Evil 4
By: Michael Zackular

Leon Scott Kennedy sat in the back of a fairly old car, bumping along a non-paved road. He was looking out the window, observing the dying trees. It was a chilly fall morning. The only things that seemed to be moving were the leaves and the car.
As he sat there, he thought about his first and only day on the R.P.D. The T-virus breakout, Claire, the police station, and Ada. He thought about her fatal fall in the Umbrella Plant. He silently damned himself.
After the incident, the Government became interested in him. Before long, he was a fully trained CIA agent. He worked very well. One day, two weeks ago, he was called into the White House. The newly elected president, Howard Graham’s, daughter had been kidnapped. Since the captor was unknown, the military couldn’t get involved.
Reports have been made that his daughter, Ashley Graham, had been sighted around Leon’s current location. He was in Europe. Spain, he guessed, because the officers driving him to a nearby village had “POLICIA” printed on their backs, as well as an obvious accent.
Leon pulled out the picture of Ashley. Wow. She’s very pretty, he thought. The ride continued for another five minutes, and Leon kept looking at the picture. The car suddenly stopped. “End of the road, American,” the first officer said. Leon pocketed the photo and got out.
When he reached the house, Leon saw a man cutting grass with a sickle, and a woman in the window eating what seemed to be dirty broth with rotten turkey and maggots.
Leon approached the man and showed him the picture. “Excuse me, sir, but have you seen this girl around here?” The man gave him a long, hard, stare. Whoa, he has red eyes, Leon thought, alarmed. The man then yelled something to the woman, who came out of the house with a bloody butcher knife. The man swung at Leon, who ducked, tripped him, and pulled out his handgun. He backed up a few steps and yelled, “Don’t make me shoot!” But, they didn’t listen. They both were up, and their weapons were armed. Looks like I have no choice, Leon thought.
He shot the man in the wrist, causing him to drop his weapon, and he shot the woman in the forehead. They were both knocked back, but charged towards him. These things aren’t human, he thought. He shot the man in the neck, eventually the shots caused his head to fall off. As he was reloading, the woman swung at him. He moved to the side, quickly, and got his forearm slightly cut. He shot the woman until he was sure she was dead.
Leon entered the house and looked at the food. Definitely rotten. He decided to do a closer inspection of the house. There was no toilet, no running water, no means of temperature control, or anything default by home standards. He opened a closet and skulls littered with maggots fell out. Leon backed up in disgust. “What are these things!?” he said aloud.
---4---
It was pitch black outside. Two men were walking on both sides of a girl, holding up torches. They were under order from Lord Saddler to deliver the kidnapped girl to the cabin near the sewer with the complex locking system.
Now the girl, Ashley, was locked in a dark room with no windows. She heard heavy breathing coming from across the room. “Who’s there?” she called. “Ah… So they were kind enough to give me a woman for company. No more lonely nights for me.” Ashley heard footsteps. They got closer. And then, she felt a hand go over her mouth, and the other groping her chest.
She wanted to scream, but she couldn’t. The mans hand was closing hard on her jaw. She felt a wetness on her neck. He took off his hand and started removing her clothes. She screamed, even though she knew no one would come to her rescue.
“A virgin, eh? Well, we’ll just have to change that!” the menacing voice said. “No, please! Don’t!” Ashley cried back in retaliation. It didn’t work. She was openly sobbing and letting out small screams of pain. She wished everything would end. The rape, the torture, the loneliness. The captivity. But her wishes didn’t come true. That man was going to keep going until one of them died.
---4---
The officers sat in the car, waiting. One started dozing off and the other turned on the radio and turned the volume up. Suddenly, their car, as well as themselves, were thrown into a group of trees. They both felt very lightheaded and tried to get out of the car.
---4---
Leon saw the whole thing. It happened as he was leaving the house. An 18-wheeler was coming down the road rather loudly. It was gaining speed. “Hey! Look out!” Leon yelled. Nothing happened. They must have the radio on! Those idiots, Leon thought.
The 18-Wheeler struck the little car, propelling it into trees. Leon ran towards the car. People were coming out from the back of the truck. Leon counted out ten. The driver then joined them, and they were all armed. The officer from the driver seat was hunched over, and a man swung his axe at him, taking a large portion of his head off. His skull and brains were visible, before the blood started coming out.
Leon pulled out his gun and joined the other officer, who wasn’t dazed like his comrade. Although seeing his death was a great, sudden, emotional pain. “Hey! These things aren’t human, so this’ll be tough! Aim for the head!” Leon shouted. I took down a horde of zombies and monsters, so this should be easy… I hope he thought.

At 2/21/05 11:38 PM, ImmortalDarkness wrote: Here's my RE4 fanfic. Please review.

Oh, and for props. It isn't done. I'm planning to make it a large series on FanFiction,net.

I will get back to writing... eventually. Chapter 3 is nearly finished in the R&D stage (Research and Development) I have a skeletal plot for it and should begin to flesh it out over the next few days.

BTW, Myst: World of Warcraft ROCKS! It is probably the best PC RPG I've ever played. Get a copy and see for yourself.

At 2/22/05 05:05 AM, Coop83 wrote: BTW, Myst: World of Warcraft ROCKS! It is probably the best PC RPG I've ever played. Get a copy and see for yourself.

Do you have to pay a subscription fee for World of warcraft coop? If you don't I might look into getitng it but if I do I won't as I won't be able to afford it.

At 2/21/05 09:27 PM, Lazer12 wrote: Poetry

Your work has a lot of emotion in it. It isn't positive, but that's not a bad thing. I like work that has as much punch as yours does. It just feels like you're expressing it wrong, that's all. "Fuck" is not a word that is pleasing to the eye. I would try and avoid using it at all costs. It's a vulgar term that has a specific context, and used outside that context, can destroy a poem or piece of writing. "Sex" is different. It can be used in poetry and you can get away with it, but it has to be used sparingly. If you have it written more than twice, you're probably using it too much. Overall, I like the emotion in your work, just increase your vocabulary a bit so you can better express yourself.

At 2/22/05 05:05 AM, Coop83 wrote: BTW, Myst: World of Warcraft ROCKS! It is probably the best PC RPG I've ever played. Get a copy and see for yourself.

I would, but i got 2 more months unstil i can get my own credit card. : P

Maybe then i will. ^_^

I need Firefox help.... my mouse scroller doesn't work in firefox, does anyone know why?

At 2/22/05 12:41 PM, Manic_streetpreacher wrote: Do you have to pay a subscription fee for World of warcraft coop? If you don't I might look into getitng it but if I do I won't as I won't be able to afford it.

£42 for six months. Plus you get the first month free with the game.

At 2/22/05 06:08 PM, Myst_Williams wrote: I would, but i got 2 more months unstil i can get my own credit card. : P

Maybe then i will. ^_^

Good. I hope I'll find you and maybe we can 'party up'

At 2/23/05 06:13 AM, Coop83 wrote: £42 for six months. Plus you get the first month free with the game.

O_o. to expensive. I'd need to persude my mom to pay it and then apy her back eventually.......mind you iI might just be bale to afford it.......................................hmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm.

At 2/23/05 12:53 PM, Manic_streetpreacher wrote: O_o. to expensive. I'd need to persude my mom to pay it and then apy her back eventually.......mind you iI might just be bale to afford it.......................................hmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm.

If you do get it, pick STORMRAGE as your server, because I'm there: a Night Elf Hunter, called Silouain.

Look me up.

At 2/23/05 01:23 PM, Coop83 wrote: If you do get it, pick STORMRAGE as your server, because I'm there: a Night Elf Hunter, called Silouain.

Look me up.

If I get it I will most certainly use sotrmage and will look you up :P

I am absolutly knackered. school is evil I want a snow day tommorow so badly :'-( im to tired to write at the moment even though I was gonna try and do a proper version of my openeing to my cult story thing.

I am doing something special for comic relief, oh yes I am. I am writing some scripts for my own take on Litlle Britain. These will be recorded, and audio (LB was origonal on radio) and will feature my friends doing as best they can, voices of the charaters. So here's scene one:

Little Britain scripts (audio)

SCENE 1/Jeremy Rent’s office

Voice over: In theatrical agent, Jeremy Rent’s office, Dennis Waterman is going to pay a visit. I should see my agent more often. If only she wasn’t dead.

(A voice comes through the intercom)

Receptionist: (through intercom) Jeremy, there’s a Mr. Dennis Waterman here to see you.

Jeremy: Ah, good. Send him in, send him in.

(The sound of a door opening and closing)

Jeremy: Dennis, so good to see you. I hope you had a good holiday.

Dennis: It wasn’t a holiday, it was Scunthorpe .

Jeremy: Ah, I see. Well, while you were away we received many offers. And good ones they are.

Dennis: (excitedly) Really?

Jeremy: Yes Dennis. Now the best offer was for the new Lord of the Rings: The Double Deckers Film, they want you to be Golum’s mate Tony.

Dennis: So they want me to star in it, write the theme tune, sing the theme tune-

Jeremy: No Dennis, they’ll get an orchestra or something to do that.

Dennis: In a place that looks like New Zealand, doo doo doo doo, there’s a little man running about on a quest, doo doo doo doo. I’ve got a good idea, doth thou keep me near, I’ll be so good for the Orc’s of Sauron…

(Awkward silence)

Dennis: Well, if that is all, I’ll be off.

Jeremy: Bye Dennis.

Dennis: Bye.

(Sound of door opening and closing. Then the sound of a phone being picked up and then some ringing.)

Jeremy: Hello Peter, I’m glad I caught you. Dennis won’t be able to do this, he’s got a thing against wearing spandex suits with those electric things on them, so he can’t play Tony.

(Pause)

Jeremy: I’m sure I can get Angus Deayton into one of those things, for a tener...

End Scene.

Here's something I wrote when I was bored with my cousins, we ended up rapping it, and submitted it to Newgrounds. Here's the lyrics. It's kind of an inside joke. We went to another one of my cousins Hockey games, and we saw this player we ended up hating on the other team. We made fun of him every time us cousins got together after that game. Here's the song I (Matt) wrote about him...... (The chorus comes from an episode of Spongebob with the words slightly changed, and yes, 25 did have ripped pants)

Watchin a game where the score is low
Back and forth the players do go
Kids standin up, they're jumpin, chearin
Parents in the back, they're yellin, beerin
Anger is a flyin at each drop of the puck
Atleast we can all agree that 25 sucks

When 25 tried to score he got shut down
25 turned into a clown
And noone ever wants to dance
With the fool who went and, ripped his pants

Now don't be thinking I'm dissing without cause
There's a reason I'm exposing these obvious flaws
From pants to penalties to terrible play
To the Central Catholics arrogant ways
This is a lesson I'm sendin to ya'll
Your a bunch of posers pretending to ball

When 25 tried to score he got shut down
25 turned into a clown
And noone ever wants to dance
With the fool who went and, ripped his pants

At 2/19/05 05:31 PM, Manic_streetpreacher wrote: Ive been racking my brain but ca not think of anything............the characters look liek they would work well in a comedy but I really can't think of anything funny......the only thing i cna think of is names. They look like a clive and a carl to me for some reason.

thats okay I understand, usually when I write something it ends up having comedy in it, even if I try not to. its hard coming up with a story after the characters have been created because then you have to write a specific story that fits that character. I'll think of something eventually, thanks anyway. BTW if anyone else wants to try, ur'll more than welcome.

At 2/19/05 05:38 PM, newbman wrote: Clive, I know, Clive Barker, he's an amzing author, has anyone read any of his works, or even seem any of his movies(candyman, Hellrasier series...)?

yeah I've only read one of his books Abarat it was really good, I loved the artwork in it and cannot wait to read the second one.

Well here is part 3 of my story.

The first thought had raced through Niku's mind "How did they find me? I had kept this low profile." Niku watched a huge police team step out from behind the statue, with their elven leader Kido.
Kido was th most powerful person on the police force, he was known for his sword that could send out fatal bolts. Kido had been a pain in Niku's ass for awhile now.
"Kido so we meet again, I wish we could talk, but I'm in a rush to become all powerful" Niku said.
"Save it" Kido replied "You know why we're here, I would read your rap sheet, but as you said you're in a hurry."
"Then lets make this quick" Niku said opening his wings preparing to summon the demon inside him. But before he could to darts hit his wings and shocked them. His wings fell limp to his sides, parylized.
"You fuckers" Niku yelled at the top of his lungs in anger. He took great pride in his wings and they sullied them. He would now have to dispose of them the old fashioned way.
"Surround him!" Kido commanded taking his post at the top of the stairs.
As the polive surronded him a fire formed in Niku's hands, "This is going to be fun" Niku said.
A soider jumped at him and in mid air Niku threw his fireball. The soider was disintergrated instantly. The rest of the group charged at Niku, but met the same fate as the first soider. When Niku was sure the soiders were ash he turned to Kido and the eleves by his side.
Niku raised his hand and fired a barrage of fireballs at Kido. There was a blast of smoke, Niku couldn't see a thing. As the smoke cleared Niku saw Kido and the soiders emerge from Kido's cape, an elven cloak, immune to goblin spells.
"Leave him to me" Kido said, unsheathing his infamous sword and removing his cloak.
"And I though this would be simple" Niku said, unshething his father's sword.
Kido charged at him, but Niku deflected him. Kido backed up and his sword started to glow blue. As Kido swung his sword a wave of bolts went flying at Niku. Niku swung his sword sending out a blast of dark energy. The blasts met half way cancelling each other out.
Kido charged for a secondary attack, Niku ran to meet him. The two sword clashed meetinging each other in a deadlock. The two pushed away, Niku span around going for Kido's right torso but Kido raised his sword and blocked. Kido swung his blade forward going for Niku's head, but Niku pulled out in time. Kido raised his sword and met Niku's sword. Niku pushed back, Kido stumbled, and Niku went for a quick stab. Kido swung his sword, knocking Niku's out of his hands. The elf tried to stab Niku, but Niku cartwheeled out of the way, and ran for his sword, Kido ran after him.
Niku grabbed his sword and raised it up as Kido's came down. Niku had had enough; Niku brought his legs around Kido's ankles and pushed. Kido fell on his back, defensless. Niku brought his blade down for the kill, but Kido back flipped off the ground kicking Niku in the face. Kido landed on his feet and before Niku could counter Kido jabbed the tip of his sword into Niku's stomach. The sword glowed blue and a surge of electricity shot through Niku's body.
Niku fell limp, parylized but still conscious. Kido and the two soieders put him in a net and began dragging him away.
"A fine retirement memento" Kido mocked.
Niku watched helplessly as he was dragged away and saw the light on the door fade. He had failed.

ok doeky. I deiced to have a little bit of fun whislt I was plannign out my stor for the cult thingy with the cop. And I ended up writing this as a way to kind of get the writing itch out of me. No where near finished but just the first part. Some what inspired by Terry Pratchett so take a gander and read.
---------------------------------------------------------------------------
-------------------------
A tale of Valour, Courage and Downright stupidity

The smoke soared out of the broken window as the remains of what was once the alchemy lab lay smouldering in a pile of debris.
A figure started to emerge from the rubble and stumbled through the wall of smoke in front of him.
His pointed hat had flopped over to the side in the explosion and is ruby red robes were now a delicate shade of black.
The figure moved forwards through the room slowly picking up pieces of debris that littered the floor and either placing them in some sort of orderly fashion or throwing them into a corner to be dealt with later.
His soot covered facial muscles contorted as he looked at the destruction in front of him.
His voice echoed throughout the ruins as he spoke the person responsible for the destruction of the laboratory.
“I swear to god Tarquin! If I catch you I’ll have Silmarin peck out your eyes!”
He moved further into the ruins and picked up a large piece of wood and held it in his hands. His vibrant eyes showed great sorrow as he beheld what was once his most prized possession.
“I……..I can’t believe it………” his voice showed signs of great sadness as he spoke “ My best chemical cabinet……….ruined………..my mother gave me that for my 119th birthday……….and now its been destroyed……..all because of that blasted idiot of a half elf!”
He threw the piece of wood into a corner and fell upon his knees and wept for his loss.
Now is a good time to indicate that the person responsible for the most heinous crime of destroying Professor Stones chemical cabinet was, at this point in time running as fast as his legs could carry him. But he was not running in any direction. No his mind was very much focused on running in one direction, the direction, in which the exit to the academy lay was his destination and by the God of nothing he would get there without being caught!
Well……that was his plan….but it didn’t go exactly to plan.
You see as Tarquin was running through the twisting corridors that led towards the grand hall where the exit lay, he failed to notice that coming out of a side room was the large bulk of a man that was the academy task master.
In most situations it would be extraordinarily hard to miss the Taskmaster but despite him being over six feet tall, being built like a brick and having a long flowing matt of bright red hair Tarquin failed to spot the giant of a man and ended up crashing straight into his finely toned and muscled body.
The laws of physics dictate that when an object moves with a velocity, and ends up stopping suddenly due to circumstances not under its control, it will rebound off the opposing that caused it to suddenly stop and end up either falling over or bouncing off the interfering force and walking straight into a wall.
The latter is what happened to Tarquin but in years to come he wouldn’t blame the taskmaster for the nasty bump he would soon have on his head. He would in fact blame the spirits that live within the walls
It is a common misconception that walls are inanimate objects and posses no form of intelligence. This is, in fact, not true as within walls there live spirits that are incredibly smart. Their intelligence is so high that they have developed a form of telekinesis that is responsible for paintings and pictures, which were perfectly straight the night before, suddenly becoming rather crooked when the owner gets up in the morning.
This telekinetic power also has one other use. Wall spirits, from this point onwards know known as walls, are incredibly touchy creatures and when you bump into their homes they take great offence and use their powers to push you away and, in some cases, make you fall on your posterior.
When Tarquin bumped into the wall in the corridor of the academy after running into the taskmaster he ended up crashing into he nearby wall and the wall took great offence and decided to use its powers to push Tarquin away.
As Tarquin was somewhat off balance already this psychic shove was enough to tip him off balance completely and he fell flat on his face.
This doesn’t sound so bad but the fact that there was statue of the great barbarian Baniyan the brave in his path of descent onto the floor made the outcome of his collision with the taskmaster and the wall somewhat worse.
As he fell his head caught the edge of Baniyan’s marble shield and created a large lump that was approximately the size of an orange………and a large one at that.
Tarquin let out a wail of distress as he lay their on the ground with a lump the size of a tomato on the side of his head.

At 2/23/05 01:35 PM, Manic_streetpreacher wrote: I am absolutly knackered. school is evil I want a snow day tommorow so badly :'-( im to tired to write at the moment even though I was gonna try and do a proper version of my openeing to my cult story thing.

So it's YOUR fault I had to scrape all the snow off my car this morning? It didn't stick, so driving was easy, plus the roads were less congested than normal.

At 2/24/05 02:26 PM, Coop83 wrote: So it's YOUR fault I had to scrape all the snow off my car this morning? It didn't stick, so driving was easy, plus the roads were less congested than normal.

ha ha :P apparently it is . Btw Congrats on the level up Coop ^_^

He, Observing the Wing-Eater
Free Verse
By, K. Myst Williams

Those satire eyes defeated and rendered
That wandering mind completed with spender
For he looks upon his victims without vision
And senses the shadows in prominent decision
A sudden pause jolts the bumps of your skin
While a quiet nod comforts your flush fallen sin
Shoulders strong and a den’s mouth broad
Garments of status and hair stricken blonde
A powerful pose as he lifts his soft face
A striking resemblance in your dream of one place
The kindness so subtle, but the anger so thick
The purpose of reason, not but his tick
Adrenaline filled lungs you hold as his lips part
The word seemingly righteous as his bold voice soon starts
‘I am the joy of your dreams, but the breaker of heart
I am the will of your leisure, but the serpent’s soul part
The destroyer of free, the commons only chance,
The reason’s true light, the barren’s last stance;
I both look like an angel, but feel like the beats;
I am the wing-eater, and I have come here to feast.’
Every word vibrates a scratchy dark song
Then he closes his mouth and stares at the ground
His jacket unbuttons one at a time
His hair shields his face as the church bells do chime
The pews are all formal, hand carved like an art
The altar undressed, bare as your will soon departs
The church ceiling powerfully high, the windows elegantly long,
The emotions punctually off, the spirit undoubtedly strong
Your rosary weaves through your fingers with grace
You can’t help but feel your place in this space
You look in his eyes and stand in demand
You capture his grin and claim, ‘I don’t understand.’
He steps towards you as his coat falls like drape
He leans in so close that you want to run and escape
He whispers so gently, almost comforting and kind,
‘You never will,’ and your fears you do find
A moment of realization of good, evil and purpose
Satan’s allegory has now finally surfaced
A darkness fog falls and layers the church
As you sense all your wrongs and opportunities you search
He slowly steps back and your chill disappears
You witness a miracle but what returns are your fears
Wanting to find that moment or lapse
You are too caught up imagining the wing-eater’s flap
The motive no longer to discover the truth
But to burn up all motives and exploit God’s ridden truth
The burst of the truth is like the philosopher’s sire
As wind travels higher and you vocation sets afire
You look upon him piece by piece
Images flash, the souls of the deceased
The purest white creeps over his shoulders
The room soon settles and the candles grow colder
A shadow bursts over you in a motion of spring
Like tender roses growing it is the most beautiful thing
But in that blinding gust of aero force
The candles blow out and the room shutters from the source
They spread even further; an image of God
But then the darkness spreads over like black wings of fog
With one subtle move he lifts into the air
And peers over those dear with a deep scowled stare
Yet another man enters with astonish and shock
For the sights one can see with never size up
The man named father, but without a son of his own
Kneels down at the angel oblivious to disown
Obscure as this is, the angel’s eyes seem so pure
But his actions seem dark without sight of the cure
The angel of darkness, not Satan himself
But a blonde man once said to rarely use his mouth
He seems to spare the priest but floats towards you
You stand strong like a soldier in both ignorance and true
You wish you flew too like he as he strides
He nears and raises his arm as if to confide
He touches your heart and you suddenly feel weak
He leans over your shoulder; some kind of sick freak
You try to back up, but you are solid in your spot
His wings wrap around you, you feel very distraught
Encased in his beauty, his wings wash with snow
The pure white fades back and you feel a new calm flow
A heat builds up around your pumping heart from his palm
His words, to your soul, a silent soft feed
He whispers in your ears,
‘Forever shall be the life that you lead.’

***************************************************************************
****

Coop, i finally got through your long ass Chapter II and it was fucking awesome. I was not really looking for any grammar mistakes or anything, so i hope you werent expecting me to edit it. : P

Your writing is immaculate... simple lines like this just get me: 'Books, tomes and grimoires took up all of the available shelf space and then some.' And things like that are all throughout the piece. I don't know why, but your writing just captures my attention from a reader's perspective and your unique way of combining complex sentences and re-structuring simple sentences just makes it an enjoyable read from a literary perspective as well.

Now that i am used to your writing, i don't believe i ever got confused like I did with the first chapter. Your style was just difficult to adjust to the first time i ever read your work, now i am accustomed to it.

Other then praise i havn't much else to say. I am not exactly sure what you wanted me to express after reading it, so if you have any specific question, i might be able to suit you further.

Otherwise, it is awesome and coming along well. As is character development and plot.

lol, though... this sentence: 'There was a scattering of the obligatory sequins and magical insignia.' I had to run to the dictionary in order to fully understand. : P I am still not sure if it structured right, but at least i understand it. ^_^

Message from ImmortalDarkness:
God damnit! Must I resumbit the thing again to see if you will review or not!

-YK

Hey everyone, I know I haven't posted in a while, and I know none of you missed me, but here's another shitty song I wrote.

Scream

all the times I waited for you
to find out you were gone
I sacrificed my pride for you
and you show thanks with your hand

tear me up
i cant take it
i gave my heart
i let you break it
lay me down
take away the pain
as i scream for more

tonight I layed myself to sleep and cried
why don’t you even care
I can just throw it all away
you gave up on me

tear me up
i cant take it
i gave my heart
i let you break it
lay me down
take away the pain
as i scream for more

you wanted honesty
i never want to let you down
but you gave me all those dirty looks

tear me up
i cant take it
i gave my heart
i let you break it
lay me down
take away the pain
as i scream for more

im not okay
you make me feel like a freak
i dont belong
you dont care
this is not the life i want
take a good hard look
at what you’ve done to me

i am
so far
from you

whats the worst that i can say
you make me want to scream

At 2/24/05 02:33 PM, Manic_streetpreacher wrote: ha ha :P apparently it is . Btw Congrats on the level up Coop ^_^

Thank you.

At 2/24/05 07:08 PM, Myst_Williams wrote: Coop, i finally got through your long ass Chapter II and it was fucking awesome. I was not really looking for any grammar mistakes or anything, so i hope you werent expecting me to edit it. : P

Thanks for the review, Myst

lol, though... this sentence: 'There was a scattering of the obligatory sequins and magical insignia.' I had to run to the dictionary in order to fully understand. : P I am still not sure if it structured right, but at least i understand it. ^_^

I had a bit of trouble with it, but I think it came right... just about. Wizards always like to be flashy and have no fashion sense whatsoever. I thought I'd try to describe it, but it's quite difficult.

At 2/25/05 01:08 AM, -Emo wrote:

Kirkus.. why did you change your name to "-Emo"?

And in other news, I'm back from like my 6th ban.