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Hey Im back and shall be posting my first chapter soon!
yay it is short though I think anyway.....But first I must go to WOR and catch up.

ok Iam so sorry I wont be able to post at all today so Myst you can just have my character follow you around and be introduced to important fancy people K? oh and did ne one else check out my website? I added a new page and some backrounds to it, hope I dont get busted cuz the backrounds are copyrighted, oh well you cant really see the copyright. thx bye

Well here it is my first chapter!

Chapter One

It all began in a town called Kanthrim where there is a celebration going on.Ovmit and his folowers had just defeated the great deamon Jerrain who had plauged the city for over one hundered years.Ovmit's gang of protectors are called 'The White Blades' and pretty much protect the whole town.The group consists of six warriors Ovmit the young leader excellent with swords,Tailock master with the bow and arrow and eyes like a hawk,Mirian a keen sorceress with more that magic up her sleeve,Tulros an asassin skilled in martial arts and packed with all sorts of traps,Elzix a sly mysterious man who protects and heals the group with enchantment as well as dishing out some pain.And then there is Karlin a quite old be very wise man,no one knows much about him he likes to be kept to himself most of the time.As they go by the stalls and houses people cheer,clap and give thanks for defeating the Deamon.The White Blades enter their hut in the forest of Kanthrim "That was a tough one"Ovmit siad as they were going in the door "I'll say,who would have knew that a deamon would have so many henchmen!" Tulros replied
"Yes but did you notice the five that got away and one of them were carrying a large chest?"said Elzix "Why are you so obsessed with treasure?"Tailock asked "I have you know that I am not obsessed just deeply interested!"Elzix said sternly "Well I wonder whats in there?"Mirian said "The runes of courage... Karlin whispered to himself "What was that Karlin?" Ovmit asked Karlin looks at Ovmit "Oh....nothing" said Karlin "No I want ot know what you said!"Ovmit asked egerly Karlin sighs "Well I belive they are carryimg the runes of courge if you must know" "What are these runes you speak of?" Elzix aksed "All in due time my young Elzix but now I must to bed" Karlin walk into his room and locks the door.

Thats the frist part for now have to go somewhere but I will get a last post in WOR,hope you liked :)

At 12/5/04 02:59 PM, -Gooie- wrote: 1) good 2) aren't busy

well I could be pretty good, but Iam SOOOOOO buisy, atleast right now, whoops I mean....uh gotta get back to homework!

At 12/5/04 04:29 PM, LordSkeletor wrote: Well here it is my first chapter!

It is short, obviously. I want to read the rest. It is very interesting and grabbed my attention and thoughts, but some obvious editing needs to be done. : P
I like it, but i feel it is too short to give any real critique, so once i read the rest i will go more in depth on it.

This club seems to be pretty perimated with fantasy. I'll try to post a chapter of my story "Fate" within the next few days. Maybe add a little balance.

At 12/5/04 06:16 PM, Noctroler wrote: This club seems to be pretty perimated with fantasy. I'll try to post a chapter of my story "Fate" within the next few days. Maybe add a little balance.

Sure go for it. I'll be sure to read it.
I like how you aren't one of those who posts once or twice and then we never hear from'em again.
A new regular is exactly what we need. I wish you had of been around when i posted my poetry.

Yes I will post the reat of the chapter soon but first WOR :)

At 12/5/04 06:41 PM, Myst_Williams wrote: Sure go for it. I'll be sure to read it.
I like how you aren't one of those who posts once or twice and then we never hear from'em again.
A new regular is exactly what we need. I wish you had of been around when i posted my poetry.

Yes well the Anime club seems to be on the down low these days, so my second love takes to this club.

Part 2

The next morning Karlin was up early making some tea when Ovmit arose "Morning" Karlin said "Morning Karlin" repiled Ovmit
"Would you like some herbal tea?" Karlin asked "Sure" replied Ovmit.Karlin pours them some tea "So what are these runes?"Ovmit asked whilst siping his tea "Go wake up the others and I shall tell you" replied Karlin.Ovmit knocks on all the door and shouts "Wake up!".The rest of the team get up and sit down at the table "Ok everyone listen to what I have to say,The Runes Of Courage are called that because once you complete the tests you will become the ultimate warrior,afraid of nothing and once you start the tests there is no going back.Now from what I know Jerrian was trying to build an army of unstoppable warriors by using the runes" "Well good thing we killed him" said Mirian "No its not because I fear they have taken the runes to his elder brother the black deamon Solrock in the east who is much stronger" "And that is bad because he might be able to complete these tests right?" Questioned Ovmit "Im afraid so but if we hurray we can get to him before he does" Karlin repiled "How do we know how to get there?" said Tailock "I knoiw a druid named Chrome who should be able to help us,we should go there now" The gang folowed Karlin to a very small house deep in the woods with a stable beside it "Chrome! you there" shouted Karlin A small man appeared from behind the stable "Karlin is that you?" Chrome said in a croaky voice "Yes it is my friend,we need you help" Chrome smiles "Well come inside and have a sit down!" Said Chrome.They go inside and sit down at a long table "We need your help getting to Castle Solrock"Karlin said "Ok would you like me to mend you some horses?" "Yes thank you,I belive that you have a map?" Karlin asked "Indeed I do,here it is"Chrome picks upa large scroll and give it to Karlin "Thank you we will take the horses and we will be off" said Karlin "Thank you Chrome,you have been a great help" Chrome nods,they all say their goodbyes ans ride off to Castle Solrock.

There that is the first chapter hope you liked it :)

Chapter two coming soon!

Ok, maybe it's just my style and preference, but I really hate when people write like this.

John woke up. John got out of bed and saw Jane. "Good morning," said John. "Yes, good morning," responded Jane.

This is what SITUATIONAL DESCRIPTORS DO.

John slowly opened his eyes, the sun breaking into vision like splinter breaks the skin. As he strained his muscles to move himself upright, a figure caught his wavering attention...

Getting my drift? When writing an inside perspective story, it's important to use adjectives with verbs effectively so the reader "gets into" the moment. You don't want the reader to feel detached from the reality that you've created. If your going to write something, you've got to create an enviroment in which it occurs.

At 12/5/04 07:54 PM, Noctroler wrote: This is what SITUATIONAL DESCRIPTORS DO.

John slowly opened his eyes, the sun breaking into vision like splinter breaks the skin. As he strained his muscles to move himself upright, a figure caught his wavering attention...

Please, stop getting so uptight. Also, splinters in an eye. Not very pleaseing to read. More awkward and upsetting. I know that is not what you meant, but your eyes first meeting the sun in the morning does not feel like a splinter. A very bad simile.

Also, you can note the positives and still note the bads. You are quite rude about it. I know i am not speaking for LordSkeletor, but for the general population of the club. People like COSTRUCTIVE critisizm. Not someone yelling at them. For every bad noted, note a good, because you are quite rude.
And quite honestly you dont have the audacity or place to critisize in such a way. Exspecially since i have been published more then you. You are not some kind of god at writing compared to the rest of us. If you are going to be in our club, then be respectable.
All i ask is that you point out the good as wel las the bad and be more kind about noting the bad.

Excuse my tone, please. I'm getting a little edgy when I work like I am today and chose to release a little anger. A litte immature of myself.

At 12/5/04 08:49 PM, Noctroler wrote: Excuse my tone, please. I'm getting a little edgy when I work like I am today and chose to release a little anger. A litte immature of myself.

Well, i have grown alot of respect for you because of that post. Most people would start flaming or arguing. I am sorry i snapped also. You seem like a decent guy, i get a little too serious about writing too.

) Apologies both ways.

I am going to bed all. See ya tomorrow. This sick kid needs his rest.

Quick note: In WOR do not be another charcter. A few people have done, but i cenetred out immortaldarkness today and he is not the only one. It is a rule, do not do it unless given permission.

Anything else i can discuss tomorrow when i aint feeling like im gonna barf... well i aint that sick, but i am achin. Major headache.

Night.

ok I updated my website a bunch please check it out, feel free to email me something to post in the writers guild section of the website or the WOR news section, next sunday I'll have a form people can fill out, and hopefull I might find out how to create a forum. BTW myst I copy and pasted your descriptions about WOR on my website. is that ok? just making sure, I'll remove it if you dont want it on there, but you probably dont mind do you? also if people want me to post there poems or stories on there I can just write a little thing that says u give me permission so I can post that aswell. thx bye

At 12/5/04 11:45 PM, G-MAN490 wrote: BTW myst I copy and pasted your descriptions about WOR on my website. is that ok? just making sure, I'll remove it if you dont want it on there, but you probably dont mind do you?

No, i dont mind. I dont see why it would be a problem.

Ok i gotta go now maybe be back later cya for now

At 12/6/04 04:29 PM, LordSkeletor wrote: Ok i gotta go now maybe be back later cya for now

Okay.. see ya around. We will miss ya. : P : )

I Psoted this in the Book Club... i just wanted everyone to see it and tell me what they think. Be honest, because i ont want t owaste my time if no one is interested i nreading ir and discussing it. If it is a go, i am looking for one other person to do the same.

Here is what i am thinking. I can write an online, continuous story. So i will come up with an idea and write a new chapter every week or something. Or new 'episode'. It would be kind of like RPGing, but only for me. And for others it would be a read. Maybe someone else would want to do it too and we can get two going. Since this club(Book Club) needs some help, we can have one going here and the other going in WG. Each week, people review the story: commenting etc or discuss with others what they liked about it. Maybe even give ideas on what they think should eventually happen, though, ultimately, it would be up to the writer.
Hmm, i dunno? good or bad idea?

Ladies and Gentlemen. I have decided to post my first Chapter in this fine Guild. Some of you may already have read it, but here it comes again. It probably will take several posts to deliver, so I shall serialise it over a number of days, giving the members a good chance to read it all.

And now, without further ado. I present Chapter 1 of 'From Little Acorns'

It was raining, as was the case nearly always in the city of Relovas. This and the night resulted in most of the population being located in their houses, the local taverns or in the great foundry, where it was nice and warm. On the evening in question, we shall focus on an inn by the name of ‘The Pewter Mug’. Inside this high class establishment (there was still a large quantity of furniture still fulfilling it’s primary purpose and even the staff had made an effort to make themselves look presentable), there was a rather large and wealthy looking man, covered in rings and other associated paraphernalia. He was sitting opposite a young, attractive lady who had a symbol comprising of an anvil around her neck. She was either a devoted follower or a member of the priesthood of Nirlepip, the god of smiths and artificers. They were currently having a discussion.
“You realise the risks of this job?” the man drank deeply from his tankard, not spilling a drop. Clearly, he had had a lot of practise at this particular task.
“What difference does it make if we don’t? If we die, then you just go and hire someone else to do our job instead.” She retorted. The merchant raised an eyebrow at this.
“Were that it was that simple, my dear.” He tried unsuccessfully to suppress a belch. “Pardon me, but the caravan travels a long way through uncivilised territory, meaning that it would be rather difficult to replace you on the fly, as it were.”
“I understand the risks, and so do my comrades. How much are you willing to part with in order to see your cargo adequately protected?”
“One hundred Gold Kronep for each person accountable for at the end of the journey.” The merchant patted his vast gut, as a small brandy was deposited at his table.
“One hundred gold each at the end, with fifty each in advance.” The merchant nearly choked on his brandy upon hearing this. “This cargo is worth a lot, as you say, so I’d like to make sure we are all prepared” The merchant placed his glass on the table, followed by the flats of his hands.
“How many people are we talking about in your little cohort?” He eyed his opposite number cautiously
“I shall supply you with seven eager bodies to do your bidding regarding the guarding of the caravan for the duration of the journey.”
“Very well, I shall return momentarily.” The merchant stood up and carefully, in the way that someone who has had too much to drink but does not want to show it walked toward the stairs. A few minutes later, he returned with a small pouch gripped tightly in his hand. He extended his arm out to her, proffering the pouch to her.
“Three hundred and fifty, as agreed. Dawn in three days, or some of my friends will be after you for repayment of the ‘loan.’ Do you follow me, Miss Junra?” The girl stood up, took the pouch and placed it in her knapsack.
“I gave you my word. You shall learn you can trust the name Eltran Junra.” She smiled at him and turned, leaving the wealthy merchant to foot the bill. He just sat there, sipping his brandy in silence, like a chess player planning his next move.
His next move had already been carefully planned and was currently being played. You see, my friend, as an observer in these situations, I can let you into a few secrets which some of the protagonists cannot see. For example, as Eltran left the Pewter Mug, she was completely unaware that someone was following her. For down a back alley, there was a quiet clatter. The sort of clatter made by someone who wishes to keep the noise down, but didn’t take into account the hazards of travel by rooftop. Roofing tiles have a habit of looking like they are firmly nailed down, then jumping from under your feet as soon as you set foot on them, no matter how gingerly. Fortunately, the tile had bounced off a cart loaded with very damp hay, meaning the last few feet of its journey had caused the crash, and not the sixty odd feet between the floor and its original home. The figure following Eltran jumped to the next rooftop, clinging onto a chimney stack to assist his balance. Things like that allow you to remain slightly ahead of the game, so keep an eye out.
The huge chimneys of the Great Foundry loomed out of the mist, like a giant burning castle. Eltran marched off towards them, as if she had to be there as soon as she could, possibly sooner. Her marching speed was quite fast, causing her follower to curse and reconsider his rooftop position. Still jogging after her, he unwound a coil of rope, found the grappling hook on its one end and dived down into the night. He slid deftly down the rope, flicked it and caught the grappling hook as is came flying down. He stuck his head out of the alley and checked the distance to his quarry. While rewinding his rope, he ran after her, stopping occasionally to check on her from the safety of a doorway or alley of some kind. His patience and periodic hiding was rewarded when she turned off the main street down a side street.

At 12/6/04 05:11 PM, Coop83 wrote: Ladies and Gentlemen. I have decided to post my first Chapter in this fine Guild. Some of you may already have read it, but here it comes again. It probably will take several posts to deliver, so I shall serialise it over a number of days, giving the members a good chance to read it all.

Your writing style is very old fashioned in a sense, which i like. The narraration reminds me of how a 1880's writer would write. Although, your wording is not quite as clever, you have a definent nack for the genre.
Some sentences are awkward and have slight editing problems.
There were a few parts that lacked description. Some parts were a little confusing. Meaning, it took me a couple reads over.

I know that all sound abad, but in fact, i love it. It is something that has intrigued me and i would deffiently buy. Mostly because i am very much into the 1980-1910 style of writing.
It reminds me of something familier though, not sure what. Either way, it is a good thing. I really enjoyed it.

I hope my little critiqing helps you out.

On another note: did you read my chapter on page 22, it was three parts and quite long, but i would like it if you read it whenever you could. It is a first draft (i generally go through 5 or 6), but so far i think it is coming along nicely.

At 12/5/04 09:00 PM, Myst_Williams wrote: Quick note: In WOR do not be another charcter. A few people have done, but i cenetred out immortaldarkness today and he is not the only one. It is a rule, do not do it unless given permission.

I made you topple a guard and made the others battle ready!!!

BTW... I dont care if you ignored my last post, I'm stickin' with the pirate story
And what are you bunch doing?

At 12/6/04 06:05 PM, immortaldarkness wrote:

BTW... I dont care if you ignored my last post, I'm stickin' with the pirate story
And what are you bunch doing?

I didnt ignore it, i was gone and missed alot. Anyway, once you done fighting pirates... we are ona boat heading to Pura.

Hey this looks like a cool club mind if I ask what you do in this club and may I join.

At 12/6/04 06:43 PM, secret_toad wrote: Hey this looks like a cool club mind if I ask what you do in this club and may I join.

There are people that submit stories here for judgement and if you need the help we might edit them or give you ideas...

Did Frozen Fox get banned?

At 12/6/04 06:43 PM, secret_toad wrote: Hey this looks like a cool club mind if I ask what you do in this club and may I join.

Of course you are welcome, anything writing. We are.

NOTE TO ALL: I apologize for the fighint between DroopyA and i in WOR, but if you read my latest post that i just did, you will notice i am trying to be nice and hold in my aggrivation. Iasked hi mto email me at the end of it, hoping that it wont take place i nthe thread any longer.
If it is still happening by next Friday, i will have no choice but to move the club.
P.S. Thanks for al lthe support : P lol ... just playin.

At 12/6/04 08:17 PM, Noctroler wrote: Did Frozen Fox get banned?

I do not think so. I think he is studying for exams or something.

I think he was on Sunday morning and posted in a spam topic... About spiderman? Ah well, I shall remain ever patient.