Newgrounds.com — Everything, By Everyone.

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At 11/9/05 07:36 AM, Myst_Williams wrote: Comments on my poems?

You know I don't comment on things like poetry, as I can't do poems justice.

I can comment on more mundane issuses like congratulations of 4000 posts though.

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At 11/8/05 07:15 PM, Myst_Williams wrote:

At 11/8/05 07:10 PM, Sonichu wrote: Whoo! I will join!

Welcome man. Post some of your writing for us to read.

Script for my soon to be FF short:

(Fighter) "I like swords!" ect.
(Bmage) "Isn't he annoying?"
(Wmage) "Of course!"
(Black mage turns fighter into a Zombie)
(Wmage) "AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!"
(White mage uses Dia over and over again)
(Black mage sighs and shoots Fighter with a shotgun)
(Wmage) "Yes! I won!"
(Bmage) "..., Loser."

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At 11/9/05 08:31 AM, Sonichu wrote: Script for my soon to be FF short:

This is far too short. It has got 1 or 2 jokes in it. Even for a short, it needs more substance. At least put a random encounter in there, as you can't really have a hlaf-decent conversation in Final Fantasy without a random encounter coming along to confuse things.

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At 11/9/05 07:38 AM, Andersson wrote: Want me to [Copy] > [Paste] my comment made in the "Late Night Lounge"? =P

haha, no.

But seriously though, I can't wait till we've started writing together. d^_^b

Ya, me too.

I am about to start my essay for today right now. I am freaking out. It is due tomorrow. lol.

At 11/9/05 08:03 AM, Coop83 wrote: You know I don't comment on things like poetry, as I can't do poems justice.

Ya, I knew you wouldn't... but maybe someone else.

I can comment on more mundane issuses like congratulations of 4000 posts though.

Merci Beaucoup! : )

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At 11/9/05 10:13 AM, Myst_Williams wrote: Ya, I knew you wouldn't... but maybe someone else.

I need to ask yet another favour. Could you email me the first 2 chapters of my story. I know exactly where my e-copies are. They are locked within the brain of my old PC and I can't retrieve them. I have printed off copies of the latest amendments.

If I've got it in .doc form, I can edit it and then use the wonderful tool 'BACKUP' and hopefully put the third chapter in the books.

Usual email address please.

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At 11/9/05 08:03 AM, Coop83 wrote:

You know I don't comment on things like poetry, as I can't do poems justice.

Orlyme2!!1
I have a lasting aversion to poetry, probably influenced by, but not limited to, the extent to which we always over-analysed them in school. I recall once writing a load of nonsense for a poetry assignment, and my teacher was all like "Omgd, liek, L337 do u teh mean this!?" and I was like "LOLNOFAIL".

You get the picture.

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First off does anyone know if Mic knows that hes up on the collab?

Secondly, I found it funny that someone tried to start another writer's guild called "the other writer's guild"

Sorry Myst, but as much as I like writing poetry or reading it I have a hard time actually analyzing it.

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I made a story a long time ago, since English isnt my native language it has some spelling and grammar errors. Should I continue?

http://www.deviantar../deviation/16779711/

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For no apparent reason I've decided to get better at poetry, and to do that I'm going to write poems about any interesting events that happen during my day. This is the first. Opinions and the like please.

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-Currenty untitled-

The awkward sound of silence, echoes all around
Everyone just sits there, silence, no sound.
Lots of avoiding glances, no talking face to face
It as though everyone we’re from a different race.

Then in walks to culprit, head held high with glee
He stares at her, then him, and then he stares at me.
His eyes, they show no sorrow, they show no remorse
It’s no wonder why he did it, he’s a show off of course.

And then the silence shatters, with cries of hate and anger
It is at this point I exit, washing my hands upon the matter.
But as I walk I hear the shouting, I hear them swear and curse
I wonder to myself, just who will end up losing, end up for the worse?

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At 11/6/05 10:29 PM, Redder44 wrote: is this a good idea?

ive decided to make a bbs story in an alternate reality in Russia,communists have risen up again and America and his freinds,Britain and France,have set out to take them down.

well, its a bit repetetive, but try it anyway

and add me! :) i am pyromaniac

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At 11/9/05 12:52 PM, Tri-Nitro-Toluene wrote: Then in walks to culprit, head held high with glee

Tat should be " Then in walks THE culprit" not to culprit as I somehow manged to do.

</subtle editing>

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At 11/9/05 10:57 AM, Coop83 wrote: I need to ask yet another favour. Could you email me the first 2 chapters of my story.

I emailed you and did the best I could, but I wont give up yet. I may still have the first.

At 11/9/05 12:36 PM, -TheDoctor- wrote: Orlyme2!!1

What?

You get the picture.

LOL! no, I don't. I don't get this e-tal kstuff. It is way over my head.

At 11/9/05 12:42 PM, gumOnShoe wrote: First off does anyone know if Mic knows that hes up on the collab?

No, not sure, but I will check on MSN.

Secondly, I found it funny that someone tried to start another writer's guild called "the other writer's guild"

Haha ya.. it was funny. I liked yours and Quikfox's replies. And now he has joined here. : D

Sorry Myst, but as much as I like writing poetry or reading it I have a hard time actually analyzing it.

Ya, fair enough. It seems to be the trend here.

At 11/9/05 12:52 PM, Tri-Nitro-Toluene wrote: -Currenty untitled-

The awkward sound of silence, echoes all around
Everyone just sits there, silence, no sound.
Lots of avoiding glances, no talking face to face
It as though everyone we’re from a different race.

I am going to tell the first, and most imporant thing I have learnt about poetry. the one thing I wish someone told me and I didnt have to learn on my own. It is nearly impossible to write effect end-line rhyme. Aside from that... the 'no' of the subcluses could be better worded, and the last line just doesnt make sense. It is missing a word, and uses a word wrong. Probably just a look over.

Then in walks to culprit, head held high with glee

The word 'to'.

He stares at her, then him, and then he stares at me.
His eyes, they show no sorrow, they show no remorse
It’s no wonder why he did it, he’s a show off of course.

Again, the last line is the weak one. A very good stanza overall, except the last line falls off and weakens it entirely.

And then the silence shatters, with cries of hate and anger
It is at this point I exit, washing my hands upon the matter.

Clever. I like your wording.

But as I walk I hear the shouting, I hear them swear and curse
I wonder to myself, just who will end up losing, end up for the worse?

Nice. I like the concept. If you truly want to improve as poet, try not to take these next few words harshly... it is what I wish someone had told me when I was even worse then I am now. lol.

Experiment with rhyme. And not end-rhyme. Only use end-rhyme when it is effective and you have a strict meter (syllable count)... otherwise, it just sounds chilidish and cheesy. It is very difficult to use this type of rhyming appropriately. Experiment with mid-line rhyme, and other sorts. I will give you a good link at the end of this post that will help any poet improve.

Watch your grammar. As much as poetry is a little more 'open' to interpretive, and maybe even abstract grammar... it is still writing, and needs to be looked at carefully. For two reason: one... it has to be structurally sound... and two... it has to flow accordingly to the tone, mood, and rhythm.

Watch for cliches. Cliches make bad poems unless used originally (somehow tweaked or twisted), or are used in such a way that it powerfully portrays exactly what the cliche is trying to convey. If the cliche became a cliche because all the girls cried when they first heard it in that famous movie... then dont use it again unless you fully expect the majority to shed a tear again.

Oh, and not all these points relate to your poem. They just came to mind, and you said you wanted to improve, so I thought i'd try to help. : )

I found this recently that I could have used a year ago. http://www.deviantart.com/view/24179464/

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At 11/9/05 01:40 PM, Myst_Williams wrote: I found this recently that I could have used a year ago. http://www.deviantart.com/view/24179464/

Cheers Myst. What you have said is taken to heart and I shall try another poem tonight with a different rhyme scheme :-)

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Aaah, damn I hate homework. |=(

I just want to write together with you now Myst_Williams, I have a feeling of that it will become neat. =P

Heh, ignore the bored Swede... =]

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At 11/9/05 01:44 PM, Tri-Nitro-Toluene wrote: Cheers Myst. What you have said is taken to heart and I shall try another poem tonight with a different rhyme scheme :-)

Cool man. Glad I could help. You have always been quite witty with your words, so it will be interesting to see what you come up with as a more 'serious' poet. : )

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At 11/9/05 01:40 PM, Myst_Williams wrote:

At 11/9/05 12:36 PM, -TheDoctor- wrote: Orlyme2!!1

What?

You get the picture.

LOL! no, I don't. I don't get this e-tal kstuff. It is way over my head.

O RLY?

Y halo thar butseks.

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At 11/9/05 01:40 PM, Myst_Williams wrote:

At 11/9/05 10:57 AM, Coop83 wrote: I need to ask yet another favour. Could you email me the first 2 chapters of my story.

I emailed you and did the best I could, but I wont give up yet. I may still have the first.

Well, you were in posession of the most up to date versions, but Chapter II is enough to get me up to speed and hopefully back writing.

I owe you bigtime for this (posibly a dedication if it ever goes to print :))

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Ok doeky, another poem with a different rhyme scheme. It wa sharder than I thought it would be thats for certain.

This might not amkesense to nyone thats not British as I'm not sure how well known the Gunpowder plot is known in the rest of the world.
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Barrels of powder stacked in a cellar, just one man stood in the corner.
I feel sorry for this fella’ he’s going up with the place in the morning.

He rolls in a barrel and waits for the noise in the room above.
Silence. He sits among the black sand barrels that surround him.

Guido sits and waits for the king and his men to enter deliberations,
He whistles to himself, wanting to sing a song of praise to the Pope

He hides as he hears footsteps coming from the stairs behind.
Guards enter, unaware of what they will find, and gasp with shock.

Fawkes tries to run for it, dashes past the guards to the stairs.
To late, he is caught and thrown into jail, the torture haunts his sleep.

Now every year on November fifth, in fires nice and hot ,we burn him
All in remembrance, of the failure, of the Catholic Gunpowder Plot.

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Opinions?

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At 11/9/05 01:57 PM, -TheDoctor- wrote: O RLY?

Yup

Y halo thar butseks.

huh? I got the Butt Sex... I think...

At 11/9/05 02:08 PM, Coop83 wrote: Well, you were in posession of the most up to date versions, but Chapter II is enough to get me up to speed and hopefully back writing.

Great! I am glad icould help.

I will check again later tonight when I finish my essay (it is only 1100 words, but it is one of those very detailed, concise essays... im only on word 739). I might have backed up your first chapter as I have old burnt CDs all over the place. You never know.

I owe you bigtime for this (posibly a dedication if it ever goes to print :))

Haha! Yes! And of course it will. I love your story. Which is a feat, because I am not one for the medieval-like fantasy. As much as I love Tolkien's writing style.. I could never get into his plots and storylines.

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Well, I haven't been able to come up with any samples for stories yet. All I have are some poems that I've written. So you may tell me what you think.

Untitled

Born under God,
in grateful November,
with a crimson rod,
on a day to remember.

My fate is not clear,
yet my roots remain,
for there is nothing to fear,
in what I must attain.

But I have one fault,
i don't believe in me,
in God's covenant of salt,
so i can never truly see.

I let mystery be my guide,
for in it i confide,
all my dreams that have long ago died.

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At 11/9/05 08:44 AM, Coop83 wrote: This is far too short. It has got 1 or 2 jokes in it. Even for a short, it needs more substance. At least put a random encounter in there, as you can't really have a hlaf-decent conversation in Final Fantasy without a random encounter coming along to confuse things.

The fighting part is a random encounter

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At 11/9/05 04:01 PM, Myst_Williams wrote: I might have backed up your first chapter as I have old burnt CDs all over the place. You never know.

Well, I'll go with what you've given me so far. If it turns up, it's a bonus.

Thanks Myst.

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wow the topics still going! excellent ^^

im guessing noone read my story a few pages back, meh.

would i get an e-slap if i posted the first 6 chapters of my BBS story?

C_M

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At 11/10/05 12:16 PM, chaos_mage wrote: would i get an e-slap if i posted the first 6 chapters of my BBS story?

No, go for it. I'd like to read it. Just spread it out... like one a day or something.

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ok cool, i could just link you to the ongoing topic, but this is a better idea. i might space it out as 2 a day though if thats ok.

chapter 1: prologue

we see general adams at a conference table with several scientists, al gore and tony blair.

general adams:..yesterday afternoon at 3pm we found something in the city of ohio. it was what we thought to be a meteorite.
but then.....the meteorite came to life.

al gore: what do you mean by.... it came to life, adams?

general adams: it rose from the ground, formed a body and a head and destroyed the city of ohio, it then sank into the ground like spilt oil and dissapeared.

blair: what do you mean it "dissapeared?" something of that calibur cannot just sink into the ground and dissapear!

al gore: i agree, this cannot be possible, send the army to look into it

general adams smacked the table with his fist

general adams: WE'RE TRYING DAMNIT! this morning we had a search party go out to find the monster. only one returned in perfectly normal condition but....

al gore: but what general?

general adams:.....he had been possessed

blair: how do you know this?

general adams: he strangled 3 of the medical team. grabbed a pistol and shot himself in the head.

blair: are you sure the man wanst insane?

general adams: yes. when he shot himself, a black goo came out of his head and dissapeared into the floor.

there was distinguished muttering.

general adams: we have a plan, but it requires sacrifice.

al gore: tell us general.

general adams:very well

he paused for a moment, unable to tell them face to face, he stared out the window as he spoke.

general adams: around 10 years ago, we had a set of recruits who were selected for certain backround talents.
some were war veterens
some had talents that some would think of as "unnatural"

he paused slightly as he spoke

blair: and?

general adams: we wanted to use these unnatural talents for our own personal use.
they were experimented on. the results were....horrific..
i remember in one incident we were experimenting on someone i will nickname jinzoa,
who was screaming as he was being examined.
and then he...dissapeared.

al gore: dissapeared?! like the demon??

general adams: no..he sunk into the shadows, it took us hours to find him. we then had to use different measures.

blair: like?

general adams:...gassing the room.

al gore: you killed him??

general adams: we thought we had, but he had a self healing mechanism and he escaped.
they all seemed to carry that trait, it was disturbing, we ran several tests but found nothing.

blair: i remember you once mentioning the "dangerous one"

general adams: ah yes. twerpo.
he had the power to manipulate objects, as a child he would throw them at the scientists who expermented on him, one of his friends used to be xcloviacx, he would create swords and myles would throw thme with his mind.

blair: i hate to interrupt your reminissing, but what does this have to do with the plan?

general adams: well as you know, stormx base closed down after they escaped.
we want these people to save us from the demon.

al gore: how will you get them to agree?

general adams: we will promise them new lifes.

blair: well it sounds like the best thing to do.

al gore: i agree

general adams: good, we'll get their attention quite easily.

al gore: how?

general adams: we have an insider named BadReligionSkater. he is a moderator on a website called "newgrounds" we will get him to post a topic about a meet up at his house. they all come and we explain our proposal there.
i will inform him soon.

he paused again, then said:

general adams: its funny, the people who we thought were our enemy because they were different our now going to defend us from an even greater demon than themselves.....im sure they will enjoy taking it down.

meeting ajourned

they file out one by one

general adams (thought): tomorrow, it will begin......

end chapter 1

C_M

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At 11/10/05 01:34 PM, chaos_mage wrote: ok cool, i could just link you to the ongoing topic, but this is a better idea. i might space it out as 2 a day though if thats ok.

Sure man. *Goes and reads*

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At 11/10/05 01:42 PM, Myst_Williams wrote:

At 11/10/05 01:34 PM, chaos_mage wrote: ok cool, i could just link you to the ongoing topic, but this is a better idea. i might space it out as 2 a day though if thats ok.

Sure man. *Goes and reads*

heh, hope its worthy :P
im gonna go ahead and post chapter 2, then im off to work :D
NOTE: these are just BBS users who signed up to be a part of it.

C_M

chapter 2: the gathering.

the next day, all 20 users filed in looking excited.

lost_chances: chaos!

chaos_mage: hey! whats up man?

lost_chances: not much, BadReligionSkater asked me to come here

chaos_mage:cool, me too!

across the room someone is approaching chaos_mage and lost_chances.

general adams: im glad you 2 came, if you wouldnt mind taking your seats i have a speech to make

lost_chances and chaos_mage looked apprehensive but cooperated.

the rest started to take their seats now.

general adams stood at the alter

general: thank you all for coming, i have a quick announcement if you dont mind sitting through it, i promise it wont take long.

_darx_: wheres BadReligionSkater?

general adams:....you'll see him soon enough. anyway the announcement. 1 can you please get the lights?

1 is sitting with his feet up on the seat in front of him.

1: go fuck yourself general.

general adams: very well...lookingtwicekills can you get the lights?

lookingtwicekills: sure

he pulls out a pistol and shoots the switch.

general adams:....thank you.

a computer simulation appears up on the screen.

general adams: it is my unfortunate duty to tell you that you have been tricked.
BadReligionSkater is not here nor is there a party.

xcloviacx: you mean i got screwed over by a british bastard??!

britkid: ahem! im british and if you say that again i'll shove a sword so far up your ass you'll be crapping daggers for the rest of your life!

general adams: here is why you were called here.

a set of slides come up showing individual powers for each person.

general adams: you are all unique, i realise we expermimented on you in stormx base
and that was not right, we know you would not have came here unless we lured you. i will sum this up for you quickly.
we need your help.
a demon has came from outer space to destroy our planet.

kirol bursts out laughing.

general adams: you think this is funny?

kirol: hahaha, i most certainly do! you talk complete bull! there is no demon, you just wanted to piss around with us!

the ground starts to shake as soon as he starts laughing again, making him fall off of his chair.

kirk_cocaine: ok man this isnt funny whats going on?

general adams: he's coming....

the screen starts to flicker and dissapears, plunging the room into darkness.

_darx_: what the fucks goin on?

1: i dunno but i aint sticking round to find out!

footsteps are echoing towards the door but the never reach it.

????: you look like a good vessel!

1: and what the fuck does that mean?

????: let me show you!

the lights flicker on and a demon is bathed in light, he is holding 1 by the throat and the demon then starts to turn to liquid and pass into 1's skin/.

1 is writhing madly whilst screaming

1: AHHHH!!!! GET THE FUCK OFF ME!!!!!!!!

the others watch in horror as the demon completely takes over 1, 1 drops to the floor like a ragdoll, he then picks himself up and looks at the others.
gamegrrl screamed.
1's eyes are now fully red. and his voice is cold and evil

1: your time will come. you might be unique on this planet, but to me your a bunch of weak freaks!

britkid loses it

britkid: I AM NO FREAK! EAT LEAD YOU BASTARD!

he pulls out his uzi's and fires all he has at 1

1 smiles and puts his hand out, absorbing the bullets, he then laughs

1: hahaha, i'll leave you with a goodbye present. hope to see you all soon!

he fires the bullets from his hand, they fire in all directions, nimbly mising serveruler

before anyone can do anything, 1 sinks into the ground like a puddle of oil and dissapears.

general adams: that was the demon, he has many minions so catching him wont be easy at all.
dont think that because he;s possessed 1 he cannot posess anyone else.

chaos_mage: how can he posess you

general adams: 2 ways.
1: if your heart is not pure
2: when your sleeping.

twerpo: no problem i've statyed awake for 3 days straight!

grizzley: thanks to my good friend coffee, i can stay awake for nights on end!

general adams: so your up for the job?

chaos_mage: well i was going to spend the day snapping myself with the elastic on ym underwear, but i guess i could do this instead.

gamegrrl: yea im in

invaderchris: me too, target practice would be nice

xcloviacx: me too, just like playing halo!

sword_master000: anything to be a hero

Olil_marioO: i was going to spend the day poking a dead squirril with a stick but i guess i could do this.

silly_rabies: and i was going to spend the day making sweet love to all your girlfriends, but hell, i'll do it.

general adams: all in favour?

all (in unison): aye!

general adams: ok now the groups.

Olil_marioO, _darx_ and kirk_cocaine

chaos_mage, kirol, gamegrrl and lost_chances

lookingtwicekills, britkid and swordmaster000

raven-ski, grizzley and twerpo

silly rabies, invaderchris and serveruler

_darx_, mental-myles and jinzoa

general adams: i trust you all have your weapons and "talents"?

lost_chances: yep, i've been morphing into a banker all week! taking his money is fun!
hehehe, wait till he see's his bank account amount.

all: hahahaha

general adams: good, i would set out now, it will take all you have to beat 1.

end chapter 2

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http://www.newground../topic.php?id=376823

should we skip mick or has someone talked to him?

... no one said anything so... just was curious...

Oh and that topic above explains why I'm asking, though I'm sure its probably not true (if it is, I of course hope he gets better)

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Give him to the end of the weekend, if it isn't true we'll find out somehow(he'll either post in here or someone wills ee him on MSN) and if it is true the end of the weekend should give him enough time to get out of hospital, if it isn't serious , as was suggested in the thread, then he can come on and say if he wants to skip his turn due to him not feeling up to it etc.

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At 11/11/05 11:14 AM, Tri-Nitro-Toluene wrote: Give him to the end of the weekend, if it isn't true we'll find out somehow(he'll either post in here or someone wills ee him on MSN) and if it is true the end of the weekend should give him enough time to get out of hospital, if it isn't serious , as was suggested in the thread, then he can come on and say if he wants to skip his turn due to him not feeling up to it etc.

yeah, I just figured everyone in the group ought to know. If it is true, I really hope he gets better. Its got to suck more than I can comprehend right now. At the same time this is a forum... and out of all the stuff that has happened. Anyway I hope he feels better if its true... I can't imagine it would be fun to be hurt that badly.

Till the weekend it is then...