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Cheers mate. Thats actually given me an idea so I'll paly around with it and work summit out :P

At 11/2/05 04:47 PM, Tri-Nitro-Toluene wrote: Cheers mate. Thats actually given me an idea so I'll paly around with it and work summit out :P

Alright, do so. I will see what you come up with and then provide you with more information if you would need it later. =)

Hello, I just wanted an opinion from fellow writers, so please read my story 2099

Also, I want to join the guild, but I thought it would be proper if you read my material before allowing me to be in.

At 11/2/05 04:10 PM, Andersson wrote:

By the way, about the story I begun and rewrote, anyone read the rewritten cast?

If you did, what do you think? I'll continue on that one so I need tips...

Yeah, decent premise, not wonderful, but certainly has potential if you develop it in detail. Still some of the wording was out of place, but for the most part the message was clear. Are you planning to do this as a short story, or more of a lengthy peice?

i like to right and i do have my work its just on a thread called writer sort of. and i want to join

At 11/2/05 05:24 PM, -TheDoctor- wrote: Yeah, decent premise, not wonderful, but certainly has potential if you develop it in detail.

Oh, that is just the introduction, that's why it ain't detailed. =)

Still some of the wording was out of place, but for the most part the message was clear.

Oh, could you give me examples because I would like to improve you know...

Are you planning to do this as a short story, or more of a lengthy peice?

Probably a very long story...

Please include me. Here's my latest.

At 11/2/05 05:56 PM, Platinum_ wrote: Please include me. Here's my latest.

If you are just refuring to being included in the Guild you are in... (if its something else I don't know what you are talking about)

-to the guild in general-

... I need to write something... and I'm tired and can't see strait so this should get kind of interesting. (By the way... what did you think of that story I wrote in its own thread. Click my sig to find it... sorry about the typos... and I know its a bit "out there")

<><><><><><><><><><><><><><><>

Dah duh dum... Dah duh dum... Dah duh dumm...
Ho hum humm.... Dah duh dum...

<silence>

Swack... flum

Dah duh dum

....

Swack... flum

Daaah dah duh dum

<silence>

Swak flum dah duh dum, flis nah dah dah dum...

Ch Ch Ch ch ch Ch Ba Ch ch ch ch ch ba
ch
ch
CH
FlammmMmMmMmMmmmmnnnnn.........

<silence>

Ch chch ch ch
shhhhh ssssssssssssssssss

And the fire went out. And out went the fire in a hiss of steam. The drums lay silent, the chanters lay silent, the sun and moon both lay silent. The sea stopped roling as the sun sank behind it and the moon rose above it. The stars twinkled overhead and the people stared and waited. The drums lay silent in the sand. In the sand they lay silent and up onto the sand came the water of the sea which swelled with the night. The darkness dimming the sands to gray and and the purple pinks to deep blues of which the stars resided in.

And the people left the drums. The drums were left and the people went down into the waves. Into the waves they went and the waters rushed about them cooling the once hot skin. Wetting the once dry hair as the sand moved beneath their toes, filling in the cracks and moving with currents. The currents they moved about with the waves wich hissed upon the now gray sand. And the silvery moon light shown of the rippling water and onto the now gray skin of the people. The people who now waded waste deep in the waters of the sea that now held the sun.

And there they stood in silence surrounded by the waves and the water as the wind blew softly over their faces. Touched the grass just beyond the now gray sand and carried forth the sound of a russle. The russle of the grass came carried forth unto them and they waded in the water as the water moved about and hissed on the now gray sand. Gray sand that reflected the moon like the water reflected the moon, which was held in the sky. Held in the sky like the stars which dipped into the see on onside and rose from behind the now russling grass on the other, in between all the wind lofted and played upon the people who stood in the water which moved the sand below their feet.

And all was seperate and silent, none moved and all were one, connected by the wind and the water and the sand.

At 11/2/05 03:38 PM, HellboundNinja wrote: Ninja's are not crap
there one of the most versatile ch's ever

Like theWeebl's Chris, the Ninja Pirate

Nitro & Anderson those are some slick odeas soz i cunt reply i went out :/ anyways yea thats good but instead of joining the military he could join a small underground force working against the bad guys whoeva they maybe this is where he meets the dwarf, human and cat girl oh yea also i don't mind if u dont like Leah got any better names ???

this is ho i've planned it so far comments is what i like but good comments are better
After being falsely accused of murder an elf named Skye Tauron flees the town of Silverwoods (a place which is forbidden to all but two races the Elves and Furlines) and takes up the job of joining an elite small force called Element who protects a wealthy and powerful man. For unknown reasons, many people in Jessiple (the town in which the man lives) have found certain grudges against this man the only person that knows why is the president himself.

At 11/3/05 04:52 AM, AnimeDruid wrote: anyways yea thats good but instead of joining the military he could join a small underground force working against the bad guys.

He was in the military in his life before he was false accused to murder.

whoeva they maybe this is where he meets the dwarf, human and cat girl oh yea also i don't mind if u dont like Leah got any better names ???

I got the story whole worked out about how he meets a dwarf and another woodelf and how he joins adventure quests and so on...

yea i no but what do you think of my draft of course when its proper ill add more background

At 11/2/05 02:33 PM, gumOnShoe wrote: I replaced the o with a 0 for now... it may lock a little odd, but at least we know what it says. Any "curse word" or sexual word is replaced, I don't know whether or not Andersson did it or the boards came that way...

It isn't a huge deal to me, I just found it funny when I read it.

At 11/3/05 12:46 PM, Myst_Williams wrote:

At 11/2/05 02:33 PM, gumOnShoe wrote: I replaced the o with a 0 for now... it may lock a little odd, but at least we know what it says. Any "curse word" or sexual word is replaced, I don't know whether or not Andersson did it or the boards came that way...

It isn't a huge deal to me, I just found it funny when I read it.

I could put it back... but I only did so that later if we come back and go through all of this we know what it was supposed to be.

At 11/2/05 05:32 PM, Andersson wrote:

Oh, could you give me examples because I would like to improve you know...

Alright, let's have a look...
He was not in any condition accepted to be small.
"Condition" is quite out of place here, "accepted" as well to a lesser degree. This sentence should probably read more like:
Under no conditions was he to be thought of as small.
But that's still a bit dodgy, it works, but I would propose a sentence more along the lines of:
Never would one consider this boy to be small of stature.
That way the message is a bit more clear and easy to read.

He was not the weak fragment of his father that his men although thought he would become.
"Although" is misplaced here, it should really be at the beginning of the sentence:
Although he was not the weak fragment of his father that his men thought he would become.

But so it was, he possessed inheritance that he could not keep for himself without men of his looting it or consume what was not theirs on their conditions.
^A very awkward/confusing sentence. I'll just give an example of how it could be worded:
But so it was - the boy's inheritance could never be kept for himself, for those who served under him would no doubt seek to steal, and manipulate his birthright to serve their own ends.

Other than that I would just look at not repeating "his" too often, and keeping your repetition of "and" to a minimum.

Probably a very long story...

Good good, the main character here looks like he could have a lot of potential if well developed.

Collab - I'll try and do it tonight, I'm going to be out all friday night so it might be some time over the weekend.

At 11/3/05 01:11 PM, gumOnShoe wrote: I could put it back... but I only did so that later if we come back and go through all of this we know what it was supposed to be.

No, I totally agree that that was the smart thing to do. I was just saying that it wasnt a big deal to me so you didnt think I was nagging or something. : )

NEW POEMS

Colourblind

The silk shapes her hourglass,
as clanking heels are muffled
by the blares of bass, and
the showers of lights
pour with the wind.
She leans over the bar top,
her arms tight to her sides,
her appeal in the forefront,
and calls for a martini.

Turning towards the traffic
she captures a glimpse or two,
lifting the torso and sipping
in pairs and threes, while
nicking the viable men.
She turns away and tastes,
her head tilted to the side,
her poise unbalanced,
and then finally is approached.

The bitch is on a mission,
and the candidate has arrived.
She looks him in the eyes
as there is no need to check
if he is worthy, or
if he is the ideal bronze.
She leans one arm on the bar top,
her hair descending through her fingers,
her dress rising with her cross,
and he calls for another martini.

In modest time they leave,
and travel to his condominium
upon the hills and facades
of showering lights, and
fake, plastic surroundings.
Pressed together she unbuckles,
and she slips to either side,
her dress a pool on the floor,
her body a dead weight,
and identify that I can see her.

Night Beckons

The canopy of speeding lights, though stifle of the night,
reduce the angst of curiosity, and deem realities’ plight.
The seconds pass as starry-count, contrary to the tiny fingers,
driving potent reason, even in the lack of life, as it lingers --
the first moon hinges, intervals not aside, by means of start.
In recent aft, a large clutter, though evoked pleasant, there depart.
Above, like victim, the role is played, and then grows dreary,
for mind and interest, a better source, is a habitant of the weary.

A peddler’s goal, fade of light, as well awareness – heightened,
but nary a noise of prudence, though certainty is frightened,
for brief is cycle, despite extended travel, then passing is cower --
gentle ideas, and common things, and showers grow the flower.
In respite of daily custom, though sure is task, journey ends,
and caretaker, sibling, lover, son, lifts his closest friend
to lay upon the resting ground, and stand, the door nearby
before ceasing final light, and parting comfort wry.

A quick review I did on this photo.

Zeising's Ice Cube Meets Water

Streaming through the air, water nears the figure with every second. You watch the icy figure bullet towards the flowing ground. Finally, with silence, but immeasurable might, the waters blast around the cube in mid-flight. A soft chill floods through you, a shiver of quick travel, as you catch that one single moment the waters surround the cube in a swift swallow of rage. The waters spray out into the external area, disconnected from their norm, each unique from one another, but still fated to the same place. A beautiful cycle snatches the breath from your lungs as the light reflects and portrays that figure in the most beautiful way. Every second passes like an eternity and the walls of the water hold and control the wave that is the power of a thousand men, and is the rage that fills a determined avenger. The figure drops beneath the chaos above, small, fragile air pockets stream towards the surface before a slight cling startles your attention, and the entire experience washes away. The ice cube deteriorates immediately in the waters, its soul purpose and vocation complete in that instant.

Tobias Zeising’s “Ice Cube Meets Water” is not an abstract piece of multiple interpretations, or an environment that calms the soul, but an experience that can change a moment and be remembered frozen, as it was caught, and as it is meant to be. This photograph imprisons the perfect instant that is both tranquil and delicate, but raging and potent in tone. The contrast of this piece solely controls the fury within the waters as it crashed with the side of glass. The German twenty-three year old portrays a magnificent shot that is clear, without a blur of motion, or flaw in light. Not only is this piece memorable and visually beautiful, but it also is a shot that expresses one flowing moment and holds it for an eternity in a beautifully – even perfectly – expressed way. The aura and gentle blue hues add to the overall feel and mood of the piece and simply sums up all the emotions and visual delight that this photo depicts.

The focus of this photograph, an ice cube entering a glass filled with water, may seem simple and unoriginal – and that is not to say a photographer has to do something original with every piece, but the simplicity of the concept, and the fact that it has been attempted before, does not take away from the power of this piece. The harmonious blues seem so perfectly planned that it could not be better in any way. Looking at all the little details the lighting creates in this seemingly simplistic photograph has the viewer entrapped and convinced that this particular piece outranks numerous – maybe all – other photos of its kind. Crystal clear, and ideal in composition, the capture illuminates everything wonderful about the water, the glass, and the ice cube – all normal household things made unbelievable powerful by one young photographer’s vision.

Though the print of this photo comes in many sizes, the largest is 21” by 18” and goes for the Canadian asking price of $22.21. The memorable print is worth buying and is a print that will please you as a viewer, and owner, and will demand the attention of those wandering your home, or office, as company or kin. There is nothing more powerful than an impeccable combination of time, light, tone, clarity and capture; this piece truly represents a quality in all of these fields of photographic study.

At 11/2/05 11:28 PM, gumOnShoe wrote:

At 11/2/05 05:56 PM, Platinum_ wrote: Please include me. Here's my latest.

If you are just refuring to being included in the Guild you are in... (if its something else I don't know what you are talking about)

What else would I be asking to join?

At 11/3/05 07:30 PM, -Raiden- wrote: What else would I be asking to join?

Welcome to the Writer's Guild man. You have an idea of what we are all about?

If not... we post, review, comment, critique writing. Simple oy. : )

Enjoy.

ill join, i can be a creative writer, but i need some back-ground info, i do well with fantasy things, like swords and dragons and stuff like that, and maybe some stuff thats futuristic, so ill be back every so often, around once every 1 or 2 hours, pretty much every day, see ya then

Hey Myst, not only is that picture awesome but your review is equally great.

Very detailed and precise!

Whoa. three hundred thread post pages. I'm WAY WAY WAY down on this list. Here goes...

I've been writing-on and off-this one story of mine for around three years now and I'd like to give it "substance". It's a multi-genre (predominatly fantasy-but that that cushy crap with talking lizards and bears-with a little sci-fi thrown in.

My proposal: E-Mail me at "profatlas@aol.com" if you're interested in getting your hands on some ideas.

If you actually want to animate my "book" however; I'd like to see an example of what you can do with the given media. I know I sound like a jerk here, but my story is my pride and joy. If/when I like what you can do; then I'll send the story to you a chapter at a time for the simple cost of being somewhere in the credits as something other than a side note.

Don't be afraid to e-write.

At 11/3/05 08:08 PM, yoyodog76 wrote: ill join, i can be a creative writer, but i need some back-ground info, i do well with fantasy things, like swords and dragons and stuff like that, and maybe some stuff thats futuristic, so ill be back every so often, around once every 1 or 2 hours, pretty much every day, see ya then

Welcome mate. Please post some of your writing for us to read or comment on. : )

At 11/3/05 08:20 PM, Scribbler wrote: Hey Myst, not only is that picture awesome but your review is equally great.
Very detailed and precise!

The picture is quite stunning, and thanks for the kind words. I am glad you like the review.

At 11/3/05 10:01 PM, Myst_Williams wrote:

At 11/3/05 08:08 PM, yoyodog76 wrote: ill join, i can be a creative writer, but i need some back-ground info, i do well with fantasy things, like swords and dragons and stuff like that, and maybe some stuff thats futuristic, so ill be back every so often, around once every 1 or 2 hours, pretty much every day, see ya then

Welcome mate. Please post some of your writing for us to read or comment on. : )

okay, ill have something ready in a few days, probably by sunday, or before pending on what i do in skool

At 11/3/05 10:45 PM, yoyodog76 wrote: okay, ill have something ready in a few days, probably by sunday, or before pending on what i do in skool

Awesome. Can't wait to see how talented you are.

At 11/3/05 07:34 PM, Myst_Williams wrote: If not... we post, review, comment, critique writing. Simple oy. : )

Or just post random stuff not related to writing at all, which happens on occasion.

At 11/4/05 11:47 AM, Tri-Nitro-Toluene wrote: Or just post random stuff not related to writing at all, which happens on occasion.

Ya, but it is all legal, as long as your a frequent to the club. Otherwise, it would be spammy, but it really isn't in here... so we're good.

At 11/4/05 11:50 AM, Myst_Williams wrote: Otherwise, it would be spammy, but it really isn't in here... so we're good.

True.

I'm writing a speech of my english coursework. Shall post it over the weekend after I finish my Alien Movie marathon (every single Ridley Scott Aliens Movie in one day :-) ) tomorrow.

At 11/4/05 11:58 AM, Tri-Nitro-Toluene wrote: I'm writing a speech of my english coursework. Shall post it over the weekend after I finish my Alien Movie marathon (every single Ridley Scott Aliens Movie in one day :-) ) tomorrow.

Haha... sure man. Writing is writing. : )