Garret cleared his mind of such thoughts. The Master would not wither away like the flowers. He would find someway to survive no matter what. Garret knew that The Master had survived through almost everything. Hunger was something he had faced before, he had survived. He was sure he would survive if it happened again.
The wind struck the opening chords to another song and more leaves jumped from their seats on the branches to dance. The wind was soon joined by a bass line of water droplets that fell from the sky.
The leaves continued to dance.
Garret gave no notice to the rain as it fell from the heavens above. He was used to sudden rainfall. It was never a common occurrence in the days before the Master but ever since the Master, the weather had seemed unstable.
The road started to wander off into the forest. Garret knew there were creatures in the forest but he had never seen them. He also knew the two strangers the Master wanted were in the forest too. But his task was to find food for The Master not to capture the strangers.
The forest was dense but even its density did not stop the rain from piercing through the canopy. The path quickly turned to mud as Garret trudged along trying to find something within the forest.
His eyes flickered left and right as he wandered along but he failed see anything. He grudgingly gave up searching for the creatures of the forest and carried on walking along the mud track deeper into the forest.
The sparrow that sat in a tree watched as Garret walked off. It started to preen its feathers as it sat underneath a leaf protected from the rain that was plummeting to earth.
It looked up once more as Garret continued to walk. He moved slowly forwards trying to not to make a sound. The sparrow came to the end of the branch that it was perched on and gave up following Garret. He went back to his leaf and waited for the water to stop falling from the clouds.
Garret walked on relentlessly as the droplets fell from the heavens to quench the thirst of the trees that surrounded him on all sides. His footprints were clearly visible in the mud as he trudged onwards towards the village.
The path became treacherous as Garret walked along slowly whilst shielding his face from the torrential rainfall that poured from the sky. He placed his foot on the path and heard the squelch of mud underneath his leather boots. He looked down and saw the state the path was in. He thought nothing of it and continued to walk along.
The whip like crack of lightning illuminated the sky and was quickly followed by the sound of rolling thunder. Garret looked up through the branches of the trees as he walked along. The black clouds that were directly above him, continued to spit out water down onto his face as he walked along the muddy path. The mud underneath his feet caused him to lose his footing. Despite his efforts to regain his balance he failed to regain his footing.
Garret tripped up and fell forwards catching his head on a low hanging branch of an oak tree. He looked up at the sky as the rain fell down from the sky onto his face as he lay on his back. Darkness battled with his senses as he drifted in and out of consciousness until the darkness overcame its opposition and Garret lay underneath the bough of the oak tree in a state of unconsciousness.
The darkness subsided as Garrets eyes opened slowly. He sat up and looked at his surroundings. The foliage covered floor, the stone walls, stalagmites and stalactites that stood and hung in a random pattern told him that he was in the interior of a cave.
He pushed himself up onto his feet and reached out for something to steady himself with. His hand reached out and held the rough surface of a large rock. It grated against his skin as he forced himself into a stable position.
He eyed his surroundings further to try and take in as much detail as he could. A flickering light in the corner of his eyes caused him to turn around so he could find out where the source of the light was coming from.
A fire burned in the centre of the cave with a savage ferocity as it consumed all that was within its reach. It threw itself at the foliage that lay a few centimetres away but its path was blocked by the circle of stones that had been placed around it in an attempt to keep it caged.
The fire crackled menacingly as Garret watched it with intent. The heat that emanated from the fire surrounded Garret and wrapped around him like a blanket. Garret watched in awe as he felt the heat run through his body and revitalise him.
He took a step closer to the fire and watched the flames leap and dance across the fire pit that the raging beast was held in. He continued to watch the dancing flames with his full attention drawn onto the rhythmic movement of the lashing tongues of fire. His attention was so deeply drawn into depth of the fire that he failed to notice the sound of the foliage rustling as they were pressed on and pushed by the feet that walked gently upon them.
“So you’re awake then?” asked a voice from behind Garret.
Garret span round to find the disembodied voice. He turned and looked the stranger in the face. The eyes were large and a dark blue with a faint trace of green around the edges. High cheek bones and ruby red lips along with a head of jet black hair that fell to just beneath the shoulders.
Garrett looked down at the rest of the stranger and saw a low cut, light blue tunic that hugged the figure of the stranger tightly.
Garrets heart raced as realisation dawned on him of what he was looking at. It has been some time since he had laid eyes on a female. The Master had kept female servants but they were separated from the men. This had resulted in very few people knowing that the women in the Masters castle existed.
Garret had once caught a glimpse of one of them leaving the masters chamber when he was returning from a trip to find the master food. But he had been unable to talk to the woman as she had left before he had said anything.
The woman moved forward towards Garret as she spoke.
“Don’t be afraid.” She said in a soft and rich voice “I’m not going to hurt you.”
Garrets eyes lay transfixed on her face as she reached out a hand towards him. Garret felt the warmth from the fire roll over him in a wave of heat. He felt the heat in the very depth of his soul as he stammered out a reply.
“Who…..who….are you?” he replied after a while.
“My names Sistina” she said warmly “And you are?”
Garret swallowed the saliva that had built up in his mouth before he replied.
“My name’s Garret.” he mumbled.
He looked up at her and he saw another smile reach out across her face. It released a warmth, which was similar to the warmth that emanated from the fire. The shadows that were cats by the fire danced over her face as she moved slowly towards Garret. Her hips swayed gently. Garret couldn’t help but think that they moved like a snake, which had been charmed by the flute of a snake charmer.
Garret couldn’t help but think that it was odd that he had compared the swaying of Sistinas’ hips to that of a snake. He could not recall ever seeing a snake charmer before. Yet the very movements of the snake, as it swayed gently to the music, were trapped within his mind as though they were fresh memories at the very edge of his memory.
“Are you ok then? When we found you, you were out cold.” inquired Sistina.
“I’m fine” replied Garret somewhat cautiously. He looked past Sistina to where she had come from. He could see the entrance to the cave.
A large puddle had formed near the entrance to the cave. The reflection of the moon was partially visible in its muddy waters.
----------------------------------------------
Ok that's everythign I've got so far from start to finish. I'll have pletny of free time in a few weeks though as my exams will be over and I'll be on sumemr holidays. so I'll be able to get a lot mroe done in the holidays.
Also if anyone apoar tfrom myst was around from the begining of the guild you may remember me coming up with an idea for a piss take of the wizard of oz called ther wizard of flash. I'm gpoing to start on that again for some obscure reaosn and hopefully I'll be able tog et it turned into a movie :-D
I like the discussions people are starting.
At 6/16/05 10:37 PM, DirtySyko wrote: So now I'm asking you guys what your process is. Do you take tons of notes? Do you wing it? Do you know the ending before you write the first paragraph of the story? Do you know the name of the book before you finish it?
So here is my general process... though, i do stray if the inspiration is pressing (this is all for prose... for poetry i run purely off inspiration).
I basically get an idea... and make tons, and tons of notes. I figure out the characters (not all, but the main ones), i figure out all my themes and a general plot. Then i make some depth notes (which by the way i never follow, but make for good ideas and references and are ever changing as i write the piece).
Oddly enough... my 'general idea' is usually a title. I usually start with a title and work from it. Sometimes the title changes, sometimes not.
And yes, i usually have a general idea of what the ending will entail. Or at least the last little bit... sometimes i switch the endings around according to chapters if its a novel, but it always ends uo being one of the last 5 chapters i came up with in my depth notes. Sometimes i will write alternate endings and see which works best when im done.
Also, i re-write everything 2-4 times. I have no idea why. And that is before even editing.
At 6/17/05 01:35 PM, Tri-Nitro-Toluene wrote:
this time i am still calling you MANIC. : )
Ok that's everythign I've got so far from start to finish. I'll have pletny of free time in a few weeks though as my exams will be over and I'll be on sumemr holidays. so I'll be able to get a lot mroe done in the holidays.
I will read this weekend. I am leaving in a few for the night, but tomorrow i havnt any plans.
Also if anyone apoar tfrom myst was around from the begining of the guild you may remember me coming up with an idea for a piss take of the wizard of oz called ther wizard of flash. I'm gpoing to start on that again for some obscure reaosn and hopefully I'll be able tog et it turned into a movie :-D
I always liked that idea. I am glad to see you are back on it. Keep us updated, and i will try and kick in anything i think would be funny if i can. : )
Woah, sry for the NOW triple post. I thought i clicked the button once. : P
At 6/17/05 03:53 PM, Myst_Williams wrote: Woah, sry for the NOW triple post. I thought i clicked the button once. : P
Haha, I fixed it man ;)
Thanks for responding to my question as well. You go crazy with the notes, lol. I guess different strokes for different folks... But I think I write the best when I take very minimal notes.
I've been refurbished and reissued, prepackaged and precooked, decontaminated and deloused, but I still smell, sound, look and feel like shit.
New to the video game forums?
At 6/16/05 10:37 PM, DirtySyko wrote: So now I'm asking you guys what your process is. Do you take tons of notes? Do you wing it? Do you know the ending before you write the first paragraph of the story? Do you know the name of the book before you finish it?
Hmm... Well, with this attempt, I did create a few outlines of characters and ideas for plot. I wrote a basic synopsis and then I began the long and arduous task of writing. I have deviated from the original synopsis so much that you wouldn't believe it was for the same story. You ahve to be flexible in things like this.
At 6/17/05 03:48 PM, Myst_Williams wrote: I like the discussions people are starting.
Great. I'm feeling much more involved again and my evil machinations have begun once more.
this time i am still calling you MANIC. : )At 6/17/05 01:35 PM, Tri-Nitro-Toluene wrote:
Just call him TNT, it's a lot easier.
At 6/17/05 03:56 PM, DirtySyko wrote: Haha, I fixed it man ;)
Thanks. : )
Thanks for responding to my question as well. You go crazy with the notes, lol. I guess different strokes for different folks... But I think I write the best when I take very minimal notes.
And ya, i do, but i change them like crazy as i write. So really my initial notes mean nothing, but they are my foundation and basis for the novel. It works for me. And i liked your 'different strokes for different folks' ... that was clever.
At 6/17/05 03:48 PM, Myst_Williams wrote: this time i am still calling you MANIC. : )
It'snot my fault I'm having an identity crisis..........again.
I always liked that idea. I am glad to see you are back on it. Keep us updated, and i will try and kick in anything i think would be funny if i can. : )
Cool. I've got some done on it already. I'll post it over the weekend I think.
At 6/17/05 04:03 PM, Tri-Nitro-Toluene wrote:At 6/17/05 03:48 PM, Myst_Williams wrote: this time i am still calling you MANIC. : )It'snot my fault I'm having an identity crisis..........again.
What was the first identity you had? I can't remember, I'm so used to calling you Manic.
At 6/17/05 04:34 PM, Coop83 wrote: What was the first identity you had? I can't remember, I'm so used to calling you Manic.
Frozen_fox was my first alias.......I think. At least that's the one I used when I started coming onto the forums.
At 6/17/05 04:36 PM, Tri-Nitro-Toluene wrote:At 6/17/05 04:34 PM, Coop83 wrote: What was the first identity you had? I can't remember, I'm so used to calling you Manic.Frozen_fox was my first alias.......I think. At least that's the one I used when I started coming onto the forums.
Yuppers man.. .and i Called you Fox... then u switched to something else (i forget what), but it didnt last long... then you were Manic_streetpreacher... and i kept calling you Fox. Then you wanted a new one, and me and Coop convinced you to stick with just Manic... now your freaking tri-somin-rather. TNT! However, Manic you will be until i adjust to TNT.
At 6/17/05 04:36 PM, Tri-Nitro-Toluene wrote: Frozen_fox was my first alias.......I think. At least that's the one I used when I started coming onto the forums.
Yes, now I remember.
At 6/17/05 08:32 PM, Myst_Williams wrote: However, Manic you will be until i adjust to TNT.
When you get used to calling him TNT, he'll have decided to go for something completely new.
At 6/18/05 09:03 AM, Mick_the_champion wrote: Would it be a waste of time for someone at 16 to start writing one? I mean with all the free time I'll have it college, at least it would be something to do.
Thoughts anybody?
It is not a waste of time at all. I am 18 and writing. I started when i was 17. I think, the earlier you start the better. By the time you turn 19/20, you will read back the earlier rugh drafts and change them dramatically, but the base idea -which i am sure is good - will still be there, and this only improves your writing. There is not point waiting until you are 20 to start writing. It is easier to re-write/change than it is to just begin writing.
I say get on it, and take your time. You are probably not at your full potential yet; so just take it slow and be prepared to edit, change, edit, change, etc., because that is what you will do as your writing skills and style improve.
I wrote this poem before sunrise.
Weekend has come to let some shit spew.
Arouma vanquish of falling rain to morning dew.
Overcasting clouds of half and half enter the arena.
Circular motions of utensil bring dismay to surrondings.
Begin the day of stimulating peace.
The best part of waking up, is Folgers in your cup.
At 6/18/05 06:15 AM, Coop83 wrote: When you get used to calling him TNT, he'll have decided to go for something completely new.
<Grins evily>
Like I'd do such a thing >:-)
HAs anyone got roudn to looking at bloodline yet? Idon't wanna do any more to it untill I have some reviews. ther eis one bit I don't think is very good and I need opinions people :-(
At 6/19/05 12:42 PM, WithoutCease wrote: WithoutCease = back.
Did I miss anything?
Not really. Go up rwead through story I submitted and review please :-)
</blatant plug>
At 6/18/05 09:03 AM, Mick_the_champion wrote: Would it be a waste of time for someone at 16 to start writing one? I mean with all the free time I'll have it college, at least it would be something to do.
Read my little story. (printed above) If you really want to do this, it will take a lot of effort, but don't try and do it during free time you get during college hours. I did and ended up doing 5 years worth of work for Sainsburys. I still haven't left and I quit college, to take up the job full time.
Bloodline Review Part 1
At 6/19/05 12:54 PM, Tri-Nitro-Toluene wrote:
Yes, I went in depth; so bare with me.
Okay, to start there are a few things I need to touch, so I am not repeating myself:
1) If I aw ’Awkward’, then I mean that the sentence is worded funny, confusing to read, or difficult to read – and need to be rewritten.
2) If I say something is ’Sloppy’, then I mean that it is out of character for the narrator, or is simply poor writing.
3) If I say something is ’Negative Repetition’, then I mean that the repetition is either awkward to read, sloppy writing, or both.
These three are your areas to look out for. Now it may seem bad now, but do not worry. You will understand with time. Read on my foul friend.
Quick Note: all the quotes are in order.
A weedy man stepped into the room, his clothes were ripped in various places and his eyes were a cold shade of blue.
The word weedy is an ambiguous image to me. I find it confusing to understand, and this takes my mind off of the story, which kills the flow.
The cloaked figure that sat on the throne moved his hand slowly, and eloquently towards a goblet that was positioned near the edge of the table which stood next to the throne.
A couple things:
1) I like your use of the word eloquently.
2) After the word table, I believe it should be either a comma or that instead of which.
It reached for the goblet and its pale skeletal like hand grasped the goblet in its pale bonelike fingers as it began to speak.
This image is too morbid. Some good images, but I actually thought he was a skeleton. You want me to think he is as skinny as one. It was not until you referred to his lips later on that I caught my wrongful assumption. It may have been my haste in reading, or your writing, but look it over just in case.
“I have use for them, so make sure your men understand that they are not to be harmed.” He continued in a snake like hiss as it held the jewel studded goblet.
Two things:
1) You said He suddenly, when it should be It.
2) Jewel Studded should be Jewel-Studded I believe, but maybe that is more style than grammar – I am uncertain.
The cloaked figure hissed “You shall remain here and attend to me for a time. They will not return for some time yet”
You are missing a comma, and the actual dialogue is a negative repetition.
His face echoed the thoughts and emotions that swam through his mind.
Show me! You are telling me, but I want you to show me as a reader.
His heartbeat raced faster and faster until it was a continuous drum roll.
Wow, very good wording. The sound I heard and the image I saw was great.
“Sustenance, Garret. I require sustenance. Go find me something to replenish my energies. And when you have it, make sure it is prepared as usual.” It replied.
I just thought that was intriguing to read. Haha, I had to comment.
He reached his hand for the handle and grasped it between his fingers.
Awkward, and I think you no why. ‘He reached for the handle’ would suffice.
None had succeeded in their attempts and the sight of the Master smiling was the last sight they ever saw before he turned his vengeance upon them and drained away their very life essence.
Sloppy writing. Just revise.
But the thought of the one thing that was abundant in this land and nowhere else had kept the master alive for so many centuries. The Magic.
There should be a colon after centuries instead of a period. A colon has the same pause effect as a period, but is more grammatically correct in this case.
Garret watched as the golden leaves danced across the air and came to rest upon the ground with the same grace it had possessed when it was carried by the tune that was played by the whistling winds that echoed around him.
Beautiful imagery, but the lack in punctuation is tiring. I am not sure if you can do it any other way though. The imagery is splendid nonetheless.
He wondered what it felt like to be able to dance like the leaves did.
Show vs. Tell.
The tune rang out as he whistled it but his attempts to recall where he had learnt it came to no avail.
I loved this line.
But then it went into this:
He shrugged and continued…
Which is too nonchalant for me. I would skip that and go right into continuing without saying he shrugged.
He reached out to his side and pulled the lever to his side.
Negative repetition. The his side is killing me here,
Garret walked through the gate and stepped onto the weather beaten path that led to the village that lay in the shadow of the Masters’ Castle.
The ending of this sentence I just think was poorly written. Maybe it’s the consistency that bothered me, because I know you can do SO much better.
The path was wild, and the vegetation that grew around and on it was like a jungle.
Good imagery again, but cut the word like - say: it was a jingle. This is making use of effective active voice.
Garret began to think of what would happen to The Master if he did not return to him with nourishment. Would the master wither like the flowers did?
Show vs. Tell again. Also here you said The Master (The is capitalized), and later it is not. You should look into whether The is apart of his title.
The wind struck the opening chords to another song and more leaves jumped from their seats on the branches to dance. The wind was soon joined by a bass line of water droplets that fell from the sky.
The first part was amazing. The second is a little sloppier. Something like this re-wording might help: A bass line of water droplets that fell from the sky soon joined the wind.
I am not sure, but it felt cheesy the way you wrote it.
The leaves continued to dance.
Now that is some GOOD repetition. I loved it.
… in the days before the Master but ever since the Master, the weather had seemed unstable.
Too many times you said Master.
Bloodline Review Part 2
At 6/19/05 12:54 PM, Tri-Nitro-Toluene wrote:
The road started to wander off into the forest. Garret knew there were creatures in the forest but he had never seen them. He also knew the two strangers the Master wanted were in the forest too. But his task was to find food for The Master not to capture the strangers.
I find this somewhat sloppy, but what bugs me most is that he seems so delirious and even child-like at times, but when he speaks he seems stronger.
The forest was dense but even its density did not stop the rain from piercing through the canopy.
Your imagery can be so strong sometimes; even this time when your wording is so simple, I find myself with a vivid picture. Great job.
… Garret trudged along…
I just loved your word use here, but you used it again too soon later on. I’d switch the second use.
… along but he failed see anything.
…fails to see anything.
He grudgingly gave up searching for the creatures of the forest and carried on walking along the mud track deeper into the forest.
There is nothing bad about it. It just seems a little sloppy for you - especially the latter part of the sentence.
... rain that was plummeting to earth.
You know me - I am picky as hell. There is nothing wrong here; I just hate that word. I did want to note that the to you used is Far better than the cliché the most would use.
He moved slowly forwards trying to not to make a sound.
I think you see the slight typo here.
The path became treacherous as Garret walked along slowly whilst shielding his face from the torrential rainfall that poured from the sky.
Little things like this I like for some reason. You have a way of using the right words at the right times. Just be more constant is all.
He placed his foot on the path and heard the squelch of mud underneath his leather boots. He looked down and saw the state the path was in. He thought nothing of it and continued to walk along.
Kind of sloppy to me, plus Show vs. Tell again.
The whip like crack of lightning illuminated…
Again a silly thing I am noting. You use The instead of A a lot, which I like oddly. It is almost authoritative. Just another weird thing I picked up.
… continued to spit out water down onto his face as he walked along the muddy path.
Weakest image you’ve used this far. The word spit is not suffice and is too weak an image.
The mud underneath his feet caused him to lose his footing. Despite his efforts to regain his balance he failed to regain his footing.
You are going to kill me with the negative repetition: his footing.
Garret tripped up and fell forwards catching his head on a low hanging branch of an oak tree.
I think that tripped is too colloquial here.
… looked up at the sky as the rain fell down from the sky onto his face as he lay on his back.
Awkward this is. Maybe it is negative repetition, maybe not, but I don’t like it.
Darkness battled with his senses as he drifted in and out of consciousness until the darkness overcame its opposition and Garret lay underneath the bough of the oak tree in a state of unconsciousness.
I liked the use of the word opposition, but the conscious and unconscious is awkward. Not really negative repetition as I would call it, but awkward enough.
… the stone walls, stalagmites and stalactites…
I have to admit I had never seen those words before. I looked it up and I love it. Oh, and stone walls is one word here.
… and hung in a random pattern told him that he was in the interior of a cave.
Two problems here:
1) The word random is colloquial and just poor writing.
2) You don’t have to say ’ the interior of a cave’ because you already showed it well with your descriptors.
A fire burned in the centre of the cave with a savage ferocity as it consumed all that was within its reach. It threw itself at the foliage that lay a few centimetres away but its path was blocked by the circle of stones that had been placed around it in an attempt to keep it caged.
Wow amazing imagery, but I’m not sure about the writing.
Maybe the ending should go: away but the circle of stones that had been placed around it in an attempt to keep it caged blocked its path.
The way you had it was awkward, though nothing grammatically wrong I don’t think.
The heat that emanated from the fire surrounded Garret and wrapped around him like a blanket.
At first I thought: sloppy, but after a re-read, I thought: just weak imagery to me, because it not believable. Though, strong active voice. So nothing is wrong, I actually like it now, but weird how my mind changed.
Bloodline Review Part 3
At 6/19/05 12:54 PM, Tri-Nitro-Toluene wrote:
He continued to watch the dancing flames with his full attention drawn onto the rhythmic movement of the lashing tongues of fire.
I just had to say that it would be more arhythmic than rhythmic; not that that is a word, but you gather my point I assume. I just had to say it.
His attention was so deeply drawn into depth of the fire that he failed to notice the sound of the foliage rustling as they were pressed on and pushed by the feet that walked gently upon them.
I thought this was awkward, but it is really up to you.
… roll over him in a wave of heat. He felt the heat in the very depth of his soul as he stammered out a reply.
Negative repetition even though it is not in the same sentence.
“Who…..who….are you?” he replied after a while.
Is he pausing or stuttering. I figured it should be a stutter, which a dash would work nicer. Plus, your periods are too many even if it was a pause. It is grammatically correct to only use three periods for a pause.
The shadows that were cats by the fire danced over…
I believe that cats should be cast.
… which had been charmed by the flute of a snake charmer.
I am uncertain if this is negative repetition – it is slightly awkward anyway.
… were trapped within his mind as though they were fresh memories at the very edge of his memory.
Defiantly negative repetition.
“Are you ok then? When we found you, you were out cold.” inquired Sistina.
Oooo… we? Oui! I thought that dialogue was intriguing.
He could see the entrance to the cave. A large puddle had formed near the entrance to the cave.
And I end it off with another negative repetition.
Overall
I thought your images and verbs were very strong. I thought it was cohesive enough for what I know so far, except that your character seems to have a personality disorder at times or at least doesn’t act the age I envision him at.
You need to watch your negative repetition the most. Watch that you keep consistent and do not get sloppy with your writing at times. And finally, be careful with your awkward sentences – read your own work aloud to catch things like that. If you yourself can not read it with the proper flow, who else will be able to?
Anyway, you know I like it, I just felt like giving a good review now that my exams have finally finished. All I have is grad left then I am done!
Great job! You have a unique approach with words and your images are stellar most of the time. I love it! I want more. : )
At 6/21/05 02:16 PM, Myst_Williams wrote: Overall
I thought your images and verbs were very strong. I thought it was cohesive enough for what I know so far, except that your character seems to have a personality disorder at times or at least doesn’t act the age I envision him at.
I hadn't picke dup on that with GArret. I'll sort that out. I can see what you mena though he does seem to ahve to sdies. one which is a lot mroe stronger than the other.
You need to watch your negative repetition the most. Watch that you keep consistent and do not get sloppy with your writing at times. And finally, be careful with your awkward sentences – read your own work aloud to catch things like that. If you yourself can not read it with the proper flow, who else will be able to?
will try that and I'll watch out for the negative repetition.
Anyway, you know I like it, I just felt like giving a good review now that my exams have finally finished. All I have is grad left then I am done!
lol thanks for the review mate :P I'll try and get some of your recomendations done tonight and I'll try and finish them of tommorow.
Great job! You have a unique approach with words
I do?
and your images are stellar most of the time. I love it! I want more. : )
Then moee you shall have :P I'll be finishing my exams one Friday and I'll have like 9 weeks off froms chool with nothing to do...well I'll be on holiday for 2 weeks but that still means I've got 7 weeks :-) So I'm hoping to get a HUGE chunk of writing done then.
Cheers for the review mate. It was really helpful :-)
myst
what happend to the world of role play.
i had to go for a while but im back on newgrounds.
anyone else from the old days still post?
nice to see your still posting
At 6/21/05 02:28 PM, Tri-Nitro-Toluene wrote: I hadn't picke dup on that with GArret. I'll sort that out. I can see what you mena though he does seem to ahve to sdies. one which is a lot mroe stronger than the other.
It was something i just saw as odd.
will try that and I'll watch out for the negative repetition.
If you can re-word or think of a similar, but different word it would solve a lot of annoyances in reading the prose.
lol thanks for the review mate :P I'll try and get some of your recomendations done tonight and I'll try and finish them of tommorow.
Awesome.
Great job! You have a unique approach with wordsI do?
Yes! Its a could thing btw.
Then moee you shall have :P I'll be finishing my exams one Friday and I'll have like 9 weeks off froms chool with nothing to do...well I'll be on holiday for 2 weeks but that still means I've got 7 weeks :-) So I'm hoping to get a HUGE chunk of writing done then.
Haha, i cant wait! I am going hardcore on evemortal myself. : )
Cheers for the review mate. It was really helpful :-)
No prob.
At 6/21/05 04:26 PM, D0gg wrote: myst
Hey!
what happend to the world of role play.
People gave up on it.
i had to go for a while but im back on newgrounds.
I am glad to see you.
anyone else from the old days still post?
Manic (TNT) is still around, as is Coop. Those would be the two oldest members. I'd like to think of them as co-creators essentially. : )
nice to see your still posting
Yup!
For WOR... i was going to give one last attempt at it. Maybe a star wars theme. I will be updating my idea for that before the end of the month i hope.
One last go might be fun.
I haven't been doing much creative writing lately. I've been insanely busy with the exams and such for the end of school. However, I hope to start writing a full length novel this summer. My goal is to have it done before I graduate next year. Also, I've decided that I want to earn a degree in creative writing after graduation. I want to make a career out of it.
Until then, here's an essay on the characterization of women in Shakespeare's Macbeth that I did for my Grade 11 English final. I got 100% on it :D
In Shakespeare’s Macbeth, women are generally viewed as weak and unfit to speak or even hear of anything important. Any matters of the state re either too serious or violent to be heard by the fragile ears of women. However, this view is challenged by the fact that in reality, the main character Macbeth is greatly influenced by both his wife Lady Macbeth and the three weird sisters. This portrayal of women greatly contrasted with the views of society at the time. Nevertheless, at times the female characters still act in a more traditional manner.
One of the ways in which Shakespeare challenges the views of the time is his portrayal of Lady Macbeth. While she appears to be following the role set out for her, under the surface she is the driving force behind Macbeth's success. If not for her encouragement, Macbeth would never have had the nerve to carry out many of his actions throughout the play. In addition, Lady Macbeth sometimes takes action herself to ensure their success. For example, after the murder of Duncan, Macbeth is traumatized and steadfastly refuses to return to the slain king’s chambers and incriminate his guards. Lady Macbeth takes in upon herself to return with the daggers and smear the sleeping men with their murdered king’s blood. Throughout the play Lady Macbeth is extremely adept at concealing her intentions and maintaining her facade as a subservient female. One example of this is her feigned surprise when Macduff announces the assassination of Duncan. Lady Macbeth’s proclamation to the spirits to “unsex me here” also shows her willingness and dedication to do anything necessary to succeed.
Contrary to this, there are still various instances in which the female characters in which the female characters act in a more traditional and feminine manner. Lady Macduff is a shining example of this. Never leaving the castle and apparently devoting all of her time to the care of her children, she is characterized as the stereotypical female. However, she still displays more masculine traits such as bravery in the face of death and wisdom that contradict this label. Furthermore, there are situations in which Lady Macbeth reverts to behaviour that is feminine and shows weakness. For example, she shows cowardice by taking her own life rather than facing the swords of Macduff’s advancing army.
Shakespeare’s own views seem to have contrasted greatly with the consensus of his time. He is easily able to portray female characters with traits believed fit only for men. In this way, he causes the people of the Elizabethan era to rethink their views of women’s proper station in society. One way that he does this is by often depicting Lady Macbeth as more masculine than her husband. For example, the assassination of Duncan only comes about by her machinations. Macbeth reluctance to commit the deed seems almost cowardly, a trait seen as distinctly feminine. However, by Lady Macbeth’s resiliency he is prodded into carrying out the scheme.
By ignoring the opinions of his society and placing women in roles thought to be unfit for them, Shakespeare challenges people to consider opposing viewpoints. Through his depiction of women as masculine he shows that stereotypes can be overcome.
At 6/21/05 05:55 PM, Myst_Williams wrote: Awesome.
YEha just so you knwothat isn't going to hapen. my physics exam has sapped my energy and I cn't be bothere dto do anythign but psot on the BBS and eat :-( But after my final exam on Fridya I'll finish everything off.
Yes! Its a could thing btw.
lol that's nice to hear :P
Haha, i cant wait! I am going hardcore on evemortal myself. : )
Myst have you ever actually posted anything of EverMortal? I'm really interested in it and would like to read alittle bit of it.
Manic (TNT) is still around, as is Coop. Those would be the two oldest members. I'd like to think of them as co-creators essentially. : )
awwww bless. Much <3 to you aswell msyt :-P
For WOR... i was going to give one last attempt at it. Maybe a star wars theme. I will be updating my idea for that before the end of the month i hope.
Giving it anothe rgo seems like a good diea to me. Hows this for an idea though. Ask Alkador if you can host it on his Freeworld Froums? That wya we won't have to put up with shit from people who think its "NErdy " to roleplay or whatever.
One last go might be fun.
It would indeed.
I have fallen off the wagon, I need to sit down and think of somthing, but can't right now I'm too tired.
Well before I fall asleep does anyone need me to take a look at something?
At 6/22/05 12:37 PM, Tri-Nitro-Toluene wrote:Manic (TNT) is still around, as is Coop. Those would be the two oldest members. I'd like to think of them as co-creators essentially. : )awwww bless. Much <3 to you aswell msyt :-P
I concur! Much <3 and a big group hug all round.
Been a while since I last posted, I got bored of the computer, and all things related. But tonight I had a bit of a religious epiphany and felt like writing some more of my sci-fi crime thingy (Don't ask how these events are related-I just got in the mood).
So here is the next part, I did it more quickly, and with less thought than the others, so I don't think it's as interesting, but hey, everything needs to be padded out.
Awakening
He opened his eyes. Quite who the eyes belonged to he didn’t know. It didn’t matter much as the stupid things didn’t seem to work properly anyway. He could make out lights, above him. That must mean he was lying down, in a bed? It felt that way. There wasn’t much to see apart from those damn lights that seemed to flood the room (if indeed it was a room) with their radiance, no point in keeping the eyes open then. Instead he tried to remember something, he had to right? It wasn’t like people just sprang up out of the ground knowing as much as he did. And how much was that anyway? Aha He thought There’s my starting point.
The first thing to spring to mind was an encyclopaedia-like list of codes. Codes eh? What, am I some kind of codebreaker? It seemed unlikely. What did they all mean? Crimes. They identified crimes-wait, not quite all of them. But that was close enough. I’m a cop. He felt his hand instinctively dropping to check something at his hip. Whatever it was, he couldn’t find it now. Gun. A man in a uniform had given it to him. “Now take care of this one Stan, these things don’t grow on trees you know.” Those had been his words. So his name was Stan. Stan the police officer.
A few minutes later he tried opening his eyes again, this time it was a little better. There were walls now, and some kind of computer-thingy with wires leading to his bed. Stan sat up, swinging his legs over the side. That was his first shock. They didn’t feel like his legs. It was as if some invisible hand was moving them for him, although that seemed absurd. He tried moving again, and the sensation returned. Very strange indeed. Now the walls were growing in detail. They were white, with no windows to be seen. Upon further examination the room was nothing special, rectangular in shape, with a door set into the far wall, and a full-length mirror in the one opposite. That struck Stan as a little strange. He gathered that this must be some kind of hospital, given the machinery he was hooked up to, but if that was the case then where were the doctors? And the other equipment? And why in God’s name couldn’t he hear anything else going on? He pushed these queries to the back of his mind for the moment and tried standing up. Ugh-That surreal feeling in his legs again. At first he anticipated having to sit down after a few moments, but once he got his balance Stan found it relatively easy to move around-as strange as that felt right now. The first thing to do was find someone who could tell him just what the hell was going on. And to find that special someone he would have to tackle the door. Christ, makes me sound like an invalid He thought to himself, shuffling over to the exit. It was locked. Another surprise. Was this a hospital? It seemed mighty strange for there to be a ward full of locked rooms that looked like they were designed for interrogation rather than recovery. Something about that mirror certainly seemed odd, the kind of thing you actually would see in an interrogation suite. He crossed the room again, leaning on the bed while examining the man staring back at him from the sheet of glass. He had medium length hair, a light brown in colour. That’s not right, I always kept it cut short didn’t I? Everything else looked as it should though; tallish, lithe build, green eyes, Not looking too bad, though I say so myself. His only garment was a loose gown of some sort, regular hospital garb.
But that wasn’t what interested him, ok, it was nice to remember his face, however when you see gigantic mirrors in ill-furnished rooms it usually meant only one thing. Stanley made his way to the end of the room before forming a cup shape with his hands and peering directly into the mirror, blocking out the light around his eyes. Sure enough, there was some kind of observation room on the other side. Despite the mirror, and his still not-quite fully functional eyes, Stan could just make out two empty chairs and several monitors. Now this can’t be good. His mind raced, trying desperately to remember anything that might lend some clue as to why he would end up in a place like this. Did I turn into a complete psycho or something? That would explain all the security Argh! No, they always had the death penalty for things like that. Perhaps it was information. If they wanted something from me would they go this far? He slammed his fist into the mirror, hissing an unintelligible sound of frustration. It was beyond annoyance now; not remembering how he got here was driving him crazy. What if no one ever came to the door? He would be trapped in this prison and left to die. Such thoughts made Stan feel physically sick, yet kept forcing themselves mercilessly into his mind like fragments of cold steel.
“Why am I here?” He punched the glass again. “What the hell am I doing in this place!? WHY AM I HERE!?”
Stanley Hunter beats his fists against the mirror again and again, screaming out his disturbing thoughts as if doing so will somehow dispel them. Even when the glass begins to splinter he pays no attention, the blood from his torn knuckles smearing across the surface. The snapping of his left index finger shocks Stanley out of his rage. He slides to the floor, cradling the damaged appendage, the soothing tides of unconsciousness rising up to claim him.
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