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So I have my first ever date today with a girl from college who I really like. She's got a fantastic personality and her sense of humor is very similar to mine so it's hard not to be so attracted to her. And he's cute as all hell too so that helps.

I'll report back later, but for now I have to make myself smell delightful and sexy.

At 9/29/12 08:15 AM, Snuff wrote: So I have my first ever date today with a girl from college who I really like. She's got a fantastic personality and her sense of humor is very similar to mine so it's hard not to be so attracted to her. And he's cute as all hell too so that helps.

Lucky bastard. I just got stood up.

I'll report back later, but for now I have to make myself smell delightful and sexy.

Smelling delightful is sexy, and smelling sexy is delightful.

At 9/23/12 01:01 PM, Jeromia wrote: But there are some questions that I really need answers for here:
1. What could she be feeling that is making her avoid me? Is it because of my actions, or is it because of some other personal reason? (I was told that she was shy and that's why she is avoiding me, but I don't know... I doubt it has to do with me not being attractive... as I am I think :\)
2. How pushy should I be about this? What should I do? I have several ideas and here they are:
2a) Tell her my number/ask for hers and text her... Hopefully get a conversation going and ease some of the tension between us.
2b) Tell her in person my worries.
3. Is there something I'm missing here? Just want to know if I am.

You're not in love. You are infatuated with her. Love may come later but it is not the initial attraction.

1. She's shy and you have made no romantic move even though you claimed to have feelings for her.
2. Walk up to her, tell her you like her, say something like "I like you, I think we should date". And see her response. Done.
3. You're missing that you need to make a damn move already and quit pussyfooting around or you'll regret missing out.

At 9/24/12 07:12 PM, Glides wrote: I would love to take this opportunity to call her a bitch, but I'm not sure. This has happened also to me, and although any chance of anything romantic died out once I did that (different girl), we became friends. Then again, she MAY be a bitch, you said nothing about her personality. And let's face it, the prettier a girl is, the bitchier she is likely to be. Sorry ladies.

You try getting hit on all the time by a whole bunch of guys that just want in your pants and see how pleasant you'd be.

I agree with Entice too. His advice is good. Glides is very woman-bashing and weird.

Ok, this is kinda embarrassing. I'm telling the internet (and NG, of all places) my little problem that I can't handle on my own. Well here it it goes:

I go to this coffee shop almost every morning to get my daily dose of decaf, and this place is really local, like people actually remember my name and I remember theirs and we're one big happy family and stuff. There's this one guy who I was interested in for some time now (I know his name, just not telling you), not in a fantasy kind of way but in a "I want to talk to this guy" kinda way. He is about, I don't know, 5'7" or something; dark blond hair, always wears levi's pants and thin jackets. We always give each other looks and occasionally wink at each other for fun.

One day while I was sitting down and reading, he sat down at my table with two drinks. In my mind I was panicking, but I managed to not show it. He asked me all the normal "I want you" questions like what's my name and if I dye my hair (I don't). Usually I hate those questions, but when he was asking them I felt like I was never asked those questions before. I even giggled, which I never do. It just felt like...... he was different, I don't know what to call it.

Once we got that out of the way,he did what you would expect and asked for my phone number. I gave it to him and he was on his way out when I had this feeling:I didn't want him to leave. I don't know if this is love or not, I never met I guy that made me want him to stay when he left the room. I guess I should wait for him to call, but I don't know what I would do if he said something intimate.

What do I do? Do I just let it be and go out with him when he calls?

At 10/7/12 05:41 PM, TheCrimsonWidow wrote: What do I do? Do I just let it be and go out with him when he calls?

It seems like both of you have developed attraction for each other. If he calls you and asks you to go out or something, I would agree to it and use it as an opportunity to get to know him better. You two may end up hitting it off. :)

At 10/7/12 05:52 PM, DarkSoldier wrote: It seems like both of you have developed attraction for each other. If he calls you and asks you to go out or something, I would agree to it and use it as an opportunity to get to know him better. You two may end up hitting it off. :)

I guess, I just hope he doesn't turn into a prick once I date him, thats happened before.

At 10/7/12 05:59 PM, TheCrimsonWidow wrote:

At 10/7/12 05:52 PM, DarkSoldier wrote: It seems like both of you have developed attraction for each other. If he calls you and asks you to go out or something, I would agree to it and use it as an opportunity to get to know him better. You two may end up hitting it off. :)

I guess, I just hope he doesn't turn into a prick once I date him, thats happened before.

I wouldn't treat it as a date but rather as a friendly meet up. And that's the point of a meet up; to get to know him to see how he is like.

Okay so my little date went pretty well and we had a great time. But now we're back at college and I've definitely got competition from this other guy. I can feel it, and it's horrible. Competition for a girl is one of the most awful things ever, especially when I really dislike the guy anyway, and so does pretty much everyone else on my college course except for the girl, Alice, who I really like.

While we were talking today (competition was also there), she mentioned that she can't take hints at all and if you want to tell her something you should just tell her, which I'm not sure if that was a hint or not, so yeah. I plan on telling her I like her soon, I pussied out actually talking to her at the end of the day today, so I think I might do it on Facebook in a bit.

I'm a little worried about it being awkward at college but usually it's okay, the one thing I'm worried most about is whether or not she'll tell me she likes me back or will do something else and it's sort of putting me off. I know I should do it because otherwise I wont know, and I might miss my chance if the competition I has decides to make a move.

I hate being rushed into things but hopefully it all turns out well.

At 10/8/12 01:19 PM, Snuff wrote: I'm a little worried about it being awkward at college but usually it's okay, the one thing I'm worried most about is whether or not she'll tell me she likes me back or will do something else and it's sort of putting me off. I know I should do it because otherwise I wont know, and I might miss my chance if the competition I has decides to make a move.

I hate being rushed into things but hopefully it all turns out well.

Stop worrying.

I advise against you telling her you like her. Girls know when you like them; you do not need to spell it out for them. I would also advise against using facebook, texting or other social mediums to communicate except for phone calls. Get out of your comfort zone and use the phone. I promise, it does not bite. ;-)

You will know if she likes you based on if she makes time for you. That means if you make plans with her and she does not put you off. Use those meetups as opportunities to get more intimate.

Final word of advice, if you are feeling the need to rush then that is an indication that you are investing too much time into her and that will be your defeat. Women like men who do their own thing. Your life should not revolve around her.

Cheers.

At 10/8/12 02:09 PM, DarkSoldier wrote:

Stop worrying.

I didn't read this and told her I liked her and she doesn't like me back so now college is going to suck and I feel like shit.

At 10/7/12 06:10 PM, DarkSoldier wrote: I wouldn't treat it as a date but rather as a friendly meet up. And that's the point of a meet up; to get to know him to see how he is like.

He called, I'm meeting him up tomorrow. Hope you're right about this :\

At 10/8/12 05:48 PM, Snuff wrote:

At 10/8/12 02:09 PM, DarkSoldier wrote:

Stop worrying.

I didn't read this and told her I liked her and she doesn't like me back so now college is going to suck and I feel like shit.

College is filled with women. Move along.

*sigh* I've decided I had enough so I'm pulling out. But thanks for all the good advice... At least I'm gaining more knowledge in this sort of stuff (and therefore can have a better chance of handling it better next time).

At 10/8/12 05:52 PM, TheCrimsonWidow wrote:

At 10/7/12 06:10 PM, DarkSoldier wrote: I wouldn't treat it as a date but rather as a friendly meet up. And that's the point of a meet up; to get to know him to see how he is like.

He called, I'm meeting him up tomorrow. Hope you're right about this :\

Okay, I think that went really well. We went to Olive Garden (never went there, so all new to me), and I have to say, I'm really attracted to him. He was calm, polite, funny as hell, and I felt a connection I don't normally have with people. We talked for about 3 hours in there, just having a fun time and talking about random stuff. When we left, he drove me home and we kinda kissed (I'm such a whore).I don't usually kiss a guy on a first date, so he is a keeper. Thanks for the help, I'm definitely going to go out with him (BTW his name is Alex :3 )

So I'm thinking of contacting a girl. The problem is that I dated her for a couple of weeks and got broken up with. The reason she gave was that she didn't feel ready for a relationship but I'm certain now that a big part of it was how I was acted... calling her everyday and stuff. It was my first serious relationship. During the breakup I acted desperate and clingy (I tried to talk her into staying with me) and now she won't speak to me. I tried texting her about a month after it happened and I just got one word replies. It's been five or six now and I want to contact her again. Dating's probably not a good idea until way later but I want to fix things and be on speaking terms at least. The problem is that we're out of school now so I can't just walk up to her casually and talk to her. I think that if I contact her by phone now and try to arrange a meeting she'll think that I'm still trying to convince her to get back into a relationship so she'll just ignore it. I don't even know how I'm supposed to initiate contact with her.

I wish I could go back in time and meet her again... that'd be perfect. Anyways how do I get back with someone after I've fucked up the relationship?

At 10/17/12 07:32 PM, Entice wrote: I wish I could go back in time and meet her again... that'd be perfect. Anyways how do I get back with someone after I've fucked up the relationship?

Her telling you she was not ready for a relationship was the easy way of telling you she was no longer interested in you. Clingyness definitely contributed to her decision. I advise against contacting her again because otherwise that will show that you are still clinging to her. Let her initiate the contact. What should you do? Go "No Contact", continue your life and meet new people (including women!).

If she is interested in you again, she will contact you.

At 10/17/12 07:32 PM, Entice wrote: I wish I could go back in time and meet her again... that'd be perfect. Anyways how do I get back with someone after I've fucked up the relationship?

Woah! You were together for an extremely short time, you should be over her by now! You're still being clingy and it's been half a year since your 2week relationship ended.
You definitely shouldn't contact her. She's not interested in you and it'd be incredibly creepy to contact her now. Get over her, heal up, move on. You're just going to harm yourself and miss out on meeting that girl who is even better because you'll be too busy obsessing over something that is done.

At 10/17/12 08:17 PM, DarkSoldier wrote: stuff

At 10/17/12 08:56 PM, Sensationalism wrote: She's not interested in you and it'd be incredibly creepy to contact her now.

You're right... and I've been called creepy to my face before. It's always a good reality check and I guess that's what I need right now.

I've been apathetic about meeting new people. I feel pretty confident right now but I'm still pretty awkward around girls... it's just an awkwardness that's comfortable for me. Hell, I think I've gotten worse at it since I've gotten to college.

At 10/18/12 12:30 AM, Entice wrote: I've been apathetic about meeting new people. I feel pretty confident right now but I'm still pretty awkward around girls... it's just an awkwardness that's comfortable for me. Hell, I think I've gotten worse at it since I've gotten to college.

The only thing that's going to make it more comfortable is practice. Just talk to them more, doesn't even have to be flirting or someone you're interested in.
I was very quiet, didn't like or feel comfortable talking to people. Now I'm totally fine with it because I had to do it a lot at work and school. I still prefer my alone time but it's not so bad.

Recently ended a 4 year relationship with a girlfriend who abused me, used me and made me do literally everything. I'm also a single parent now through her and she cheated on me with several different people at different stages. She also had a second boyfriend at one stage. I'm only 21. (advice: If a girl is attractive but emotionally damaged, do NOT think you can help them get over it)

I may be a source of advice if people want me to stick around and talk about spotting cheaters, abuse and such, considering the time and amount of opportunities I've had to witness/suffer from the behavior.

However I also need help in that now I can't trust females. I know it's the bitches turn nice guys into assholes, assholes turn nice girls into bitches dilemma. I'm a strong believer in sexual equality and morals, but find my stances being challenged by what has happened. I'm worried if I get a new girlfriend it won't be because I actually have feelings for them.

At 10/26/12 01:25 AM, SkeletonSoldier wrote:

At 10/18/12 10:35 PM, WillCo wrote: However I also need help in that now I can't trust females. I know it's the bitches turn nice guys into assholes, assholes turn nice girls into bitches dilemma. I'm a strong believer in sexual equality and morals, but find my stances being challenged by what has happened. I'm worried if I get a new girlfriend it won't be because I actually have feelings for them.

I'm sorry for the emotional trauma you've experienced. I hope that someday you will be able to trust, and believe in the female gender. It's true when you're in a relationship with someone with emotional or mental problems,you're in a relationship with those problems as well. If your next girlfriend is kindhearted,gentle and sweet she will melt the Icey barriers surrounding your heart,love and other warm fuzzy feelings will become natural as a result. As for now,that barrier is a good way of protecting yourself so you're unattached to any toxic relationships. Once you're in them it's hard to get out when you're attached. So it may just be a blessing in disguise.

I agree. The trauma you've suffered, though painful, is the thing that'll help you get a more loving relationship in the future. However, it will only do so if you look at it as a lesson you can learn from. For example, you've already said that it's unwise to think you can help her solve her problems. That's a major lesson. I occassionally aid my girlfriend in finding the right answers to her problems which is fine but it's never good to solve her problems for her. It takes away an opportunity to grow as a person and feel strong.
Secondly, I hope you can see that letting a girl walk over you won't make her want to be with you more or appreciate you more. Boundaries are a hugely important part of relationships, as well as consequences to crossing those boundaries. She cheated, and I don't mean this in a mean way, because you've let her. You let her walk over you, crossing your boundaries so she had to found out if you were weak or had no feelings at all so she kept looking for the next step, the next challenge to see where you'd draw the line. This doesn't mean you should become domineering but it's vitally important for any relationship to set boundaries and let the other person know when something upsets you or when they've crossed the line.

Thirdly, don't be scared to experience new things. Right now your guard is up and as SkeletonSoldier wrote, that will protect you from anyone who's looking for an easy victim to abuse and have their way with. This barrier will help you get to know someone right for you, someone who will make you want to put your shield down. Just do things step by step and don't think of all the things that might happen later on. Remind yourself that you are in control of how far you want to take a new relationship. So get to know new girls step by step and only go a step further once you completely feel comfortable with the way things are going.

You'll be fine

Is this the "Broken Hearts" club?
It is?
Great.

I recently broke up with my bf of 2 years after he finally admitted that he's "unable to love me" (wtf does that even mean??)

He's highly insecure of his "size", and refuses to believe that there are women who don't care about "size and money", although he was with one of those women (me), he would be obsessed with getting "bigger" in certain areas of his anatomy and no matter how many times I'd tell him "You're fine the way you are" he'd constantly beat himself over it, he'd ignore my calls everyday but expects me to contact him, so today I pulled the plug and asked him:

"why are you like this, do you even want me?"

To which he replied:

"I am unable to love you, maybe one day you'll understand". (Yea, what a great vague answer)

So, to this... should I try to mend things, or let experience and an epiphany kick his ass for me?

At 11/2/12 11:42 PM, Escalus wrote:

So, to this... should I try to mend things, or let experience and an epiphany kick his ass for me?

He sounds like he's far too insecure for you both to have a happy relationship. I'd say moving on would be the best thing to do.

At 11/3/12 05:41 AM, Snuff wrote:

At 11/2/12 11:42 PM, Escalus wrote:

So, to this... should I try to mend things, or let experience and an epiphany kick his ass for me?

He sounds like he's far too insecure for you both to have a happy relationship. I'd say moving on would be the best thing to do.

I agree. He has shown to be very insecure about himself. Like Snuff wrote, it is best to move on.

At 11/5/12 04:18 AM, SkeletonSoldier wrote: Break up. I really despise when people let their experiences or insecurities get in the way of letting someone love them. Each new relationship should be treated as a new opportunity,I've had relationships with emotionally dysfunctional and insecure people it drives you insane,because you start taking it personally. I took so much of people being unable to love me so personal,I went to great lengths just to be good enough for them to love me. I would hit the gym for 2-3 hours,study my ass off in school just to be smart enough and I would do my best to be understanding and everything they needed. I spent so much money,time and did not try to make them jealous and assured them they were the only one i adore. I was never enough for them to love me back though. Everytime it resulted in a broken heart for me,and I had to get the courage to break up and say goodbye to everything I gave up willing to be with that person. I gave up my trips to Italy,Disney World,career opportunities and a bunch of other stuff. Id skip hanging out with friends just to wait on that person. I think its a rather bad trait I open heartedly leave my heart on my sleeves,but I don't think I'd have it any other way. Learn from me,find someone who isn't full of insecurities and someone who works with you and loves you. You deserve someone who loves you. If or it's a lot of wasted time,effort and emotions. You need to worry about your own happiness.

I whole heartedly agree, but I can't help but to worry about him and feel as though I've done something wrong.
I mean, the guy already despises himself and with me leaving, he'll only feel even worse, I really want to help people like him overcome his insecurities, but it seems no amount of encouragement can make him see that he's fine the way he is and to learn to love himself before trying to love others.
I feel terrible for leaving him nonetheless, especially when the last words out of his mouth before he left a day ago was:
"The only thing you failed me in was that you weren't enough for me to see me insecurities"
(Even though I reminded him every single time that he was fine, even though he felt he wasn't good enough for me)
but I really hope that one day he'll overcome his problems.

At 11/7/12 05:38 AM, SkeletonSoldier wrote:

At 11/6/12 12:26 AM, Escalus wrote:

At 11/5/12 04:18 AM, SkeletonSoldier wrote:

I whole heartedly agree, but I can't help but to worry about him and feel as though I've done something wrong.
I mean, the guy already despises himself and with me leaving, he'll only feel even worse, I really want to help people like him overcome his insecurities, but it seems no amount of encouragement can make him see that he's fine the way he is and to learn to love himself before trying to love others.
I feel terrible for leaving him nonetheless, especially when the last words out of his mouth before he left a day ago was:
"The only thing you failed me in was that you weren't enough for me to see me insecurities"
(Even though I reminded him every single time that he was fine, even though he felt he wasn't good enough for me)
but I really hope that one day he'll overcome his problems.

It's not your fault,you tried and there's only so much you can do. Don't let it get to you,he honestly let go a very lovely person who is very altruistic and caring. Now he'll have to tough it out on his own,and that wasn't fair how he guilt tripped you at the end I find it very emotionally manipulative. You honestly deserve someone better, and it's still sweet that you wish the best for him even after all of that drama. It says a lot about your integrity.

That's all I can do, I could've raged at him and tell him to put on his big boy briefs and stop being such a pansy but I didn't.
I thank you all for your advice, hopefully I will find someone better. I'll still feel pretty bad for him though, but I have to let him go (Although I wouldn't be surprised if this was all a farce and he was with someone else a week later), he won't be the first and he certainly won't be the last. :)

At 10/31/12 01:50 AM, SkeletonSoldier wrote: Vincoid,Newgrounds needs to award you with some kind of Advice God award. Props to you man,you help out so many people.

Thanks man, it's really nice to hear you say that!

As for your situation Escalus, there's nothing you can do to change the way he feels. Though it might sound extremely confusing, his inability to love you is real. It is in our nature to want to please the people we care about. The number one priority in pleasing a partner is by offering them yourself. When someone isn't confident with who they are, even though you tell them that there's nothing wrong, they won't be able to feel love for you because they don't feel it for themselves. As weird as may be, everyone must be able to love themselves before they can love another.
Can you do anything about that? Not as far as I know. They must help themselves first by fixing what they hate about themselves or realizing that the ideas they have are nonsense. Telling him won't change a thing, he has to find out for himself that his beliefs are bullshit and are limiting who he is and what he can have in life (in this case you).

So don't hold yourself responsible for his feelings of inferiority. Do what he isn't capable of and enjoy your life as you please ;)

At 11/10/12 04:33 PM, Vincoid wrote:

Can you do anything about that? Not as far as I know. They must help themselves first by fixing what they hate about themselves or realizing that the ideas they have are nonsense. Telling him won't change a thing, he has to find out for himself that his beliefs are bullshit and are limiting who he is and what he can have in life (in this case you).

So don't hold yourself responsible for his feelings of inferiority. Do what he isn't capable of and enjoy your life as you please ;)

I'm just going to add to this a quote I heard from the excellent movie "The Perks Of Being a Wallflower":
We accept the love we think we deserve. Which, of course, screws over most of the world, but it's a nice quote anyhows.
If the fella has dick problems, that's his beef. Us guys never figured out if girls like us for our size or not, or even if they DO like dicks or sex. We'll never know, and every guy, even porn stars, are a wee bit insecure about that.
Because let's face it, girls are so gorgeous and amazing, and we're just smelly and disgusting.

At 11/9/12 05:51 PM, Escalus wrote: That's all I can do, I could've raged at him and tell him to put on his big boy briefs and stop being such a pansy but I didn't.

I had to learn this the hard way, and that is that you did the absolute right thing in this situation by not raging at him. It's very, very tempting and hard to avoid doing, but in the end it will pay off. When my ex gf cheated on me, I was so angry I raged at her so bad that she ended up being glad she wasn't with me anymore, instead of feeling guilty which she initially felt.

I've got a strange question of my own. Are relationships in college common? Because over here it really doesn't seem to be, everyone's just into studying all day and having one night stands at parties.

At 11/15/12 09:35 PM, mothballs wrote: I've got a strange question of my own. Are relationships in college common? Because over here it really doesn't seem to be, everyone's just into studying all day and having one night stands at parties.

Doesn't seem to be. A lot of really attractive guys I know never have dates, just because they're not interested in it right now.