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the-goatman
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Response to Relationship Crew 2013-03-26 02:19:27 Reply

At 3/25/13 11:57 PM, Wegra wrote: Sooo I just got out of a 1 1/2 year long disnant relationship this saturdayFirst thing I did was to try and distract myself with Newgrounds sadly it isn't working it actually is coming back to haunt me no matter what i do.

Anyway any advice on how to get rid of this terrible depression?

Newgrounds wouldn't distract me personally.

Shit's gonna suck for a while, take things easy on yourself. Especially for the first few days just try to keep yourself distracted, go outside and have an adventure, hang out with friends, do something you don't normally do. Just try to keep your mind off it. Your gonna have to deal with it emotionally but at the beginning I think norming to just not having that person in your life constantly is enough.

Chill with friends as much as you can, if your of age alcohol can either be great or the worst idea ever, you'd know better then I would. Just make sure if you do get drunk you give your phone to someone else so you can't contact your ex. Find someone who won't mind if you bitch to them.

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Response to Relationship Crew 2013-03-26 18:56:41 Reply

At 3/26/13 02:19 AM, the-goatman wrote:
At 3/25/13 11:57 PM, Wegra wrote: Sooo I just got out of a 1 1/2 year long disnant relationship this saturdayFirst thing I did was to try and distract myself with Newgrounds sadly it isn't working it actually is coming back to haunt me no matter what i do.

Anyway any advice on how to get rid of this terrible depression?
Newgrounds wouldn't distract me personally.

Shit's gonna suck for a while, take things easy on yourself. Especially for the first few days just try to keep yourself distracted, go outside and have an adventure, hang out with friends, do something you don't normally do. Just try to keep your mind off it. Your gonna have to deal with it emotionally but at the beginning I think norming to just not having that person in your life constantly is enough.

Chill with friends as much as you can, if your of age alcohol can either be great or the worst idea ever, you'd know better then I would. Just make sure if you do get drunk you give your phone to someone else so you can't contact your ex. Find someone who won't mind if you bitch to them.

Here's something I forgot to mention. I've dealt with break ups before butt this one had a bigger imact then I thought. Why the hell is this happening. Also I'm on day 3 of the breakup. We still agreed to be "Very good friends" and we both were sincer about it


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the-goatman
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Response to Relationship Crew 2013-03-27 17:00:27 Reply

At 3/26/13 06:56 PM, Wegra wrote: Here's something I forgot to mention. I've dealt with break ups before butt this one had a bigger imact then I thought. Why the hell is this happening. Also I'm on day 3 of the breakup. We still agreed to be "Very good friends" and we both were sincer about it

When your together for as long as you were it makes sense. I'd really just say to let close friends know your not entirely alright and that you could use support. I've never been in a long distance thing for very long but I imagine talking to that person in whatever way must just become such a big part of your routine that having it all of a sudden disappear leaves a definite void in your life. I'm not great with breakups either, I'd just suggest trying to find something to keep your mind off it and get support from whoever your close to if you need it.

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Response to Relationship Crew 2013-03-27 18:12:57 Reply

At 3/27/13 05:00 PM, the-goatman wrote:
At 3/26/13 06:56 PM, Wegra wrote: Here's something I forgot to mention. I've dealt with break ups before butt this one had a bigger imact then I thought. Why the hell is this happening. Also I'm on day 3 of the breakup. We still agreed to be "Very good friends" and we both were sincer about it
When your together for as long as you were it makes sense. I'd really just say to let close friends know your not entirely alright and that you could use support. I've never been in a long distance thing for very long but I imagine talking to that person in whatever way must just become such a big part of your routine that having it all of a sudden disappear leaves a definite void in your life. I'm not great with breakups either, I'd just suggest trying to find something to keep your mind off it and get support from whoever your close to if you need it.

More shit I forgot to mention.

We have met up quite a lot last year but this year not so much. Also there's this guy that might try to be stealing her away.I mean he doesn't look terrible but I snooped around facebook and he kinda has a real shit taste in movies, video games, and tv. Not to mention before our relationship ended I think he confessed he loved her and said some mushy crap. I was okay with this sorta but I don't know there's something about this guy I really don't like and I'm not sure if it's jeallousy or something else. She described him as a bit shy and "similar to me" but eh.....


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Response to Relationship Crew 2013-03-28 19:46:29 Reply

An interested person there will win out over a good person too far away.

Just focus on taking care of you. Best to not even talk to her at all for about a month or so, no matter how hard it feels sometimes, avoid speaking to her.


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jackripperz
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Response to Relationship Crew 2013-03-29 11:33:17 Reply

Hey I need some help here.

So I broke up with my girlfriend of one year. We broke up several times and this time was the last. It was all because it felt like she didn't appreciate me and she didn't show me that she did love me. It was always me doing everything and rarely does she does something for me. I mean, I don't expect a lot, but a text or a "hey how are you doing" would suffice but I don't see that.

Anyway, we broke up. But this time she took it hard. Because according to her, she finally learned how to love and now I'm leaving her. Her family has been telling me she's changed and she has been crying a lot and stuff. I do feel guilty about it.

After all the emotional turmoil, another girl expressed interest and me and we hooked up. She knew how to make me feel appreciated and stuff and I really like this girl.

At the same time, I keep comparing this new girl to my ex. With my ex, I could talk all kinds of topics for hours and hours and I wont feel bored. With the new one, it doesn't feel the same. I also feel guilty that I left her.

I keep thinking about her and it just feels like if I was with my ex, it would probably be better but the fact we broke up several times and people keep telling me to break off the relationship over the course of the year makes me think other wise?

So tell me, what do I do? I wanna get over this guilt.


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Response to Relationship Crew 2013-03-29 12:03:12 Reply

Hi, need some help here.
I just go to whatever place I go to pick up girls - usually the beach or downtown, never clubs or bars. I can open conversation without a problem. Not always sure what to do after because opening conversation is the easy part. But supposedly I do manage to get the conversation going - everything goes fine - troubles arrive when it's time for me to close. Either I ask them out then and there or at least to get the phone number. The answer is always no. And by 'always' I don't even mean 90% but 100%. Yeah, never even managed to ask a girl out because always got rejected. It's very frustrating and really hurts my motivation to try again and again, not even mentioning what it does to my confidence...
What on earth is the matter with me? How can I fix this? And how unusual/lame is it for a guy to be almost 20 and not even being out on a date from 1-5 (1 - normal. 5 - can't be more lame than that).

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Response to Relationship Crew 2013-03-29 16:57:05 Reply

At 3/29/13 11:33 AM, jackripperz wrote: Hey I need some help here.

So I broke up with my girlfriend of one year. We broke up several times and this time was the last. It was all because it felt like she didn't appreciate me and she didn't show me that she did love me. It was always me doing everything and rarely does she does something for me. I mean, I don't expect a lot, but a text or a "hey how are you doing" would suffice but I don't see that.

I keep thinking about her and it just feels like if I was with my ex, it would probably be better but the fact we broke up several times and people keep telling me to break off the relationship over the course of the year makes me think other wise?

So tell me, what do I do? I wanna get over this guilt.

Some people are more romantic than others and different people show affection in different ways.
I think it's interesting that to you it seems you loved her more yet you are the one who ended the relationship. If she didn't like you, why was she staying in it?
Did you ever tell her you'd feel better if she showed a little more affection and suggest ways how to do that?

It also may be that you have certain expectations of what affection is or how someone should make you feel appreciated. Instead of noticing that what you expect doesn't happen, look for what does happen and focus on those moments.
I tend to be very affection/appreciative and I'm with a guy who is much more subtle.

I don't think you actually like new girl, I just think she's filling the need to be desired that you had and that's the only thing you like about her. Your ex seems much more substantial and your insecurity in your relationship seems like something better worked on.

If you try to get her back and she says yes, obviously she likes you more than you'd thought. I think it's worth a try.


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jackripperz
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Response to Relationship Crew 2013-03-29 19:24:36 Reply

At 3/29/13 04:57 PM, Sensationalism wrote:
At 3/29/13 11:33 AM, jackripperz wrote:

Some people are more romantic than others and different people show affection in different ways.
I think it's interesting that to you it seems you loved her more yet you are the one who ended the relationship. If she didn't like you, why was she staying in it?

It was really emotionally draining for me. I would always find her talking to her friends most of the time. But the worst part is when I was physically next to her and she'd ignore me if there were her friends around. And I'd spent time waiting until I was bored and feeling ignored.

Did you ever tell her you'd feel better if she showed a little more affection and suggest ways how to do that?

I did. She kept telling me she understands but we usually get into arguments about this particular topic. She never had a boyfriend before so she really has no clue what to do in a relationship though I feel that's sort of a weird thing. Maybe she has no interest in me eh?


It also may be that you have certain expectations of what affection is or how someone should make you feel appreciated. Instead of noticing that what you expect doesn't happen, look for what does happen and focus on those moments.
I tend to be very affection/appreciative and I'm with a guy who is much more subtle.

I do. There has been moments where I notice she's a bit more caring and stuff, but it's usually overshadowed with what she's doing thats hurting my feelings.

We were on the phone once and suddenly someone else called her on her cell phone (I called using the house phone because it was free. Yeah, tell you about that later.) She told me who it was and I know that she doesn't like him as well.

It was some dude who kept lying to girls to get their attention and affection. He was targetting my ex for a long time but she never really cared. I thought she was gonna talk for 3-5 minutes and continue conversing with me. Then she left me waiting while I hear her laugh over the phone with the guy for over 40 minutes.

That really pissed me off and hurt me. And we just finished making up and when that happens I was in a sour mood again.


I don't think you actually like new girl, I just think she's filling the need to be desired that you had and that's the only thing you like about her. Your ex seems much more substantial and your insecurity in your relationship seems like something better worked on.

True, I do think so too. But at the same time, I feel like if I do go back to my ex, she'll do the same thing over and over again. I have been enduring the pain for a long time. With her ignoring me, and placing me last in her list of priorities. My friends keep telling me I should break it off because it really looks like one-sided and even when I told my mom I broke up, she was like "I'm so glad. She really didn't look like she had that intimacy or passion for you."

I obviously did though coz her parents still talk to me on occasion and invite for me lunch and stuff. Really is weird.


If you try to get her back and she says yes, obviously she likes you more than you'd thought. I think it's worth a try.

There's nothing more, that I would like, than to be in a loving relationship with the girl that I love. But my heart can't take it anymore. Sometimes I would literally feel tired after going through all that emotional roller coaster.

I'm sorry. I really have no one to ask for advice. Everyone around me keeps saying "No, don't get back with her. No." and all I need is some logical and at the same time professional advice. I mean, the Relationship Crew has been on NG forums as long as I can remember.

And thanks. That last line perked me up a bit.


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Response to Relationship Crew 2013-04-16 22:53:23 Reply

Okay I'll post in here and see what you guys have to say.

So my guy and I want to move in together. I have a full time job but we're waiting for him to get one too before we start looking for a place.

Neither of us want kids.
I want a dog/s but he says he doesn't want one ever. I can live with that.
But he doesn't want my birds around either. I have three right now, two keets and a tiel. The keets I am not too attached to, they're around to entertain and harrass my tiel. My cockatiel however is 16 years old and I'm never ever getting rid of him. (I also always hoped to breed him and keep one of his sons) but yeah my guy is all no not even him, me or the bird.
I really want to live with my guy but there is seriously no way I'm ever giving up my bird.
He was never raised with pets, he doesn't understand it at all.
what do.


The sig that I'm wearin? Awesomely made by Skaren!
Also, I like annoying Americans by calling English football "real football" and American football "rugby".-Lost-Chances

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Response to Relationship Crew 2013-04-18 20:39:59 Reply

At 4/16/13 10:53 PM, Sensationalism wrote: Okay I'll post in here and see what you guys have to say.

So my guy and I want to move in together. I have a full time job but we're waiting for him to get one too before we start looking for a place.

Neither of us want kids.
I want a dog/s but he says he doesn't want one ever. I can live with that.
But he doesn't want my birds around either. I have three right now, two keets and a tiel. The keets I am not too attached to, they're around to entertain and harrass my tiel. My cockatiel however is 16 years old and I'm never ever getting rid of him. (I also always hoped to breed him and keep one of his sons) but yeah my guy is all no not even him, me or the bird.
I really want to live with my guy but there is seriously no way I'm ever giving up my bird.
He was never raised with pets, he doesn't understand it at all.
what do.

Well, really, if they can't accept who you are and what your likes/dislikes are, why are you still with them? If the birds are a potential health hazard to him, its a different story.

the-goatman
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Response to Relationship Crew 2013-04-19 02:07:26 Reply

At 4/16/13 10:53 PM, Sensationalism wrote: Okay I'll post in here and see what you guys have to say.

So my guy and I want to move in together. I have a full time job but we're waiting for him to get one too before we start looking for a place.

Neither of us want kids.
I want a dog/s but he says he doesn't want one ever. I can live with that.
But he doesn't want my birds around either. I have three right now, two keets and a tiel. The keets I am not too attached to, they're around to entertain and harrass my tiel. My cockatiel however is 16 years old and I'm never ever getting rid of him. (I also always hoped to breed him and keep one of his sons) but yeah my guy is all no not even him, me or the bird.
I really want to live with my guy but there is seriously no way I'm ever giving up my bird.
He was never raised with pets, he doesn't understand it at all.
what do.

Is there a specific reason he doesn't want them around or is he just not fond of animals in general?

I'd say just let him know how important your bird(s) is to you. 16 years is a long ass commitment to a pet and it seems a bit unreasonable for him to request you get rid of them just because. I don't think people who were raised without animals necessarily can relate to how important that bond can be, I'd say just really try to make him understand that.

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Response to Relationship Crew 2013-04-20 00:22:24 Reply

At 4/18/13 08:39 PM, zmatt007 wrote: Well, really, if they can't accept who you are and what your likes/dislikes are, why are you still with them? If the birds are a potential health hazard to him, its a different story.

Oh this person has accepted me more than I accept myself. I can't see splitting up because we have one difference of opinion.

At 4/19/13 02:07 AM, the-goatman wrote: Is there a specific reason he doesn't want them around or is he just not fond of animals in general?

I'd say just let him know how important your bird(s) is to you. 16 years is a long ass commitment to a pet and it seems a bit unreasonable for him to request you get rid of them just because. I don't think people who were raised without animals necessarily can relate to how important that bond can be, I'd say just really try to make him understand that.

He's not fond of animals in general. He doesn't want to hear them or have any messes because of them.
I agree with the not being able to relate to an animal bond if you've never had a pet.

I'm not sure if he's super serious or just trying to test me or exert dominance over me or what. But I feel like in the end I'll get what I want anyway. Though it's made me worry a bit.


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Also, I like annoying Americans by calling English football "real football" and American football "rugby".-Lost-Chances

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Response to Relationship Crew 2013-05-19 23:21:19 Reply

For some reason I always have trouble finding this crew in the clubs and crews section despite looking at both pages. I am confused about that.


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Response to Relationship Crew 2013-05-20 07:30:08 Reply

At 3/7/13 01:20 AM, Penrodeo wrote: I'm visiting her this upcoming Tuesday and staying til Thursday. She picked those days because her husband works those days and he's never home during the week anyways.

Thursday March 7: "visiting her this upcoming tuesday"
Monday March 11: Last known post on Newgrounds

Dead???

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Response to Relationship Crew 2013-05-26 11:36:46 Reply

I don't know what i want anymore. I think I'm just making more and more compromises on who'd i'd like to be that i'll settle for just someone who'll hug me. Do you realize how hard it is to get any form of physical contact in this day and age? I have very tactile senses. I need to feel. And I can't even get my own sister to willingly hug me. I'm not even that ugly a guy, I'm pretty attractive if i do say so. I'm a little stressful to be around sometimes, but i always thought the good outweighed the bad with me.

Sometimes I don't know what the point is to have a sense of touch if you aren't ever going to be touched

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Response to Relationship Crew 2013-05-26 23:49:28 Reply

At 5/26/13 11:36 AM, deathbymanga wrote: I don't know what i want anymore. I think I'm just making more and more compromises on who'd i'd like to be that i'll settle for just someone who'll hug me.

I think the problem is here. You sound like you're desperate and eager for human contact. That's understandable when you're feeling lonely, but acting desperate is only going to drive people away.

Could you elaborate on your situation? Do you have close friends? Are you pursuing a relationship? Why do you think it's so hard for you to get human contact in the first place?

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Response to Relationship Crew 2013-05-27 00:11:43 Reply

At 5/26/13 11:49 PM, Entice wrote:
At 5/26/13 11:36 AM, deathbymanga wrote: I don't know what i want anymore. I think I'm just making more and more compromises on who'd i'd like to be that i'll settle for just someone who'll hug me.
I think the problem is here. You sound like you're desperate and eager for human contact. That's understandable when you're feeling lonely, but acting desperate is only going to drive people away.

Could you elaborate on your situation? Do you have close friends? Are you pursuing a relationship? Why do you think it's so hard for you to get human contact in the first place?

Agreed. I think you give off that stench and creep people out. I'm a big cuddler myself and can annoy people who like their space. But I don't think it ever comes off as creepy or desperate. Just cute and annoying. And I never do feel desperate about it.

Also an update on my situation: I can have birds but no dogs. Win lol.


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Also, I like annoying Americans by calling English football "real football" and American football "rugby".-Lost-Chances

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Response to Relationship Crew 2013-05-27 00:31:19 Reply

At 5/27/13 12:11 AM, Sensationalism wrote:
At 5/26/13 11:49 PM, Entice wrote:
At 5/26/13 11:36 AM, deathbymanga wrote: I don't know what i want anymore. I think I'm just making more and more compromises on who'd i'd like to be that i'll settle for just someone who'll hug me.
I think the problem is here. You sound like you're desperate and eager for human contact. That's understandable when you're feeling lonely, but acting desperate is only going to drive people away.

Could you elaborate on your situation? Do you have close friends? Are you pursuing a relationship? Why do you think it's so hard for you to get human contact in the first place?
Agreed. I think you give off that stench and creep people out. I'm a big cuddler myself and can annoy people who like their space. But I don't think it ever comes off as creepy or desperate. Just cute and annoying. And I never do feel desperate about it.

Also an update on my situation: I can have birds but no dogs. Win lol.

the only people i get physical with are my male friends, and even though i am exploring the idea of men, i don't feel anything for any of my male friends.

The problem with my situation is actually rather unique. I don't throw myself around begging for dates, i ask people now and then if they know anyone single, but i never ask the same person twice or in that person's company. I live out in the sticks with no real social gathering location except for bars, and i'm only 19, so i can't head there yet.

A big major problem though i found is actually a really weird one. I have never once been invited. i have made myself out to be a very social person who also keeps to himself now and then, but my friends all go out to do all kinds of stuff together and never invite me. this doesn't just stretch to parties or going out. I ALWAYS have to invite myself into a group of my friends, even though i'm always welcomed and everyone treats me with positivity. I have no idea what is wrong with me, but I seem to be a number everyone knows, but nobody bothers to put in their contacts list

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Response to Relationship Crew 2013-05-27 01:32:38 Reply

Reading through this thread really makes me realize how jaded and cynical I am. I'm also relieved that I have people in my life that I can talk to rather than confessing my life story to an online forum. I guess that sounds disrespectful, but I didn't intend for it to be so.


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Response to Relationship Crew 2013-05-27 04:03:24 Reply

At 5/27/13 12:31 AM, deathbymanga wrote: A big major problem though i found is actually a really weird one. I have never once been invited. i have made myself out to be a very social person who also keeps to himself now and then, but my friends all go out to do all kinds of stuff together and never invite me. this doesn't just stretch to parties or going out. I ALWAYS have to invite myself into a group of my friends, even though i'm always welcomed and everyone treats me with positivity. I have no idea what is wrong with me, but I seem to be a number everyone knows, but nobody bothers to put in their contacts list.

You say you're a very social person but I wonder what that means to you. You see, quite often I find that people are great to hang out with, they're really funny, can make you laugh, etc. However, a lot of those people have little or no interest in the people they hang out with beyond the moment itself.
I've had close friends who slowly grew out of the group, simply because they went from being interest in everybody as a person to only wanting to have fun and caring only about that.
So I wonder, do you show any personal interest in any of your friends? What do you know about their lifes, their ambitions, what they're doing right now with their personal lifes, how they feel, etc.?

Knowing these things and showing interest in them makes a world of difference. Most people are great talking about themselves and enjoy doing it very much. The point is that nobody really likes a person who only talks about himself. So instead, ask all your friends about them and don't tell anything about yourself unless they ask. You'll be the best conversationalist they've ever met and will surely be interested in you as well and will want you to be around them.


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Response to Relationship Crew 2013-05-27 12:00:14 Reply

At 5/27/13 04:03 AM, Vincoid wrote: You say you're a very social person but I wonder what that means to you. You see, quite often I find that people are great to hang out with, they're really funny, can make you laugh, etc. However, a lot of those people have little or no interest in the people they hang out with beyond the moment itself.
I've had close friends who slowly grew out of the group, simply because they went from being interest in everybody as a person to only wanting to have fun and caring only about that.
So I wonder, do you show any personal interest in any of your friends? What do you know about their lifes, their ambitions, what they're doing right now with their personal lifes, how they feel, etc.?

Knowing these things and showing interest in them makes a world of difference. Most people are great talking about themselves and enjoy doing it very much. The point is that nobody really likes a person who only talks about himself. So instead, ask all your friends about them and don't tell anything about yourself unless they ask. You'll be the best conversationalist they've ever met and will surely be interested in you as well and will want you to be around them.

Actually, i know a lot about all of my friends. i chat on Facebook, i talk one on one with them as well as in groups. but still, the problem persists that i'm the only person starting these conversations. I don't talk about myself that often. often times, when i even do say stuff about myself, it is just me talking to myself out in public and people happen to hear me, or we are discussing something relavent for me to add a personal opinion, but i don't really talk about my life with people, mostly because i don't really have a life worth talking about.

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Response to Relationship Crew 2013-05-28 08:57:49 Reply

At 5/27/13 12:00 PM, deathbymanga wrote: Actually, i know a lot about all of my friends. i chat on Facebook, i talk one on one with them as well as in groups. but still, the problem persists that i'm the only person starting these conversations. I don't talk about myself that often. often times, when i even do say stuff about myself, it is just me talking to myself out in public and people happen to hear me, or we are discussing something relavent for me to add a personal opinion, but i don't really talk about my life with people, mostly because i don't really have a life worth talking about.

Ok, that's weird. I'd expect them to invite at least some of the time when you're interested in them.

These things they do together and these parties they go to, do they organize all these things themselves? Do you organize parties and things to do as a group with them or invite them to do these things with you? And how have you become friends with them? Were they friends before they knew you?

I myself have one group of friends whom I all I know because of my best friend. Him and these guys knew each other for about 3 years through school before I became friends with them. When I had just met them they spend a lot of time doing stuff together without me even knowing about it. It wasn't until I started throwing parties and inviting them that they started inviting me. Not sure if that's the case with you.


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Response to Relationship Crew 2013-05-28 09:27:06 Reply

At 5/28/13 08:57 AM, Vincoid wrote:
At 5/27/13 12:00 PM, deathbymanga wrote: Actually, i know a lot about all of my friends. i chat on Facebook, i talk one on one with them as well as in groups. but still, the problem persists that i'm the only person starting these conversations. I don't talk about myself that often. often times, when i even do say stuff about myself, it is just me talking to myself out in public and people happen to hear me, or we are discussing something relavent for me to add a personal opinion, but i don't really talk about my life with people, mostly because i don't really have a life worth talking about.
Ok, that's weird. I'd expect them to invite at least some of the time when you're interested in them.

These things they do together and these parties they go to, do they organize all these things themselves? Do you organize parties and things to do as a group with them or invite them to do these things with you? And how have you become friends with them? Were they friends before they knew you?

We all are in the same year of college and all of us roughly got to know each other at the same time. none of these are really like parties like raves or discos, but rather just events that anyone could go, but either they don't tell me about it, or don't tell me their going so i don't bother going myself. a lot of the actual "parties" around here are just really bad hip-hop danced to by a bunch of ghetto black people. (i'm not being racist, but when you start talking in a bad ghetto accent and dance by grinding your bodies against one another, you're being ghetto, no matter if you are from the ghetto)

I also do try to organize events for us to go do stuff, like a carpool so that we all could go see Iron Man 3 when it came out, or trying to set up a Batman Marathon night, and while everyone says "sure, Seabass, that sounds like a great idea," they all say they are too busy when i try to set an actual date.

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Response to Relationship Crew 2013-05-30 05:42:59 Reply

At 5/28/13 09:27 AM, deathbymanga wrote: We all are in the same year of college and all of us roughly got to know each other at the same time. none of these are really like parties like raves or discos, but rather just events that anyone could go, but either they don't tell me about it, or don't tell me their going so i don't bother going myself. a lot of the actual "parties" around here are just really bad hip-hop danced to by a bunch of ghetto black people. (i'm not being racist, but when you start talking in a bad ghetto accent and dance by grinding your bodies against one another, you're being ghetto, no matter if you are from the ghetto)

I also do try to organize events for us to go do stuff, like a carpool so that we all could go see Iron Man 3 when it came out, or trying to set up a Batman Marathon night, and while everyone says "sure, Seabass, that sounds like a great idea," they all say they are too busy when i try to set an actual date.

I honestly can't think of a cause of all this, not without seeing it for myself.

I suggest you talk about it with them. Let them know it's bothering you and that you want to know what's going on. If they're real friends they'll let you know, allowing you or them to change certain things. If not, you're a whole lot wiser on who your real friends are.
I guess it's the only way for you to find out what's going on inside their heads.


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Response to Relationship Crew 2013-05-30 15:43:05 Reply

At 5/30/13 05:42 AM, Vincoid wrote: I honestly can't think of a cause of all this, not without seeing it for myself.

I suggest you talk about it with them. Let them know it's bothering you and that you want to know what's going on. If they're real friends they'll let you know, allowing you or them to change certain things. If not, you're a whole lot wiser on who your real friends are.
I guess it's the only way for you to find out what's going on inside their heads.

Actually, i don't think that will work. If I tell my friends what is going on, they probably won't even realize what they are doing. To them, I think it isn't a case of intentional abandonment, but rather, I don't register in their mind. They know me, and they like talking to me, but i'm just in the corner of their mind's eye. And often, the unintentional abandonment is the worst because there's no one to blame in this situation at all.

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Response to Relationship Crew 2013-05-31 02:53:38 Reply

At 5/30/13 03:43 PM, deathbymanga wrote: isn't a case of intentional abandonment, but rather, I don't register in their mind. They know me, and they like talking to me, but i'm just in the corner of their mind's eye. And often, the unintentional abandonment is the worst because there's no one to blame in this situation at all.

Sounds like they don't mind your company but none of them like you enough to bother making an effort.
I have no idea why I'm in negative mode, but different perspectives are good I suppose.


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Response to Relationship Crew 2013-05-31 06:59:02 Reply

At 5/30/13 03:43 PM, deathbymanga wrote: Actually, i don't think that will work. If I tell my friends what is going on, they probably won't even realize what they are doing. To them, I think it isn't a case of intentional abandonment, but rather, I don't register in their mind. They know me, and they like talking to me, but i'm just in the corner of their mind's eye. And often, the unintentional abandonment is the worst because there's no one to blame in this situation at all.

You don't think telling them about something they do unintentionally can help? Wouldn't it make them realize what they do and how it affects you? Wouldn't it allow them to become conscious of this behaviour and change something about it?

The way I see it, everything will stay the same when you keep doing what you do now, which isn't letting them know what's wrong and how you feel. Change can only happen when you change something, either by changing your behaviour or telling them about theirs. Seeing as you've no idea how your behaviour could be the cause of this, there's really only one option left if you want change to happen.

I'm telling you this because I think you could be right. It could be completely unintentional from their side. Which is exactly why nothing will change unless you make them realize what's going on.


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Response to Relationship Crew 2013-05-31 08:36:55 Reply

At 5/31/13 06:59 AM, Vincoid wrote:
At 5/30/13 03:43 PM, deathbymanga wrote: Actually, i don't think that will work. If I tell my friends what is going on, they probably won't even realize what they are doing. To them, I think it isn't a case of intentional abandonment, but rather, I don't register in their mind. They know me, and they like talking to me, but i'm just in the corner of their mind's eye. And often, the unintentional abandonment is the worst because there's no one to blame in this situation at all.
You don't think telling them about something they do unintentionally can help? Wouldn't it make them realize what they do and how it affects you? Wouldn't it allow them to become conscious of this behaviour and change something about it?

The way I see it, everything will stay the same when you keep doing what you do now, which isn't letting them know what's wrong and how you feel. Change can only happen when you change something, either by changing your behaviour or telling them about theirs. Seeing as you've no idea how your behaviour could be the cause of this, there's really only one option left if you want change to happen.

I'm telling you this because I think you could be right. It could be completely unintentional from their side. Which is exactly why nothing will change unless you make them realize what's going on.

the problem is what do i say? that i feel that they are subconsciously ignoring me? That doesn't really sound productive. They are busy with college. I guess i just wanted to get my problems off of my chest more than anything. I'm joining some new clubs next semester and i'll be learning Flash and Japanese, so it won't be that hard to ignore my aching loneliness.

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Response to Relationship Crew 2013-05-31 12:13:21 Reply

@deathbymanga:

I understand your dilemma. I can see you are unsure how your friends would react if you talk to them about what is bothering you. Fact is you should not care about how they will react because as far as you know, they might be completely cool about what you tell them. Vincoid's approach will lead you to finding out if they're real friends or not. Perhaps that is a route you want to consider. On the other hand, maybe you don't care if they're real friends or not-you just want them around as social proof or to strengthen your social life. It all depends on what YOU want.

Instead of doing group invites to see movies, try inviting 1 person. It works better because you are no longer trying to find a time that works for everyone but instead finding a time that works best for you and your friend. You say let's go see Iron Man 3, Tuesday at 7 PM. Now if your friend flakes on you twice; ie. he says he's too busy and doesn't provide an alternative date or time, it's time to say screw him as he's clearly not interested in being seen with you away from school. You move on to the next person and try to do something with them. Your invitations will get rejected-everyone has experienced that-but you got to keep your head high and be persistent.

If you want to be invited to parties, you have to know about them. There are multiple ways to do this. You can ask a friend if they know of any good parties happening.

Example:
You: Hey, know any good parties happening this weekend?
Friend: Yeah, one's happening Saturday at this girl's house
You: That's chill. You going to it?
Friend: Probably.
You: Sounds like it could be fun. Mind if I join ya?
Friend: Sure. Bring your own booze though
[conversation continues, you get the address to the house, where you two will meet up, etc.]

You can apply this example to the group of friends you mentioned earlier. By going to parties or doing stuff with them away from school, you become part of the group. But be yourself and do talk with people. I have a friend that whenever I went to parties with him, he would sit in the corner of the room and keep to himself; he spoke to no one and no one spoke to him. Then he would say the party sucked. Guess what? People would not invite him any more. :P

Hope this helps you!


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