At 1/14/13 08:45 PM, Glides wrote:
Just because I'm curious to see what the response is:
Does love exist in a romantic capacity? Explain why.
Be sure to factor in stuff like the friend zone and all that.
I personally don't think it does, since half of all marriages end in divorce and most couples break up.
And you know, people get real boring to one another real fast.
Just curious to see what you all think.
I absolutely believe it does. However, it does not excist in every relationship and doesn't last in every relationship.
I believe one's capability to love depends on many factors. How much you love who you are contributes greatly. A great many people are incapable of (fully) loving others due to their own insecurities which they project on the other. Once they get used to the loving feeling (which numbs after a while which I'll explain seperately) they start becoming more attentive to their insecurities and put more meaning unto it. So every time their partner does something which makes them feel insecure, they love them less. They're not so much loving the other less, it's rather that their own insecurity creates this feeling and reminds them of how lowly they feel of themselves.
In my opinion, two factors contribute mainly to divorces. The first is that everything you attach meaning to has the potential to create what you consider to be good and bad emotions. The second is that every emotion you feel and become attached to slowly loses it power and causes you to want to create more of it.
Now, if you combine these two things, it automatically creates a downward spiral for anything involving negative emotions. The positive emotions you feel at first are numbed over time, negative things start to happen, they get the upper hand and before you know it you're subconsciously making your own situation worse and worse. That or all senses get so numbed you start going for the extreme so you can feel again (midlife crisis originate from this) and decide this marriage isn't for you seeing as it has numbed you.
Simple truth is that it hasn't, it was you to begin with, but because it's all happening in the unconscious, you'll blame the only thing you can see which is your dead marriage.
These attachments, these meanings, have the power to keep you from loving or can stop the love you feel. We're all trying to attach meaning to everything we see, feel, hear or think. Everything has go to have a purpose or a goal. Nothing can simple be something without us having an opinion or meaning attached to it.
For example, you might be in the greatest loving relationship you've ever been in. Everything is perfect but then, one day, your girlfriend lets one rip. In your eyes this is the most nasty ass thing she could ever do to you so you experience negative emotions, you might even have a fight over it. Now, every time she does this you'll experience these emotions more and more. The act itself is neither bad or good, it simply is. It is the meaning you've attached to it that makes it positive or negative.
Now, this is quite a silly example but it actually is all of these small things that can have a whole lot of meaning attached to it by anyone. You can attach meaning to any single thing you want which will inevitably lead to disappointment and hurt. Just think of all the people bitching about toothpaste caps not being put on, or shit not having been tidied up, etc.
People bitch about the tiniest of things and they become attached to this bitching as well. For most people it's a release since these bitching sessions mostly come from their own insecurities. The positive feelings of love numb, we have no clue how to create them again. Then our negative emtions attached to the bitching numb as well. In contrary to the feeling of love, we know exactly how to create these emotions, so we increase our bitching. We blow our miniscule problems up to extreme proportions untill the moment comes where we can't take it anymore and divorce.
We do not divorce because we've never loved, but because we've forgotten how to love and started bitching instead.
Love and life go hand in hand. Love is the main force behind life, they are pretty much the same. Both love and life flow freely and abundantly when you do not try to control the stream. All the attachments you create are like dams you build to take control. However, life is no gentle stream to be controlled. What happens when you build a dam is that life answers with a giant "Fuck You" and rises, increases in strenght and leaves nothing of the pathetic attempt you've taken to control it. What we do in response is try and build an even bigger dam which in turn gets destroyed as well.
The answer: let it all flow. Without attachment we do not care where life takes us and we end up where we belong. Withut attachement, we let love in our lifes, give out love and do not let love be diminshed by miniscule things we once decided have meaning to us.
Instead simply experience and enjoy.
I myself can speak for this. In my current relationship I've felt love the entire time. I've felt eb and flow through the relationship as my attached meaning to useless shit blocked my ability to feel love. I've had my share of fights over nothing, simply because there was meaning attached to it. I know my love for her will last an eternity if I let go of the meaning I have attached to everything I know. I'll be free to feel love, I'll be free to love and I'll be free to live life.
I'm not saying here that life has a path for us which we must all follow and which will reveal itself once we let go and surrender. However, what letting go does for us is that we start to experience what life creates instead of trying to create our own experiences based on the meanings we attach to it. This way we experience life as it is, find out what feels desirable to us and start moving towards those things. We'll start getting more of what makes us feel good based on what we experience in the moment, instead of obsessively going after what we've once been taught is what we should do. We're not upset anymore if for a moment we do not feel the the feeling we desire. We're not upset if we're not in a relationship or if we're not what other people consider to be succesful.
Just think of all the people in unhappy relationships who are too afraid to let go because people might think they're pathetic for being single. Or people that kill themselves for being unable to acquire the success they think people around them expect to acquire. None of that would happen if we would let go of meaning. We would be free to be ourselves and do what we want for our own reasons. Or for no reason at all, simply because we feel so.
Love flows abundantly in this freedom, and it's restricted in a world of meaning and attachment.
I hope that answers your question or that it might provide you with an answer about yourself you might now have thought to find.