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Snuff
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Response to Relationship Crew Oct. 8th, 2012 @ 01:19 PM Reply

Okay so my little date went pretty well and we had a great time. But now we're back at college and I've definitely got competition from this other guy. I can feel it, and it's horrible. Competition for a girl is one of the most awful things ever, especially when I really dislike the guy anyway, and so does pretty much everyone else on my college course except for the girl, Alice, who I really like.

While we were talking today (competition was also there), she mentioned that she can't take hints at all and if you want to tell her something you should just tell her, which I'm not sure if that was a hint or not, so yeah. I plan on telling her I like her soon, I pussied out actually talking to her at the end of the day today, so I think I might do it on Facebook in a bit.

I'm a little worried about it being awkward at college but usually it's okay, the one thing I'm worried most about is whether or not she'll tell me she likes me back or will do something else and it's sort of putting me off. I know I should do it because otherwise I wont know, and I might miss my chance if the competition I has decides to make a move.

I hate being rushed into things but hopefully it all turns out well.

DarkSoldier
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Response to Relationship Crew Oct. 8th, 2012 @ 02:09 PM Reply

At 10/8/12 01:19 PM, Snuff wrote: I'm a little worried about it being awkward at college but usually it's okay, the one thing I'm worried most about is whether or not she'll tell me she likes me back or will do something else and it's sort of putting me off. I know I should do it because otherwise I wont know, and I might miss my chance if the competition I has decides to make a move.

I hate being rushed into things but hopefully it all turns out well.

Stop worrying.

I advise against you telling her you like her. Girls know when you like them; you do not need to spell it out for them. I would also advise against using facebook, texting or other social mediums to communicate except for phone calls. Get out of your comfort zone and use the phone. I promise, it does not bite. ;-)

You will know if she likes you based on if she makes time for you. That means if you make plans with her and she does not put you off. Use those meetups as opportunities to get more intimate.

Final word of advice, if you are feeling the need to rush then that is an indication that you are investing too much time into her and that will be your defeat. Women like men who do their own thing. Your life should not revolve around her.

Cheers.


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Snuff
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Response to Relationship Crew Oct. 8th, 2012 @ 05:48 PM Reply

At 10/8/12 02:09 PM, DarkSoldier wrote:
Stop worrying.

I didn't read this and told her I liked her and she doesn't like me back so now college is going to suck and I feel like shit.

Provoke
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Response to Relationship Crew Oct. 8th, 2012 @ 05:52 PM Reply

At 10/7/12 06:10 PM, DarkSoldier wrote: I wouldn't treat it as a date but rather as a friendly meet up. And that's the point of a meet up; to get to know him to see how he is like.

He called, I'm meeting him up tomorrow. Hope you're right about this :\

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Response to Relationship Crew Oct. 8th, 2012 @ 10:28 PM Reply

At 10/8/12 05:48 PM, Snuff wrote:
At 10/8/12 02:09 PM, DarkSoldier wrote:
Stop worrying.
I didn't read this and told her I liked her and she doesn't like me back so now college is going to suck and I feel like shit.

College is filled with women. Move along.


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Also, I like annoying Americans by calling English football "real football" and American football "rugby".-Lost-Chances

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Response to Relationship Crew Oct. 9th, 2012 @ 05:51 AM Reply

*sigh* I've decided I had enough so I'm pulling out. But thanks for all the good advice... At least I'm gaining more knowledge in this sort of stuff (and therefore can have a better chance of handling it better next time).


SON OF A SOLAR SYSTEM!

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Response to Relationship Crew Oct. 9th, 2012 @ 03:13 PM Reply

At 10/8/12 05:52 PM, TheCrimsonWidow wrote:
At 10/7/12 06:10 PM, DarkSoldier wrote: I wouldn't treat it as a date but rather as a friendly meet up. And that's the point of a meet up; to get to know him to see how he is like.
He called, I'm meeting him up tomorrow. Hope you're right about this :\

Okay, I think that went really well. We went to Olive Garden (never went there, so all new to me), and I have to say, I'm really attracted to him. He was calm, polite, funny as hell, and I felt a connection I don't normally have with people. We talked for about 3 hours in there, just having a fun time and talking about random stuff. When we left, he drove me home and we kinda kissed (I'm such a whore).I don't usually kiss a guy on a first date, so he is a keeper. Thanks for the help, I'm definitely going to go out with him (BTW his name is Alex :3 )

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Response to Relationship Crew Oct. 17th, 2012 @ 07:32 PM Reply

So I'm thinking of contacting a girl. The problem is that I dated her for a couple of weeks and got broken up with. The reason she gave was that she didn't feel ready for a relationship but I'm certain now that a big part of it was how I was acted... calling her everyday and stuff. It was my first serious relationship. During the breakup I acted desperate and clingy (I tried to talk her into staying with me) and now she won't speak to me. I tried texting her about a month after it happened and I just got one word replies. It's been five or six now and I want to contact her again. Dating's probably not a good idea until way later but I want to fix things and be on speaking terms at least. The problem is that we're out of school now so I can't just walk up to her casually and talk to her. I think that if I contact her by phone now and try to arrange a meeting she'll think that I'm still trying to convince her to get back into a relationship so she'll just ignore it. I don't even know how I'm supposed to initiate contact with her.

I wish I could go back in time and meet her again... that'd be perfect. Anyways how do I get back with someone after I've fucked up the relationship?

DarkSoldier
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Response to Relationship Crew Oct. 17th, 2012 @ 08:17 PM Reply

At 10/17/12 07:32 PM, Entice wrote: I wish I could go back in time and meet her again... that'd be perfect. Anyways how do I get back with someone after I've fucked up the relationship?

Her telling you she was not ready for a relationship was the easy way of telling you she was no longer interested in you. Clingyness definitely contributed to her decision. I advise against contacting her again because otherwise that will show that you are still clinging to her. Let her initiate the contact. What should you do? Go "No Contact", continue your life and meet new people (including women!).

If she is interested in you again, she will contact you.


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Sensationalism
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Response to Relationship Crew Oct. 17th, 2012 @ 08:56 PM Reply

At 10/17/12 07:32 PM, Entice wrote: I wish I could go back in time and meet her again... that'd be perfect. Anyways how do I get back with someone after I've fucked up the relationship?

Woah! You were together for an extremely short time, you should be over her by now! You're still being clingy and it's been half a year since your 2week relationship ended.
You definitely shouldn't contact her. She's not interested in you and it'd be incredibly creepy to contact her now. Get over her, heal up, move on. You're just going to harm yourself and miss out on meeting that girl who is even better because you'll be too busy obsessing over something that is done.


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Entice
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Response to Relationship Crew Oct. 18th, 2012 @ 12:30 AM Reply

At 10/17/12 08:17 PM, DarkSoldier wrote: stuff
At 10/17/12 08:56 PM, Sensationalism wrote: She's not interested in you and it'd be incredibly creepy to contact her now.

You're right... and I've been called creepy to my face before. It's always a good reality check and I guess that's what I need right now.

I've been apathetic about meeting new people. I feel pretty confident right now but I'm still pretty awkward around girls... it's just an awkwardness that's comfortable for me. Hell, I think I've gotten worse at it since I've gotten to college.

Sensationalism
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Response to Relationship Crew Oct. 18th, 2012 @ 01:55 PM Reply

At 10/18/12 12:30 AM, Entice wrote: I've been apathetic about meeting new people. I feel pretty confident right now but I'm still pretty awkward around girls... it's just an awkwardness that's comfortable for me. Hell, I think I've gotten worse at it since I've gotten to college.

The only thing that's going to make it more comfortable is practice. Just talk to them more, doesn't even have to be flirting or someone you're interested in.
I was very quiet, didn't like or feel comfortable talking to people. Now I'm totally fine with it because I had to do it a lot at work and school. I still prefer my alone time but it's not so bad.


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WillCo
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Response to Relationship Crew Oct. 18th, 2012 @ 10:35 PM Reply

Recently ended a 4 year relationship with a girlfriend who abused me, used me and made me do literally everything. I'm also a single parent now through her and she cheated on me with several different people at different stages. She also had a second boyfriend at one stage. I'm only 21. (advice: If a girl is attractive but emotionally damaged, do NOT think you can help them get over it)

I may be a source of advice if people want me to stick around and talk about spotting cheaters, abuse and such, considering the time and amount of opportunities I've had to witness/suffer from the behavior.

However I also need help in that now I can't trust females. I know it's the bitches turn nice guys into assholes, assholes turn nice girls into bitches dilemma. I'm a strong believer in sexual equality and morals, but find my stances being challenged by what has happened. I'm worried if I get a new girlfriend it won't be because I actually have feelings for them.

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Response to Relationship Crew Oct. 28th, 2012 @ 11:43 AM Reply

At 10/26/12 01:25 AM, SkeletonSoldier wrote:
At 10/18/12 10:35 PM, WillCo wrote: However I also need help in that now I can't trust females. I know it's the bitches turn nice guys into assholes, assholes turn nice girls into bitches dilemma. I'm a strong believer in sexual equality and morals, but find my stances being challenged by what has happened. I'm worried if I get a new girlfriend it won't be because I actually have feelings for them.
I'm sorry for the emotional trauma you've experienced. I hope that someday you will be able to trust, and believe in the female gender. It's true when you're in a relationship with someone with emotional or mental problems,you're in a relationship with those problems as well. If your next girlfriend is kindhearted,gentle and sweet she will melt the Icey barriers surrounding your heart,love and other warm fuzzy feelings will become natural as a result. As for now,that barrier is a good way of protecting yourself so you're unattached to any toxic relationships. Once you're in them it's hard to get out when you're attached. So it may just be a blessing in disguise.

I agree. The trauma you've suffered, though painful, is the thing that'll help you get a more loving relationship in the future. However, it will only do so if you look at it as a lesson you can learn from. For example, you've already said that it's unwise to think you can help her solve her problems. That's a major lesson. I occassionally aid my girlfriend in finding the right answers to her problems which is fine but it's never good to solve her problems for her. It takes away an opportunity to grow as a person and feel strong.
Secondly, I hope you can see that letting a girl walk over you won't make her want to be with you more or appreciate you more. Boundaries are a hugely important part of relationships, as well as consequences to crossing those boundaries. She cheated, and I don't mean this in a mean way, because you've let her. You let her walk over you, crossing your boundaries so she had to found out if you were weak or had no feelings at all so she kept looking for the next step, the next challenge to see where you'd draw the line. This doesn't mean you should become domineering but it's vitally important for any relationship to set boundaries and let the other person know when something upsets you or when they've crossed the line.

Thirdly, don't be scared to experience new things. Right now your guard is up and as SkeletonSoldier wrote, that will protect you from anyone who's looking for an easy victim to abuse and have their way with. This barrier will help you get to know someone right for you, someone who will make you want to put your shield down. Just do things step by step and don't think of all the things that might happen later on. Remind yourself that you are in control of how far you want to take a new relationship. So get to know new girls step by step and only go a step further once you completely feel comfortable with the way things are going.

You'll be fine


"Never was anything great achieved without danger." - Niccolo Machiavelli

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Snuff
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Response to Relationship Crew Nov. 3rd, 2012 @ 05:41 AM Reply

At 11/2/12 11:42 PM, Escalus wrote:
So, to this... should I try to mend things, or let experience and an epiphany kick his ass for me?

He sounds like he's far too insecure for you both to have a happy relationship. I'd say moving on would be the best thing to do.

DarkSoldier
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Response to Relationship Crew Nov. 3rd, 2012 @ 01:14 PM Reply

At 11/3/12 05:41 AM, Snuff wrote:
At 11/2/12 11:42 PM, Escalus wrote:
So, to this... should I try to mend things, or let experience and an epiphany kick his ass for me?
He sounds like he's far too insecure for you both to have a happy relationship. I'd say moving on would be the best thing to do.

I agree. He has shown to be very insecure about himself. Like Snuff wrote, it is best to move on.


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Response to Relationship Crew Nov. 10th, 2012 @ 04:33 PM Reply

At 10/31/12 01:50 AM, SkeletonSoldier wrote: Vincoid,Newgrounds needs to award you with some kind of Advice God award. Props to you man,you help out so many people.

Thanks man, it's really nice to hear you say that!

As for your situation Escalus, there's nothing you can do to change the way he feels. Though it might sound extremely confusing, his inability to love you is real. It is in our nature to want to please the people we care about. The number one priority in pleasing a partner is by offering them yourself. When someone isn't confident with who they are, even though you tell them that there's nothing wrong, they won't be able to feel love for you because they don't feel it for themselves. As weird as may be, everyone must be able to love themselves before they can love another.
Can you do anything about that? Not as far as I know. They must help themselves first by fixing what they hate about themselves or realizing that the ideas they have are nonsense. Telling him won't change a thing, he has to find out for himself that his beliefs are bullshit and are limiting who he is and what he can have in life (in this case you).

So don't hold yourself responsible for his feelings of inferiority. Do what he isn't capable of and enjoy your life as you please ;)


"Never was anything great achieved without danger." - Niccolo Machiavelli

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Response to Relationship Crew Nov. 12th, 2012 @ 12:10 AM Reply

At 11/10/12 04:33 PM, Vincoid wrote:
Can you do anything about that? Not as far as I know. They must help themselves first by fixing what they hate about themselves or realizing that the ideas they have are nonsense. Telling him won't change a thing, he has to find out for himself that his beliefs are bullshit and are limiting who he is and what he can have in life (in this case you).

So don't hold yourself responsible for his feelings of inferiority. Do what he isn't capable of and enjoy your life as you please ;)

I'm just going to add to this a quote I heard from the excellent movie "The Perks Of Being a Wallflower":
We accept the love we think we deserve. Which, of course, screws over most of the world, but it's a nice quote anyhows.
If the fella has dick problems, that's his beef. Us guys never figured out if girls like us for our size or not, or even if they DO like dicks or sex. We'll never know, and every guy, even porn stars, are a wee bit insecure about that.
Because let's face it, girls are so gorgeous and amazing, and we're just smelly and disgusting.


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Response to Relationship Crew Nov. 15th, 2012 @ 09:35 PM Reply

At 11/9/12 05:51 PM, Escalus wrote: That's all I can do, I could've raged at him and tell him to put on his big boy briefs and stop being such a pansy but I didn't.

I had to learn this the hard way, and that is that you did the absolute right thing in this situation by not raging at him. It's very, very tempting and hard to avoid doing, but in the end it will pay off. When my ex gf cheated on me, I was so angry I raged at her so bad that she ended up being glad she wasn't with me anymore, instead of feeling guilty which she initially felt.

I've got a strange question of my own. Are relationships in college common? Because over here it really doesn't seem to be, everyone's just into studying all day and having one night stands at parties.

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Response to Relationship Crew Nov. 15th, 2012 @ 09:41 PM Reply

At 11/15/12 09:35 PM, mothballs wrote: I've got a strange question of my own. Are relationships in college common? Because over here it really doesn't seem to be, everyone's just into studying all day and having one night stands at parties.

Doesn't seem to be. A lot of really attractive guys I know never have dates, just because they're not interested in it right now.

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Response to Relationship Crew Nov. 15th, 2012 @ 09:47 PM Reply

At 11/15/12 09:41 PM, Entice wrote:
At 11/15/12 09:35 PM, mothballs wrote: I've got a strange question of my own. Are relationships in college common? Because over here it really doesn't seem to be, everyone's just into studying all day and having one night stands at parties.
Doesn't seem to be. A lot of really attractive guys I know never have dates, just because they're not interested in it right now.

Kind of figured. All people seem to care about here is studying. I was expecting girls to come a lot easier.

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Response to Relationship Crew Nov. 17th, 2012 @ 01:16 AM Reply

how am i supposed to even speak to membars of the oposite sex?


I'm an instigator

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Response to Relationship Crew Nov. 17th, 2012 @ 07:43 AM Reply

At 11/17/12 01:16 AM, Boss wrote: how am i supposed to even speak to membars of the oposite sex?

correct spelling is attractive to women

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Response to Relationship Crew Nov. 20th, 2012 @ 08:26 PM Reply

At 11/19/12 05:12 AM, SkeletonSoldier wrote:
Men and women are different. Women want love,men want sex. Women want to feel like the only one in your life,they want someone who is financially stable,they want someone who cares for them and treats them as if they're the most beautiful and loveliest person on Earth. When a women loves you she will walk the ends of the earth,she is loyal and cares deeply. Some women will fake it and they don't always care about size,some just enjoy sex because it makes them feel wanted and loved by their partner. For a woman,sex is an offering of her emotional commitment to her male partner. Sex just eases male testosterone levels after the physical activity,the feelings fade and he quickly leaves the girl.
Women know this about men,and this is why they are finicky about their partners. They don't want to be used for sex,but they're actually emotionally hurt and feel devalued as a person when guys they like and actually thought cared,only want them for one thing.

I guess I can't get mad for women hating us so much, we have been quite terrible to them over the course of history. Even so, it's a little unreasonable to say that that's all men want, at least in a logical form. Obviously you'll have those dudes who want that and nothing else, and they do exactly what you say.
The difficulty in being a man in this instance is the knowledge that a good number of women, such as yourself (or maybe not, I don't know) hate us, think that they are the only good gender, and either have sex anyway or rid themselves of us altogether. I will like to reiterate that not all women are like this. Much like men who only want women for sex, it's a select group.
So please, don't think we're ALL like that.
I would like to say here that your idea of romance is what I like to call the "Twilight" model: It's what everyone wants, but can never get. Unfortunately, for both genders, romance is a pretty deadened experience if it's just a desperate attempt to live like it's a crappy movie. I will assure you that no human being, neither us or anyone who has ever lived, will ever have a romance like that. They will either pretend to in the relationships they have or not have any at all.
Also, if a woman doesn't like sex physically, then she shouldn't have it at all if she doesn't want to. If you're offering yourself to a man to make him stay with you, that's just as bad as a man using a woman for sex. Relationships aren't always about sex. If he's as horrible as you say, he'll leave anyway.
Although, to be honest, I don't want to have sex with anyone thanks to your description of it. I mean, if that's all it really is then it is seriously overrated.
If I might ask, if you're a woman, what happened to make you hate men (I'm assuming) or why do you hate men if nothing happened?
If any of this sounds offensive, it's not meant to be, honest.
Love, a very confused guy.


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Response to Relationship Crew Nov. 20th, 2012 @ 08:33 PM Reply

At 11/19/12 05:12 AM, SkeletonSoldier wrote:
Men and women are different. Women want love,men want sex. Women want to feel like the only one in your life,they want someone who is financially stable,they want someone who cares for them and treats them as if they're the most beautiful and loveliest person on Earth. When a women loves you she will walk the ends of the earth,she is loyal and cares deeply. Some women will fake it and they don't always care about size,some just enjoy sex because it makes them feel wanted and loved by their partner. For a woman,sex is an offering of her emotional commitment to her male partner. Sex just eases male testosterone levels after the physical activity,the feelings fade and he quickly leaves the girl.
Women know this about men,and this is why they are finicky about their partners. They don't want to be used for sex,but they're actually emotionally hurt and feel devalued as a person when guys they like and actually thought cared,only want them for one thing.

I guess I can't get mad for women hating us so much, we have been quite terrible to them over the course of history. Even so, it's a little unreasonable to say that that's all men want, at least in a logical form. Obviously you'll have those dudes who want that and nothing else, and they do exactly what you say.
The difficulty in being a man in this instance is the knowledge that a good number of women, such as yourself (or maybe not, I don't know) hate us, think that they are the only good gender, and either have sex anyway or rid themselves of us altogether. I will like to reiterate that not all women are like this. Much like men who only want women for sex, it's a select group.
So please, don't think we're ALL like that.
I would like to say here that your idea of romance is what I like to call the "Twilight" model: It's what everyone wants, but can never get. Unfortunately, for both genders, romance is a pretty deadened experience if it's just a desperate attempt to live like it's a crappy movie. I will assure you that no human being, neither us or anyone who has ever lived, will ever have a romance like that. They will either pretend to in the relationships they have or not have any at all.
Also, if a woman doesn't like sex physically, then she shouldn't have it at all if she doesn't want to. If you're offering yourself to a man to make him stay with you, that's just as bad as a man using a woman for sex. Relationships aren't always about sex. If he's as horrible as you say, he'll leave anyway.
Although, to be honest, I don't want to have sex with anyone thanks to your description of it. I mean, if that's all it really is then it is seriously overrated.
If I might ask, if you're a woman, what happened to make you hate men (I'm assuming) or why do you hate men if nothing happened?
If any of this sounds offensive, it's not meant to be, honest.
Love, a very confused guy.


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Response to Relationship Crew Dec. 13th, 2012 @ 01:10 PM Reply

I seriously think that at this rate I'm going to die alone.
Seriously, I'm like chick repellent, women just seem to disappear or lose interest whenever I'm around.
Admittedly this is because I'm a hideous and boring guy. I simply don't have a single romantic bone in my body.
Nor do women fantasize about me and stuff like that.
You gotta be attractive, wealthy or famous to attract anyone. Women like power, and I have none of it.
If anyone tells you otherwise, they're lying.
Just felt like expressing myself in a place where no one can figure out who I am.


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Response to Relationship Crew Dec. 13th, 2012 @ 04:43 PM Reply

At 12/13/12 01:10 PM, Glides wrote: I seriously think that at this rate I'm going to die alone.

You mean in this negative state? Because negativity only attracts negativity and women in general are not looking for negativity? Why yes, most likely you will. Not that weird seeing as you hold so many negative believes that keep you from liking someone or being liked.

Seriously, I'm like chick repellent, women just seem to disappear or lose interest whenever I'm around.

They lose interest? So there was interest at first? Then what is it that makes them lose interest? What is it you do that prevents them from liking you? Is it you playing a victim? Is it you creating your own failures to make your expactations of failure come true?

Admittedly this is because I'm a hideous and boring guy. I simply don't have a single romantic bone in my body.

The penis has no bone, that is true.

Jokes aside, you project what you believe and women believe what you project. So yes, you are boring and hideous. Not because it is true, because you believe it to be true.

Nor do women fantasize about me and stuff like that.

Tell me more about the magic of reading the minds of women! Or is it so that you don't know what women think nor fantasize about? So in actuality it might just be that they do fantasize about you?

You gotta be attractive, wealthy or famous to attract anyone. Women like power, and I have none of it.

Power of self. To be who you want to be, live life as you see fit and to have power over your own emotions. That is the power women seek in men. It's a part of what creates attraction. Power of self is to be obtained by any man. In that case it is your own responsibility to obtain it and your own responsibility to allow women to be attracted to you.

But I'm glad you to see that you're being a victim. After all, a victim is powerless. In this case the victim is powerless because you choose to be powerless.

If anyone tells you otherwise, they're lying.

True. Women do want to be attracted to men (or women). It's true you have to be attractive to do so. It's true they like power and it's true you have none.
It's also you true you can have power. It's true that power is waiting for you to grab it and to give direction and meaning to your own life by taking control of it. It's also true that anyone can be powerful and anyone can be attractive. It's also true that negative believes keep you from being powerful and attractive, drag you into a cycle of negativity which constantly reinforces these negative believes and makes you feel like a victim. It's the sad truth that you're doing this to yourself. But it's the best truth to know that you can stop doing this to yourself, man the fuck up and take some control over your own life.

Just felt like expressing myself in a place where no one can figure out who I am.

It doesn't matter who you are. It only matters if you are happy with what you are like.


"Never was anything great achieved without danger." - Niccolo Machiavelli

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Glides
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Response to Relationship Crew Dec. 16th, 2012 @ 03:06 PM Reply

At 12/13/12 04:43 PM, Vincoid wrote:

Right, shit. I was a little drunk when I wrote all that.


Glides is done with his post.

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Response to Relationship Crew Dec. 18th, 2012 @ 08:50 AM Reply

At 12/16/12 03:06 PM, Glides wrote:
At 12/13/12 04:43 PM, Vincoid wrote:
Right, shit. I was a little drunk when I wrote all that.

Fair enough. But does that mean it's all false?


"Never was anything great achieved without danger." - Niccolo Machiavelli

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sadisticirony
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Response to Relationship Crew Dec. 18th, 2012 @ 01:57 PM Reply

Just a question - is it okay to ask for general friend-making advice here too? Or dating relationships only?