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DarkSoldier
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Response to Relationship Crew 2012-12-22 15:05:13 Reply

At 12/22/12 01:16 AM, RandomRoarness wrote: When your girlfriend says Nothing can really make her happy. How should I take this? I just started a relationship with her. Been a week so far. Apparently she's been known to be depressing( I witness worst people than her so it's not as bad as it would seem) and I have known her for 4 years overall.

Since you have known her for four years, judge by her actions. Do her actions suggest she is a depressed person? She could be trying to "test" you and see how you react to her statement or she could just be really depressed. How do you feel her depression affects your relationship? Is it problematic?


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RandomRoarness
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Response to Relationship Crew 2012-12-22 19:00:43 Reply

At 12/22/12 03:05 PM, DarkSoldier wrote:
At 12/22/12 01:16 AM, RandomRoarness wrote: When your girlfriend says Nothing can really make her happy. How should I take this? I just started a relationship with her. Been a week so far. Apparently she's been known to be depressing( I witness worst people than her so it's not as bad as it would seem) and I have known her for 4 years overall.
Since you have known her for four years, judge by her actions. Do her actions suggest she is a depressed person? She could be trying to "test" you and see how you react to her statement or she could just be really depressed. How do you feel her depression affects your relationship? Is it problematic?

According to one of my close friends whom dated her for a very brief time back in 09', he said she is a pretty emo character in a sense. Last Nite I had asked her why she felt like she can never be happy. Responding back she said it has been like that since she was 8. Depressed and anxiety. I don't find it problematic but for a guy who hasn't been in a relationship for 3 three years and isn't sure how to go about a relationship now that I am in one, I would like to do the best I can in making her happy without being to persistent nor annoying . Also she said she is not used to affection as I told her I was gonna give her tons of it while being together
That and her past relationships(Not that many) have been abusive(Some verbally, and physically) .
So that sums up everything.


happy, sad....!?

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Response to Relationship Crew 2012-12-28 04:48:52 Reply

I guess I'll just share this story. I suspect that no amount of advice will solve this problem but I need to tell someone about this.

I haven't talked to this girl in months and I recently hung out with her now that I'm back near her. To make a long story short, I was trying to get into a relationship with this girl this summer. It didn't work out because she had problems from her last relationship. I posted about it here and PM'd Vincoid some. I had little to no contact with her until a little over a month ago. She tried to commit suicide and called me. I called the police and got her help. She acts like she's perfectly fine now and she wasn't physically hurt. We've been in regular contact since then and generally she's been cheerful. She was only in a psych ward for three days and her mom said that it was just drama. I don't trust her opinion though. She's tried to commit suicide before and this time she did it because of her relationship with her parents, so how much can her mom's opinion be worth?

So I saw her for the first time in months a few weeks ago. She showed me some letters that she wrote to me while she was in the psych ward. We watched movies in my living room. She has this thing against touching guys, she's afraid of it. By touching I mean absolutely any physical contact with any man at all. She'd gotten more comfortable with me though. The most I do is joke around by tickling her or putting my arm around her, and I stopped trying that a while ago. While we were watching movies we spent a lot of the time messing around like that and joking, laughing, etc. I got brave and stuck my hand up her shirt, just massaging her side and stomach. I asked her if she was okay with it and she said yes, but she just sat there and didn't move. I said "I usually don't say stuff like this directly, but it's hard to tell with you. I don't want to make you do anything that you don't want to do". I said this because it was such a huge jump, like I said four months ago she was terrified at the thought of accidentally brushing against my arm. She said it was okay.

Not to go into any details, we ended up in my room and I tried to get intimate. She squeezed my arm before anything happened, that was her way of telling me to stop. I said that she could tell me verbally if she wanted to. She said that it was hard for her. I drove her home after that. I felt frustrated and disgusted with myself. I felt as if she'd never had any attraction for me and that it had all been wishful thinking. She noticed how upset I was and asked me what was wrong. I lied and said that I was tired and my stomach hurt. When I got back home she texted me to say that she had fun and to make sure that I made it home safely since I was so tired when I was driving.

The next day I got a strange text from her. She asked me if while I was there if I'd noticed a bruise on her right wrist, as if someone had grabbed her arm too hard. I said no, and she said "that's weird, I don't remember getting it". Needless to say, I didn't do this to her. I didn't think much of it at the moment but now I'm worrying about it.

She texted me again and asked if I was okay. I said yes. Her response was "Really? Because for some reason I feel like I'm frustrating you. I mean, I know what you keep trying to do and I keep turning away so I can understand if I'm frustrating you". I said "I guess I should know by now that it's not what you want".

Her reply was "No its fine really. In fact, I actually enjoy that you try. I guess it's something I just need to be worn down on. It will just take me a while to get used to it" What the fuck does that mean, "worn down on"? "Enjoy that I try"? That's a fucking weird way of putting it. It just sounds wrong to me.

She also said that she was afraid of getting hurt again and of losing me as a friend. She said that she hasn't kissed anyone and wouldn't know that to feel about it anymore and then apologized about "being so difficult".

She also said that it was "difficult for her to trust anyone". This actually angered me, because I've done a lot for her and I don't understand how she can't trust me. I didn't tell her, but I texted her back and said something like "I understand what you're saying, but do you think I'd still be here if I didn't genuinely care about you?" She just changed her explanation to "I do trust you, I'm just scared".

A few days later another weird text. We were joking around while I was bored at my grandparents house and she sent a flirtatious text message. That's strange considering how shy this girl is, but the weirder part is what happened next.
She said "That last text wasn't me". I said "Sure it wasn't" jokingly. After that she said "Well, it was me but it wasn't". Then she claimed that the entire conversation didn't happen. Then she said that she was confused and didn't know what I was talking about. I had idea why she was having a psychotic episode over one text so I just said "it's fine, don't worry about it". The reply I got was "Don't worry about what?" I tried to just be logical and just told her to read through her old texts, but she changed the subject.

I told her to text me or call me tomorrow. She didn't. Since then she stopped contacting me first, she's hasn't initiated conversation, but when I contact her she's in a great mood and talks about wanting to hang out with me. Today when I said that I had to go she didn't reply. Again it sounds like something that doesn't fucking matter but it's very odd for her. She usually sends a couple of texts telling me to sleep well and shit.

There's a lot of mixed signals. I just don't know what to think about anything.

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Response to Relationship Crew 2012-12-28 12:53:05 Reply

At 12/28/12 04:48 AM, Entice wrote: There's a lot of mixed signals. I just don't know what to think about anything.

From what you've described, she seems like a very problematic individual: suicidal, trust issues, etc. You have developed feelings for her, understandable, but do you think she is the kind of dating material you would want? Read over your post and ask yourself if she is worth your time. She seems like she's stringing you along, giving you mixed messages as you said. I don't see her being interested in you from what you've told us.

The girl knows you like her. If she liked you too, you would know by now and not come to the conclusion that she's giving you "mixed signals." My advice for you is to move on, find other girls that are worth your time and not willing to play petty mind games.

At 12/22/12 07:00 PM, RandomRoarness wrote:
According to one of my close friends whom dated her for a very brief time back in 09', he said she is a pretty emo character in a sense. Last Nite I had asked her why she felt like she can never be happy. Responding back she said it has been like that since she was 8. Depressed and anxiety. I don't find it problematic but for a guy who hasn't been in a relationship for 3 three years and isn't sure how to go about a relationship now that I am in one, I would like to do the best I can in making her happy without being to persistent nor annoying . Also she said she is not used to affection as I told her I was gonna give her tons of it while being together
That and her past relationships(Not that many) have been abusive(Some verbally, and physically) .
So that sums up everything.

I'm concerned with the state of this girl. You've described her as: depressed, anxious, abused, emotional and unhappy. Those characteristics sound problematic for any relationship, especially a long term one. Her remark that nothing can make her happy describes all her qualities that you outlined. You can try activities or actions that you think would make her happy but I think given her emotional state, it will prove to be beyond your capabilities and not worth your time and effort. That's my take on your situation.

Whether it has been three years, five years or your first time in a relationship is irrelevant. When you're in a relationship, you should continue to act the same way you did before you got into it. People sometimes make the mistake of changing their behaviour and lifestyle when they get into a relationship because they now got the girl. That usually results in a loss of attraction and ultimately a breakup. You have to keep the attraction going at all times. I would say it was a mistake to tell her you were going to give her tons of affection because you might have come off as too desperate or clingy. You live and learn.


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Glides
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Response to Relationship Crew 2013-01-14 20:45:59 Reply

Just because I'm curious to see what the response is:

Does love exist in a romantic capacity? Explain why.
Be sure to factor in stuff like the friend zone and all that.

I personally don't think it does, since half of all marriages end in divorce and most couples break up.
And you know, people get real boring to one another real fast.

Just curious to see what you all think.


Glides is done with his post.

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Response to Relationship Crew 2013-01-15 01:41:16 Reply

At 12/28/12 12:53 PM, DarkSoldier wrote: From what you've described, she seems like a very problematic individual: suicidal, trust issues, etc. You have developed feelings for her, understandable, but do you think she is the kind of dating material you would want?

Most of the time she's fun to be around and doesn't act as if she ever has any problems at all, so I thought she could get over them and there wouldn't be an issue. Apparently I was wrong.

Read over your post and ask yourself if she is worth your time. She seems like she's stringing you along, giving you mixed messages as you said. I don't see her being interested in you from what you've told us.

I didn't want to believe it because she told me otherwise, directly. But when I confronted her about it again by asking if she wanted me around to make her feel better or because she actually liked me she wouldn't give a straight answer because "she didn't know". I got into a fight with her after that and she hasn't been talking to me much since then so that's that... time to move on.

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Response to Relationship Crew 2013-01-15 09:41:22 Reply

At 1/14/13 08:45 PM, Glides wrote: Just because I'm curious to see what the response is:

Does love exist in a romantic capacity? Explain why.
Be sure to factor in stuff like the friend zone and all that.

I personally don't think it does, since half of all marriages end in divorce and most couples break up.
And you know, people get real boring to one another real fast.

Just curious to see what you all think.

I absolutely believe it does. However, it does not excist in every relationship and doesn't last in every relationship.

I believe one's capability to love depends on many factors. How much you love who you are contributes greatly. A great many people are incapable of (fully) loving others due to their own insecurities which they project on the other. Once they get used to the loving feeling (which numbs after a while which I'll explain seperately) they start becoming more attentive to their insecurities and put more meaning unto it. So every time their partner does something which makes them feel insecure, they love them less. They're not so much loving the other less, it's rather that their own insecurity creates this feeling and reminds them of how lowly they feel of themselves.

In my opinion, two factors contribute mainly to divorces. The first is that everything you attach meaning to has the potential to create what you consider to be good and bad emotions. The second is that every emotion you feel and become attached to slowly loses it power and causes you to want to create more of it.
Now, if you combine these two things, it automatically creates a downward spiral for anything involving negative emotions. The positive emotions you feel at first are numbed over time, negative things start to happen, they get the upper hand and before you know it you're subconsciously making your own situation worse and worse. That or all senses get so numbed you start going for the extreme so you can feel again (midlife crisis originate from this) and decide this marriage isn't for you seeing as it has numbed you.
Simple truth is that it hasn't, it was you to begin with, but because it's all happening in the unconscious, you'll blame the only thing you can see which is your dead marriage.

These attachments, these meanings, have the power to keep you from loving or can stop the love you feel. We're all trying to attach meaning to everything we see, feel, hear or think. Everything has go to have a purpose or a goal. Nothing can simple be something without us having an opinion or meaning attached to it.

For example, you might be in the greatest loving relationship you've ever been in. Everything is perfect but then, one day, your girlfriend lets one rip. In your eyes this is the most nasty ass thing she could ever do to you so you experience negative emotions, you might even have a fight over it. Now, every time she does this you'll experience these emotions more and more. The act itself is neither bad or good, it simply is. It is the meaning you've attached to it that makes it positive or negative.

Now, this is quite a silly example but it actually is all of these small things that can have a whole lot of meaning attached to it by anyone. You can attach meaning to any single thing you want which will inevitably lead to disappointment and hurt. Just think of all the people bitching about toothpaste caps not being put on, or shit not having been tidied up, etc.
People bitch about the tiniest of things and they become attached to this bitching as well. For most people it's a release since these bitching sessions mostly come from their own insecurities. The positive feelings of love numb, we have no clue how to create them again. Then our negative emtions attached to the bitching numb as well. In contrary to the feeling of love, we know exactly how to create these emotions, so we increase our bitching. We blow our miniscule problems up to extreme proportions untill the moment comes where we can't take it anymore and divorce.
We do not divorce because we've never loved, but because we've forgotten how to love and started bitching instead.

Love and life go hand in hand. Love is the main force behind life, they are pretty much the same. Both love and life flow freely and abundantly when you do not try to control the stream. All the attachments you create are like dams you build to take control. However, life is no gentle stream to be controlled. What happens when you build a dam is that life answers with a giant "Fuck You" and rises, increases in strenght and leaves nothing of the pathetic attempt you've taken to control it. What we do in response is try and build an even bigger dam which in turn gets destroyed as well.
The answer: let it all flow. Without attachment we do not care where life takes us and we end up where we belong. Withut attachement, we let love in our lifes, give out love and do not let love be diminshed by miniscule things we once decided have meaning to us.

Instead simply experience and enjoy.

I myself can speak for this. In my current relationship I've felt love the entire time. I've felt eb and flow through the relationship as my attached meaning to useless shit blocked my ability to feel love. I've had my share of fights over nothing, simply because there was meaning attached to it. I know my love for her will last an eternity if I let go of the meaning I have attached to everything I know. I'll be free to feel love, I'll be free to love and I'll be free to live life.
I'm not saying here that life has a path for us which we must all follow and which will reveal itself once we let go and surrender. However, what letting go does for us is that we start to experience what life creates instead of trying to create our own experiences based on the meanings we attach to it. This way we experience life as it is, find out what feels desirable to us and start moving towards those things. We'll start getting more of what makes us feel good based on what we experience in the moment, instead of obsessively going after what we've once been taught is what we should do. We're not upset anymore if for a moment we do not feel the the feeling we desire. We're not upset if we're not in a relationship or if we're not what other people consider to be succesful.
Just think of all the people in unhappy relationships who are too afraid to let go because people might think they're pathetic for being single. Or people that kill themselves for being unable to acquire the success they think people around them expect to acquire. None of that would happen if we would let go of meaning. We would be free to be ourselves and do what we want for our own reasons. Or for no reason at all, simply because we feel so.

Love flows abundantly in this freedom, and it's restricted in a world of meaning and attachment.

I hope that answers your question or that it might provide you with an answer about yourself you might now have thought to find.


"Never was anything great achieved without danger." - Niccolo Machiavelli

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Response to Relationship Crew 2013-01-26 22:28:53 Reply

I'm not sure if people here will have advice about this kinda thing but what the hell.

I'm a 21 year old guy and just sort of starting to deal with the fact that I'm bi in a real way. I thought I could ignore it for the longest time but I'm realizing that's not healthy or fair to myself since I openly don't see a problem with it. I've told a few friends and they've taken it really well so that's not really an issue for me so far.

Basically, I have no clue how to meet a guy I would actually be interested in and no clue how to approach it even if I do. I'm not effeminate at all and judging by the reactions I've gotten when I've come out to people I guess my "gay side" (for lack of a better term) isn't an obvious thing. I'm also not into effeminate guys, if I were I doubt I would still be into girls at all if that makes sense. So basically my point is that when I'm attracted to a guy they end up either being straight or hard to distinguish from straight guys, and they wouldn't be likely to spot and approach me either even if they were gay/bi. Perfect example being last night when I got super hammered and straight up asked a cool guy I'd met out, only to have him be straight...

I'm really not into the idea of pretending to be into some typically perceived gay thing (fashion stuff I guess?) just to meet people since I'm not sure if I would even be into those guys... But at the same time I want to actually explore this shit and not just continue ignoring it, I feel like I may actually enjoy being in a gay couple more then a straight one at the end of the day.

I don't know if anyone here has some advice on this but I would appreciate it if you do... I've kind of tired of making a fool of myself.

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Response to Relationship Crew 2013-01-27 16:17:43 Reply

At 1/27/13 03:01 PM, selena wrote: Use a dating site. People underestimate the power of these.. They have sites for all races and relationship types. Have you tried one?

This. Also if you go to college, your school might have a GSA. If you're not too shy you could also try gay bars or something. I know that they're associated with the stereotypical flamboyant guys that you're not interested in meeting, but you won't know what the crowd is like until you go and at least there's a guarantee that the guys are actually gay/bi.


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Response to Relationship Crew 2013-01-27 16:22:02 Reply

At 1/27/13 03:01 PM, selena wrote:
At 1/26/13 10:28 PM, the-goatman wrote: I don't know if anyone here has some advice on this but I would appreciate it if you do... I've kind of tired of making a fool of myself.
Use a dating site. People underestimate the power of these.. They have sites for all races and relationship types. Have you tried one?

That suggestion feels really weird to me, maybe just cause I associate dating sites with old people with too many cats. Do younger people even use those kinds of things?

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Response to Relationship Crew 2013-01-27 16:38:10 Reply

At 1/27/13 04:22 PM, the-goatman wrote: That suggestion feels really weird to me, maybe just cause I associate dating sites with old people with too many cats. Do younger people even use those kinds of things?

I know a guy that uses dating sites for almost the exact same reason as you. That's how he found his current boyfriend.
There is sort of a stigma associated with them but young people definitely use them.


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Response to Relationship Crew 2013-02-19 21:32:44 Reply

At 1/27/13 03:01 PM, selena wrote: Use a dating site. People underestimate the power of these.. They have sites for all races and relationship types. Have you tried one?

I have always been sceptical about the use of online dating services but they seem to be growing in popularity. I have never tried one but I know plenty of people who have and are very satisfied with the services provided.


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Response to Relationship Crew 2013-03-07 01:20:51 Reply

So, advice guys?

I've been talking to a friend of mine, V, for a long time. We've always been very close friends, from the time she moved to my school my junior year to even after she left for colorado. If I wasn't a fucking moron and tried to stay in my long distance relationship I would have asked her out, but that's a different story for a different day.

I've wanted this girl since the day I laid eyes on her, and I've been kicking myself almost every day for not manning up, dumping that dumb bitch of an ex and taking a chance with V. But, whatever.

She ends up marrying some prick and moving to colorado. A lot of our conversations are about how she feels lonely, how she regrets some of the decisions she made with him and her just wondering why she's still with him. I ask her all the time what she sees in him and she can never really give a good answer. They live together but she almost never sees him. He'll come home then just head out to smoke with his friends or go to parties while she just stays at home doing nothing all day.

He's very distrusting, though he's cheated on her and lied to her on several occasions. There's been a few times where me and V were talking and he'd force her to quit talking to me. They constantly fight, they barely talk and he hasn't hit her, but has grabbed her and forced her to just lay there while he yells at her. She thinks that she can change this somehow and always says that this is just a part of him and what not.

About a month ago I told her about my feelings for her, and she told me she's always liked me and how she wondered why I never took the chance to ask her out. Every time he's gone we have a more open conversation, maybe about my feelings for her, her feelings for me, how things used to be when she was over here, how she can't stand how her current relationship is, etc etc. Obviously we're good friends so whenever I tell her about a girl I'm maybe trying to talk to or I'm interested in she always seems to get a little sad and she never really wants to talk about it much.

We've always talked about being able to see each other again, and how we'd love to just be able to hang out one more time at least. Since I filed my taxes and I'm getting a decent return, I told her I was planning on a trip where I could come down and see her. V and I are both really excited about this. She's been trying to find a hotel for me and we've been planning all sorts of things to do for the time we'll have. Going to dinner, seeing a movie at the theater, having a movie night at the hotel with some movies she and I will both bring, etc.

The other day when we were talking I told her I still wanted her. She just seemed sad and just mentioned her marriage but she also said she wished things turned out different. I asked if she still wanted me to come over and visit knowing how I felt, and she said yes. But she also said not to tempt her.

Everything leading up to this point and that sentence makes me feel that she wants out, that she wants something more. She always says how she just has to settle for what she has, that she deserves more but it's too late, etc etc. I've told her a lot that she doesn't have to settle for less, that she can actually be happy with someone else, she could find better, and she said she wanted to, but the guy would just try to make her life hell. They've already talked about a divorce, he said that he'd never sign the papers and he'd never let her leave him.

I told her I was sort of sad that I couldn't have her, and how I didn't know if I'd feel the way I do about her with another girl. She told me not to worry. She promised that no matter what, at the very least she'd be mine 'in spirit. In mind. In a different world.'

I'm visiting her this upcoming Tuesday and staying til Thursday. She picked those days because her husband works those days and he's never home during the week anyways.

So, uh, you know. What should I think of all this? Does she feel the way I think she does? Am I an idiot for thinking this way? Would it be wrong to break up their marriage? Do I even have a chance?

I want to go regardless of if I can get her cause I mean, I'm gonna be in vacation in Colorado so why not right? But I really want to build something with her, so, I guess I'd like any advice I can get.

tl;dr I want a girl that's married to a prick, we both have feelings for each other and I'm going to see her Tuesday. halp

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Response to Relationship Crew 2013-03-07 18:27:05 Reply

At 3/7/13 01:20 AM, Penrodeo wrote: So, uh, you know. What should I think of all this? Does she feel the way I think she does? Am I an idiot for thinking this way? Would it be wrong to break up their marriage? Do I even have a chance?

No, you're not an idiot at all but you missed your real chance with her and now that she is married, I don't see much of an opportunity for you. She may talk about how her life sucks and wishes it turned out differently but she does not appear to be very motivated to change her life. If you get involved, you would be getting in the middle of her marriage and if her husband finds out, it is only rational and logical to assume he won't be happy and he'll come after you. Is it worth it to get yourself into this girl's already complicated marriage without knowing if she really likes you? You mentioned she said she likes you but it seems more like you have been friend zoned. Have you two ever gotten intimate with each other?

I think you would be wasting your time with her and your only real opportunity with her is if she gets divorced but otherwise I would suggest your place your attention elsewhere, perhaps finding girls that aren't married.


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Response to Relationship Crew 2013-03-07 19:21:54 Reply

At 3/7/13 01:20 AM, Penrodeo wrote:

I'm assuming she's the same age as you are first off. Her situation doesn't sound good but I think you have to be really fucking careful here. The guy holds her down and yells at her, he said they can't get a divorce because he won't let her? And this is just what she tells you so who knows how bad it actually is.

You seem to be thinking of yourself and what you want more then her here. You want to go there and do what? Do you plan on trying to sleep with her? Cause I guarantee when her husband finds out he will not be happy to put it lightly. Does he even know you're coming out to visit her? Because even if nothing happens between you, imagine what his reaction will be when he finds out his wife has been hanging out with a guy and keeping it secret. I mean I may be overreacting but this is exactly the shit that seems like it could push it over the edge to a physically abusive relationship.

I mean I guess your going now but I would personally stay out of it for the time being. Support her, encourage her to get marriage counseling and maybe if they do end up getting divorced you can consider the possibility of having something with her. But she is married right now and you have to accept that. Don't make things worse for her and encourage her to try to find some means to make things better, but if you actually care about her you shouldn't try to catalyze them getting broken up.

Plus your 19 man, even if this girl is special you shouldn't be holding out for her when you know she's not available. Have some fun and maybe down the road things will work out between you, but don't spend your life waiting for her.

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Response to Relationship Crew 2013-03-15 11:11:26 Reply

I completely agree with Goat-man. You are taking a very big risk here, potentially triggering her husband to become physically abusive.

I understand that you feel you should act, to try and get her to see how fucked up her situation is and how much better off she would be with you. However, I doubt any of that will have any effect. Positive effect that is for a negative effect will be most likely. It's unfair to her to put her safety in danger for your own needs.

The way I see it you're better off staying in touch with her and to be there for her as a friend, to get her through this difficult time in her life. The marriage she's in is doomed to fail and is already falling apart. They've already discussed a divorce and even though he says he'll never sign, it's a strong signal it won't last very long. Besides, him refusing to sign doesn't mean they can't divorce and I doubt he'll go through the trouble of trying to find her when they do seeing as he doesn't seem to care about her right now.

For you this is a waiting game. You'll need to decide for yourself if you want to wait for her or move on. Just know that when you do move on, you have to completely forget about V as a possibility. You'll never be able to completely love another woman if you don't. Good luck man.


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Response to Relationship Crew 2013-03-23 14:50:06 Reply

We feel less love when our partner does something annoying?
I don't think so. Any time we've fought I've still felt very strongly in love, if not more so.
So either I disagree or I'm confused. Could be either.


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Response to Relationship Crew 2013-03-23 20:08:50 Reply

i will help u run this pm me if i got the job thanks


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Response to Relationship Crew 2013-03-23 20:32:35 Reply

At 3/23/13 08:08 PM, john544 wrote: i will help u run this pm me if i got the job thanks

I regret to inform you that you did not get the job.

This is an automated post. Do not reply.

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Response to Relationship Crew 2013-03-25 23:57:20 Reply

Sooo I just got out of a 1 1/2 year long disnant relationship this saturdayFirst thing I did was to try and distract myself with Newgrounds sadly it isn't working it actually is coming back to haunt me no matter what i do.

Anyway any advice on how to get rid of this terrible depression?


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Response to Relationship Crew 2013-03-26 02:19:27 Reply

At 3/25/13 11:57 PM, Wegra wrote: Sooo I just got out of a 1 1/2 year long disnant relationship this saturdayFirst thing I did was to try and distract myself with Newgrounds sadly it isn't working it actually is coming back to haunt me no matter what i do.

Anyway any advice on how to get rid of this terrible depression?

Newgrounds wouldn't distract me personally.

Shit's gonna suck for a while, take things easy on yourself. Especially for the first few days just try to keep yourself distracted, go outside and have an adventure, hang out with friends, do something you don't normally do. Just try to keep your mind off it. Your gonna have to deal with it emotionally but at the beginning I think norming to just not having that person in your life constantly is enough.

Chill with friends as much as you can, if your of age alcohol can either be great or the worst idea ever, you'd know better then I would. Just make sure if you do get drunk you give your phone to someone else so you can't contact your ex. Find someone who won't mind if you bitch to them.

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Response to Relationship Crew 2013-03-26 18:56:41 Reply

At 3/26/13 02:19 AM, the-goatman wrote:
At 3/25/13 11:57 PM, Wegra wrote: Sooo I just got out of a 1 1/2 year long disnant relationship this saturdayFirst thing I did was to try and distract myself with Newgrounds sadly it isn't working it actually is coming back to haunt me no matter what i do.

Anyway any advice on how to get rid of this terrible depression?
Newgrounds wouldn't distract me personally.

Shit's gonna suck for a while, take things easy on yourself. Especially for the first few days just try to keep yourself distracted, go outside and have an adventure, hang out with friends, do something you don't normally do. Just try to keep your mind off it. Your gonna have to deal with it emotionally but at the beginning I think norming to just not having that person in your life constantly is enough.

Chill with friends as much as you can, if your of age alcohol can either be great or the worst idea ever, you'd know better then I would. Just make sure if you do get drunk you give your phone to someone else so you can't contact your ex. Find someone who won't mind if you bitch to them.

Here's something I forgot to mention. I've dealt with break ups before butt this one had a bigger imact then I thought. Why the hell is this happening. Also I'm on day 3 of the breakup. We still agreed to be "Very good friends" and we both were sincer about it


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Response to Relationship Crew 2013-03-27 17:00:27 Reply

At 3/26/13 06:56 PM, Wegra wrote: Here's something I forgot to mention. I've dealt with break ups before butt this one had a bigger imact then I thought. Why the hell is this happening. Also I'm on day 3 of the breakup. We still agreed to be "Very good friends" and we both were sincer about it

When your together for as long as you were it makes sense. I'd really just say to let close friends know your not entirely alright and that you could use support. I've never been in a long distance thing for very long but I imagine talking to that person in whatever way must just become such a big part of your routine that having it all of a sudden disappear leaves a definite void in your life. I'm not great with breakups either, I'd just suggest trying to find something to keep your mind off it and get support from whoever your close to if you need it.

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Response to Relationship Crew 2013-03-27 18:12:57 Reply

At 3/27/13 05:00 PM, the-goatman wrote:
At 3/26/13 06:56 PM, Wegra wrote: Here's something I forgot to mention. I've dealt with break ups before butt this one had a bigger imact then I thought. Why the hell is this happening. Also I'm on day 3 of the breakup. We still agreed to be "Very good friends" and we both were sincer about it
When your together for as long as you were it makes sense. I'd really just say to let close friends know your not entirely alright and that you could use support. I've never been in a long distance thing for very long but I imagine talking to that person in whatever way must just become such a big part of your routine that having it all of a sudden disappear leaves a definite void in your life. I'm not great with breakups either, I'd just suggest trying to find something to keep your mind off it and get support from whoever your close to if you need it.

More shit I forgot to mention.

We have met up quite a lot last year but this year not so much. Also there's this guy that might try to be stealing her away.I mean he doesn't look terrible but I snooped around facebook and he kinda has a real shit taste in movies, video games, and tv. Not to mention before our relationship ended I think he confessed he loved her and said some mushy crap. I was okay with this sorta but I don't know there's something about this guy I really don't like and I'm not sure if it's jeallousy or something else. She described him as a bit shy and "similar to me" but eh.....


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Response to Relationship Crew 2013-03-28 19:46:29 Reply

An interested person there will win out over a good person too far away.

Just focus on taking care of you. Best to not even talk to her at all for about a month or so, no matter how hard it feels sometimes, avoid speaking to her.


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Response to Relationship Crew 2013-03-29 11:33:17 Reply

Hey I need some help here.

So I broke up with my girlfriend of one year. We broke up several times and this time was the last. It was all because it felt like she didn't appreciate me and she didn't show me that she did love me. It was always me doing everything and rarely does she does something for me. I mean, I don't expect a lot, but a text or a "hey how are you doing" would suffice but I don't see that.

Anyway, we broke up. But this time she took it hard. Because according to her, she finally learned how to love and now I'm leaving her. Her family has been telling me she's changed and she has been crying a lot and stuff. I do feel guilty about it.

After all the emotional turmoil, another girl expressed interest and me and we hooked up. She knew how to make me feel appreciated and stuff and I really like this girl.

At the same time, I keep comparing this new girl to my ex. With my ex, I could talk all kinds of topics for hours and hours and I wont feel bored. With the new one, it doesn't feel the same. I also feel guilty that I left her.

I keep thinking about her and it just feels like if I was with my ex, it would probably be better but the fact we broke up several times and people keep telling me to break off the relationship over the course of the year makes me think other wise?

So tell me, what do I do? I wanna get over this guilt.


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Response to Relationship Crew 2013-03-29 12:03:12 Reply

Hi, need some help here.
I just go to whatever place I go to pick up girls - usually the beach or downtown, never clubs or bars. I can open conversation without a problem. Not always sure what to do after because opening conversation is the easy part. But supposedly I do manage to get the conversation going - everything goes fine - troubles arrive when it's time for me to close. Either I ask them out then and there or at least to get the phone number. The answer is always no. And by 'always' I don't even mean 90% but 100%. Yeah, never even managed to ask a girl out because always got rejected. It's very frustrating and really hurts my motivation to try again and again, not even mentioning what it does to my confidence...
What on earth is the matter with me? How can I fix this? And how unusual/lame is it for a guy to be almost 20 and not even being out on a date from 1-5 (1 - normal. 5 - can't be more lame than that).

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Response to Relationship Crew 2013-03-29 16:57:05 Reply

At 3/29/13 11:33 AM, jackripperz wrote: Hey I need some help here.

So I broke up with my girlfriend of one year. We broke up several times and this time was the last. It was all because it felt like she didn't appreciate me and she didn't show me that she did love me. It was always me doing everything and rarely does she does something for me. I mean, I don't expect a lot, but a text or a "hey how are you doing" would suffice but I don't see that.

I keep thinking about her and it just feels like if I was with my ex, it would probably be better but the fact we broke up several times and people keep telling me to break off the relationship over the course of the year makes me think other wise?

So tell me, what do I do? I wanna get over this guilt.

Some people are more romantic than others and different people show affection in different ways.
I think it's interesting that to you it seems you loved her more yet you are the one who ended the relationship. If she didn't like you, why was she staying in it?
Did you ever tell her you'd feel better if she showed a little more affection and suggest ways how to do that?

It also may be that you have certain expectations of what affection is or how someone should make you feel appreciated. Instead of noticing that what you expect doesn't happen, look for what does happen and focus on those moments.
I tend to be very affection/appreciative and I'm with a guy who is much more subtle.

I don't think you actually like new girl, I just think she's filling the need to be desired that you had and that's the only thing you like about her. Your ex seems much more substantial and your insecurity in your relationship seems like something better worked on.

If you try to get her back and she says yes, obviously she likes you more than you'd thought. I think it's worth a try.


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Response to Relationship Crew 2013-03-29 19:24:36 Reply

At 3/29/13 04:57 PM, Sensationalism wrote:
At 3/29/13 11:33 AM, jackripperz wrote:

Some people are more romantic than others and different people show affection in different ways.
I think it's interesting that to you it seems you loved her more yet you are the one who ended the relationship. If she didn't like you, why was she staying in it?

It was really emotionally draining for me. I would always find her talking to her friends most of the time. But the worst part is when I was physically next to her and she'd ignore me if there were her friends around. And I'd spent time waiting until I was bored and feeling ignored.

Did you ever tell her you'd feel better if she showed a little more affection and suggest ways how to do that?

I did. She kept telling me she understands but we usually get into arguments about this particular topic. She never had a boyfriend before so she really has no clue what to do in a relationship though I feel that's sort of a weird thing. Maybe she has no interest in me eh?


It also may be that you have certain expectations of what affection is or how someone should make you feel appreciated. Instead of noticing that what you expect doesn't happen, look for what does happen and focus on those moments.
I tend to be very affection/appreciative and I'm with a guy who is much more subtle.

I do. There has been moments where I notice she's a bit more caring and stuff, but it's usually overshadowed with what she's doing thats hurting my feelings.

We were on the phone once and suddenly someone else called her on her cell phone (I called using the house phone because it was free. Yeah, tell you about that later.) She told me who it was and I know that she doesn't like him as well.

It was some dude who kept lying to girls to get their attention and affection. He was targetting my ex for a long time but she never really cared. I thought she was gonna talk for 3-5 minutes and continue conversing with me. Then she left me waiting while I hear her laugh over the phone with the guy for over 40 minutes.

That really pissed me off and hurt me. And we just finished making up and when that happens I was in a sour mood again.


I don't think you actually like new girl, I just think she's filling the need to be desired that you had and that's the only thing you like about her. Your ex seems much more substantial and your insecurity in your relationship seems like something better worked on.

True, I do think so too. But at the same time, I feel like if I do go back to my ex, she'll do the same thing over and over again. I have been enduring the pain for a long time. With her ignoring me, and placing me last in her list of priorities. My friends keep telling me I should break it off because it really looks like one-sided and even when I told my mom I broke up, she was like "I'm so glad. She really didn't look like she had that intimacy or passion for you."

I obviously did though coz her parents still talk to me on occasion and invite for me lunch and stuff. Really is weird.


If you try to get her back and she says yes, obviously she likes you more than you'd thought. I think it's worth a try.

There's nothing more, that I would like, than to be in a loving relationship with the girl that I love. But my heart can't take it anymore. Sometimes I would literally feel tired after going through all that emotional roller coaster.

I'm sorry. I really have no one to ask for advice. Everyone around me keeps saying "No, don't get back with her. No." and all I need is some logical and at the same time professional advice. I mean, the Relationship Crew has been on NG forums as long as I can remember.

And thanks. That last line perked me up a bit.


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Response to Relationship Crew 2013-04-16 22:53:23 Reply

Okay I'll post in here and see what you guys have to say.

So my guy and I want to move in together. I have a full time job but we're waiting for him to get one too before we start looking for a place.

Neither of us want kids.
I want a dog/s but he says he doesn't want one ever. I can live with that.
But he doesn't want my birds around either. I have three right now, two keets and a tiel. The keets I am not too attached to, they're around to entertain and harrass my tiel. My cockatiel however is 16 years old and I'm never ever getting rid of him. (I also always hoped to breed him and keep one of his sons) but yeah my guy is all no not even him, me or the bird.
I really want to live with my guy but there is seriously no way I'm ever giving up my bird.
He was never raised with pets, he doesn't understand it at all.
what do.


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