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karuna86
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Response to Relationship Crew 2013-12-04 20:24:23 Reply

At 11/29/13 11:04 AM, CharlieJayTango wrote: I met a girl at the beginning of this last summer while on the Disney college program in Florida. We dated a bit at first, but then I stupidly broke it off just to see what else was out there. We remained friends and even hooked up a couple of times before I moved back to my home state of Utah. She's a Florida native, but we continued to talk and our friendship grew. We skype all the time and even joke about getting married and having kids. She's told me she's interested in making our relationship more serious. She's moving to California in January and is stopping in Utah for a couple of days to visit (wink wink, nudge nudge). Anyways, I'm just wondering when it's appropriate to make things official. Is it okay to do over skype? Or should I wait until she gets here in January? And what should I say? Should I just ask her to be my girlfriend?

First of all in this day and age of technology, it is always tempting to communicate via internet rather then calling or talking face to face. I always prefer to talk about serious matter face to face with a women. She will feel more of a connection with you rather then talking over the internet. Having her feel more connected to you is a big part of moving into a more serious relationship. Talking to her face to face also shows her that you have some balls to let your self be vulnerable.

And what should I say?

Sounds corny but tell her what you really feel but don't get to over whelmed with emotion that it pushes her back. Talk to her with confidence. The way you do that is by telling her the truth about what you're feeling for her.

Should I just ask her to be my girlfriend?

Well after you are done saying your end...shut up and listen to her. Ask her what she feels. If she is responding with smiles and good eye contact then you will feel right asking her to take it to the next level.

Hope that helped.

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Response to Relationship Crew 2014-02-14 16:21:22 Reply

Quick question from another thread.

What happens in a situation like this? Do you think she's gonna care that much?

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Response to Relationship Crew 2014-02-18 11:09:59 Reply

At 2/14/14 04:21 PM, Entice wrote: Quick question from another thread.

What happens in a situation like this? Do you think she's gonna care that much?

No. Women don't keep track. You can be awesome for years on end but fuck up once and the girl will get pissed as all hell. It works the other way around as well. You show her weakness, cowardice, etc. once but given the chance, you show her power, strength, confidence, honesty, etc. the next time, she'll test you to see if you can show her again. Show her enough times, she'll trust you.

Does honesty work? Sometimes, but is what the other guy said the truth? Or is the truth that you do now fully know what to do, how to approach? So telling what seems to be the truth isn't exactly the answer either. You just have to do what you need to do to get where you want to be without hurting anyone in the progress.

So here's why you have to keep eye contact and why she likes it:

Women have eye contact to be understood and to understand the person they're making eye contact with. You looking at her when she's making eye contact with you creates a deeper connection (which is a start and why people call it love at first sight).
Men have eye contact to assert power. People who are lower on the evolutionary scale (keep in mind that our bodies, our brains, are no adapted to 21st century life but life about 10,000 years ago) avoid eye contact so they won't get hurt. Men who do make eye contact challenge the one they're looking at which only the more powerful men would do and why keeping eye contact with a woman is so powerful. By looking away before she does you subconsciously tell her she's stronger. That's not attractive to most women, especially hot and cute girls who get quite a bit of attention all the time.
Eye contact is key. Why do you think you should never have a fucking stare down with a bear? He'll fuck you up because you're challenging him.

So that's just step one. Most guys' problem is that they think that they need to be the most interesting guy in the world and display that in the first thing they ask the girl which causes them to freeze and shut down. What actually is most important is that she feels wanted, that she feels like you're interested in her. You can't do that by telling her all about yourself, you do that by asking her about herself. And that's where the truth comes in; ask her about her. Tell her she seems interesting/hope she's interesting and ask her about anything you want. It can be something completely ridiculous, it can be anything as long as you're actually interested in it.

From there on out it's not to hard. You guys know how to talk to anyone and a girl you like is no different except for the fact that you're actually interested in getting to know them. So just chill and be yourself, enjoy the moment, have fun. That's all girls want anyway.

TL;DR: No, now talk to her.


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Response to Relationship Crew 2014-07-09 12:10:16 Reply

At 6/25/14 04:39 PM, X-Gary-Gigax-X wrote: Bumping this because a user, who will at present go anonymous, has had some relationship problems, and I didn't want him to feel like he's necroposting, so I'll do it ahead of him so he feels free to post here.

This user you mention is not me, but I have to post here anyways. So I'm going to, hope you guys can help.

So as all stories like this start, there is/was a girl. Her and I met through mutual friends, and we became very close to one another as time went by. At the start of our friendship, I knew I had a thing for her. This was about March, and we rapidly became closer and closer as time went by. We grew mutual affection for each other, and eventually one day (after I had shown her Ghostbusters for the first time) she made the first move. This was about May, and it was great. We never spoke of making it "official" and we didn't refer to each other as "boyfriend" or "girlfriend", but we were in every sense except the label.

May bled into June, and we continued down the same path. It's probably worth mentioning that this girl is not entirely mentally stable (one can only ask so much from teenage girls) and she struggles a lot with maintaining that. I'd always been there to help her through whatever means necessary, but she felt she was putting a burden on me. Normally I'd feel like it was a burden, but with her it didn't feel that way. For the first time in a really long time, I felt like someone actually felt about me in the same way that I felt about them. Notice, however, this is past tense.

End of June comes, I had a graduation party thing and i introduced her to most of my family and all that, just as a friend of course. Given our closeness, there were the wandering eyes and knowing looks from some of the party guests, but I shrugged it off. That night she tells me she wants to make it official-er than it was before, and I was all for it. Nothing much changes except now we can call each other by that publicly and tell other people about it.

July comes. Everything is great. On Sunday night, however, I had a very wild and unexpected night in which I did some awful things (unrelated to her entirely, but still nonetheless). I made a choice to quit doing drugs for the time being, but in one final hurrah I smoked a lot of marijuana and ended up freaking myself out beyond belief. That bled into Monday morning in the wee hours with me crying in my mother's arms. Not fun.

Monday hurries on, and I'm determined to fix everything in my life having felt like I've hit rock bottom. As always, I am talking to her. She tells me she's not doing okay, and I ask about it and tell her I'm there. Among other things, she basically told me she couldn't do the relationship anymore. Considering I care about her happiness, I put on a brave face and said "Yeah, I understand." Deep down, that was not the case. We were planning on hanging out Tuesday (yesterday, now) and were still going to. She told me we would stay best friends, and I sure as hell was hoping so. I'd heard that said from girls in the past, and I have said that to girls in the past, but that never worked out as you can imagine.

So while I spend Monday night videocalling with another close friend and basically feeling terrible, Tuesday comes. I spend all day waiting for us to hang out that night. And I pick her up, and it feels okay. I gave her lots of hugs, and she helped me shave my head (my hair had been growing to a terrible length, and I always shave my head so I told her she should help me, she obliged a long time ago). Things were good, or as good as they could be. I still felt very raw from the whole thing, and I had to physically restrain myself from holding her hand as we walked down the street or pulling her in for a spontaneous kiss. That was really the hard part, because otherwise it felt pretty much the same as it always had. Minus the cutesy comments, which I miss in a way too.

On the drive home I voiced my concerns about us staying friends, and she wholeheartedly promised me that we were going to stay as close as we were leading up to when we took things up a notch. She told me I'm still the most important person in her life, and that she just couldn't handle it at the time being. I left feeling good, if not a bit empty (as to be expected).

I wake up this morning and I'm not exactly terrible, but I'm still feeling kind of stung. I'm sure you guys are all familiar with the empty, hollow feeling. I haven't eaten much in the past few days (on account of well, literally everything falling apart as I'm trying to fix it). She told me she still likes me, but then again said she's really confused. I know for a fact that I still like her, just as much as I always did. And I was genuinely feeling better last night.

But now, here I am. Trying to stomach my breakfast, dreading going to work where I'll be alone with my thoughts. And more than 70% of them will be about her, I know. I would appreciate if someone would help out, although I don't know with what. If anybody sees this and has any questions, then I can clarify. I know this was a bit of a scatterbrained post. Sorry, I guess I just need some sort of outside perspective.

Fitting tracks to my life right now: What Have I Done to Deserve This by The Pet Shop Boys and Heaven Knows I'm Miserable Now by The Smiths.

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Response to Relationship Crew 2014-07-09 19:12:11 Reply

At 7/9/14 12:10 PM, saltovergray wrote:
I would appreciate if someone would help out, although I don't know with what. If anybody sees this and has any questions, then I can clarify.

This is what I would class as a soft breakup. Some breakups tend to end very sour, but this one not so much. You could either try to get back into a relationship with her or move on and find other women.

I get that you still like her and that is normal but if you want to get back together, I advise you distance yourself from her (cutting communication). Once she starts to miss you, there is a probable chance that she will want to get back with you. Your mysterious behavior may increase her attraction to you. After all, women love mystery.


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Response to Relationship Crew 2014-07-29 12:16:23 Reply

So update on the girl that I was dealing with. I'll provide a summary at the start: Girl and I try to stay friends, she's clearly trying to get away. Mutual guy friend between us has a thing for her, makes a promise to me he won't make a move. They get together, I call her out on it and suddenly everyone gives a shit and feels bad for what they've done to me.

I told him rightfully to fuck off but I initially gave her some chance. But I couldn't keep doing it, I couldn't let her stay my friend and tell me I'm the most "important person" in her life if she's going to treat me like garbage, lie to me, and go behind my back while trying to run away from me. So today, after giving it a day of "we'll see if we can be friends" I told her to fuck right off and leave me the hell alone.

I'm glad I did it because I don't need either of their shit nor both of them together in my life at all. But it still hurts that people could even do this to me. Help me get through this NG. How do I just tell myself that I'll be okay? Ever since she actually broke up with me I've been a mess and things have been getting worse and worse. Now that I've got them out they should get better but at the same time it's like I've gotten rid of a huge part of what's become my life. How do I just bounce back from this whole thing?


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Response to Relationship Crew 2015-01-06 01:07:15 Reply

At 1/5/15 04:08 AM, Sensationalism wrote: Alright y'all should help me realise who I like more. I currently like two guys and they both like me. How do I decide which one?!!?

I don't have any personal experience with this sort of thing, so I'm just brainstorming a bit here. This is probably what I'd do in this situation: date both a bit more (hang out or whatever you want to call it). I'd be totally open about it. Then maybe I'd see if I started to gravitate towards one of them a bit more than the other.

You could also get into polyamory...

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Response to Relationship Crew 2015-01-07 22:19:21 Reply

At 1/6/15 01:07 AM, BrenTheMan wrote:
You could also get into polyamory...

I myself do not condone this at all. I find it unfaithful, and very; extremely ignorant. It defeats the purpose of marriage. Whatever you do, do not think of this as an option!

Moving on, I think...
You need to just straight forwardly go with your gut instinct. I personally thought I was going to die alone, and had two females "on the run" and I finally decided that one was just, better for me.

Honestly, don't lead one on, and then give her or him a heartbreak. You should know by instinct which person you prefer and is best for [strong]you[/strong]

:)

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Response to Relationship Crew 2015-01-09 15:23:29 Reply

At 1/9/15 03:03 AM, Sensationalism wrote: Neither of them want me with someone else.

Then maybe I'd see if I started to gravitate towards one of them a bit more than the other.

I'm kind of thinking my heart wants one thing and my head says to do the other.

If neither of them want you, then you should stop with both of them. You want to be with somebody that wants to be with you.


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Response to Relationship Crew 2015-01-11 10:52:18 Reply

At 1/11/15 12:16 AM, Sensationalism wrote: They both want me, exclusively. To themselves. They don't really want me to be with someone else.
I don't know which to pick. It sucks.

Try making a pro and cons list. That helps me when I have a hard decision.


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Response to Relationship Crew 2015-03-09 03:55:11 Reply

At 1/12/15 01:53 PM, Sensationalism wrote: To summarize, Guy A is better according to my head and Guy B is better according to my heart.

Choosing A keeps everything the same, choosing B changes everything.

I'm in this same boat but sadly in a relationship. Question is, should I stay with my current clingy, jealous, grouchy gf or get with my best friend, who I've been head over heels for since we met, who knows it and feels the same, and who my current girlfriend hates.


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Response to Relationship Crew 2015-03-18 09:08:35 Reply

At 1/7/15 10:19 PM, Reformed wrote:
At 1/6/15 01:07 AM, BrenTheMan wrote:
You could also get into polyamory...
I myself do not condone this at all. I find it unfaithful, and very; extremely ignorant. It defeats the purpose of marriage. Whatever you do, do not think of this as an option!

I don't think you know what that word means (not saying it's a realistic option in her situation, though).

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Response to Relationship Crew 2015-03-18 09:13:44 Reply

At 3/18/15 09:08 AM, Entice wrote:
I don't think you know what that word means (not saying it's a realistic option in her situation, though).

Monogamy - One person relationship
Polyamory - Open relationship with more than two people

Some people prefer being with just one person (such as me) while others prefer being in an open relationship with many.


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Response to Relationship Crew 2015-03-27 21:38:05 Reply

At 3/18/15 09:36 AM, Cordyceps wrote: help

how do get gf??

laugh out loud

i d k

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Response to Relationship Crew 2015-03-28 14:16:16 Reply

At 3/18/15 09:36 AM, Cordyceps wrote: help

how do get gf??

Be yourself, look in the right places, could have friends watch for ladies that might get along with you well. Also, put a little effort into showing interest in them. So much I could say, haha.


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Response to Relationship Crew 2015-04-17 03:21:12 Reply

I've been seeing a guy for about 8 weeks now and up until recently messed around with a few other people, but now I feel like I'm not interested in anyone but him and want exclusivity. How do I bring it up with him? Should I wait for him to ask me?

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Response to Relationship Crew 2015-04-18 00:37:43 Reply

At 4/17/15 03:21 AM, Entice wrote: How do I bring it up with him?

Hang out with and maybe go to the movies or something else that could be considered a "date" kind of deal and ask how he feels about you.

Should I wait for him to ask me?

Should ask first, 6 weeks is enough time I think.


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Response to Relationship Crew 2015-07-06 01:23:17 Reply

At 1/5/15 04:08 AM, Sensationalism wrote: Alright y'all should help me realise who I like more. I currently like two guys and they both like me. How do I decide which one?!!?

I don't know how old you are, but as long as you're not exclusive with either one, then I think it's okay to explore both for now. I wouldn't say it's cheat IF you are exclusive with neither of them. This is just my opinion, of course. I know a lot of other people would think other wise, but.... a relationship is a big deal and I want the best I can have, if that makes sense.


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Response to Relationship Crew 2015-07-06 01:28:15 Reply

Sorry.... I should have checked the date on that last post, my apologies guys....... So I'll answer something different as to make amends to my stupidity...

At 4/17/15 03:21 AM, Entice wrote: I've been seeing a guy for about 8 weeks now and up until recently messed around with a few other people, but now I feel like I'm not interested in anyone but him and want exclusivity. How do I bring it up with him? Should I wait for him to ask me?

I don't think there is anything wrong with bringing it up to him. Maybe he feels the same way and thinks the same about it, too. I know the last relationship I was in, it took 3 months before we became exclusive and that wasn't by my choice. I think waiting a while to go exclusive was a good idea anyways...


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Response to Relationship Crew 2015-07-06 15:42:56 Reply

At 7/6/15 01:28 AM, Everlasting-Elements wrote: I don't think there is anything wrong with bringing it up to him. Maybe he feels the same way and thinks the same about it, too. I know the last relationship I was in, it took 3 months before we became exclusive and that wasn't by my choice. I think waiting a while to go exclusive was a good idea anyways...

Yeah probably. I'm seeing a different guy now anyways lol so I guess it doesn't matter

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Response to Relationship Crew 2015-11-22 04:13:25 Reply

At 3/18/15 09:13 AM, NekoMika wrote: Monogamy - One person relationship
Polyamory - Open relationship with more than two people

Some people prefer being with just one person (such as me) while others prefer being in an open relationship with many.

Funny thing, I was actually considering being into the whole polyamory thing for a while. Still wouldn't mind. But there's a story to this somewhere, so let me get on with it.

So, I broke up with my girlfriend of several months this summer after arguing continuously -- about four hours actually, to the point I didn't get any sleep and we had to work the next day. The arguing was and still is my biggest issue with being around this girl, that and how she refuses to accept responsibility for her actions, apologizes in a very general and/or insincere manner ("I'm sorry for everything" or "I'm sorry I suck/ruin everything."), and gets highly defensive and refuses to communicate otherwise. Anyway, so I told her I didn't want a relationship. Long story short, she ends up being in band with me at college.

Well, I end up getting with another girl over the course of band camp. Average sort, a little overweight, gauged ears, kind of insecure. Didn't really know her that well apart from chatting at camp. She's wiccan. Initial attraction was pretty strong on her end but I more or less said what the hell because she had a crush on me and I was itching to have an excuse not to brood about my ex. Second week of camp comes around, and I'm home. Another girl friends me on facebook, and I notice she's in band too, so I shoot her a message.

We end up talking the whole night, just about. There's an instant attraction, and we end up talking specific sexual preferences. I was a little taken aback at first and felt a bit guilty -- especially since I hadn't disclosed such information to my then girlfriend, even though I wasn't as comfortable with her. The other girl was blatantly flirting with me despite also feeling guilty -- and vice versa obviously, so we ended up talking until one or the other fell asleep. When we finally got back to camp, we started talking in person, and I introduced my girlfriend to her. We went to go change, and I asked if she'd be interested in inviting her into our relationship. Cue an awkward conversation in the car later, and it escalated to the three of us holding hands in a gazebo after practice, talking even more awkwardly because the two were interested more in me than anything, as I later found out.

As time went on, I found my interest dramatically shifting toward the second girl, as the first I found to be jealous, overbearing, and a little selfish. I ended up breaking up with her over the jealousy issue and pursuing the other girl. "If you were jealous, you should have just said no," I recall saying. To date, it's been one of the better decisions I made. Nearly four months later and I'm happy as can be with my girlfriend, whom I intend to marry.

I suppose, if there's a lesson to be learned, polyamory is a great compatibility test -- because if she's willing to genuinely open her arms to the other woman for your sake, she must be a keeper.


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Response to Relationship Crew 2015-11-26 11:33:57 Reply

Wow

This club is still going on that's cool I remember when this was first created back in the day.

~X~

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Response to Relationship Crew 2015-12-05 23:35:57 Reply

At 11/26/15 11:33 AM, XwaynecoltX wrote: Wow

This club is still going on that's cool I remember when this was first created back in the day.

~X~

Yeah, it is. Although teetering along, I must say. Maybe people just don't like to talk about love that much, or most of us are just forever alone. Nice to see a familiar face, by the way. Old people may not be hard to come by on NG, but gotta love a good veteran user. :P


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Response to Relationship Crew 2015-12-12 12:02:33 Reply

Definitely getting sick of living in the same area my whole life, everyone has an opinion without knowing me the first time I open my mouth, and i'm mostly ahermitfor crying out loud, Been looking out of my shack trying to find a mate, getting some nasty remarks, Might just accept a real perma hermit status. Haven't been in a relationship for 6 years. Probably be easier buying a hoooker and try to win her heart, And then try to fix the aids.

I'm joking, But half of that is true, I might be barely in this new generation but I was still raised like the GI Gen, I get shat upon for being a decent man, My area is loaded with TMilf's But I'm not looking for luggage, The pickings are few and stealthy to find, And when I think I do either the baggage finally shows from the manufacturer himself quiet angry i'd say, or she has some very heavy mental issues that creates constant fields of "fuck you, weird asshole creep", You know, In the end i'm still single, And I can walk away with just myself, Which is where I like to be anyway, I can pick without morality issues (Btw i'm heavy on monogamy), Look at my wallet and be reminded what i'm going to buy myself for christmas. (already bought that actually, a new ride), But how old is getting too old too look?, When I was 16 I whined about this stuff like a little schoolgirl, Turned 17, Got a GF, Had a BLAST with that relationship (note.I learned everything the hard way) Went into hibernation, fuck the world, And you know, It's been working out really well, I mean I lost all my friends to drugs, half have died, and a small amount did what everyone else did, Getting drunk, Fucking, And having a baby with some guy and hope he will support it. But I'm alive.

Yeah. The single life, It's the life, To what point?, To what age?, My brain just wants something to talk to, something to look at, And I say no, no brain, I'm not ready, I'm not ready.

I look at my chest, It's my heart, Lined with sandbags and assault rifles, mortars and wire fences wrapped all around it, I wince strongly... "It's safe heart... It's safe now... I can protect you", I hear a rustle behind the fence and all I can hear is magazines being placed into weapons, bolt's slamming shut and an eerie feeling that i'm being watched. "NO!" Says my heart "NEVER!". I look away... and whisper to myself "Heh, Those defences won't last forever..."

7 years later

What a Motherfucker, just doesn't give up.

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Response to Relationship Crew 2015-12-27 00:59:39 Reply

This is probably closer to a psychological issue than anything but whatever.

I've effectively allowed past experiences with three people to lock me up away from everyone, and I can't believe that anyone cares about me even if they say they do. For a while I justified this by saying that nobody really cares about anyone, but while I still believe this I realize it's a cop out because mentally I'm still singling myself out and I don't consider healthy relationships to be something I can experience. I don't know how this is impacting my interaction with others because I've always been a private person but I know that I've rejected at least a couple people solely on that pretense.

Note: I am polyamorous and have had issues with people who think I don't care about them, which has lead to abandonment and (unsurprisingly) abandonment issues.


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Neoslayre
Neoslayre
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ADR3-N
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Response to Relationship Crew 2016-01-26 12:18:08 Reply

At 1/25/16 11:55 PM, NEOSLAYRE wrote: Please help

Well, I can't give you advice if I don't know the story, at least not on staying together. However, if you're this worried about it, something tells me it's been a long time coming. If she does break up with you, you need to take a moment (or a lot of moments actually) and look at yourself. Are you happy with who you are? Why or why not? Before you can be happy with someone else, you must become happy -- or at least okay -- with who you are and where you're going. As cliche as it sounds, you don't want to bring baggage into other relationships. Be your own happiness and strength. Don't rely on others for that or base your worth in them. Nothing is attracted to a doormat but the dirty feet that grind its face in. Ya dig?


The simplest solution is either right, or dumb af.
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StaticSkull
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Response to Relationship Crew 2016-10-08 00:37:57 Reply

My girlfriend and I had our first kiss 2 days ago
She said next time she sees me, she wants to cuddle
I'm nervous though, because I've only done it once
Is there any good position you think she'd like?

JediMasterQuist
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Response to Relationship Crew 2016-10-08 00:57:05 (edited 2016-10-08 00:57:35) Reply

At 10/8/16 12:37 AM, NightRaid-NG wrote: My girlfriend and I had our first kiss 2 days ago
She said next time she sees me, she wants to cuddle
I'm nervous though, because I've only done it once
Is there any good position you think she'd like?

You are young but you will figure it out over time. Communication is important and listen to what she says.

Physical contact is also a major part of a relationship. Cant have one without it. Even holding hands, it is a big deal.

StaticSkull
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Response to Relationship Crew 2016-10-08 01:00:28 Reply

At 10/8/16 12:51 AM, LuckyLightTitan wrote:
Well, why not just ask your girl?
If you don't know how to make your move then there's no need to act like you know what to do, you'll just turn her off that way.

I get shy over dumb things