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At 6/12/12 09:58 PM, GuerrilleroHeroico wrote: Reading a bit more I found your "monster post" about attraction. I added it here. This is great stuff man! Also, I remember you bringing up some books but I don't want to dig through all of those posts again. You have a few you could recommend off the top of your head?

Sure, here are some that I've read/am reading:
- "Radical Honesty" - Brad Blanton
This one, obviously, is all about honesty, its importance and how to consistently be brutally honest with oneself

- "Embracing Uncertainty" - Susan Jeffers
Mostly about the fear of uncertainty and how to not only embrace it but gain power from it and free yourself from expectation

- All books in the "Feel The Fear..." series by Susan Jeffers
All about fear, how it works and how to beat it

- "The Way Of The Superior Man" by David Deida
A spiritual guide for men, explaining the importance of a solid character when dealing with life

- "The Game" by Neill Strauss
Full of techniques for picking up women. However, the moral of the story told is that none of the techniques work when performed without congruence of character

- "No Excuses" by Brian Tracy
Brilliant book on the importance of self-discipline and motivation. Must have.

- "Awaken The Giant Within" by Anthony Robbins
Guide to changing your emotional states, breaking negative patterns and building constructive patterns, beliefs and convictions. "Unlimited Power" is genius as well.

- My views on attraction are largely based on the ideas of David DeAngelo. He's got a view eBooks, DVD's etcetera. I'd recommend his "Double Your Dating" ebook and "Inner Game" DVD's

These are the ones I can think of right now. They're the ones I found most informative, most helpful. They're all within the category of self-help. I also have a bunch that are about several social topics that are packed with useful information. I'll add some more to the list later on.

I couldn't help but notice the part where you said that in order to continue interest one must continue to play "hard to get" which is why you'll never get married. Since you're engaged now, I'm guessing that you were referring to attitude rather than literal marriage? Or did your ideas just change lol?

I must admit that's a change in beliefs. When I wrote that I wasn't that succesful yet with women and had little to no frame to see this new ideas with. As a result I hold on to them for dear life and carried them to an extreme.
At the time I believed that availability was about 99% of attraction within long-term relationships. This resulted in believing that marriage would eliminate the "fear" of the one you're with leaving you and thus the attraction you feel for that person. Now I know better and realize that, while it plays a part, it actually contributes as much as you let it. If you stay congruent in character and remain attractive in all other parts you've mastered then it actually has no importance at all.
Attraction is most important at the very start, but after a while love takes over and is far more powerful than attraction can ever be. The key is to maintain the love you feel by working hard each day to appreciate the one you're with.

Besides that, it is about attitude. The other end of the spectrum is throwing yourself at someone else which will never work. It's hard (if not impossible) to build attraction when that person believes you have no other options. It doesn't matter if it's true but throwing yourself at that person will make him/her believe that. How attractive is the idea to go for someone that nobody else is interested in? That's like being excited with getting to be picked last in any kind of team sport.

But yeah, experience has changed a whole lot of beliefs I cherished back then. Not about the way these things work, but rather how they can be used.

I have a more specific question this time.
I met a girl ln

At 6/14/12 02:00 AM, GuerrilleroHeroico wrote: I have a more specific question this time.
I met a girl ln

I hate touchscreens; I just gave up and got on my computer lol. Wall o' text alert.

Anyways, I decided to talk to a girl in my summer class last week. I just walked up and said "hey" and talked to her about school. The next day, I gave her my phone number while we were talking after class. She texted me and said that she wasn't good at conversations at first and was sorry for the awkward silences. I said that I didn't think that they were awkward and that she doesn't have to talk if she can't think of anything to say. She said that she could, but was just nervous around people at first. I don't think that's a good or bad thing on my part, because I've figured out that she's a shy person. Might be worth noting though.

After that, we just had a conversation about our likes and interests, TV shows, etc. She texted again the next day and we talked about the same sorts of things. The next day I said that we should hang out some time while we were talking at school. She said yeah, I could show you the forest (one near her house she told me about walking in). That night she texted me and invited me to come go one a walk with her and her friend that weekend, so I agreed.

She also brought up another guy that she was going to see a movie with. I just acting gave some short replies and she went back to the rest of the conversation. When she texted me the next day she brought him up again. This left me sort of stumped, so I took a while to reply. Funny thing, I spent so long to think of something that she noticed and sent an apology, something like "sorry I'm just thinking out loud". I said that it was fine, I'm just not really comfortable talking about things that. Her reply was "I'll have keep from talking about things like that then :3" then we went back to the conversation. I should have just told her directly not to talk about things like that the first time it came up but I guess it turned out okay, I'll just keep it in mind for later, right?

By that time we had kind of ran out of things to say so I said that I wasn't feeling well (which had the benefit of being true, I was sick to my stomach). One thing that seems sort of stupid in retrospect is that in one of the earlier conversations she suggested that we play "the question game". The conversation itself wasn't boring but it ended up being a bit boring later when we were feeling tired and didn't have any thing else to ask about each other. So I stopped texting her after I said I wasn't feeling well and she hasn't texted me either.

The walk was nice. Admittedly, I was a bit too quiet. I got to know her friend a bit but every once in a while I just let them have their own conversation. One time when we were sitting down she teased me about being awkward not talking and said that I should think about what to talk about next. Since nothing popped into my head I just said that I felt fine and teased her about making the situation awkward herself. She laughed, smiled or something and then brought up something to talk about. I think there's definitely something I could have done better here but I don't know what it is. Overall it was pretty fun though.

This Monday my class was cancelled one morning so I talked to a girl in the break room. Nothing big (I just wanted to practice talking to someone, and also alleviate some of my incredible boredom) but the same sort of thing happened. I started off by introducing myself. To start the conversation I asked her if she could do me a favor and drive me to starbucks (cause I had left my keys with my brother, had no money but had a starbucks gift card), and in return I would get her a drink. Her class started 20 minutes after that, so it didn't work out. We talked though. First it was just about school but then it went on to us talking about interests, hobbies, etc. Then, after about ten minutes later there was a silence. I just sat there, took a drink and tried to relax a bit. Coincidentally (or not?) she brought up the "question game" again. I said (in a teasing sort of way) "really? We're gonna play this game?" then she asked what my favorite movie was and we talked about movies until she left.

So, if you haven't figured it out by now the thing I'd really like to focus on is conversations.

So, after all of that the question is almost completely unrelated. The first girl mentioned that she's hanging out with some friends one day this weekend to go swimming. Would it be better if I went to hang out with her and her friends or if I invited her to come to my house (I got a pool too :P)? Or does it really matter at all? I'd rather just invite her to come here, so that's what I'm leaning towards.

At 6/14/12 03:11 AM, GuerrilleroHeroico wrote: So, after all of that the question is almost completely unrelated. The first girl mentioned that she's hanging out with some friends one day this weekend to go swimming. Would it be better if I went to hang out with her and her friends or if I invited her to come to my house (I got a pool too :P)? Or does it really matter at all? I'd rather just invite her to come here, so that's what I'm leaning towards.

I understand you want to get some time in with her alone. However, considering her shy nature, that's going to be hard to accomplish right now as she won't be that comfortable with the idea yet.
That's why hanging out with her and her friends is a blessing in disguise. She's comfortable with her friends, thus their approval will gain you her trust. Make friends with her friends, show your character in how you act with them.

The danger in this is that you can become friends with her as well, so you'll have to keep building attraction as well (obviously). Get a place in her group of friends, get them to approve of you and she automatically will adopt their view of you. Then you can hang out with her alone.

This will change your conversational problem as well. When you can hang out together you'll have something more powerful to talk about then what you're like, namely shared experiences.
Untill then, talk about everything she's about, including what she wants to be like, what she wants for herself in the future, her dreams. That'll give you great insight in what she's like and will give you the possibility if showing your character as well. She'll be very interested in knowing your ambitions. So make sure you know what you want as well and be as outrageous as you want to be. Act as if anything is possible (which it really is).

Have fun!

hey i was with this girl for 6 years we recently broke up over the weekend i found out she began dating someone i though of as a brother and now 6 weeks later she pregant with his kid and has been kissing on me and has even asked me to kiss her in fornt of the guy so any advice???

At 6/14/12 02:52 PM, dr00lmonkey wrote: hey i was with this girl for 6 years we recently broke up over the weekend i found out she began dating someone i though of as a brother and now 6 weeks later she pregant with his kid and has been kissing on me and has even asked me to kiss her in fornt of the guy so any advice???

Get rid of her as fast as possible.

sso wud i get in the habit of dating again after all this????

At 5/27/12 05:19 PM, Vincoid wrote:

At 5/25/12 04:09 PM, kakalxlax wrote:

Drugs are often more destructive and addictive than alcohol. I don't consider anyone who takes drugs as a friend of mine.

alcohol IS in fact a drug

doing drugs is a self destructive behaviour, i have no interest in being with someone that doesnt respect themselves

and religion is a stupid behaviour, i have no interest in being with someone stupid

At 6/15/12 12:17 PM, dr00lmonkey wrote: sso wud i get in the habit of dating again after all this????

Could you clarify your post? I'm not exactly sure what you're trying to say here.

At 6/15/12 05:07 PM, kakalxlax wrote: and religion is a stupid behaviour, i have no interest in being with someone stupid

I wouldn't necessarily say that religion is stupid nor behaviour. People have to believe, wether it's in themselves or a deity/supernatural presence is irrelevant. Of course, believing in yourself is more powerful as it rids the possibility of ignoring your responsibility for your own life. Doesn't mean that religion is stupid, ignorant or useless. I'm not religious and I have no problem with anyone who is. In fact, I hardly ever even notice that someone is.

I do agree though if you were to say that some people do stupid things in the name of religion. However, that in fact makes those people stupid, not religion itself.

i spent six years with her and now that its down the drain idk how i cant start dating again so any advice?

Got a more complicated question here:

Just to give a little preamble...if you're in a relationship for long enough and get to a certain point in your life, eventually you start to think about building a future life. You start thinking about other aspects of your life like career and where you want to live when you start a family. Sometimes you don't see eye to eye on this issue. One person's career would benefit in one location over another, or would want to be somewhere for reasons of family, but would mean the other partner's careeer/family or social life would suffer.

If anyone has a relationship that has ever reached this point, How did you work through these disagreements? How did you solve these differences?

At 6/18/12 12:51 PM, dr00lmonkey wrote: i spent six years with her and now that its down the drain idk how i cant start dating again so any advice?

I don't want to elaborate further, but just getting out and finding other girls to talk to (if you haven't already) would be a good place to start.

At 6/14/12 02:41 PM, Vincoid wrote: I understand you want to get some time in with her alone. However, considering her shy nature, that's going to be hard to accomplish right now as she won't be that comfortable with the idea yet.
That's why hanging out with her and her friends is a blessing in disguise. She's comfortable with her friends, thus their approval will gain you her trust. Make friends with her friends, show your character in how you act with them.

The danger in this is that you can become friends with her as well, so you'll have to keep building attraction as well (obviously). Get a place in her group of friends, get them to approve of you and she automatically will adopt their view of you. Then you can hang out with her alone.

This will change your conversational problem as well. When you can hang out together you'll have something more powerful to talk about then what you're like, namely shared experiences.
Untill then, talk about everything she's about, including what she wants to be like, what she wants for herself in the future, her dreams. That'll give you great insight in what she's like and will give you the possibility if showing your character as well. She'll be very interested in knowing your ambitions. So make sure you know what you want as well and be as outrageous as you want to be. Act as if anything is possible (which it really is).

That makes sense, I'll have to keep that in mind if I hang out with her again. I didn't explain it correctly though, she isn't so shy that being around her alone is unbearable. She's generally relaxed outside of school either around friends or around me, but I can tell that she's slightly nervous or uncomfortable, especially when we aren't talking. I was busy with schoolwork the day she was with her friends so she did end up texting me and coming to my house on Sunday. I just showed her some of my things, we went swimming, went outside, etc. and had fun.

There's a real problem now though, something weird and unexpected that I have no idea how to deal with. She's afraid of touching guys, and claims that it's physical or subconscious. I'm not sure if I believe this, because when I mess around with her by poking her in the arm to surprise her or messing with her hair she acts shocked and nervous for a second and then either lightly scolds me for it in sort of a playful way or just forgets about it a few seconds later. Not exactly the way she would react if it traumatized her, right? Obviously I haven't tried to hug her or anything lol and I don't joke around by touching her very often at all. She also says that she has a fear of being looked at and eye contact, but when she's not paying attention she'll look me in the eyes and doesn't mention anything unless I look at her for an unusually long time. When we were hanging out I messed with here hair for a second and she asked me why I touch her and I said "to see how you react" she smiled and said "that's mean" and hit me in the arm with her towel lol. After that I asked "well, aren't you comfortable right now?" and she said that she was more comfortable around me than most other guys but that it took a lot to gain her trust.

She mentioned that she used to be comfortable around guys but her last boyfriend was emotionally and mentally abusive to her. I didn't ask what he did and have no idea what happened. Today in class she said that she wanted to show me who he was and just showed me his Facebook profile and said that he was an asshole. Apparently she brought it up because she's trying to arrange a meeting with him so that she can talk things through and forget about him. I didn't really know what to say so I didn't give my opinion. At the end of the day, I talked to her a moment outside of class. When I said goodbye, I poked her in the arm lightly as she turned around and she said "stop that" and slapped my arm slightly. Later, she texting me and said something like "I was going to apologize for hitting you but if you keep doing that my reaction is going to get worse, even if I have to touch you to do it". I responded "I barely felt it :P and what makes you say that it's going to get worse?". She responded "that's just how my reaction works lol". I ended the conversation after that.

Is she just being a drama queen? Is this some sort of test? At this point I'm wondering if trying to be more than her friend is worth it. I'm thinking of just talking to her a lot less until she talks to her ex-boyfriend (I can't avoid talking to her completely because we're in the same class). So what's going on?

about the talking to people thing.....

funny thing with me is this....im extremely shy and have issues with rejection so i never ever talk to women in person....on the net of course im totally fine....

but thinking about my life and all ive realized im 29 years old and now that i think of it....ive never been rejected...sure if ive dated 30 women i met 27 of them online but that isnt the point the point is this by nature i am a quiet person but i am also very inquisitive and because of it i LOVE the question game...and ive used that to my advantage to get chicks....i have no "game"im simply me and i like to know about people.....so that is my "game" i suppose....so for those of you who are the shy type and dont talk like me....USE the QUESTION GAME to ur advantage....

and be a good listener.....

Okay strike three and I don't even know if I can be bothered with relationships anymore.

I try and try but it seems every time the girl changes there mind. This time has been the weirdest.

Basically me and this girl I met through a friend liked each other, and had gotten with each other at parties and what not while drunk, then this whole thing happened where I found out the friend I met her through, supposedly my best friend, was trying to get with her behind my back, knowing full well I had feelings for her. So anyway, I haven't forgiven him but the girl didn't really do too much wrong, and after a while of her literally begging me and telling me how much she liked me etc. I forgave her because I though it was worth a shot of trying to make something work with her.

So we started talking normally again and I let myself just fall for her again, this time for than the last, then, and I shit you not, two days later she tells me she changed her mind and she no longer wants a relationship. So I did all that crap just for it to be all for literally nothing. And I can't stop going back to it when I talk to her, it's just constantly on my mind whenever I have any contact with her, so this sort of leads to a lot of crappy conversations and stuff.

I'm seriously now fed up of everything, and yet I can't just stop my feelings for her so I feel shit all the time.

Anybody have any advice? Would be greatly appreciated...

At 6/19/12 08:48 PM, GuerrilleroHeroico wrote: Is she just being a drama queen? Is this some sort of test? At this point I'm wondering if trying to be more than her friend is worth it. I'm thinking of just talking to her a lot less until she talks to her ex-boyfriend (I can't avoid talking to her completely because we're in the same class). So what's going on?

I'll respond to this via PM.

-------

At 6/21/12 07:45 PM, Snuff wrote: I'm seriously now fed up of everything, and yet I can't just stop my feelings for her so I feel shit all the time.

Anybody have any advice? Would be greatly appreciated...

Every time you feel like shit, remind yourself of the use of the emotions you're feeling at that time. Analyze how you feel and see if it relates to the thing you're doing at that exact moment. If she has or your feelings for her have nothing to do with that thing, tell yourself that. Breath in and out slowly and, in your mind, start shrinking the image of her untill you can no longer see it. See how you feel after you've done that. In time, your mind won't bring her up or what you feel for her when she's not around.

Secondly, do the same thing when she's around. This time, tell yourself that she's not the kind of person you should feel these feelings for seeing as she's not reliable. Don't beat yourself up for feeling these feelings, simply recognize this is the case.
A second thing you can do, similar to the first technique, is creating a silly image in your mind of how you feel, causing your feelings to change in the moment. You say you feel like shit every time you talk to her. In your mind, imagine shit coming out of her mouth whenever she's talking. Imagine this right now, as if you're talking to her at this exact moment. Imagine it coming out of her mouth. Imagine her changing into a pile of shit. Turn your painful memory into a hilarious one and notice how you feel. Change the image untill it makes you feel great.
The third thing you do is to use that image whenever you feel like shit and you're talking to her. It'll break your pattern of feeling like crap and make you smile instantly. Do this enough times and your mind will disconnect feeling like crap from talking to her.

At 6/23/12 02:53 PM, Vincoid wrote:

Advice

That is honestly the best advice I've ever received, at it worked so well, I was sat with that sinking feeling in my gut because of her, then I read that and imagined what you said, now that feeling is gone and I can't stop laughing.

Thanks man, that really helps a lot.

Just a quick note for everybody visiting this Crew; I'll be on vacation for little over 2 weeks and I won't be able to read or respond any posts. I'll be happy to help again once I'm back!

Shit it's been a while since someone posted here.

Well my relationship troubles resolved themselves, kind of. Where the hell is Vincoid, he's the expert at all of this stuff.

Anyway, I feel like it's my civic duty to try and help out if I can. Post your troubles here and I'll try my best to work it out.

Well I broke up with my girlfriend a couple of weeks ago (see news post for further details). However, I got really lonely and desperate and after a while couldn't help but shoot her a text and she wants to hang out tomorrow. I actually feel better talking to her again, but at the same time I feel guilty for giving in and not making her pay for what she had done to me. Any advice or comments on what I should do/what I did do?

At 7/22/12 03:17 AM, mothballs wrote: Well I broke up with my girlfriend a couple of weeks ago (see news post for further details). However, I got really lonely and desperate and after a while couldn't help but shoot her a text and she wants to hang out tomorrow. I actually feel better talking to her again, but at the same time I feel guilty for giving in and not making her pay for what she had done to me. Any advice or comments on what I should do/what I did do?

How did the hangout session go? My advice to you is to forget about her and move on because she looks very unstable, unable to control her emotions and is using Chris as a way to make you jealous. Even if you two were to get back together, that would be a very bad idea because she's capable of putting you through all this crap again. I don't see anything long term between you two after reading your news post. Meet new girls and you'll forget all about her.

At 6/21/12 07:45 PM, Snuff wrote: Okay strike three and I don't even know if I can be bothered with relationships anymore.

I try and try but it seems every time the girl changes there mind. This time has been the weirdest.

If your profile age is accurate, girls are extremely fickle at your age. It's discouraging, but don't let it ruin your view of women/relationships.

At 7/24/12 07:18 PM, DarkSoldier wrote: How did the hangout session go? My advice to you is to forget about her and move on because she looks very unstable, unable to control her emotions and is using Chris as a way to make you jealous. Even if you two were to get back together, that would be a very bad idea because she's capable of putting you through all this crap again. I don't see anything long term between you two after reading your news post. Meet new girls and you'll forget all about her.

All advice I had heard before, but there are a few things I want to say. I felt really, really bad just completely blowing it off and not talking to her all together, so I thought it would make me feel better to be friends. You may wonder why I would do this for someone who has hurt me so badly, and I wish I had a logical answer to that myself. But I guess it's because I don't want to completely blow off someone who has made me happier than I had ever been for the past 7 months, I think I should be a little more respectful. And for some reason, just communicating with her every now and then makes me feel less alone and better about myself, I can't really explain why, it just does.

As for the hangout session, it really didn't work because we still felt like we had feelings for each other and she almost kissed me a few times, while I accidentally put my arm around her a few times. Shit was really awkward after that so I just told her fuck it, friendship isn't going to work. I guess when you've been dating someone for so long it's hard to be friends when you're so used to being in a completely different mindset and doing other things. We agreed to never talk again and I'm glad I at least ended it on a good note, so that she might feel worse about not being with me anymore.

...until she texts me this morning, asking her what her chances of being pregnant are. Funny how she never wanted to admit that she was cheating on me and all of a sudden she admits that she had sex with Chris. I sure do feel like shit but there's no way I can set up another relationship in the remaining time I have here before I head off to college in August (4 weeks). I guess I'm just going to have to tough out my loneliness for some more weeks.

I guess to some of you here this story is old news, but yes, I am still grieving about it.

At 7/24/12 07:18 PM, DarkSoldier wrote:

At 7/22/12 03:17 AM, mothballs wrote: Well I broke up with my girlfriend a couple of weeks ago (see news post for further details). However, I got really lonely and desperate and after a while couldn't help but shoot her a text and she wants to hang out tomorrow. I actually feel better talking to her again, but at the same time I feel guilty for giving in and not making her pay for what she had done to me. Any advice or comments on what I should do/what I did do?

How did the hangout session go? My advice to you is to forget about her and move on because she looks very unstable, unable to control her emotions and is using Chris as a way to make you jealous. Even if you two were to get back together, that would be a very bad idea because she's capable of putting you through all this crap again. I don't see anything long term between you two after reading your news post. Meet new girls and you'll forget all about her.

Mothballs (interesting name BTW) is right. There's no point in sticking around for a dame like that. If you're being used, you gotta cut the cycle. Tough advice, but it's better in the long run, and find a girl who won't take advantage of you.

At 7/25/12 02:06 AM, Glides wrote: Mothballs (interesting name BTW) is right. There's no point in sticking around for a dame like that. If you're being used, you gotta cut the cycle. Tough advice, but it's better in the long run, and find a girl who won't take advantage of you.

Very true indeed. It's better you learn early in life the ways people can hurt you. That way you have most of life to spend with people you know that won't.

Of course, we'd rather not get hurt but name anyone who's ever gotten anywhere that hasn't been hurt in some way and became stronger because of it. It's harder to learn from the things that go right than the things that go bad and force you to pick yourself up. The only choice left to make is if you let it put you down or if you rise to be a stronger human being.

I'm absolutely sure my current relationship wouldn't be as great as it is if I hadn't been hurt before. I'd have fucked it up by now, no doubt in my mind.

Cant believe I'm doing this, though it does seem less awkward since no one knows who I am irl on here ;p

Anyway, onward to my.....problem I guess.

So you see, I'm not really social. And by that no I don't mean I sit there on the computer the whole day, locking myself in my house never seeing the light of day. By this I generally mean when I'm around people I do not talk, unless I know them well such as friends or family. I'm more of the strong silent type. Like my brother I am quite large, by that I mean tall not really fat. Though honestly I would say I'm about medium, Im 6'5 or 6'6 cant really remember. Weigh about 215, 18 years of age. So mostly I'm like a large rock lol. To make it even more awkward my voice is.......lets just say bass also working on a beard. Though to my friends I am quite funny and a good guy. Only problem is I'm as dull as a door knob whenever it comes to females. Sure I have female friends I'm fine around them but I've never really felt relations with them. Unlike most guys my age I don't go around trying to screw every girl I see. Sure, whenever I see a attractive girl I wouldn't mind going out with her but i'd rather keep sex out of the equation until I'm sure if I mess up and have a child I'll be able to take care of it.

So I guess what I need help with is how to socially interact better. I mean, Im like dam Paul Bunyan walking around. In general if I was a girl, I would be to busy being scared shitless then try to interact with a large guy like me ;p

How should I approach a girl with what I have. Last thing I want to do is seem like a creep or a rapist.

At 7/25/12 01:46 AM, mothballs wrote: As for the hangout session, it really didn't work because we still felt like we had feelings for each other and she almost kissed me a few times, while I accidentally put my arm around her a few times. Shit was really awkward after that so I just told her fuck it, friendship isn't going to work. I guess when you've been dating someone for so long it's hard to be friends when you're so used to being in a completely different mindset and doing other things. We agreed to never talk again and I'm glad I at least ended it on a good note, so that she might feel worse about not being with me anymore.

Yeah i'm sure that's pretty common. That's why you wait a good long while before seeing/talking to your ex or you could end up back together. Good for you ending it completely. Very smart move. And it probably was also very hard to do but you did something good for yourself :)

...until she texts me this morning, asking her what her chances of being pregnant are. Funny how she never wanted to admit that she was cheating on me and all of a sudden she admits that she had sex with Chris. I sure do feel like shit but there's no way I can set up another relationship in the remaining time I have here before I head off to college in August (4 weeks). I guess I'm just going to have to tough out my loneliness for some more weeks.

Soo pregnant from you or Chris? Either way why would she ask YOU that. She should know on her own that if she had unprotected sex there is SOME chance of it. I doubt she is pregnant though. She actually sounds like the kind of girl who would fake pregnant or purposely get pregnant just to manipulate guys.
I hope it doesn't sound like I'm just ripping on her. She obviously has some good qualities and was able to make you happy for a while. It's just that what she did was really shitty and she seems like trouble and it's just better to avoid any of that.

At 7/25/12 11:16 PM, zmatt007 wrote: Cant believe I'm doing this, though it does seem less awkward since no one knows who I am irl on here ;p

That's my reasoning.

Anyway, onward to my.....problem I guess.

So you see, I'm not really social. And by that no I don't mean I sit there on the computer the whole day, locking myself in my house never seeing the light of day. By this I generally mean when I'm around people I do not talk, unless I know them well such as friends or family. I'm more of the strong silent type. Like my brother I am quite large, by that I mean tall not really fat. Though honestly I would say I'm about medium, Im 6'5 or 6'6 cant really remember. Weigh about 215, 18 years of age. So mostly I'm like a large rock lol. To make it even more awkward my voice is.......lets just say bass also working on a beard. Though to my friends I am quite funny and a good guy. Only problem is I'm as dull as a door knob whenever it comes to females. Sure I have female friends I'm fine around them but I've never really felt relations with them. Unlike most guys my age I don't go around trying to screw every girl I see. Sure, whenever I see a attractive girl I wouldn't mind going out with her but i'd rather keep sex out of the equation until I'm sure if I mess up and have a child I'll be able to take care of it.

Actually, that doesn't sound all that bad. You should see some of the guys girls end up with. Being dull, as you claim to be, is actually a godsend in that mentality.

So I guess what I need help with is how to socially interact better. I mean, Im like dam Paul Bunyan walking around. In general if I was a girl, I would be to busy being scared shitless then try to interact with a large guy like me ;p

Confidence is key. As long as you don't give off a threatening vibe, which it sounds like you don't, you should be fine.

How should I approach a girl with what I have. Last thing I want to do is seem like a creep or a rapist.

There I can't help you. I can barely do that myself. Most I can say is to simply be polite and have something to say that isn't "I like your tits." If she responds positively to something like that, run.

Soo pregnant from you or Chris? Either way why would she ask YOU that. She should know on her own that if she had : unprotected sex there is SOME chance of it. I doubt she is pregnant though. She actually sounds like the kind of girl who : would fake pregnant or purposely get pregnant just to manipulate guys.

Oh, God, those are annoying. You still need to ditch the broad, she's clearly using you. And "the sex is good" is not a good excuse for that. That's a generality, obviously.

I hope it doesn't sound like I'm just ripping on her. She obviously has some good qualities and was able to make you happy : for a while. It's just that what she did was really shitty and she seems like trouble and it's just better to avoid any of that.

Especially when she had sex with someone else, from what it looks like. If a lady sleeps with someone else ONCE (and yes, feminists, we do that too), you ditch her. And vice versa, to the feminists.

At 7/26/12 10:43 PM, Glides wrote:

Actually, that doesn't sound all that bad. You should see some of the guys girls end up with. Being dull, as you claim to be, is actually a godsend in that mentality.

Its funny, because those guys you see girls usually end up with will be 90% of what they will pick, get shit on then break up. Wondering wtf happened then redo the process. People say there is someone perfect for you in the world, I'll believe it when I see it. Not like I only got about 3billion women that could possibly be my soul mate. About 1billion of them are old, crippled in some way, or some other deformity/something horrible. So that narrows down to 2billion which would only take me about 3lifetimes........

At 7/27/12 05:24 PM, zmatt007 wrote:

At 7/26/12 10:43 PM, Glides wrote:

Actually, that doesn't sound all that bad. You should see some of the guys girls end up with. Being dull, as you claim to be, is actually a godsend in that mentality.

Its funny, because those guys you see girls usually end up with will be 90% of what they will pick, get shit on then break up. Wondering wtf happened then redo the process. People say there is someone perfect for you in the world, I'll believe it when I see it. Not like I only got about 3billion women that could possibly be my soul mate. About 1billion of them are old, crippled in some way, or some other deformity/something horrible. So that narrows down to 2billion which would only take me about 3lifetimes........

That sort of thing is said to sell diamonds and flowers to insecure people. I don't know if soulmates exist, I've never met any woman that has come close to that. So no, I'm not spouting some metaphorical self-help bullshit. About meeting girls, that's something you're gonna have to do on your own. It's not nice, I know, but if that's what you wanna do, then you gotta do it. Good luck with all of that, though, and I hope you meet a chick who is as close to your ideal concept of a woman as you can.

At 7/25/12 01:46 AM, mothballs wrote: As for the hangout session, it really didn't work because we still felt like we had feelings for each other and she almost kissed me a few times, while I accidentally put my arm around her a few times. Shit was really awkward after that so I just told her fuck it, friendship isn't going to work. I guess when you've been dating someone for so long it's hard to be friends when you're so used to being in a completely different mindset and doing other things. We agreed to never talk again and I'm glad I at least ended it on a good note, so that she might feel worse about not being with me anymore.

...until she texts me this morning, asking her what her chances of being pregnant are. Funny how she never wanted to admit that she was cheating on me and all of a sudden she admits that she had sex with Chris. I sure do feel like shit but there's no way I can set up another relationship in the remaining time I have here before I head off to college in August (4 weeks). I guess I'm just going to have to tough out my loneliness for some more weeks.

I agree that you should not talk to her even if she sends you texts and etc. She's causing you more pain than happiness.

4 weeks is plenty of time to meet women, hang out with them, etc. Since you're heading off to college, it isn't ideal to get into a committed relationship at the moment but that doesn't stop you from meeting people. I don't think your mindset of getting into a relationship to cleanse up feeling lonely is a healthy mindset. Expand your social circle by making approaches to random people (in malls, at the gym, etc.) and then turning those people into your friends. That will no longer make you feel lonely. The concept of randomly approaching people sounds scary to many but how did we meet all the people in our life? My point is therefore work on your loneliness first before getting into a relationship. Women like men who do their own thing, live their own life, have goals, etc.

At 7/25/12 11:16 PM, zmatt007 wrote: How should I approach a girl with what I have. Last thing I want to do is seem like a creep or a rapist.

GuerrilleroHeroico compiled a list of text files that Vincoid wrote about attraction. Read up on it. It will be a good start for you.
http://www.newgrounds.com/dump/item/bd137719ba5dd1dd799b5c10 fec3ab19

Approach anxiety is very common. The best method to get rid of it is to approach random people and become comfortable talking to them. It's easier said then done but if you can do this then you'll have no problem talking to random females that you find attractive.