At 4/12/12 07:57 PM, TheTrooper5 wrote:
Bit of a long one I'm afraid.
Basically I've had bad depression and anxiety issues for the past 4 years, anyhoo I dated a girl for about 6 weeks earlier in the year, but she called it off due to 'the spark running out'. (I never told her about my issues while we were dating)
Heh heh. the 'spark.' Just that one word alone shows that you didn't do anything wrong. You might like her still, so I'll hold off on the nasty names
She said while dating she 'liked me far too much' and I was one of her favourite people at university.
I know this is because I didn't make an effort to alter dates or do something exciting.
Not everyone has a steady income either. Besides, it's about being with that person, not what you do. She's getting more shallow by the second, friend.
I was nice but not romantic, I didn't say or act how I felt.
You don't ever do that. Smart of you.
We talked every day and didn't give the spark room to breathe, we smothered it somewhat.
I know exactly how I should have and would have acted, but I never said or did things because I was held back by my depression, and it 'fogged over' my actual self (if that makes sense)
I told her afterwards that I had bad depression and anxiety issues for the past few years, which is why I reacted a bit more emotionally or over the top than she did.
The problem is, she didn't see the 'real me', or who I was. This was due to my depression and anxeity hindering myself or making me insecure and unconfident.
We've remained friends, but we've had a break for a month because I said some things that upset her. (Again, due to my depression making me a complete nutcase, I'm disgusted at myself, I didn't mean it)
We've all said horrible things to people. I called a girl out because she had horrible teeth, but she was gorgeous besides that. Oh, alcohol, where are you when I need you?
The past month I've spent every day talking to a counsellor and doing mental exercises and techniques for at least 2 hours and whatnot to sort myself out, and I really do feel different. I really do feel like myself. I'm acting different and I'm taking back control slowly but at least somewhat.
Some say that counseling is for the weak-minded. That's not true, but you could do the exact same crap for free. Just a comment.
I genuinely do feel like a different person, this is the main point here. And a lot of my friends have noticed and acknowledged this.
Then rejoice in that. Have your friend rejoice in that.
Consider it as if my old self was a terrible, rundown crappy car.
Currently I'm a newer model, but I've had to build it with some parts of the old one until I have time to replace them.
(If that tedious metaphor makes sense)
I'd love to ask her to give me a second chance on a date to see what I'm actually like, (although technically it'd be a first chance with the real me) although I'm not sure what to say.
There's no second chances, unless you have a six-pack. Sad truth of the world.
Saying 'Oh you didn't actually date THE REAL ME' sounds so...patronising and facetious (even though it's true)
And it's a classic line in romantic comedies. So that might actually work, nyuk.
And whilst my depression was essentially why I caused her to break up with me, it sounds insulting to her, or as if I'm clutching at straws or being desperate (I'm not...seriously).
She STILL sounds shallow. Call me sexist, but she does.
For the TL;DR crowd.
Had depression, girl didn't know and broke up with me
The reasons she broke up with me were because of my depression
I'm not as depressed, getting better.
Trying to get her to give the 'real me' a chance.
Any advice/war stories/tips/pointers?
Advice: do what you need to. If you really want her back, then carpe diem, and have a good lawyer.
War story: I'm probably the last guy you should get help from. I'm a virgin, you see.
Tips: It's not the size that matters, it's how you use it. Meaning you better be praying to whatever your God is that she sucks at math. Or not.
Pointers: That's what she said.
I apologize if this has been useless, but I hope you got a good giggle or two out of all this. Good luck with your broad, I mean woman, I mean romantic interest.
Love, Glides. *insert smiley face here*