At 5/22/12 08:21 PM, Glides wrote:
I'm perfectly capable at talking to someone if I'm not attracted to them. This means all men and women I'm not attracted to are fine.
Then you'll need to talk to women you're attracted to. You can even apply the technique I provided below to this. Simply explain what you're trying to accomplish and ask her some stuff. She can't be offended by the idea of you trying to improve yourself and showing interest in her personality as a means of improvement. Who knows, you might get more from it than simple improvement, you could become friends or more. The advantage of being friends (not a girlfriend, or someone who's friendzoned) is that you'll get to know a lot of her friends. Seeing as people often surround themselves with people just like them, chances are you'll be introduced to quite some single attractive women that way.
Since I do that anyway when buying things, I suppose I've been following your advice already. The conversation doesn't last any longer than to find whatever I need, but a conversation needs natural progression, and it's not an immediate switch from business to casual.
Sure, not every conversation progresses that way. However, progress can happen on its own or because either one of you decides that that's where the conversation should go. Are you trying to see possibilities to progress into a more natural conversation?
For instance, I had a 20 minute conversation with a woman the other day whom I had never seen before. It was about all sorts of personal stuff and the conversation started because I yawned. I could've not reacted to what she said. Instead I engaged in conversation and let it progress from there.
And of course, it's harder to progress into a more personal conversation with someone in a store. They're quite often business minded and not open to such conversation. That's why that's a stepping stone. If you can already do that, take it to the next level. Talk to strangers outside stores, talk to girls you find attractive.
Nuh uh. That can't possibly work.
How do you know? Have you tried? I have, and it worked just fine for me.
So chicks are gonna like some weirdo asking them very personal questions? I'm skeptical.
You're right, what kind of girl can even enjoy someone showing interest in their personality? That's crazy talk!
You're forgetting about how pretty girls generally don't want anything to do with me. If it was just shyness, then it would be me being a lazy ass, and there would be pretty girls wondering why I won't talk to them. But they have no interest in me, except as a friend, and I've done enough research to know that the friend zone is a no-no.
Sure, but have you researched how not to end in there? The reason they show no interest in you is, quite simple, that you're not interesting to them. You show no qualities they find attractive. If you have qualities they might find interesting, you have no idea how to let them know that.
It's not girls who aren't interested in you, it's you not attracting them to you.
Well, no. But I'll meet more people inevitably.
Sure, people you can talk to because you have interest in them. How's that going to get you what you want?
You see, if you wait untill the world throws you a bone, you have no control over what it is you get. You will never get what you want that way. You have to look for the things you want and get them.
If that was true, every math geek in the world would be getting laid. Now, true, guys are completely physical, so this is not exclusive. Most people aren't that intelligent, anyway. And I'm personally just bright enough to know that I'm stupid. Bad joke.
That's assuming that intelligence attracts women. It does, but intelligence itself doesn't create attraction. Besides, how would being able to solve an equation attract a woman? The point is, even a retard can attract a beautiful woman. You don't have to be intelligent, rich or handsome. You have to make her feel the things she wants to feel. None of those things are required to do that.
If not, then she simply wants to play with your head and hurt you even more. Women take great pride in their friendzones, as I've heard from girls, commenting on their personal friendzones. Some have even told me about them, and about how much they love screwing these guys over. Now, that's far worse than what I am. I'm a cynical ass, but a self-aware cynical ass.
Wow, I must admit, that's fucked up. I've personally never heard of such a thing, but I can see how girls would do that. Then again, you're talking about girls. Being able to attract women requires a level of maturity (which is disconnected from age) and spending that on such immature women is useless.
The reason mature women have guys in a friendzone is simple. They have a connection but there's no attraction involved. The guy is always to blame for that, never the woman.
True, true. Hope that worked out.
Before: Never had a girlfriend (or even kissed a girl), living on the attic all day, never getting out, not being able to talk to anyone besides my family, extremely low self-esteem.
After: Engaged to an amazing girl, big group of close friends, random conversations with strangers, high level of confidence, great job, very high level of happiness.
Seems like it worked out.
See, key word I took out of that was "attraction." Now, Kevin James is a rare success in that movie, because he's hilarious and just plain up awesome.
A rare success? His success is only rare in that other guys wouldn't go for a girl with such high status, whereas he does. The situation is rare but his success is not. You see, he is hilarious, and he is awesome. But to her, he's not, not in the beginning. In the beginning he's nothing to her, just another suit waiting to throw himself on her.
His success comes from being different from the rest, having the balls to make certain jokes with her, etc. In that way his success is in no way different from any guy attracting a girl.
I've almost been in a relationship a few times, and each time I'd go ahead and fuck it up. Those fuck-ups, plus all the other ones I talked about, made me like this. Well, me fucking up, anyway.
How'd you fuck up?
That's a human thing, to not want to feel pain. I've given up as much as I've had, as I've said, because of the amount of failure I've had. And what the vast majority of those successful people had in common was an amazing amount of talent in their particular line of work. Sure, they failed, but they knew how good they were and that eventually it would work it out. I might not be good at anything, but that's not the problem here. I mean, if women were attracted to me and I didn't know how to express it back, that would be one thing. But women want nothing to do with me, and I don't entirely know why.
That's true, but it's also a human thing to risk pain in order to gain happiness.
As for those succesful people, the vast majority of them didn't know they had amazing talent. In fact, most started out as being nothing. What they knew is where they wanted to be and that they needed to work hard for it. They did not yet posess the knowledge or skills to get there. Step by step they got there, by making mistakes, constantly improving themselves, persistance and discipline.
Henry Ford for instance. Not a particular smart guy but great persistance. Never gave up on a single idea and understood the principle of the reference group.
Abraham Lincoln. A nobody untill his late forties becomes one of the greatest presidents.
They didn't do this based on talent. They had a goal and never gave up, no matter what happened.
"I find that the harder I work, the more luck I seem to have" - Thomas Jefferson -
I'm trying to explore whatever possibilities I have left. It might be hopeless, but at least I can say I tried before gracefully giving up for good.
Except that by doing so with an attitude like that, you've already given up. If you truly are trying you wouldn't be so dismissive of someone trying to show you a way to live a better life.