When that girl pops up, then we'll see. For now, I'm gonna focus on falling out of love with this girl.
Sure, but here's why I said it; you're not going to fall out of love doing nothing. When you lose yourself in something else completely, it replaces all the unneccessary stuff. By affirming that your feelings for her are pointless, they will be removed once you're doing something that will make better use of that energy.
Below I'll explain why character development is such a useful way of doing so.
Well, I'm not a Hindu, so I'm not reincarnating when I die. Nice quote, but this is women we're talking about, logic and sense do not apply to wooing them.
That's not completely true. While most women might not show any forms of logic or reasoning, what they find attractive is male qualities. Those qualities are controlled by you, and you're a logical being.
Most men spend go through life thinking they need the perfect thing to say to a woman, or that it's luck, or random. What few men realize is that women respond to certain traits, and traits can be learned, trained and mastered.
For instance: confidence. Confidence can be achieved by anyone in any situation. The more fears you conquer, the more skills you learn, the more confident you'll be. Confidence is the most important factor in attracting a woman. High standard women (the ones who have a lot of traits men desire) are rarely attracted to a man with low self-esteem. If you've ever wondered how a butt-ugly guy scored an A+ chick, it's confidence. (in some cases you might think status or money, but those come from confidence as well).
That's why I never tell guys what to tell a girl (expect in extremely specific situation), but rather what they need to change about themselves in order to become naturally attractive to women. Which doesn't mean you're born with the skills to woo them, but that you'll master the skills by yourself, making them a habit.
You know, just a thought, but you should do this sort of thing professionally. Self-help and all. You certainly got the right attitude for it.
Thanks, I'm working on it ;)
i have a total inability to trust all human beings on earth. i'm suspicious of even my closest friends. suspicious that they think of me poorly, don't care about me and are only friendly with me to lure me in and talk about me behind my back.
You should be suspicious of that way of thinking. What has it ever brought you in life? What evidence do you have? What possible motivation could someone have to act friendly to you only to talk shit about you behind your back?
even if i cannot overcome my paranoia, how can i at least start a conversation with this person when and if i see her again? keep in mind that i've gone over this scenario a bazillion times in my head and in every simulation i cannot overcome my fear, so "suck it up" will not cut it.
Sorry to tell you this, but that's exactly what you'll need to do. There is no other way of overcoming your fears. If there's be an easy way, there would be no reason to fear in the first place. That's why overcoming your fears is so hard and rewarding. It makes sure that people who are strong enough, disciplined enough, get more out of life because they face their fears, risk it all and grow in life.
Also, we fear what we do not know, what we're not used to. By surrounding ourselves with that which we fear, we experience that it's actually not what we thought it would be, get used to it and master it.
The same goes for thinking someone will betray you. You can make sure you never have to fear it will happen by not engaging a relationship in the first place. You won't be betrayed, but you won't be able to enjoy the other person being in your life either. You'll never be able to be with anyone. I'm guessing that feeling sucks more than trying.
Mostly, I think you need to start questioning yourself and the way you think. As one of my best friends has said perfectly: "When all that ever happens to you is shit, you need to realize that the only constant factor in all of it is you"
You problem is with your thinking. There is not a shred of evidence that anything you've ever thought is true. You can't read minds, you've never asked someone wether they think about you in that way or not so you don't have any evidence to support your ideas.
Stop trying to control the outcome of your desires. We as humans are so obsessed with being in control, we often forget that there are two people in play when it comes to relationships, and you can't decide what will happen nor control what the other says or thinks. You've thought of a bazillion ways? Let me asure you that if you go up to her next time you see her and start talking to her, it will be nothing like any of those ways. That's because in your mind, the possible outcome is always affected by your fear. In reality, she's not aware of that fear, so it won't influence her.
Next time you see her, stop with whatever you're doing (immediately, no thinking about it first!), go up to her and say; "Hey my name is .... "
After she's told you her name (ask for it if she doesn't give it right away), say; "(insert name), I must admit, I've seen you around and there's something intruiging about you, something that makes me keep looking at you. I've decided today is the day I try to find out what it is."
You can let her respond to that or you can simply follow it up with a question about what she's up to. You can throw in a joke if you want, ease things up a bit.
Read this a couple of times, adjust it a bit so that it'll be more like you and then do it. Don't think about it, don't think about any possible outcome, just do it and see what happens. Don't be afraid that you won't know what to say. Your unconscious mind will kick in once you let go of trying to control the situation and it will tell you what to say. It's actually quite easy since you don't know anything about her, you can ask whatever you want to.
One note, don't change anything about the tone of the conversation. As you can see, everything is decisive. There is no hesitation, no apologies for talking to her, no shame for having watched her before nor for wanting to get to know her. What you do is for a reason, so there's no room nor reason for insecurity. The outcome is an adventure, not a life or death situation.
Do you refuse to read the ending of a book because you fear what might happen, or do you keep reading because you have to know? Why not apply this same way of thinking to life itself? To your own story?