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Thanks and the reason why I feel like I'm not good enough for her is because of her friends and her personality. Which everything about her is perfect, and yes she has two boobs, i only felt one.

But now I'm going to ask her out on a date, to the movies or out to a great restuarant I know.
Thanks this helped!

So I have a dilemma. Maybe someone can help me, hopefully this is the right place.

Anyway, I have a severe shyness when talking to anyone of the opposite sex. I'm fine around guy's but when girls come around I don't talk or anything. I just notice more flaws in me and I'm afraid I will make a fool of myself. Is there any advice on how I can improve my social inept? Or at least to cope with it better?

At 9/27/09 06:16 PM, Thegluestickman wrote: So I have a dilemma. Maybe someone can help me, hopefully this is the right place.

Anyway, I have a severe shyness when talking to anyone of the opposite sex. I'm fine around guy's but when girls come around I don't talk or anything. I just notice more flaws in me and I'm afraid I will make a fool of myself. Is there any advice on how I can improve my social inept? Or at least to cope with it better?

Wooo! I'm new to advice giving, but I think I'll give this a shot. Now, because you said you're fine around men, but awkward around women, I'll go ahead and assume you're male. You don't speak to girls because you're afraid you'll make a fool of yourself, but really, there's not much you can do to completely ostracize yourself. The only way to conquer your fear is to... conquer it! Just go ahead and talk to girls. Just try to remain calm, eventually, you'll get your confidence up, and it'll be second nature. Women dig confidence, theres really no substitute for it. So get out there and mingle!

At 9/27/09 06:16 PM, Thegluestickman wrote: So I have a dilemma. Maybe someone can help me, hopefully this is the right place.

Anyway, I have a severe shyness when talking to anyone of the opposite sex. I'm fine around guy's but when girls come around I don't talk or anything. I just notice more flaws in me and I'm afraid I will make a fool of myself. Is there any advice on how I can improve my social inept? Or at least to cope with it better?

Have you ever asked yourself why it is you feel this way around girls? What is the important difference between the guys and girls that gets you to become aware of yourself? Why does it matter what girls think about you but not what guys think?

Also, now that we're on the subject anyway, have you ever asked yourself why you care about anything anyone ever thinks about you? Have you ever asked yourself why you feel bad not only about someone's thoughts about you, but also their supposed thoughts?

The truth is that all of these other people are simply a mirror showing you what you dislike about yourself. Their opinions and their prejudice is truly your own insecurity reflected upon yourself. Whenever you think someone is thinking something bad about you, it really isn't the case. What's actually happening is that you're doubting your own behaviour and acting as if it's their thoughts so you don't have to take responsibility for your own. This is also your biggest problem.

Right now you are avoiding. You are avoiding responsibility, you are avoiding being hurt, you are avoiding risk and you are avoiding basicly everything you truly want out of life. The reason you do this is because you lack certain knowledge about how to deal with life, something that is quite imaginable seeing as you're only 14 years old.
The truth is that no matter what happens, we always have a choice. We choose how to respond to external events and we choose how to behave. We choose how we feel about things and there are basicly two things people do, namely avoiding responsibility or taking it. What this means is that those that avoid responsibility choose to live like victims. They blame the world for how they feel because the world isn't bringing them more joy. They feel that the things that happen to them are out of their control, including how they feel. The biggest advantage of this behaviour (which is a choice) is that these people feel safe in their own misery. They don't risk being hurt, they don't risk being happy and in the progress avoid everything that makes them feel bad. Or so they think.
The greatest disadvantage of this behaviour is that these people will never be happy with their life. They might feel comfort when not being hurt but they will also forever feel that they are missing out on life. Besides that, avoiding responsibility also brings with it that you stop being conscious of your own destructive behaviour. People soon forget that they chose to be victims and start blaming everyone else for how their life turned out to be. The only person ever capable of changing their life is them, but avoiding responsibility keeps them from taking control over their lifes.

The other group of people do take responsibility for their life, their actions, their feelings, etc. Instead of blaming others or themselves, they look at the things in their life and see them as opportunities. Opportunities to gain what they want, opportunties to grow, opportunities to learn, opportunities to correct themselves.
While this group is not free from feeling hurt, they are free to live life like they want to. They are free to take control over anything they can and do with it what they want. These are the people that stand up after they have fallen down, and instead of complaining about having fallen down they learn how they stood up so they can stand back up faster the next time they fall. Falling down, or feeling hurt, is inevitable. There is no way to live life and never feel hurt. You have however always the ability to choose what to do with what is given to you.

So, when applying this to your life, can you see how you have been doing this very thing? Instead of seeing a flaw in yourself, becoming aware and then trying to avoid being hurt (which you do by not talking to them), wouldn't it be way more effective if you'd change what you think is flawed so you won't get aware of it anymore and stop being hurt by it?

Just remember this; It's your life and you have to live it for yourself. So are you going to think of yourself as a victim and pretend that the world is responsible for your life, or are you going to take action and deal with your own life constructively, create your own happiness and become satisfied with who you are?

Holy shit, this exactly what I needed to hear. You hit the nail on the head.

At 9/29/09 03:50 AM, Vincoid wrote: Have you ever asked yourself why it is you feel this way around girls? What is the important difference between the guys and girls that gets you to become aware of yourself? Why does it matter what girls think about you but not what guys think?

I don't think I've truly asked myself that question. I have no idea why I feel this way around girls. I honestly don't know, for a strange reason I think that girls will make snide comments and tell people, when in reality both genders would do that.

Also, now that we're on the subject anyway, have you ever asked yourself why you care about anything anyone ever thinks about you? Have you ever asked yourself why you feel bad not only about someone's thoughts about you, but also their supposed thoughts?

I tell myself it doesn't matter what people say or think it's about how I want to live my life, but when it comes down to that I can't happen to erase what people think about me. My confidence and self esteem are too low I guess.

The truth is that all of these other people are simply a mirror showing you what you dislike about yourself. Their opinions and their prejudice is truly your own insecurity reflected upon yourself. Whenever you think someone is thinking something bad about you, it really isn't the case. What's actually happening is that you're doubting your own behaviour and acting as if it's their thoughts so you don't have to take responsibility for your own. This is also your biggest problem.

But how do I help my thinking pattern change? I can see it happening, I tell myself not to do it and I revert to old ways.

Right now you are avoiding. You are avoiding responsibility, you are avoiding being hurt, you are avoiding risk and you are avoiding basicly everything you truly want out of life. The reason you do this is because you lack certain knowledge about how to deal with life, something that is quite imaginable seeing as you're only 14 years old.

I understand I have poor coping mechanics. When something bad happens it hurts. It hurts more than it should. Everything bad feels worse, I can understand what your saying, since it hurts I try to shut it out because it hurts so bad.

The truth is that no matter what happens, we always have a choice. We choose how to respond to external events and we choose how to behave. We choose how we feel about things and there are basicly two things people do, namely avoiding responsibility or taking it. What this means is that those that avoid responsibility choose to live like victims. They blame the world for how they feel because the world isn't bringing them more joy. They feel that the things that happen to them are out of their control, including how they feel. The biggest advantage of this behaviour (which is a choice) is that these people feel safe in their own misery. They don't risk being hurt, they don't risk being happy and in the progress avoid everything that makes them feel bad. Or so they think.

I try and take responsibility for my actions. I don't think I blame the world for any issues I have, I understand that world is fate and everything happens for a reason and anything that world has to offer I have to get it.

The greatest disadvantage of this behaviour is that these people will never be happy with their life. They might feel comfort when not being hurt but they will also forever feel that they are missing out on life. Besides that, avoiding responsibility also brings with it that you stop being conscious of your own destructive behaviour. People soon forget that they chose to be victims and start blaming everyone else for how their life turned out to be. The only person ever capable of changing their life is them, but avoiding responsibility keeps them from taking control over their lifes.

I really do admire your perspective on thinks and your deep understanding.

The other group of people do take responsibility for their life, their actions, their feelings, etc. Instead of blaming others or themselves, they look at the things in their life and see them as opportunities. Opportunities to gain what they want, opportunties to grow, opportunities to learn, opportunities to correct themselves.
While this group is not free from feeling hurt, they are free to live life like they want to. They are free to take control over anything they can and do with it what they want. These are the people that stand up after they have fallen down, and instead of complaining about having fallen down they learn how they stood up so they can stand back up faster the next time they fall. Falling down, or feeling hurt, is inevitable. There is no way to live life and never feel hurt. You have however always the ability to choose what to do with what is given to you.

So, when applying this to your life, can you see how you have been doing this very thing? Instead of seeing a flaw in yourself, becoming aware and then trying to avoid being hurt (which you do by not talking to them), wouldn't it be way more effective if you'd change what you think is flawed so you won't get aware of it anymore and stop being hurt by it?

It would be 100000x more effective to change my thinking it's just that when it comes time to put my actions in place I revert to old thinking. Do you have any advice on how to help this?

Just remember this; It's your life and you have to live it for yourself. So are you going to think of yourself as a victim and pretend that the world is responsible for your life, or are you going to take action and deal with your own life constructively, create your own happiness and become satisfied with who you are?

I thank you, this is amazing advice and it was exactly what I needed to hear. I hope you use yout talent to help more people.

I moved on... With a girl that liked me for six weeks and I liked her back.

Later the news started to break out that she told me she went back with her ex, that cheated on her. Me and her we alone together, which I prefer, and ask her some things, I didn't tell her. I needed to give out my reason why so called "I'm better" but in a sensitive way. How things would've probably been like if we were together.

We were talking for a long time, so I just missed my bus today but I needed to get it out. I built up my confidence with her and talked it out. She says she is sorry for what she did to me. She knew I was upset, but I tried to make things better, actually it did.

I asked her, "I want to kiss you.." We held on tightly skin to skin, cloths to cloths. I was a bit nervous.. But she closed her eyes, and then I did too. We kissed on the lips. It was my first kiss and it meant something to me.

My feelings for her are deep, she texts me, stares at me with no expression and I stare back at her. She told me, "when I held you hand, I didn't want to let go of it" and then she said "first day I saw, I liked you. I liked you alot actually and the last thing I want to do is get you upset."

We texted back and forth about it. I felt comfortable after that kiss, I think she did too. We were holding eachother for a long time....

Vincoid, is there a possibilty she'll change her mind about it? Like not going with her ex and stay with me? What we just did was very close... Well that's what I think?

At 9/29/09 04:55 PM, Thegluestickman wrote: Holy shit, this exactly what I needed to hear. You hit the nail on the head.

Good to hear that ;)

I don't think I've truly asked myself that question. I have no idea why I feel this way around girls. I honestly don't know, for a strange reason I think that girls will make snide comments and tell people, when in reality both genders would do that.

That's true, men more than women even due to a feeling of competition. Since I've began learning how to communicate with women I'v become a threat to a lot of men. They see me as competition in their 'hunt' for women. To justify their own lack of skills with women they will thrash talk you untill there's nothing left to say.

I tell myself it doesn't matter what people say or think it's about how I want to live my life, but when it comes down to that I can't happen to erase what people think about me. My confidence and self esteem are too low I guess.

Would you say that people are perfect in seeing what someone else is like? I myself believe that nobody on earth can truly understand another person completely, even if they have known that person their whole life.
If you keep that in the back of your mind, what is it that other people judge when they talk about you? It most certainly isn't what you are actually like. What's really going on is that they are not only judging your behaviour, they're also combining it with their own opinion about such behaviour and their assumptions on what you must be like.
For instance, you could become enraged due to some small thing happening to you that is really of no importance. Someone seeing this and not knowing you could think that you are very aggressive and easily upset. This could cause them to avoid you in the future. The truth could be that you were having a very bad day, you've been through a lot of bad stuff recently and this was the final straw or that this 'minor' thing was in fact of importance to you.
The truth however is not what matters to most people. What matters to them is what they think. So what they are truly judging is their view of you, which is of course entirely different from what you are really like. All of this means that you truly have never been judged before, meaning that you are in no way what other people think of you. In fact, the only person that has ever judged you is you.
Even I haven't judged you which is pretty amazing seeing as I did describe the problems you are dealing with. The reason I could is exactly like all people do, namely judging from experience and personal view. What I really did was give a solution to the problems my view of you is dealing with.

But how do I help my thinking pattern change? I can see it happening, I tell myself not to do it and I revert to old ways.

Correcting yourself and motivating yourself. If you look at the picture below you see 3 red vertical lines. That line shows our ideal path in life. The reason we call it ideal is because it is what we work to reach but never will achieve, not because we aren't good enough but because it's impossible. The ideal way of life is straight over that path.
The black line shows our true path of life. In situation 1 you see th epath of life of someone who isn't living the life he truly wants. You see that his path is way out from his ideal.
Situation 2 shows someone who is more or less the same way but with two major differences. First of all it's someone who is very unbalanced because he comes close to his ideal line but also spends a lot of time far out from it. The second difference is that this person never reaches his goal. The goal in life is to reach your goal in life.
Situation 3 shows someone who is in control of his path. This person stays close to his idea path and crosses it many time in his life.
The horizontal line shows what your life could somewhat look like. At first you are way out because right now you are not happy with who you are. As you learn how to correct yourself and work towards the ideal line, you'll start being able to stay close to it. You'll hit some objects on the way but nothing to stop you in your tracks.

So, correcting yourself is of great importance. Anytime you notice that you are not doing what you're supposed to do, feeling the way you want to feel or thinking what you want to think, correct yourself. Tell yourself what you want to think, what you want to feel and do what you really want to do.
The way the brain works is that your unconscious brain creates conscious thoughts based on your personality. Your unconscious brain believes anything your conscious brain tells it. If you tell it something long enough it'll make it its own and make it a part of who you are. Then you'll start to unconsciously act this way. This process can take weeks to show its first signs, months to change big parts of your personality and years to become completely natural. But what it truly takes is persistance. You have to constantly push yourself to get what you want out of life.

I try and take responsibility for my actions. I don't think I blame the world for any issues I have, I understand that world is fate and everything happens for a reason and anything that world has to offer I have to get it.

Try to think of the world as opportunity. Thinking of it as fate can bring about the feeling that whatever happens happens and that you only have to sit around and wait for it to come to you. If you think of life as handing over opportunities you'll be motivated more to act upon it.

It would be 100000x more effective to change my thinking it's just that when it comes time to put my actions in place I revert to old thinking. Do you have any advice on how to help this?

Of course. Like I previously said, constantly correct yourself. Becoming conscious of everything you want to change is hard so it takes a long time to achieve. What's important is that you correct yourself anytime something comes up. If you tell yourself that you'll work on it later, you won't do it.

Secondly, set preferences and boundaries. In order to act upon things in the way that you want you first have to know what you want. You can set boundaries and preferences for anything life so there's a lot of work to do.

I thank you, this is amazing advice and it was exactly what I needed to hear. I hope you use yout talent to help more people.

I most certainly will, thank you.

Just let me know if you need more info on any of this or a new subject. I wanted type some more but I really don't have a lot of characters left so I'll let you decide if you need more info ;)

At 9/29/09 07:19 PM, UltimateAxl wrote: Vincoid, is there a possibilty she'll change her mind about it? Like not going with her ex and stay with me? What we just did was very close... Well that's what I think?

Of course man. It'll most likely won't be a conscious choice but a battle between whom she feels more attraction for. If you keep building attraction and comfort with her and make her feel good then there's a pretty good chance that she'll come to you.

Congrats on the kiss btw. Not so much for the kiss itself (though it is awesome) but because of what it took to get there. I'm glad you worked up the courage to take that step. All you have to do now is keep doing it and keep getting what you want ;)

Alright guys, story time.

So at the beginning of eighth grade (last year) me and this girl talked, and she started liking me. We stopped talking for a while until last summer. Last summer we started having a thing going but she was too busy to go out until school started...then once school almost started, she said I had to wait another month or so. I was pissed but I figured I'd wait since I really liked this girl.

So the end of that month was going to be next week, but this week she breaks it to me that she likes another guy. She is now deciding whether to pick me or the other guy.

Some more facts:
All of her friends hate me
The other guy is a sophomore, I'm a freshman
This guy also likes the girl I like and is all over her, but she won't tell him to stop because it'll "hurt his feelings".

Help?

At 10/1/09 11:15 PM, MichaelHurst wrote: Alright guys, story time.

For some reason, every time a chick has told me she is always busy, it never works out.
At first it's like "oh, I guess you just do a lot of shit and I'm just not as social or whatever"
But really I think it's an excuse. I mean, think about it. Even if you played all the sports in the world and studied for hours and hours, you'd have SOME time to hang out.

So rule of thumb, if a chick even MENTIONS she's busy a lot of the time, it probably means she's not interested.

Or maybe that's just me.

At 10/1/09 11:15 PM, MichaelHurst wrote: Help?

I don't think she's actually that much into you. Probably the only reason she told you to wait a month was to make it more natural for her to break it off with you.

At 10/2/09 12:39 AM, TheWolfe wrote: For some reason, every time a chick has told me she is always busy, it never works out.
At first it's like "oh, I guess you just do a lot of shit and I'm just not as social or whatever"
But really I think it's an excuse. I mean, think about it. Even if you played all the sports in the world and studied for hours and hours, you'd have SOME time to hang out.

Unless you truly realize how many sports there are in the world ;P

So rule of thumb, if a chick even MENTIONS she's busy a lot of the time, it probably means she's not interested.

Or maybe that's just me.

It isn't, but it's pretty useless to base a rule on a probability, isn't it? Especially since you don't include a way to deal with it, which would be to actually make her interested in you and want to be with you. Because you can either see it as a rejection or a simply speed bumb that you need to overcome.

I'm wondering if this is normal:

With complete strangers that I will NEVER see again (most likely), I can be the greatest person in the world. I smile, I entertain, I charm. But with people that will just see me again, like recognize me around, and I will probably see them, I'm completely introverted. I feel like since they'll see me again, I'd need to make sure their perception of me is a good one this time and the next.

Is there a way I could fix this? I just came to realize this and its kinda awkward and annoying.

Oh darn! I wish i used a more fake name for my username. Now I can't be anonynymouuose or whatever. I guess I'll just write to Dr. Phil.

Alright guys...

I asked her if she was just telling me to wait to stall, because by this point, if she wanted me gone she would tell me. She said that she actually does want to date me and that she really does love me but she still has to decide,

lolwut?

At 10/3/09 12:19 AM, MichaelHurst wrote: I asked her if she was just telling me to wait to stall, because by this point, if she wanted me gone she would tell me. She said that she actually does want to date me and that she really does love me but she still has to decide..

THIS IS EXACTLY WHAT'S GOING ON WITH ME!

ExceptI made out with the girl who loves me dearly, but can't choose between a college man and a Junior. Because she's a Junior too, she was crying, I wiped her tears. After when we made out, she says, "I love the way you look at me..." ... "I love the way you wiped my tears..." ... "The smell of your cologne..."

She's really into me.. But this is a confusing state for me and her. Basically the college man, all of her friends hate him.. But they like me. I proved ENOUGH that I want to be with her. She needs to DECIDE this because if this keeps going on, I'll just give up.

what do i do if some ex-boyfriend wants to give me lip that i'm going with his ex?

basically my nancy broke up with this pompous, greasy turd with some conflict that was hot-topic in our school (something about this guy trying to force my girlfriend to give him a blowjob or something when they were still going, which sounds like rape as she ran away from him after) and now this guy still thinks he's still going with her, or at least he doesn't want anyone to be with my girlfriend. people told me this guy would beat me up because.. i don't know. he doesn't like to idea i'm getting acquainted with his ex. :)

my girlfriend doesn't bring it up. i don't really feel like bringing it up either. school is pretty wild about it, some of my friends say i should beat him up. but i really don't know. i never been in this situation like this. but if he like, attacks me, i kick his ass around.

Lots of shit has gone on since I last posted. The big one? Two year anniversary for her and her boyfriend, and they fucked. We never had sex once. I didn't think she ever wanted to, but I wanted to really badly. I held it in for her. Now she says that she was waiting for me. She doesn't tell me anything anymore. I hear from other people that she went to the movie when we could have seen each other and such. It sucks. I'm depressed pretty much all the time now, just thinking about it..

Answer my pm please, Vincoid.

At 10/5/09 10:22 PM, CapnCrunchDaPimp wrote: Lots of shit has gone on since I last posted. The big one? Two year anniversary for her and her boyfriend, and they fucked. We never had sex once. I didn't think she ever wanted to, but I wanted to really badly. I held it in for her. Now she says that she was waiting for me.

So you didn't make any moves at all? Totally should have dude. That way she'll either go with it or tell you to stop. If you're both too shy to do anything but both want to, well that totally sucks. But hey, you'll find someone else.

At 10/7/09 03:40 AM, Sensationalism wrote: So you didn't make any moves at all? Totally should have dude. That way she'll either go with it or tell you to stop. If you're both too shy to do anything but both want to, well that totally sucks. But hey, you'll find someone else.

She makes it too awkward. I try to be all loving and caring, but she isn't exactly open. Last night the most we did was hold each other. I've tried kissing her a few times and she said that it'll take time. Hopefully she'll move back in with her dad and I'll see her more though. Then I can try and work the charm. I might see her Thursday again. Everything she does stabs me in the heart though. She wrote his initials in a heart on her hand. She said the perfume I bought her drives him crazy. She writes Facebook notes about him that drown me in depression.

At 10/2/09 06:17 AM, Peacekid wrote: I'm wondering if this is normal:

It is normal but here's some things you need to think about:

If people actually think you're great when you're entertaining them, why not want to be like that with people you see often? The other ones obviously like you and you like who you are so why not?
If you look at it logically the only thing you should do is be like you are in the first example. That way you'd entertain everyone, be happy with who you are AND people would like you anyway.

Is there a way I could fix this? I just came to realize this and its kinda awkward and annoying.

Sure, but the most powerful way to do so is through awereness and commitment. What you've shown is that it's not the people's fault but simply how you think about it. You don't actually have to impress those people you see often, you just think you do.
Now that you know you don't have to do so and that they will like you regardless, you can make use of that awereness and change your believes. By commiting to that change you will be able to actually change. So anytime you notice that you are not being yourself in order to impress, correct your behaviour and start doing what you want to do. Only by doing this will you actually be able to change in what you actually are.

Just remember this: As long as you are happy with who you are, other people will too. Whenever you change who you are in order to impress other people, you are deceiving them. You might be able to keep that up and make them happy, but you might not last long enough and it will most certainly not make you happy. So be who you are and make being yourself the most important thing there is.

At 10/5/09 10:15 PM, DarkSytze wrote: my girlfriend doesn't bring it up. i don't really feel like bringing it up either. school is pretty wild about it, some of my friends say i should beat him up. but i really don't know. i never been in this situation like this. but if he like, attacks me, i kick his ass around.

And why exactly are you telling this?

Seeing as there really isn't a question in your post I'll just give my thoughts on it. I think that violence is weak. The only real reason it should ever be used is as a defense mechanism when being attacked (and not when thinking you're about to be attacked). Therefor I also think you shouldn't fight him. After all, what does it really get you and what does it mean? In the end it only means you're not enough in control of yourself to work things out without fighting.

At 10/5/09 10:22 PM, CapnCrunchDaPimp wrote: Lots of shit has gone on since I last posted. The big one? Two year anniversary for her and her boyfriend, and they fucked. We never had sex once. I didn't think she ever wanted to, but I wanted to really badly. I held it in for her. Now she says that she was waiting for me. She doesn't tell me anything anymore. I hear from other people that she went to the movie when we could have seen each other and such. It sucks. I'm depressed pretty much all the time now, just thinking about it..

Break it off with her. As far as I'm concerned this is the number one rule in life: 'Create your own happiness. If you're not happy, get rid of what doesn't make you happy or create things that do.'

Being with this girl obviously isn't making you happy. Now you will probably have major objections against leaving her which is only natural. However, you need to understand why this is the best thing to do and why you don't want to.

So first, why you should:
- The way she lives her life and how she lives her life with you isn't the way you want to live your life. Trying to change this or trying to change yourself so you can deal with it won't make you happy. She simply doesn't fit with you in a way that'll make you happy.

- You're depending on her. A part of your life is not in your own control because you blame her for feeling the way you do. By doing so you also take away the option to change that behaviour simply by thinking she's responsible for it. By getting rid of her you're forcing yourself to take control of that part of your life again.

Why you don't want to:
- You don't trust yourself. You don't have enough faith in yourself to believe that you will be able to cope with breaking it off with her. You think you won't be able to find another girl or that it will hurt you too much. The truth is that you are very much capable and it will also make you happier. It will make you more independant which will give you more power. This will create a sense of strenght and self-confidence.

- Related to this are hope and fear of change. You hope that everything will work out great. The reason you do is because you don't want things to change. Doing so might mean that you need to do things you aren't used to and are uncomfortable with. Learning new skills can be hard but it's also very rewarding. It'll make you less dependant of others, more confident about yourself and much more happy.

It certainly won't be easy to break it off and it will definitely hurt, but it won't hurt as much as feeling helpessly stuck inside a bad relationship.

Thanks for the reply, which really makes sense, but it's getting better. Everything is slowly returning back to normal. She's moving back into her house, so I'll see her more. She still feels the same way about me, and she's getting better at expressing it to me. I kissed her last night, and I wasn't sure if she wanted me to again, so I didn't, but she did, and I'll see her again tonight.

At 9/4/09 07:17 PM, CapnCrunchDaPimp wrote: This chick and I started dating in the summer last year, and even though I didn't like her at first, I quickly fell in love with her.
So this summer she starts getting more distant.

At 10/5/09 10:22 PM, CapnCrunchDaPimp wrote: Lots of shit has gone on since I last posted. The big one? Two year anniversary for her and her boyfriend,

Bro just curious but do you have a time machine??? Because if so that is pretty awesome and I would not worry about this girl.

At 10/8/09 10:52 PM, Elfer wrote:

At 9/4/09 07:17 PM, CapnCrunchDaPimp wrote: This chick and I started dating in the summer last year, and even though I didn't like her at first, I quickly fell in love with her.
So this summer she starts getting more distant.

At 10/5/09 10:22 PM, CapnCrunchDaPimp wrote: Lots of shit has gone on since I last posted. The big one? Two year anniversary for her and her boyfriend,

Bro just curious but do you have a time machine??? Because if so that is pretty awesome and I would not worry about this girl.

He isn't THE boyfriend, get it?

Also, Capn, how is her moving back and seeing you more often going to help? She'll still be distant and act the way she does now.

This isn't a relationship problem pertaining to me, but with my um... ( sorta ) friend.

Well it started out when he first dated this girl named Marissa who basically was labeled "The Whore" of the school, but he didn't seem to know that, neither did I.

She dated him on and off for a couple years or so until he lost his virginity to her through her whore-like seductive ways.
After losing his virginity he continued the antics of having sex with her until the point her lost interest in her and her beauty in it's entirety. He drifted from her and thus they eventually broke up at the age of 15 or so (started at 13 and a half).

(17 at age) (My friend Alli and me 19 and 18 at age)
He then dated a beautiful girl named Alli who would then be his "playmate" with him eventually becoming worse than Marissa, allowing him the new title (not of the school but in general) "MAN WHORE," with him acknowledging it as a fact.

Alli would never date anyone other than him as her feeling for him have grown so much she is madly in love with him, but he will and to this day will always use her as a sex slave and not think of her as a person.
He would cheat on her with numerous girls while of course indulging himself in the pleasures of "sex," all the while without her knowledge.
Eventually it was leaked out and she knew everything... but still excepted him as her lover.

(18 at age him)
He always is flirtatious with her and cuddles with her while denying the fact in front of her that she is his girlfriend.
It has gotten to the point where he never calls her as much even though she texts him, making her feelings for him mixed... but still she continues to love him.

So my question is... what should she do if she will not move on from him?

At 10/9/09 07:35 AM, Vincoid wrote: He isn't THE boyfriend, get it?

Also, Capn, how is her moving back and seeing you more often going to help? She'll still be distant and act the way she does now.

She's opening up more, and we're both happier, besides the fact that she has to hide me from her boyfriend's bitchy sister and she cares too much about what people think. Her boyfriend is going to the dance with another chick to catch up with friends. I would never do that to her, it's fucking bullshit. She even admitted that she's been thinking about him and she might've made a mistake.

My first true girlfriend...

Yes, Vincoid it happened...

She broke up with the guy, told him "I don't wanna see your face again..." And now she is single... Me and her get a couple of comments from her friends saying that we're a cute couple. I would never treat her the way he did to her. The guy was a jerk to her... She knows, her friends know.. Now it's all over.

She said, "you make me happy..." And "I finally got this weight off my shoulders..." She feels relaxed and so do I. I'm happy with her and she is the same with me. We text everyday, and this Wednsday during school we'll be walking instead of riding a car, because she doesn't get her license until December and I don't have a car. XD So she imagines walking hand and hand to the place. I never get to spend quality alone time with her, but now I do.

I feel great!

Hey guys, I have just a couple things to say/ask.

First of all, I once heard that we are only attracted to people that remind us of other people we love/loved. Is this true? I sometimes catch myself looking at someone, and then realize that they look a lot like my ex, but I only realize this after, so in a way I'm instinctually attracted to this people. It kind of creeps me out. This week I've been looking at/decided I think is super cute a girl at my school, and I just realized she looks like this girl who once rejected me. I'm kind of worried that I'm only into girls because of who they look like, not who they are...and I don't even know I'm doing it.
Secondly, it seems that the only reason I masterbate anymore is to get high. I use to do it (years ago) just because it was fun. But now that I'm a senior in highschool, a virgin, and haven't been with a girl in over a year, I feel like it's all I can do from going crazy from being deprived of being with someone. I'm afraid this is "devaluing" orgasms, making them tools to cope and not expressions of love...
Thirdly, I'm kind of depressed because I sort of ran into another rejection. There's this girl, michelle, who I use to be friends with in primary school. Last year I sort of had a crush on her, but she had a bf. During homecoming our class made a float, and I worked on it with her, and I sort of got a bigger crush on her, but when we finished making the float, I didn't see her as often (we would see each other every day afterschool for 3 or 4 days during the float building) and so the crush disappeared. But last week was our senior float building, and I built it with her again, and got another crush. She seemed excited to see me because we've had no classes together so we havent hung out in a longgg time. She asked me for my number when she saw I had a cell phone, and I got her's too. The float competition is now over (we got second place on friday). I realized I left my backpack at her place and so I called and drove over to her house that friday night at 10pm. I was kind of hoping for some kind of "movie scene" where we would talk/flirt while I got my backpack. But it was raining so she handed my backpack while she was inside (she half opened the door) and I said thanks and she said "happy weekend" which seemed like one of those stupid things you say when you're nervous. I can't really tell if she likes me, but now its saturday and she is going to the homecoming dance tonight with her bf (the same one) and im not doing anything, kind of depressed. We had a short text convo, where I asked if she needed help taking the float down and she said it was already done, then i asked how her test went (she took the SAT today) and she said "ehh" and the convo kind of died. I kind of realize this is going no where, but it pisses me off because this is the 3rd or 4th time ive liked a girl and it just went no where. It's been a freakin year since I've been in a relationship, im sick of it.
Anyway, tell me what you think, thanks.

I have always been of the firm belief that love doesn't exist, yet there is a girl that I think I might want for something more than sex. We are sort of friends at the moment, and I want to ask her out. Unfortunately, I don't know if she wants me, how to ask her out, where to take her, whether or not she is already taken, or anything like that.

What do I do? How do I know if she is attracted to me?

I can't stop thinking about this chick. I fear that I'm turning into a romantic douchebag. What do I do?

At 10/10/09 09:45 PM, Conspiracy3 wrote: I have always been of the firm belief that love doesn't exist,

Love is an emotion imperative to our survival as a species. I find it funny you doubt its existence.