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I would gladly join this club. I give a lot of people advice about love and relationships :)
Anyone could ask me for anything.

At 7/1/09 09:21 PM, warshark wrote: Didn't know whether to post in here but I thought why the hell not.

Complications!

Okay, so what I see here is that you've done a bad job of timing. This means you have to play the waiting game a bit to not seem like an overly persistent asshole.

Just spend the next 3-4 months or so hanging out with her as a friend, as you normally would, but pretend that she is ENTIRELY OFF LIMITS for dating. Explore possibilities of other girls, etc.

Also, the whole apologizing profusely bit tends to be unimpressive. During this time that you're not attempting to date her, practice being more confident and irreverent. It sounds crazy, but when you spend some time with no particular relationship aspirations and really think about what you're doing, your outlook on the correct action in a given situation really changes.

At 7/2/09 05:19 PM, Vincoid wrote: Now, don't get me wrong here but I truly wished I could bring you this news in a softer way. However, I'm convinced that it's better for you to hear the truth as it is instead of giving you the idea that there lies hope in the believes you have when it comes to women.

At first, I did think that all you'd basically said was "GROW A PAIR". But after a few re-reads, I understand that there is much more than that to it. A truth which I need to realise.

Besides, if the truth hurts, so be it, it only goes to show that it's actually the problem and it should be changed.

I'd much rather be told the truth which hurts than a loada lies which try to soften the blow.

At 7/4/09 04:09 AM, Elfer wrote: Okay, so what I see here is that you've done a bad job of timing.

Just spend the next 3-4 months or so hanging out with her as a friend, as you normally would, but pretend that she is ENTIRELY OFF LIMITS for dating.

Timing never was my strong point....
I think what with having no relationship before, since I felt different around her...I just rushed into things.
From now on, i'm just gonna view her as a friend and see where that takes me. I'll just act normally around her as well.

Also, the whole apologizing profusely bit tends to be unimpressive.

Now this, I'm not sure I fully understand. Are you saying, stop apologising to her anytime I do something stupid? Or just apologise once and leave it at that?

During this time that you're not attempting to date her, practice being more confident and irreverent.

Maybe this will give me chance to get my head around the current situation, since everything has felt as though its just flown past lately. I guess a confidence booster is something I really need.
If I start seeing her as a friend, then would this make it easier for me to be my normal self around her?

I'm a teenage boy and I'm in love with one of my best friends. She knows how I feel about her, but she doesn't feel the same way(though the feeling has been mutual in the past). I don't know what to do, but I really like her. Should I just wait?

Answer this with PMs and give the bullcrap here.

back again lol
me and sarah are going out now but...
i dont know how to tell her i love her.
not like its physically impossible to
but im not sure like how to say it.
do i just blurt it out?

Respect for people with realtionship problems and the people who help them!
:D

At 7/4/09 06:56 AM, FunnyStuff707 wrote: Answer this with PMs and give the bullcrap here.

You forgot to say please.

At 7/4/09 01:17 PM, SorgensKammer wrote: back again lol
me and sarah are going out now but...
i dont know how to tell her i love her.
not like its physically impossible to
but im not sure like how to say it.
do i just blurt it out?

Why do you want to say it so desperately?

If your answer is to let her know that you love her then you have nothing to worry about because she already knows. Letting a girl know you love her should always be something you show by being with her and spending time together, not necessarily saying it to her directly.

At 7/4/09 02:58 PM, jonaathan wrote: Respect for people with realtionship problems and the people who help them!

D

Thanks ;)

At 7/2/09 05:19 PM, Vincoid wrote: So you want to spend all your time with her and be some kind of inspiring romantic? So you want to gaze endlessly into her eyes and give her compliments for as long as you are forced to take another breath of air?

Vincoid, i just want to see if I know what this guy was doing wrong to see how well I'm understanding this attraction business and try to get better. He talked to her too much, making himself too available and made himself a platonic friend by not attracting her and not acting if she did like him. He's basically putting the pussy on the pedestal saying that he wants to marry this girl and she's better than any other girl he's met. He told her he liked her when that would just appear as needy/creepy behavior and he should of just asked her out as she will tell that you like her from your actions. He apologizes incessantly when there was really nothing to apologize about, showing weakness and neediness. He overall has an attitude that she is too good for him and he needs to get her approval instead of the other way around.

Did I miss anything/analyze it wrong?

And warshark, I don't mean to pick on you or anything, I just want to make sure I'm reading all this correctly so that I (and you) don't make the same mistakes.

At 7/7/09 06:12 AM, k14pc wrote: Vincoid, i just want to see if I know what this guy was doing wrong to see how well I'm understanding this attraction business and try to get better. He talked to her too much, making himself too available and made himself a platonic friend by not attracting her and not acting if she did like him. He's basically putting the pussy on the pedestal saying that he wants to marry this girl and she's better than any other girl he's met. He told her he liked her when that would just appear as needy/creepy behavior and he should of just asked her out as she will tell that you like her from your actions. He apologizes incessantly when there was really nothing to apologize about, showing weakness and neediness. He overall has an attitude that she is too good for him and he needs to get her approval instead of the other way around.

Did I miss anything/analyze it wrong?

No, that's quite good actually. His excessive apologizing also shows her that he's insecure (if that's what you meant by weakness). Only thing that isn't quite right is that he should've asked her out because she isn't into him anyway even if he hadn't made obvious that he liked her.
Also, another one of his problems is not knowing what women want. Just like me he wants to give women what they want, and while at heart this isn't wrong, it is when you don't know what it is they want.
This behaviour (the pedestal) causes him to be seen as a girlfriend instead of a lover because he's not someone she can look up to.

Well, there's nothing like being told you're not wanted anymore... God damnit. The worst thing I could have done was pick to fall in love with my bestfriend. Now we're so distant, it's not even funny... I doubt she'll want to talk very much to me.
Hmm, it'd be nice to have her back. Vincy, you should refresh me on some methods. Though, I am fully aware, that she probably won't come back. But I figure trying cannot hurt anyone, can it?

At 7/7/09 05:17 PM, Everlasting-Elements wrote: Well, there's nothing like being told you're not wanted anymore... God damnit. The worst thing I could have done was pick to fall in love with my bestfriend. Now we're so distant, it's not even funny... I doubt she'll want to talk very much to me.
Hmm, it'd be nice to have her back. Vincy, you should refresh me on some methods. Though, I am fully aware, that she probably won't come back. But I figure trying cannot hurt anyone, can it?

Sucks to hear that man.

The first thing you should do is not contact her at all untill she does. You have to sit that out as long as it takes, even if it will only make you friends again.

Secondly, you have to find out what went wrong, why, and learn how to prevent something like that from happening again. So what went wrong man?

At 7/4/09 06:56 AM, FunnyStuff707 wrote: I'm a teenage boy and I'm in love with one of my best friends. She knows how I feel about her, but she doesn't feel the same way(though the feeling has been mutual in the past). I don't know what to do, but I really like her. Should I just wait?

Answer this with PMs and give the bullcrap here.

i found myself in this predicament during the school year. it ends up with her liking you again. just give it time.

At 7/8/09 02:21 AM, Vincoid wrote: Secondly, you have to find out what went wrong, why, and learn how to prevent something like that from happening again. So what went wrong man?

I imagine I spent too much time with her. I just lost how attractive I was, because it's hard to vary what you do on a daily basis. But I saw her today. We talked for about an hour or so.
At first we just talked, and occassionally, she'd brush stuff off of me, I guess I had an eye booger, so she got that for me. But on my way to walking her back home, I started to step up my game, a bit. Maybe? I'd look at her when we weren't talking. She told me to stop staring at her. And I said 'I'd tell you why, but I'm not really wanting to hear you get mad today. She was like is there something on my face? I just laughed and she grabbed my lips. I jokingly said 'be rougher. You know I like it rough." We laughed quite a bit. I flirted with her as much as I could without going overboard.
She got mad when I kissed her forehead, but when she hugged me, I felt her lips on my neck. She didn't kiss me, but she kinda nuzzled into me. I told her it felt good to hug her and she started rubbing my back through my sweatshirt. That's when I pulled her in real tight.
When she got ready to go, I pulled her back and said not to go just yet, cuz I wanted another good hug. We went nose to nose and she looked into my eyes. I wanted to kiss her so bad. But I didn't. I thought that she'd get mad.
Maybe I'm just ahead of myself here...?

Instead of wading through the 200+ pages of this thread, I'll just post my own problem.

I'm an indecisive, lily-livered pussy when it comes to being in a relationship. As a result I have many friends that are girls but have only recently gotten into a relationship at 14 yrs old. She is pretty cool and likes me so we have no real trouble conversing when we just hang out. However, her family/grandparents/cousins are always close at hand when we do hang out and as a result, I can't exactly make a move.

We're planning on going to the movies sometime this week and hopefully we'll get some relative alone time. Any advice/tips on when to kiss her or know if she's ready or not? I have no problems on waiting but I have yet to ever reach first base and it's pretty frustrating to say the least. I'd appreciate any replies if you have an idea.

I see... once I post in this thread it dies.

I'm all alooone

/get your face close to her. Sounds weird but if she is ready she wont pull away from you. However, if she isnt she will pull away from you. if she doesnt pull away you should just smile big and go in for a kiss. or just wait for a perfect moment to kiss her. sounds gay and like something thats in the movies but it works when it does actually happen. hope this helps.

Does being aloof really make you more attractive?

I have this friend who I tried to pursue about three months ago, things started to bud but it didn't really fill out. Shortly after I got into a relationship with another girl. The other girl and I didn't last long, maybe a month and a half, but afterward I became more dedicated to other things (hobbies, religion, etc).

Recently I've been putting less effort into our conversations (girl #1), and it almost seems as a result she has gotten more flirtatious. I really don't explore any interesting topics with, its just daily smalltalk and friendly compliments, at least on my part. I mean surely it could be a million reasons:

Her options have run thin
Something different about me
She had some weird epiphany
Blah blah blah

Input, input, input! Should I go for it? Is this the grass always greener on the other side?!

Anyone else have problems with condoms? I often lose my erection when I put them on, so we kind of just forget about it, but I'd rather use it.

At 7/9/09 09:15 PM, JoeyNukes wrote: Does being aloof really make you more attractive?

I have this friend who I tried to pursue about three months ago, things started to bud but it didn't really fill out. Shortly after I got into a relationship with another girl. The other girl and I didn't last long, maybe a month and a half, but afterward I became more dedicated to other things (hobbies, religion, etc).

Recently I've been putting less effort into our conversations (girl #1), and it almost seems as a result she has gotten more flirtatious. I really don't explore any interesting topics with, its just daily smalltalk and friendly compliments, at least on my part. I mean surely it could be a million reasons:

Her options have run thin
Something different about me
She had some weird epiphany
Blah blah blah

Input, input, input! Should I go for it? Is this the grass always greener on the other side?!

The grass, in my case, is never greener on the other side. But then again I have never gotten with the girls I've wanted to for a long time. However, if you like her more than a friend somewhat then I say go for it. Really the only thing you will lose if things go down stream is a friendship with one girl. Other than that it will be fi\ne. Whether or not she likes you though is another matter. I can't tell whether she does or if shes trying to get your attention since your being more distant than usual. That can happen sometimes and its easy to confuse them.

Anyway good luck with that front.

As for Ecke. The condom is either not thin enough or too tight. A lot of men complain about condoms desensitising their dicks. Thats why they either use sheep skin condoms which don't protect one from STD's (which isn't a problem for you since you've already gone without one with your gf), or those extra sensitive ones which are still latex. Tightness is another problem which, not to toot my own horn, I have myself. I don't know if you have this problem but I doubt it. You don't fully lose your erection but the pain is bad enough for you not to be turned on but the blood being unable to leave your dick. Thats when I have to take it off. I think you would've brought that up instead of you being unable to maintain an erection while using the condom. I don't know, if it isn't either than I really can't think of anything else. I'm not a professional anyway.

At 7/8/09 05:14 PM, Everlasting-Elements wrote: Maybe I'm just ahead of myself here...?

All I get from your post is that you worry too much. It seems to me like nothing at all is wrong or at least that she's still into you.

At 7/8/09 07:29 PM, KrustyTheClown wrote: I see... once I post in this thread it dies.

I'm all alooone

This thread doesn't die, but your patience just did.

At 7/9/09 09:15 PM, JoeyNukes wrote: Does being aloof really make you more attractive?

Yes, it does when properly executed. You see, this whole thing works in either one of these two ways:

1. You pursue the girl and she runs.
2. You run and the girl pursues you.

By being less interested in her than before while having created some interest and attraction, you make her want to have you. Not being available only makes this feeling grow stronger and being aloof is basicly a sign of not being available (due to lack of interest).

Her options have run thin

Nope.

Something different about me

Absolutely, but it's not what's causing the attraction.

She had some weird epiphany

Absolutely not.

Blah blah blah

Even though this one covers quite a big area, no, not even this is the cause.

Input, input, input! Should I go for it? Is this the grass always greener on the other side?!

That depends entirely on what you have in mind. If you're planning on seeing this as an invitation to show interest again then all you'll do is screw it up.
The whole point her is that she's into you because you're being aloof, so what you need to do is keep your distance while at the same time creating a connection. This connection will ultimately remove the need for you being distant (though never entirely) and then you can open up more to showing interest and moving on in the relationship.

At 7/9/09 10:26 PM, Ecke wrote: Anyone else have problems with condoms? I often lose my erection when I put them on, so we kind of just forget about it, but I'd rather use it.

If you're with a girl that you know has got no STD's and uses birth control, then there is no reason for you to use a condom anyway. If that's not the case, I suggest you start experimenting with different kinds because, like crumpet said, it could very well be the type or size of condom you're using that's causing the problem. It's most likely the fact that condoms take away a shitload of feeling, so in that case there's an alternative solution.

Let me ask you this first, what matters to you most when it comes to sex? What is it that gives you pleasure?

Girlfriend left me when she found out I have Manic Depression. Steady 9 month relationship.

FML.

At 7/11/09 10:53 AM, Piss wrote: Girlfriend left me when she found out I have Manic Depression. Steady 9 month relationship.

FML.

Wrong site :P

Here you go.

Sucks though man, especially since it obviously didn't matter in those 9 months...

Finally! All those months having no internet! I am back! And I'm better than ever! Time to help some people.

How are you Vincoid? Recommend any good books for me? I've been out for a while.

I for one, do not like to be played with. I dislike these little games that my ex is playing with me. I come over, and the first thing I do is go to the bathroom to take a shit. She ends up using a coat hanger to unlock the door. She then asks to use my phone and procedes to hug me while I'm on the toilet. I told her I liked it. Then, we smoke a cigarette in the bathroom, of which, I kinda block her way out of the bathroom. Just playing a game. She ends up grabbing my junk through my pants and biting my neck and back. But not hard. So I felt my way on her. We moved our playful fun to the living room, where we wrestled around on the floor. She smoked some weed. A lot, if I do say so. And then the changes came. I told her that I was going to go, so I went to give her a hug and she told me her other friends don't touch her like that. I said, just a bit ago, you couldn't get enough of me. She replied with I just forget that we're not dating. So I told her you don't forget. And if you do forget, then she knows what that means. I'm sick of being played with....

At 7/11/09 02:21 PM, Everlasting-Elements wrote: I for one, do not like to be played with. I dislike these little games that my ex is playing with me. I come over, and the first thing I do is go to the bathroom to take a shit. She ends up using a coat hanger to unlock the door. She then asks to use my phone and procedes to hug me while I'm on the toilet. I told her I liked it. Then, we smoke a cigarette in the bathroom, of which, I kinda block her way out of the bathroom. Just playing a game. She ends up grabbing my junk through my pants and biting my neck and back. But not hard. So I felt my way on her. We moved our playful fun to the living room, where we wrestled around on the floor. She smoked some weed. A lot, if I do say so. And then the changes came. I told her that I was going to go, so I went to give her a hug and she told me her other friends don't touch her like that. I said, just a bit ago, you couldn't get enough of me. She replied with I just forget that we're not dating. So I told her you don't forget. And if you do forget, then she knows what that means. I'm sick of being played with....

Since I am not the cold and calculated Vincoid, I can only say so much. I think you're ex is having an emotional crisis and playing with you to tell you how she feels when you did that to her. In her point of view, she may see you as the man who played and toyed over her feelings. Also, this can also be a sign that she wants you back. But it's still too early to tell.

Keep us updated. Man, I'm tired.

At 7/11/09 02:11 PM, jackripperz wrote: Finally! All those months having no internet! I am back! And I'm better than ever! Time to help some people.

Good to hear man.

How are you Vincoid? Recommend any good books for me? I've been out for a while.

I've been great. No new books though. I've ordered a bunch though so I'll let you know which ones are good once I'm done with them ;)

At 7/11/09 02:21 PM, Everlasting-Elements wrote: I'm sick of being played with....

You're letting yourself being played with and it's obvious. Once you let her get away with what she did it became normal and acceptable. You drew no boundary and thus she didn't feel limited. Then when you rejected her (by going away) it made her feel like what she did was a bad thing while when it was happening you didn't do anything about it.

If you truly are sick of being played with, you should not allow it to happen. Draw a boundary and don't accept any bullshit. If she unlocks the door to see you shit, stop shitting and go home. If she starts smoking a lot of weed and you don't think that's a good idea, leave. If she starts feeling you up and you have no idea where the two of you are and what she's on about, then leave.
Only by saying no to things happening around you that you don't want to have happen to you will you ever get what you want. Accepting her bullshit isn't going to get you any closer to her and having to deal with it will eventually prove unworthy.

Hi, I came across this Thread and I have to say I'm glad that there are at least a few people on NewGrounds who say useful things! Anyway, I may not be as experienced with relationships as you lot, but I'm usually pretty good at understanding how someone feels, so will I be able to join in with giving out advice?

Thanks,
T.T.

At 7/11/09 07:05 PM, TurboTom wrote: Hi, I came across this Thread and I have to say I'm glad that there are at least a few people on NewGrounds who say useful things! Anyway, I may not be as experienced with relationships as you lot, but I'm usually pretty good at understanding how someone feels, so will I be able to join in with giving out advice?

Thanks,
T.T.

Hi. I don't think you have to ask. Just give your input, and possibly some back up for why you think that.

Unloading thoughts.

My gf is going to Russia for a month in three days. Not much of a problem apart from the fact that her ex is over there (he lives in the same village as her dad/gramps). She's a month on the other side of the freaking continent (hmm, this looks familiar) with her ex. With her ex. For a month. With her ex.

We've talked about it, but somehow I'm not convinced. If she's anything like her mother, she's bound to cheat on me (this isn't what you think, her mom cheated on her dad, ok?).

Then again, I can see this as a test of loyalty. If she doesn't cheat on me now, then she won't do it for the rest of this relationship. It's a good thing I can tell when people are lying to me, because there wouldn't be any other way of figuring out if she did.

I wonder, why do I feel so threathened? I mean, it's been what, 5 months now? =/ Guess I still don't trust another human being, mother and brother excluded. With good cause too.

At 7/12/09 12:32 AM, NetWar wrote: Unloading thoughts.

My personal thought, is that if you don't trust her, then it's just not gonna work. It's good to be cautious, but not be over the top. You sound over the top. If you don't trust her, then off her. But if you are willing to put a thing like that over your head, then yes, this is a perfect opotunity to see if your trust was well given. That's really all you can do.
Don't worry about it. Because if you worry about it, it makes you sound like you would cheat. I'm not entirely sure why, but most people accuse people of doing things, because they know that they themself can do it too. Make sense?
On a side note, I don't think anything is going to happen between me and my ex. I called her today to say my bad about not being able to hang out and if she wanted, we could totally kick it tomorrow, but she said she probably couldn't but she'd call me when she was free. Perhaps I'm overthinking here, but the tone of her voice just seemed so bitchy. Like, I honestly wish I could descibe it so you could understand to the full extent, here. But whatever, she's busy, I respect that. Then, she started talking to her cousin while we were on the phone. Not a bother, except when you do it for a long time. Which she was. So I told her, if she wanted, I could let her go. And she replied quickly with okay. I was pretty stunned by how her voice sounded. So I literally said "wow" as I heard the phone click.