At 9/18/09 03:45 AM, jimmythehedgehog wrote:
Thanks, Vincoid
I phoned her today and broke-up. Easier than I thought it would be.
She said she will ring tomorrow to discuss anything further, because she was about to cry.
I value your suggestions.
You're welcome. I think you did good by breaking up. Eventually it would probably only cause a lot of negativity, plus it doesn't really sound to me like the whole relationship was that great anyway.
At 9/19/09 05:24 AM, tarahloveshentai wrote:
I'm curious and asking for maybe you guys to open up on how this happens or how I might stop it?
Tips? Stories from your own situations?
How this happens depends quite a bit on him, you and the way you converse. Seeing the things you post on your profile it seems to me like it could very well be the way you communicate with him. It should be very obvious to you if that is the case so I'll let you decide that one for yourself.
On the other hand it can also be that you aren't communicating anything to him sexually but that you're simply very open to him. This will make him feel no resistance in pursuing you even though you're his best friend's girlfriend.
Whichever way it is, the solution is simple. If you are being very sexual with him then you should simply stop doing that.
If it isn't, I suggest you start showing more boundaries to him. You have to show him that there are certain lines he can't cross.
If even that doesn't help, it's time to be extremely up front with him about him. Explicitly tell him that you don't like what he's doing so he will have to get the message. If it doesn't get to him right away another method is to start ignoring him bit by bit. Cutting away the contact between the two of you creates a boundary too.
At 9/19/09 09:51 AM, pwnasuarusrex4real1 wrote:
HI! It's me again :/
First off, I still want to say thank you to Vincoid. secondly, it didn't go real well. We would text for a while, but I never see him on campus which is sucky. Over the week I text him a simple, "Hey! What's up?" And he didn't reply, along with what I said this past Thursday which was something like, "Do you want to hang out sometime soon?" So now I'm stuck. Should I still try, or give up?
You're welcome.
You can try again btw, I would just wait for a while before doing so. My guess here is that a very classic situation ensued, namely forgetting to progress on time. A very important aspect of relationships is progressing. If you don't see each other and only communicate via text or IM it's very important to move to face-to-face contact as soon as possible. This way the feelings keep flowing so the speak while they will slow down and be forgotten when you only text.
You see, words are only a very small part of communication. In fact, they're the least important of all when considering the effects of body language, facial expression, tone of voice, etc. Sure, words are a key part but they don't do very well in creating emotions on their own unless you really understand how they create feelings.
Especially via text you'll find that a lot of things can be misinterpreted. Something that would convey confidence and sensuality in person might sound extremely insecure and try-hard when send by text. Because of this it's essential that personal contact is made as soon as possible. Texts only work well enough when you understand the other person better.
So, all in all, I think it's fine if you try again later. Him ignoring you might be a sign of not being interested, but it's very likely that he simply isn't motivated enough due to a lack of personal contact (even though you invited him for that). Giving him some time can distract him from this lack of contact and make him wonder what happened when you text him again in a few weeks.