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Attraction

In order to learn how to attract women, it's important to understand attraction, how it works for them, how important it is and how to be attractive.

Thousands of years ago, attraction was nothing more then physical traits showing off fitness. The fitter you were, the more attractive you were. Since then, our brains and minds have evolved, creating language, art, sports, more detailed personalities, etc.%u2028Attraction has changed too. The brain has become the biggest sexual ornament in human sexual selection. Attraction has changed from physical traits to traits shown by the mind. Traits such as personality, which exists of traits like confidence, humor, leadership, spontaneity, etc.

That's the basic history of attraction over-simplified. But what exactly is attraction? Most people aren't sure what it really means, and often confuse it with something entirely different.%u2028If you look the word attraction up in a dictionary, you'll find that attraction is the action in which two or more things are drawn towards each other. When talking about the emotion of attraction, it's the force created inside a human being that draws them towards another human being.

Attraction is often mistaken for affection. The difference however, is that attraction is a feeling which most people can't explain, they can't really tell what they're drawn to. Affection, on the other hand, is a strong feeling of liking, which can be influenced by the one feeling it. Most relationships are based on affection, and therefore often end. In most situations, relationships established through affection are based on profit. For example, a woman may marry a man and have children with him because it brings safety into her life, financial safety and reproductional value. However, because the relationship is based on affection, the woman is still very sensitive to attraction, which causes many women to cheat.

The most important thing about attraction is that it's uncontrollable for the person experiencing it. Attraction is not a choice. Attraction is almost entirely created by outside effects, while being only slightly influenced by personal preferences. For instance, a man can fairly easily raise (or lower) his taste in women.%u2028For women, attraction is ruled less by preference than in men. And in general, the same qualities are attractive to women all over the world.%u2028That's double good news because if you own or learn how to own these traits, you're attractive to practically any woman on earth, plus you're the one in control of the amount of attraction they feel for you.

The importance of attraction, as if it's not clear enough yet, is that you can give any woman what she really wants. I say this because attraction often works counter-intuitively. For instance, two guys can have the same motive; to give a girl what she wants. The first guys gives her everything his money can buy, is there for her at all times and does basicly anything for her. The second guy does this by doing his own thing, leading his own life and not being around every single second.%u2028The first guy is the one who'll spend all his money, time and energy on a girl who sees him as nothing but a friend, financial support or a stalker.%u2028The second guy is by far the most attractive of the two. Even though his actions don't show it (unless you get how attraction works), he gives the girl what she wants. He's the one who gets which traits are attractive to women, while the other guy has no clue of what he's doing wrong.

So basicly, a lot of the things that are attractive to women, are things that seem like they wouldn't work, unless you know how attraction works. For someone just learning attraction, it seems to work very illogical, but once you really get it, you'll be surprised that you were never able to see the logic in it.
So what is attractive to women? For about 90% personality. The other 10% consists of money, looks, physical traits, like height, and fame. Does this 10% matter? No. As long as you have attractive traits that belong to the personality part of attraction, you're fine.

So now that we now that it's personality that it's all about, what exactly does that mean? What is personality?%u2028Personality, simply said, is who you are. But that raises another question; how do you define who you are?%u2028If you ask most people who they are, when it comes to personality, they can't really answer it. They either don't know, or they'll include a lot of things from the past. Are you your past? Are you a drug addict even if you've been 3 years clean? Are you an angry and violent person because you get upset easily and have beat someone up a year ago? Of course not.%u2028So how do we define who we are? By looking at the things we do at the present time, the things we do regularly and the qualities or traits we possess.

So which traits are we talking about here? Number one is humor. Unfortunately for most, humor comes in many ways, and is easily used in the wrong way. The way most guys use humor around women is as a way of making them laugh. That's the goal, to impress them by making them laugh. By doing this, these guys portray themselves as insecure clowns, wether they're conscious of it or not.%u2028The type of humor that is attractive to women is the one that's all about status. Counter-intuitively, making fun of a girl and teasing her are the most attractive forms of humor. Attractive humor gives you status, or shows that you're the one with the most status.%u2028Attractive qualities that also revolve around status are such as leadership, confidence, independancy and many, many others.

Most of these attractive traits get expressed in many ways. Some through words, some through the way we say things and others through body language. Almost all are shown in two or more of these ways. This is where many men fail to be attractive. The only thing they focus on is what they say, and not how they say it, or how they hold their body while saying it, this while body language is at least 5 times as important as the actual words.

The best way to say most things, and to express your body, is with confidence. Confidence is what provides most status, and besided status, confidence has many more benefits. The reason for this is the reason why we feel confident. The type of confidence I'm talking about, often confused with a feeling of security, comes from being happy with who are and what you can achieve. In other words, confidence is a lack of insecurity, created by being satisfied with yourself.%u2028For instance, before I first learned all this, I was not happy with myself. Once I got my braces out and got contacts instead of glasses, I was more confident since I had lost my insecurity about my looks. After that, I learned how to use body language to spark attraction. The attention I got from doing that made me lose insecurity about being able to attract girls. That feeling of confidence made me lose my insecurity about not being confident enough, thus creating more confidence.%u2028As I progressed in this, I got better with people, and lost my fear for talking to complete strangers, which created a sense of comfort, allowing me to feal relaxed in any situation with other people around me. This feeling of comfort is picked up by girls I'm with, allowing them to feel comfortable with me, which creates more attraction in them. Confidence is in its own way a vicious circle. First you change what you don't like about yourself, you gain confidence, you lose other unattractive traits and gain more attractive traits, which make you feel more comfortable.

Here are a bunch of traits, qualities and believes that are attractive, some of which with more explanation;

- Accept everything. In order to change something, you first have to accept that it is what it is. If you don't accept that you're not attractive, you can't change it. This doesn't count for change alone. Sometimes, something may annoy you or make you angry. If you accept that this annoyance is what it is, you'll find that it's often not really annoying after all.

- Don't whine, bitch or complain. This latches on directly to acceptance. The reason not to whine, bitch or complain, is that when you accept everything, there is no reason to do so. And even if there is, you should change something about that thing so you're not annoyed by it anymore and there's no reason to complain.

- Be in control. This point is actually a very wide one. Being in control means that you should be emotionally in control of yourself, to be in control of your life or the way you handle your life, and to be in control of any situation where you're with a woman. Control is attractive, but men easily confuse control for abuse. A lot of men are abusive to women, while being in control is actually one step back. Control is not putting a collar around a woman's neck and making her do tricks for you.

- Be on your path. To know what your goal in life is and to pursue that goal without letting anyone or anything get in the way of that, that's true control and very attractive. For instance, if you really want to become an animator, but you have to move away to another continent for it and leave behind your family and possibly your girlfriend, etc. would you do it?

- Face your fears. The only way to get rid of fears is by facing them and experiencing your fear was bs. This does not work for every fear, some can be rid of simply by understanding why they're nonsense. You can't get rid of your fear of dying by dying, sure it works, but it's of much use to you afterwards.

- Do your own thing, lead your own life and encourage others to do the same. Basicly what I'm doing here right now.

- Have fun, no matter what. Does not mean you should be happy at all times, after all, shit happens sometimes. What it means is that you should be able to entertain yourself in any situation. And it means you shouldn't give up fun for something considerably less rewarding. Being a grumpy bitch all the time isn't exactly attractive ;)

- When in doubt, do it anyway. As seen in superblob1's signature, this is a really useful quality. Pretty self-explanatory, and can be used in any situation you feel doubt. For instance, if you think you should kiss a girl, do it (unless you think it with a girl you haven't spoken to once, that's just retarded).

- Use your own set of believes and ideas to judge, and not those of others. Basicly means you should keep true to yourself, and not go with others because you know them.

- Give everybody the chance to prove themselves. Another way to say it is not to hold prejudice for anything or anyone, but to actually experience how they are.

- Show respect to those who deserve it. How do you know wether someone deserves respect? Look at your own set of believes and ideas. I myself have respect for every single human being on the planet, and according to their actions and personalities, that respect rises or falls.

- Avoid violence and learn how to deal with conflict. Violence is bullshit, and almost always starts because of a difference in opinion. If you're challenged to engage in violence, the best thing to do is make clear to the other person that they're bullshit, and what they're doing won't give them any more status. It's highly attractive to avoid violence, unless you do it by running away :P%u2028A good idea is to learn how to defend yourself. Being able to do so is also very attractive, and on itself very useful. I recommend Kung Fu.

- Attach more value to yourself and your time. People often neglect themselves, both physically and mentally. Majorly unattractive. Take proper care of yourself and the area you live in. This also includes the social environments you frequent, including people.

- Allow everyone to have their own opinion, and never try to force yours upon them. This is the number one cause of violence in our world. I'm not telling you to agree with others, but you shouldn't never try to get them to agree with you. Of course, you can explain your views, and if they agree, great, if not, great as well.

- Think about any consequences your actions might bring about. Don't just do whatever you want, but also try to think about what might happen if you do. For instance, you might engage in a relationship with a girl and then dump her rudely, but this might affect her emotionally for the rest of her life. I'm not saying you should give up your will to dump her, because you absolutely should when you feel like it, just do it in a way that holds no or almost no negative consequences.

- Don't live a life of regret and shame, but learn from your mistakes and let the past be the past. You're not your past, so you're not your past actions and the shame or regret that might come from them. You can't change anything about the past either.

- Think positive. This is something I've found very important in being able to change, as well as handling life. If you go into a certain situation, expecting it to go wrong, you'll automatically start doing things that will make that come true. I recommend extreme posivitism to anyone, but it's very important to stay realistic.

- Be prepared, have a plan. This goes for a lot of things, though I don't think you should plan everything a 100%. For instance, you can imagine talking to a girl, and imagine what she says, how you'll respond and all the different responses you can give, but it's best to always leave a certain amount of improvisation to it.

- Get rid of negative influences, no matter which. If a certain food is bad for your health as you want it, get rid of the food or desire for the food. If there are people who influence you negatively, avoid them. Surround yourself with the right influences. If you surround yourself with people who're higher on the scale of what you want, they'll pull you up with them. If you're surrounded by bad influences, they'll pull you down, even if you don't want to.

- Keep evolving, keep growing. Always seek more knowledge, and if your knowledge of that thing is complete, find something new to learn. Never kick back and think 'I'm happy with where I am now, I'll just sit here and chill', but keep pushing yourself to become greater.

- Take risks. In doing so, you'll sometimes be able to experience things you otherwise couldn't. Sometimes, risks take other consequences with them, consequences with which you'll have to deal with, allowing you to grow.

- Leave your comfort zone in order to have it grow. Only by surrounding yourself with the things that make you uncomfortable, you'll get used to them and feel comfortable. If you're uncomfortable with groups, start surrounding yourself with groups. If something annoys you, don't try to change it, accept it and you'll soon feel comfortable with it.

- Don't do anything just because you expect to get anything from it. It happens quite often that one person does something for the other, and ends up feeling mad at the other because he expected something in return but didn't get anything. Your motive should never be to get anything in return.

- Be unpredictable. Predictability is boring, and boredom is unattractive. You can't bore a woman into feeling attraction for you. Some people think it means they should behave crazy and random, but this will come across as you being a clown and insecure. Unpredictability means you should avoid patterns. To not always do the same things. To make random choices once in a while.

- Don't compare yourself with others, only with yourself. If you want to know hoe mcuh you've grown, look at yourself in the past and draw your conclusions. Don't compare yourself with others because personal growth is not a race, it's, like it says, personal.

Even more;

- Be honest. This one sounds easy, but is difficult to most people. Lying practically a part of our education. From birth we're tought to be good, and everything we do is categorized as being good or bad. 'Bad' behaviour often holds negative consequences, so we lie in order to avoid those consequences. If this works for long enough, we keep this system of avoiding consequences, and develop a fear of those consequences. The longer we live with that fear, the stronger it grows. Eventually another fear develops, the fear for someone finding out we've been lying.%u2028The problem is this, we as human beings are horrible at predicting what other people will do. So in most cases, we think the consequence will be enormous, but in reality it's not even worth mentioning.%u2028The reason we keep lying is because honesty causes you to face a consequence instantly, while lying protects you from that consequence at first, though it will progress in fear for being found out, and a possibly bigger consequence might that happen. It's our sense of instant gratification that causes us to avoid the truth.%u2028Important note; telling the truth does not mean you should tell everything to anyone, but to tell the truth about the things you do tell.

- Looking prefents seeing. What this means is that if you don't look at a girls boobs all the time, she can't see you doing that. If a girl bends over and you look at her ass in awe and she catches you doing so, it'll cause her to lose a bit of attraction for you. Instead, if a girl does bend over, it's better to look at your shoes and compliment yourself on having such great taste.

- Never take blame for what you haven't done, and don't balme others for what you've done. Take responsibilty for your own actions. Admitting something is your fault when it is, is an attractive trait, but doing so when it's not your fault, is the exact opposite.

- Never give a direct answer unless it's no. This applies to words as much as to actions. If a girl ask you to do something and do it every single time, she'll lose massive amounts of attraction for you. If instead, you do the exact opposite or nothing, attraction will grow. For instance, if a girl asks you to turn down the volume because she doesn't like that type of music, turn it up instead. After that you can turn it down.%u2028If a girl asks you how old you are, tell her to guess. If you ask a girl how old she is and she tells you to guess, ask her wether you should guess low or high.

- Attach no value or meaning to any negative opinion about you. You can take it in and see what is true about, and if you agree, change, but never attach any emotional value to it. If someone calls you an asshole, let them be. them calling you an asshole doesn't make you one. Responding emotionally to it will give them more status and will cost you yours.

- Use someone elses knowledge whenever it's available. Like asking for help in the Relationship Crew.
- Teach others what you have learned. This allows you to remember these things better, as well as allowing others to profit from that same knowledge.

- Don't always take the easy way out. Again, instant gratification related. The easy way costs less energy, but the hard way allows for more growth and experience.

- Never try to change status for approval. It won't work, plus trying ot get approval from others is very unattractive.

- Develop a high taste in women. This is basicly the difference between being a Don Juan and a Casanova. In his life, Don Juan had sex with over 2000 women. Casanova had sex with 'only' 160-170. Both were very good with women, though there was one very big difference; Casanova only slept with the most beautiful, richest women there were. Don Juan fucked anything human that lived. And even though Don Juan slept with 15 times the amount of women Casanova slept with, I doubt he slept with more beautiful women.%u2028By going for any woman he saw, he dramatically lowered his chances with the most attractive women. Creating a high standard is counter-intuitive; by excluding more women, you give yourself a better chance with the ones that are left. And since it's not about the quantity but the quality of the women, Casanova was the most satisfied man of the two.

- Be courageous. This latches on to facing your fears. Being courageous means you act despite your fears.

- If you're doing the wring thing, stop and turn back. The most common mistake made by men. They have no clue how to get women, so they try the wrong thing even harder.

- Don't be the observer, but the observed. In other words, are you the guy looking at another guy talking to a girl, or are you the guy talking to the girl?

- Find you goal in life. If you don't know what yours is, sit down with a piece of paper and think. it could take a minute, it could take a week. Goals in life can all be described in the same way. In one word: To grow. And in one sentence: To become the best I can get in animation.%u2028Find your goal and do whatever is necessary to reach it.

- Don't focus on someone's negative qualities, but don't ignore them either. This is what most guys do. They behave like a girl is an angel, ignoring her bad qualities. Unattractive.

- Be comfortably relaxed at all times, but be aware of what is happening around you.

- Be mysterious and challenging. Mysterious means you don't tell everything about yourself, including what you're dong and are about to do. Challenging means you're not giving yourself to a girl completely. By doing so, you lose all control and she loses all attraction for you.

- Never try to impress others or make them like you.

- Have no fear of loss. This is another one of those counter-intuitive things. When you have no fear of losing a girl, you're least likely to lose her.

- The less time you have, the more it's worth to someone else. if you do your own thing constantly, but the little time you have left with a girl, that time will be much more appreciated by her.

- Never put anything but your goal in life on number 1. Women often try to become number one, but this is counter-intuitive behavious. They don't really want you to make them number 1, but they want to see that you have control and leave your goals on number 1.

- Don't focus on the reward something might give, but what you need to do for it. If I offered you a job where you would make a million per year, would you say yes? What if I added that it means you work 364 days per year, 16 hours each day?

- Don't hurry anything. Don't talk fast, don't move fast. Moving and talking slowly adds an air of mystery to what you do, as well as a sense of awereness, both very attractive qualities.

- Give the gift of missing you. Basicly the same as not spending every single second with a girl. If you build enough attraction at first, the girl will keep thinking about you when you're not there with her. This creates even more attraction. Again, counter-intuitive, but spending less time with a girl will make her more attracted to you.

- Play hard to get. People want what they can't get. Playing hard to get makes a girl work for your time and attention. This is also the reason never to give yourself to a girl completely (this is why I'll never get married). Playing hard to get forces a girl to invest time and energy in you. If she invests enough, she won't go away because the loss would be too big. That's your chance to show who you are, etc.

Rejection

Being hurt by rejection is something that's a part of our brain due to evolutionary importance. Ten thousand years ago, we lived in fairly small groups which hardly changed. Very few people left the group because it was hard to survive alone, not to mention finding a new group and being accepted by it.

In these groups, sexual selection took place. Both males and females showed each other, not very different from now, the qualities they posess in order to start a relationship. Here's where rejection comes in.
If a guy were to approach a woman, there were severe consequences if he was to be rejected. He would be interested in a specific type of girl, and just like now, those girls would group together and form a clique. If he'd been rejected, the whole group would've known and not a single girl in that group would want him. Evolutionary, this is a disaster for him.

I believe that rejection is a way to motivate us. Fear of rejection motivated guys to perform well because their genes would be doomed to go extinct if he failed.

Nowadays, this fear of rejection still exists. The reason for this is that our brains are out of date. They still haven't adapted yet to the way we live our lifes now (big cities, people everywhere, no hunt for food). This is also why a lot of people are shy and socially awkward.

Anyway, rejection being such a hardwired process in our brain, it's hard to get rid of it completely. Guys who have approached thousands of girls still feel a bit of anxiety, even though they know they won't get rejected.

As you may have noticed, rejection has lost it's use. There are girls everywhere now and being rejected won't mean the end of your life anymore.

What to do

Counter-motivate: In order to reverse the process of fear of rejection, you can motivate yourself to forget about rejection. Realizing that fear of rejection has become a useless process helps your mind in discarding this process.

To do this, repeat to yourself whenever you see a girl/wake up/go to sleep/think about rejection, exactly why it's useless.

Experience: Go and get rejected. Approach girls, talk to them, ask their number, etc. Whatever it is you do, set out to get rejected. Experiencing rejection fully over and over again gets you used to the feeling, which makes it decrease in strength.
The trick behing this is whenever you get rejected, you do take a look at how you're doing. Are you still alive? Are you still able to do what you want to do? Are you physically hurt?

If you see that you haven't actually been hurt, you can move on and get rejected again.

Being Judged

Being judged is also one of the most common and toughest fears out there. You can easily recognize it because it's constantly happening all around you.

Ever noticed people not liking to be photographed? They are scared of being judged because the picture shows who they are. They can't act differently to hide how they look on it, and everyone looking at the picture will be able to judge them.
It's same on video. People tend to start acting differently so nobody can judge them. Whenever sees the video, it's now them who gets judged, it's what they acted like that gets judged.

It's the same in approaching girls. When approaching girls, most guys act differently, tell lies, buy gifts, etc. in order to get the girl. Not only that, they do it mostly not to get judged. Whenever a girl rejects them after they told a lie about themselves and who they are, they can ignore it because it's not who they are for real. If the gift isn't satisfying, they can calm themselves down telling they wouldn't normally buy her a gift.

What most guys fail to see, is something so small but powerful that it rules out the tendency to act differently. What they fail to see is that when they approach a girl, it's not them who is judged or rejected. What is actually judged or rejected is the image the girls of them.

Here's how it works. When you approach a girl, she'll make an image in her mind about who you are, based on your body language, your facial expression, your clothing style, your voice (high or low), how you say things, what you say, prejudice, stereotypes.
As you can see, the image she has in her head of what you're like can be based on things you are not. She might think you're a geek because you wear glasses. She might think you're poor because your pants are ripped. She might think you have no sense of style because your belt and pants don't match your shirt. She might think you're a criminal because you're black. She might think you're wuss because you talk in a high voice. She might think you're nervous and unexperienced because your voice trembles.

There are thousands of things she can think about you that isn't actually who you are. Therefor, it's not you who gets judged, it's the image inside of her head that's being judged.
Everytime someone judges you, it's actually an image inside their head of the thing you did that they judge.

Everytime you are scared of being judged, remember what is actually happening and that you can not be judged at all. You need to repeat this to yourself so many times that it's impossible for you not to believe it. Condition your mind to forget about being judged for it does not exist.

Oh sorry, I didnt go back and check it for any mistakes. I meant girlfriend I dont know why I kept spacing.

At 4/28/09 05:28 AM, Vincoid wrote:

At 4/27/09 01:39 PM, TheTrooper5 wrote: The thing is, I'm not sure if I should persue something, considering that she apparantly did like me at some point and try to convince her that I've matured and become less awkward.

To me, her problem with you seemed to be space, like she said. Having got rid of that problem (by moving away) her interest in you returns.

Going into a relationship with her again is easy. The only difference with the last time is that you should not hang out with her as much as you did, don't try to control her life in any way (asking what's she's doing, where's she's at, etc) and focus more on yourself.

You don't have to convince her of anything, just make sure not to make the same mistake again. As for being awkward, in what way were you awkward?

Akward as in I would stutter when talking to her or get incredibly nervous and screw up my words and come off as quite idiotic.
Regarding her inviting me out, she said yesterday something along the lines of "We know where we stand now just as friends" more or less.
So, shot down in flames me thinks.
Thanks for the advice anyway, it seems far more comprehensive and personal than most!

I'll use it on my next victi........potential interest.

At 4/28/09 12:35 PM, TheTrooper5 wrote: Akward as in I would stutter when talking to her or get incredibly nervous and screw up my words and come off as quite idiotic.

Were you worried that you would screw up and she would dump you? I think so, and in that case, it's best to realize that worrying about things like that is actually what's causing her to want to break up.
Girls don't want guys who are insecure, needy, etc. Being worried about losing her shows all of that, so all you need to do is relax and don't be afraid. No fear means nothing to be scared off ;)

Regarding her inviting me out, she said yesterday something along the lines of "We know where we stand now just as friends" more or less.
So, shot down in flames me thinks.

Not necessarily. Girls often use "just as friends" as a way of saying that it can move to a higher level. I think you've actually got a big chance with her, but that also depends on the rest of your history with her which I know nothing about.

Thanks for the advice anyway, it seems far more comprehensive and personal than most!

I know what I'm talking about, thanks ;)

I'll use it on my next victi........potential interest.

It's actually not so much something you use on someone else, but more of a self-improvement thing to make you more confident and relaxed. But yeah, you should definitely give it a try ;P

Still a little confused about how to show I'm interested. You say it's attractive to appear not to be interested in someone, but won't she just ignore me?

At 4/28/09 12:53 PM, LazyApples wrote: Still a little confused about how to show I'm interested. You say it's attractive to appear not to be interested in someone, but won't she just ignore me?

Of course you'll need to show interest, but the way that most guys usually do this is by A) Saying it out loud, B) Complimenting, or C) Buying gifts.

The best way to show interest, is simply by being there. To engage in conversation with her is enough. This is also the only thing that matters at first; to start a conversation. As you progress in that, she'll start giving signs that she's interested. This is when you come in and show her signs that you are interested.
This is the way conversations should be; she does something and you reward her for it. Most of the times it's the other way around: guys reward girls and the girls wonder what the hell they're being rewarded for. This causes them to lose attraction.

Let me put it like this; you want to show signs of interest and mix them with showing no signs at all. This'll get her wondering what you're about and wether you're interested or not. This will create anxiety in her which will cause her to want to make you interested in her.
For instance, if you make eye contact and hold it untill she looks away, that's a definite sign of interest. If you then look away, she'll wonder what's going on. If you then go up to her and start a conversation, it's another sign of interest. If you then look around while talking to her, shift your body away from her while talking to her but have fun with her, you're sending mixed signals again.

It might sound fucked up that I'm telling you to mess with girls' heads, but they actually want to experience this emotional rollercoaster. So it might seem cruel to make her feel insecure, anxious and confused, but that's simply giving what they want, in contrary to what most guys think they want.

The reason I wrote down that you need to show no interest at all, is that doing the exact opposite of what you're doing right now is extreme. If you learn to control both extremes (no interest and a lot of it), it allows you to do whatever lies inbetween.

It's the same with ignoring a girl. You need to actively ignore her, which means you first need to create interest in her and then cut it off completely. It'll make her think of you, and this is what creates most attraction.

That actually clears it all up. I think I understand a bit how it works. Thanks Vincent :P

Not necessarily. Girls often use "just as friends" as a way of saying that it can move to a higher level. I think you've actually got a big chance with her, but that also depends on the rest of your history with her which I know nothing about.

We never went out, she liked me for a couple of months, I actually obsessed over her and really felt strongly about her for about a year, and now she's started talking to me all of a sudden it's bought up some unresolved feelings I have for her.
She told me a few times she "Didn't like me that way and never did", even though a few of my friends have said to the contrary.
Sorry if I made it a tad confusing.

At 4/28/09 02:08 PM, LazyApples wrote: That actually clears it all up. I think I understand a bit how it works. Thanks Vincent :P

Graag gedaan ;)

At 4/28/09 02:16 PM, TheTrooper5 wrote:

Not necessarily. Girls often use "just as friends" as a way of saying that it can move to a higher level. I think you've actually got a big chance with her, but that also depends on the rest of your history with her which I know nothing about.

We never went out, she liked me for a couple of months, I actually obsessed over her and really felt strongly about her for about a year, and now she's started talking to me all of a sudden it's bought up some unresolved feelings I have for her.
She told me a few times she "Didn't like me that way and never did", even though a few of my friends have said to the contrary.
Sorry if I made it a tad confusing.

Doesn't change much. Of course, not acting upon her feelings right then has definitely influenced how she thinks about you now, but that doesn't mean she doesn't like you like that anymore. Also, you can never expect a girl to confess liking you before you're actually together (or nearing it). Doing so would be entirely against her nature, as surrendering herself to you in this stage would make her vulnerable.

Doesn't change much. Of course, not acting upon her feelings right then has definitely influenced how she thinks about you now, but that doesn't mean she doesn't like you like that anymore. Also, you can never expect a girl to confess liking you before you're actually together (or nearing it). Doing so would be entirely against her nature, as surrendering herself to you in this stage would make her vulnerable.

Great Gonzos I get you. I'm just not sure how to play this as I've no experience with succesfully wooing girls.

At 4/28/09 03:02 PM, Vincoid wrote:
Graag gedaan ;)

Ik heb jou wel door :3
Ik hou je wel op de hoogte van hoe het gaat, voor het geval ik iets verkeerd doe.

So how do I go about my business and keep her out?, I see her everyday, Ive already went through trying to push the bitch out of my mind, which is done, over, but what if she tries to contact me again? should I say anything right now?

At 10/2/04 02:44 AM, TigerDemon wrote: This is for people who need advice with relationship problems or general dating advice. I will be looking for three people to help me run this so if you are intrested please say so.

p.s. To the people that caught the spelling error in the last post thank you. I was not paying attention to what I was typing.

I have nearly no contact with friends at all, I`m 17 already and I never had a girlfriend once in my life, Girls don`t like me (they all think I`m a scarry freak), and I introdused manny people of a flash project I can`t finish for over 3 years. That one is VERRY inportand to me. It`s also an obsession. I feel borred, lonley and frustrated all the day.

What sould I do?

At 4/28/09 12:06 AM, death32320 wrote: Okay well I have a problem that I think maybe I might get help from here with...

Alright sooo my "girlfriend" just broke up with me... I need help with thinking of a way that I might be able to get around the reason. Her reason was and I qoute " I cant be buddy buddy with someone I am a worried about being a girlfriend with". So her reason is that being a girlfriend to me keeps her from being able to do some stuff she would normally do if we were not.

We only dated for like a week and even then I could tell something was up. I broke up with my ex girlfriend before her to be with her and I feel horrible for it. I wouldnt have done it if I knew it wasnt going to last. Normally I would just be like ok sure what ever because relationships come and go. With her though its different I am retardedly happy around her when dating her just being friends makes it wierd for me... but being my girlfriend makes it weird for her..

So my question is do you think theres any possible way for things to work out between me and her so that I have her as my girlfriend? Or will I have to go back to just being friends and pretty much killing my feelings again?

Alright there, I fixed the whole girlfriend thing in that... Soo I am going to pretty much ask her tomorrow at school why she really dumped me because most of my friends agree that her reason is retarded. It doesnt really make sense atleast not to me... I keep thinking that she just never did like me, she pretty much just led me on. I am hoping thats not the reason but if it is I think I am gonna stop being friends with her.
That or just stop being as nice. Since she says she broke up with me because that she has more friends when we are friends. The only reason we had more fun was because I flirted like crazy with her and l like her so much.

At 4/28/09 03:46 PM, TheTrooper5 wrote: Great Gonzos I get you. I'm just not sure how to play this as I've no experience with succesfully wooing girls.

Have you read those 4 giant posts I've made? If not, do that and see what you can get out of it. Any questions after that, just ask and I'll se how I can help ;)

At 4/28/09 04:16 PM, LazyApples wrote: Ik heb jou wel door :3
Ik hou je wel op de hoogte van hoe het gaat, voor het geval ik iets verkeerd doe.

Is cool man.

At 4/28/09 05:27 PM, Tykwa wrote: So how do I go about my business and keep her out?, I see her everyday, Ive already went through trying to push the bitch out of my mind, which is done, over, but what if she tries to contact me again? should I say anything right now?

Don't contact her on your own. When she contacts you, either in person, by text, etc. explain to her that you think it's in your best interest if you stop texting her and seeing her. If she asks anything about it after that, just tell her it's because you need emotional well-being in your life, which you can't have when you're in touch with her. Don't apologize to her in any way, you're doing this for yourself and that's no reason to be sorry.

At 4/28/09 07:02 PM, Battlething wrote: I have nearly no contact with friends at all, I'm 17 already and I never had a girlfriend once in my life, Girls don`t like me (they all think I`m a scarry freak), and I introdused manny people of a flash project I can`t finish for over 3 years. That one is VERRY inportand to me. It`s also an obsession. I feel borred, lonley and frustrated all the day.

What sould I do?

I'm sending you a PM in a few minutes with a proposition. I need you to consider this strongly as this is very exceptional.

At 4/28/09 11:07 PM, death32320 wrote: Alright there, I fixed the whole girlfriend thing in that... Soo I am going to pretty much ask her tomorrow at school why she really dumped me because most of my friends agree that her reason is retarded. It doesnt really make sense atleast not to me... I keep thinking that she just never did like me, she pretty much just led me on. I am hoping thats not the reason but if it is I think I am gonna stop being friends with her.
That or just stop being as nice. Since she says she broke up with me because that she has more friends when we are friends. The only reason we had more fun was because I flirted like crazy with her and l like her so much.

That's a good decision. Let me know how it goes.

I know this is a weird question but I was just curious :P. Vincoid, do you believe in such a thing as just having a bad day? I know you believe that everyone's responsible for themselves, their actions, the outcomes of their decisions, etc. but do you believe in simply having a bad day? It was like that for me today, everything seemed to be a bit off, and I just started thinking about it. Just curious :P.

At 4/27/09 04:24 AM, Vincoid wrote: stuff

Well, a bit of a late update, but...

So i've been trying to talk to her for the past couple of days, but she just keeps on ignoring me. I'm pretty sure she hates me, but I don't know exactly why. I want to get my friend to ask her why she has been hating me/ignoring me. Was this a good idea? And should I be this persistent?

At 4/29/09 04:24 PM, Knorpfdog wrote: I know this is a weird question but I was just curious :P. Vincoid, do you believe in such a thing as just having a bad day? I know you believe that everyone's responsible for themselves, their actions, the outcomes of their decisions, etc. but do you believe in simply having a bad day? It was like that for me today, everything seemed to be a bit off, and I just started thinking about it. Just curious :P.

Yeah, sure. I have this sometimes too, though it usually goes away after my first Red Bull :P

Wouldn't go as far as saying everything is going wrong, but there's definitely some things that don't go entirely as planned, as well as a mental kind of blockade making you feel like you're being hold back.

At 4/30/09 01:45 AM, PWN411N00BS12 wrote: Well, a bit of a late update, but...

So i've been trying to talk to her for the past couple of days, but she just keeps on ignoring me. I'm pretty sure she hates me, but I don't know exactly why. I want to get my friend to ask her why she has been hating me/ignoring me. Was this a good idea? And should I be this persistent?

She doesn't hate you, she's just upset because she thinks you missed her obvious signs, but she'll get over it.

What you should do is stop trying to talk to her. You're putting way too much importance on this. If you step back and chill out, she'll be giving off signs again in no time, which is of course the time in which you should act ;)

At 4/30/09 02:01 AM, Jezuz wrote: So, not sure if any of you remember what was up with this girl before, but pretty much we've moved beyond shit, and are planning to meet this summer. It's a bit of an odd relationship we have, to be honest. We say love you when we talk and what not, yet we're free to do what we will: Flirt, go to parties/dances, even date, I guess. Being somewhat jealous I'd prefer we just online dated, but I know that adds a whole new element to an already difficult relationship.

Love doesn't mean you're tied to that person, or even incapable of being interested in someone else. However, saying you love her and vice versa doesn't mean you actually do. Of course, you might, but maybe not that strongly yet.

Online is pretty ridiculous, but I can honestly say I'm in love with this girl. Or maybe I'm in love with the idea of the girl. Either way, this girl has my interest, and I plan to carry it out until fruition, whatever that may be. You don't talk, date, and love someone for nearly 4 years to just stop last minute.

Unless you stop loving her, that would indeed be a pretty foolish move.

I'd really like a way to understand why I'm feeling jealous, though. She says love you, but it's hard to hear/see love you from someone, yet know they can be flirting with another guy at that very moment. I don't like having that sort of trust issue, but it's my fault in a way. I encouraged her before to date in order to get over this really slimey 21-22 year old that she was interested in online. She was 15 at the time, so that was pretty fucked up, on both of their parts.

Why do you feel jealous? Because she's flirting with other guys, or because she COULD be flirting with other guys?

On the other hand, flirting doesn't actually mean anything unless we want to. Flirting is for some people a natural part of their behaviour, and unless they actually want to take it to the next level with someone, flirting is in itself harmless.

Also, if she truly does love you, and you feel confident about yourself and her liking you, there should be no reason for you to have no trust in her.
Try to come up with one reason for her to want to 'cheat' on you and date someone else. What possible reason can you come up?
Whatever the answer is, that's the thing you should be working on.

There's also the issue of her betraying my trust in the past. I did too, but that was about...2-3 years ago, where as hers was about...4 months ago. Year before that it was same story, too. Is it just generally natural for online relationships to cause certain amounts of jealousy? Considering we're only a few months off from meeting, I really shouldn't feel that threatened...but I still do. I have this odd gut feeling that she's interested in this other guy that goes to her school.

Not really, but online relationships do give you the time and space to use your imagination and start freaking out. You have, besides what she tells you, no clue what's going on in her life. However, your mind fills it up with all of these possible situations where she's either lost interest in you or is with another guy.

This kind of distrust can be caused by several things, one of which her past actions, the other being your own insecurity.

And that's where online relationships are at there worst. Distrust can only be helped by proving that you're trustworthy. Online is just words though, so it's very hard to actually believe the other person, especially when you're in a situation where you distrust her. It's easy to forgive someone's past if you believe that the past simply is the past and nothing about it can be changed. It's very hard to forget someone's moments of betrayal though and you might be facing just that.

Is the problem though that you're insecure, you can still fix it. You might be afraid of being rejected by her or losing the investment you made in her (time and energy for 4 years).

To be honest, I have a bit of male supremacy shit going on where I feel she's mine somehow, and if another guy touches her it corrupts her in some way. I wouldn't feel right kissing her and what not if she was with another guy so soon before meeting, even if the relationship was over.

You know, men are not the ones that select women, at least not ultimately. Women select men, men make themselves selectable. It's just like dancing; the man proposes the dance and leads, but the woman chooses wether to accept or decline the dance.

Shit, Vincoid. If you answer this incoherent blabber coherently, congratulations. You deserve some sort of cash reward.

Nah... a 6-pack Red Bull will do fine ;P

At 4/30/09 05:36 AM, Vincoid wrote: She doesn't hate you, she's just upset because she thinks you missed her obvious signs, but she'll get over it.

What you should do is stop trying to talk to her. You're putting way too much importance on this. If you step back and chill out, she'll be giving off signs again in no time, which is of course the time in which you should act ;)

Well, mabye last update...

I asked my friend to talk to her on why she has been ignoring me, and I practically got rejected. I don't know exactly what they said, but all I know is that She just wants us to be friends. Sucks too, my other friend has been telling me how she liked me as she blushed when they talked about me.
I'm not completely sure about this, but I still kinda hope for the future.

The truth is that, while I wan a relationship to start between us, I think this is better. And weirdly enough, I didn't take it as hard as I thought I would and I think that was from your advice. Thanks man.

Just one question though, Should I move on? I mean I know I got rejected, but im pretty sure she is giving me hints. Although, I did overhear her talking about liking this other guy, and I really dont care for either one (But I would still pefer the first choice :3), just as long as she is happy.

At 5/1/09 03:00 AM, PWN411N00BS12 wrote: Well, mabye last update...

Lol, mabye :P

I asked my friend to talk to her on why she has been ignoring me, and I practically got rejected. I don't know exactly what they said, but all I know is that She just wants us to be friends. Sucks too, my other friend has been telling me how she liked me as she blushed when they talked about me.
I'm not completely sure about this, but I still kinda hope for the future.

If there's one thing you should know, it's that girls hardly ever acknowledge liking you in front of others and would rather deny it. That's a way of testing just how much of a man you are, because a guy who understands women reads her signals and ignores her words (not in a rapist way of course). In fact, signals are used more to communicate than actual words.
Another thing you should know, is that not all people are to be trusted. I mean by this that asking someone else to get information for you about a girl can sabotage the situation to their own advantage. Trust me, it happens.

The truth is that, while I wan a relationship to start between us, I think this is better. And weirdly enough, I didn't take it as hard as I thought I would and I think that was from your advice. Thanks man.

That's good to hear man ;)

Just one question though, Should I move on? I mean I know I got rejected, but im pretty sure she is giving me hints. Although, I did overhear her talking about liking this other guy, and I really dont care for either one (But I would still pefer the first choice :3), just as long as she is happy.

Both! Why not keep her in the back of your head while moving on? It would actually increase your chances if you did because it forces her to show the signals again or she might lose you to some other girl.
And if she isn't interested there is no need to worry either because then you can forget about her and keep on moving on.

PWN411N00BS12, the same thing happened to me. I was friend's with this one girl, since 7th grade (Vincoid should know this story; just wanted to drop by), and when the time came, I asked that I liked her. She just wanted to stay as friends with me. Later, I found out she was very religous, and to me, that has alot to do with getting into a relationship (strict parents, too).

After 2 or 3 months, days passed, I haven't talked to her at all in April. But I found somebody else I like, I got her phone number, we make jokes and have fun. What I'm trying to say is move on, like what Vincoid said. There is somebody out there that likes you, just don't keep focus on her too much, and get your hopes up, because it'll break you.

Yes, Vincoid, I found somebody else. I like her, and I think I like her. She's a Freshman, and my friend's; girlfriend's sister. I usually text her from time to time. We both like the same shows and same music. But I haven't fallen with her yet. Plus, the good thing is that I know my friend's girlfriend very well. She likes me, too so that's a great feeling to have.

The girl I liked before, well I found her holding hands with some other guy. I did get pissed, I'll admit that. But I can't understand her, what's she trying to do? Is she friends with this guy? Her boyfriend? Or am I making her jealous? That was the first time I saw her holding hands with this guy, then the next day, she wasn't even walking, or talking with him. Personally, I haven't talked to her at all since I told her that I liked her, but I think she knows that I'm talking with the other girl. It's confusing to think about it.

She's smart. I think the other reason she's avoiding me is that because she knows I like her alot. She might like me, but she can't do anything about it because she has strict parents and very religous. The other thing is, she probably doesn't want to speak with me because she doesn't want my hopes up. Whenever the time will be, I'll keep moving on with this other girl.

Alright guys, I'm not here to spam or troll etc, I don't want to reveal my account because the girl in question knows about it. I created a thread earlier on, but a mod told me to come here, which is of course logical.

So anyway, to cut a long story short, I met a really nice girl, good lookin and everything, she asked for my number. So I gave it to her.

Fast forward a month later, Wednesday, she asks me to call her, using her friends' cell phone. So I do, but she didn't pick up. I decided not to worry about it and wait a few days, so today I sent a text message around noon, asking what's up. It's evening now and still no answer.

Do you guys have any idea what's going on?

Anything I should say or send or whatever? I really don't wanna lose this opportunity, cos she seems like a good gal... So, any advice?

They say that sex is a different experience with every other girl. What does the relation crew and all other curious NGers have to say n that one?

And oh yeah, there's this other girl who really fancies me, we'll call her Maryse (lol) and she keeps on sending texts every now and then, like 'what are you up to', 'havent heard of u for so long,... whats up?' etc

I've never really bothered with replying cos I was focusing on the girl in my previous post, perhaps if my conclusions are right, that it won't work out with the girl in my previous post, is there anything I could send or say to, you know, get back in contact with 'Maryse'?

So anyway, to cut a long story short, I met a really nice girl, good lookin and everything, she asked for my number. So I gave it to her.

Fast forward a month later, Wednesday, she asks me to call her, using her friends' cell phone. So I do, but she didn't pick up. I decided not to worry about it and wait a few days, so today I sent a text message around noon, asking what's up. It's evening now and still no answer.

Do you guys have any idea what's going on?

She probably doesn't want to talk to you right now.

Anything I should say or send or whatever? I really don't wanna lose this opportunity, cos she seems like a good gal... So, any advice?

Find a way to confront her in person. Use that as the opening line and move on from there. Constantly sending messages is just going to be annoying and needy.

And oh yeah, there's this other girl who really fancies me, we'll call her Maryse (lol) and she keeps on sending texts every now and then, like 'what are you up to', 'havent heard of u for so long,... whats up?' etc

Try to get to know her first and what not and see where it takes off. You might find this girl is far better than the one you're apparently on.

I've never really bothered with replying cos I was focusing on the girl in my previous post, perhaps if my conclusions are right, that it won't work out with the girl in my previous post, is there anything I could send or say to, you know, get back in contact with 'Maryse'?

To put it in your terms; "To get back in contact" with her, is again simple, just text and see where it goes.

Obviously if one girl isn't receptive to you than it's easy to move onto a girl who actually is. Maybe the other girl's phone is busted or w/e. Nonethless, in both cases I would try to get to know both girls, in person.

At 5/1/09 05:33 PM, Dew wrote:

She probably doesn't want to talk to you right now.

Then why did she ask me to call her?

To put it in your terms; "To get back in contact" with her, is again simple, just text and see where it goes.

Obviously if one girl isn't receptive to you than it's easy to move onto a girl who actually is. Maybe the other girl's phone is busted or w/e. Nonethless, in both cases I would try to get to know both girls, in person.

That'd be a bit difficult, considering the fact that I haven't managed to get the address of the first girl, I only have her phone number.

But thanks for answering, I appreciate it. :)

So there's this girl who I've known for years, and I know she's interested in me but she was showing it in weird ways. I won't go to much in detail cause I see no point but anyways, somewhere in early February she got arrested for car theft. I guess she was at a party and got into a stolen car with her friends. It's been 4 months since then and I have no idea when she's getting out or if she's gotten out already, she hasn't been to school so idk. All I have is her email address so that's the only way I can actually contact her but I don't know what to say. I never showed interest nor did I care to talk to her at the time, but now that she's not around I'm starting to regret that and all I want is to see her again, I don't care if it's just a friendship, I can work it out on my own but right now I just want to see her in person.