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At 4/15/09 07:34 PM, Darmealea wrote:

At 4/15/09 05:04 AM, Vincoid wrote: Oh, and the other guy who reacted to your post... *sigh*

What's that supposed to mean?

That your advice (most of it) sucks. I'll explain:

At 4/15/09 04:47 AM, Darmealea wrote: Do not cave. I would suggest occasionally doing some of the things she asks, just not all of them. Do not let her take control over you. Relationships are a two-way street and no one person in one can lead.

Nothing bad so far.

:Just go along with some of the things she asks, and show her in some other ways that you love her. (i.e. leaving roses on her doorstep, complimenting her every other day, writing little notes and poems, and maybe buying her something nice once in a while)

And here's where it start sucking. Showing a girl that you love her has got nothing to do with objects. You want to show her that you share the same feeling with her, and that is not done by buying her stuff.
What you need to do is show that you are appreciating her enough to put some time in her, and you do that not by buying her a gift, but doing something fun, something creative.

You may also wish to explain the way your seeing the scenario to her so that she might be able to comprehend you end of the stick, however, do you best to keep from letting things get to heated, if she gets angry, talk her down instead and avoid an argument.

There's no need to explain anything if the only thing going on is him not knowing why she's doing what she's doing. Once you understand that she's merely trying to confirm that he's right for her (subconsciously), all he has to do is prove it by winning her challenge. Explaing his views has got nothing to do with it as his views are not part of the challenge, or the problem (which doesn't even exist).

Also, if you're trying to get someone to understand you, you're doing it wrong if the other person gets mad.

Worst case possibility, she continues to take advantage over you. If this happens for too long (maybe another month or two) you may wish to see other people.

How is that the worst case possible, if she isn't taking advantage of him in the first place? Only by giving in to what she says she wants, which is changing who he is, she'll be able to take advantage of him. Or by changing in the way that you suggest (roses, gifts, compliments, other wuss-like bullshit, etc.) will he allow her to take advantage.
Right now, he's being true to himself by not changing who he is. This is the only way to get past her challenge, and truly the only thing she wants him to do.

So please, go learn something about women before you start giving "advice".

At 4/15/09 09:20 PM, gogleman wrote: Hey,

I want to get a girls phone number but the problem is that, I only have 2 periods a day with her. One of the periods is PE so that will be hard, and the second is Science, so I don't know about that. I have the same lunch as her, but she is always with her friends.

So what should I do?

Have you tried talking to her yet?

Tell me, what is your plan after obtaining her phone number? How are you going to get her to date you, hang out with you, have fun with you, get into a relationship, if you're too scared to talk to her with her friends being there?

What you need to do is get to know her better, so you'll have a valid reason to ask her for her phone number. She won't give it to you if she doesn't know you, and her friends will definitely judge you and make fun of you if you ask her out of the blue.

So don't be scared, take the risk, and start a conversation with her, even if her friends are around. Have fun with them, talk to the whole group and don't be afraid of being judged. After all, what can they judge you on, they don't even know you! Yet, that is ;)

At 4/16/09 02:08 AM, Vincoid wrote: So please, go learn something about women before you start giving "advice".

Ow.

=\

Comon vincoid, you don't need to flame other people who are just trying to help out.

At 4/16/09 09:56 PM, B4gle wrote: =\

Comon vincoid, you don't need to flame other people who are just trying to help out.

I wouldn't consider that "flaming," more like him speaking both his mind and the truth :P.

At 4/16/09 09:56 PM, B4gle wrote: =\

Comon vincoid, you don't need to flame other people who are just trying to help out.

I know he's trying to help out and I respect that. However, I want to guarantee a high standard of advice given here. This is why I explained what I think is wrong with his advice.

It's got nothing to do with flaming, I just want to see people receive help that is helpful.

RC, I need help.

So, im just going to explane to you everything that has happend in the past 5 days and let you guys tell what i should do.

So, Wednesday I get a message on Myspace from a girl in another town about 10 minutes away. Long story short, I got her number after talking about going to a party friday. That night i called her and it seemed like we could talk for hours.

The next day i gave the girl a call and she wanted to meet me. So, after going riding around for a bit we decide to go on a walk through the woods to show her where we would possibly be camping. I bring her back to the woods and we start making out. After this, I said something along the lines of "Wow, that was weird" cause i just met her like 15 minutes ago.

So, we go back to her car and start riding around more just talking. We still were talking about hanging out friday, and I pretty much considered it a date. The next day (Friday) i give her a call and she says she would be in town at about 7 aclock to go to her mothers house. She said she would call me.

That night around 7:30 I was ready to leave, so i broke down and called her even though she said she would call me. No answer. 8:00 comes by and I'm ready to leave so i called her and left a voice mail. That night, after plenty of drinks I tried calling her again this time around 9:00.

So, what should i do? Should i drop this bitch, or should I still try to get with her.

At 4/18/09 01:16 PM, DementedNation wrote: That night around 7:30 I was ready to leave, so i broke down and called her even though she said she would call me. No answer. 8:00 comes by and I'm ready to leave so i called her and left a voice mail. That night, after plenty of drinks I tried calling her again this time around 9:00.

So, what should i do? Should i drop this bitch, or should I still try to get with her.

First of all, don't call her a bitch. You have no idea why she didn't call you. Maybe an accident happened so she couldn't come and was too emotional (women, duh) to answer the phone. Maybe she lost her phone. Whatever the reason is, it's not a reason to call her a bitch.

Secondly, you're coming on too strong. If a girl tells you she will call you, then don't call her. You might call her because you're leaving and she would be going with you, but that's it.
By calling her three times, you're sending signals of neediness. This, of course, isn't a good thing.

So, what you should do is relax and don't do anything else. Let her come to you, and when she does, accept her apology (if she gives one, or listen to her explanation) and don't make a big deal out of it. Just tell her that she could've at least let you know what was going on, but after that the topic is closed and it's back to having fun.

And in the future, don't call her that much again :P

:At 4/18/09 01:35 PM, Vincoid wrote:

You might call her because you're leaving and she would be going with you, but that's it.

That was the point, we were suppose to leave at 7 that night. Also, she did call me the next day and said she couldnt make it out last night some bull shit excuse. She wanted to hang out right then, but i was fighting off a killer hang over and didn't feel like going out. I told her i would call her back later on that day.

later on when i called her, she had already made plans for that night. She said she would call me today and we could hang out.

my life sucks.

Okay, RC. I need your help before things fuck up.

Alright so I'm dating this girl. I'm attracted to her so much but I can't place my finger on what it is that makes me like her so much.

And she keeps asking me: "Baby, why do you love me?" so she thinks I'm looking for a quick fuck.

I'm also very well known for hooking up for quick fucks. But this girls different, and I actually want to stay with her.

All I can think of to say to her is:

You're sexy
Talented
Funny
Fun to talk to/no awkward moments

But she doesn't think that's enough, she still thinks I'm using her.

Any ideas? Even something I can make up? Please?

Yes, I realise I'm a very shallow, dispicable person.

At 4/19/09 05:32 PM, Strategize wrote: Okay, RC. I need your help before things fuck up.

Alright so I'm dating this girl. I'm attracted to her so much but I can't place my finger on what it is that makes me like her so much.

And she keeps asking me: "Baby, why do you love me?" so she thinks I'm looking for a quick fuck.

I'm also very well known for hooking up for quick fucks. But this girls different, and I actually want to stay with her.

All I can think of to say to her is:

You're sexy
Talented
Funny
Fun to talk to/no awkward moments

But she doesn't think that's enough, she still thinks I'm using her.

Any ideas? Even something I can make up? Please?

Yes, I realise I'm a very shallow, dispicable person.

I would go with show, don't tell :P. Don't keep coming up with things like the ones you listed to tell her, as it'll make you come across as desperate. If you want to make her realize that you're not just using her, then show her that with your actions. More often than not, words don't help situations like this. She'll eventually realize that you're not just trying to hook up with her. But a key part is, whenever she starts asking you that question, don't freak out and start grasping for something to say. Act cool, confident, and collected, because freaking out over it will just make things that much worse for you.

At 4/19/09 01:48 PM, DementedNation wrote:

At 4/18/09 01:35 PM, Vincoid wrote:

You might call her because you're leaving and she would be going with you, but that's it.

That was the point, we were suppose to leave at 7 that night.

Yeah, but you also called two more times after that and that was unnecessary.

Also, she did call me the next day and said she couldnt make it out last night some bull shit excuse. She wanted to hang out right then, but i was fighting off a killer hang over and didn't feel like going out. I told her i would call her back later on that day.

later on when i called her, she had already made plans for that night. She said she would call me today and we could hang out.

my life sucks.

Only if you let it suck. Life is something you control actively. What makes life great or what makes it sucks is both the same thing: the things you do and the way you respond to things.

Right now, you're responding in a negative way about her not showing up and not answering the phone. You respond by thinking certain thoughts about that, affecting your relationship with her. Then you'll react accordingly, which makes her think certain things about you. Your overall relationship with her, and the way she sees you, is thus based on what you do and how you respond to what she does.

So, if you want to fix a problem in a relationship, either look for what you need to change about what you do, or, what to change about how you respond to something.

The same goes for life in general. If you act as if things should come your way and work itself out, then it will seem like life sucks. But life doesn't work like that. It rewards those who are willing to put in the work needed to gain what they desire. It rewards those who control life actively and take things into their own hands and not sit around and wait untill something good finally happens.

So you can sit around doing nothing but feeling pity for yourself and feeling sad or mad about life, but do realize that it will get you nothing. You have to make life work, relationships included.

At 4/19/09 09:59 PM, Knorpfdog wrote:

At 4/19/09 05:32 PM, Strategize wrote: Okay, RC. I need your help before things fuck up.

Alright so I'm dating this girl. I'm attracted to her so much but I can't place my finger on what it is that makes me like her so much.

And she keeps asking me: "Baby, why do you love me?" so she thinks I'm looking for a quick fuck.

I'm also very well known for hooking up for quick fucks. But this girls different, and I actually want to stay with her.

All I can think of to say to her is:

You're sexy
Talented
Funny
Fun to talk to/no awkward moments

But she doesn't think that's enough, she still thinks I'm using her.

Any ideas? Even something I can make up? Please?

Yes, I realise I'm a very shallow, dispicable person.

I would go with show, don't tell :P. Don't keep coming up with things like the ones you listed to tell her, as it'll make you come across as desperate. If you want to make her realize that you're not just using her, then show her that with your actions. More often than not, words don't help situations like this. She'll eventually realize that you're not just trying to hook up with her. But a key part is, whenever she starts asking you that question, don't freak out and start grasping for something to say. Act cool, confident, and collected, because freaking out over it will just make things that much worse for you.

Absolutely true. Even just being with her without doing anything sexual can show her this.

Also, don't feel the need to explain anything. Everybody seems to have the idea that you should answer a question like that, but that's total bs.
And if you, like you said, don't know why you're into her, then make that your answer. There is no need to give any specifics. Just tell her that you don't know what it is that makes you like her, that you just do. That's all there is to it and that's all she wants to hear.

see if you can help me on this one,
i am currently with a girl (have been for 3 months) and have recently got back from holiday
a few weeks before the holiday i was finding it hard to make conversation because i have not known her very long, but since ive got back this has haappened again, mostly when im with her and her friends.
what should i do?

At 4/24/09 12:57 PM, maskedone2 wrote: what should i do?

doesnt matter, its sorted now
.................

At 4/19/09 05:32 PM, Strategize wrote: Alright so I'm dating this girl. I'm attracted to her so much but I can't place my finger on what it is that makes me like her so much.
And she keeps asking me: "Baby, why do you love me?" so she thinks I'm looking for a quick fuck.

Well, for one, I think you should take it slow. If you haven't dated her all that long, you probably don't love her. You gotta play a little bit of a game when it comes to talking. I'd throw her fun answers and things like that. I imagine, something to bring her in. Possibly find a way to reverse the question. It's a bit fun when you can turn the game the other way.

I'm also very well known for hooking up for quick fucks. But this girls different, and I actually want to stay with her.

Tsk tsk...

All I can think of to say to her is:

You're sexy
Talented
Funny
Fun to talk to/no awkward moments

Tell her that kind of stuff every once in a while. Don't tell her that every time. Like I said, make it interesting.

But she doesn't think that's enough, she still thinks I'm using her.

Based on your reputation, I would, too. If that's what you did before, you'll probably do it again. That's how people work.

Any ideas? Even something I can make up? Please?

Why would we want to make something up? You're funny. You don't want to use her, yet you want to make something up in order to make her fully attracted and trusting in you. You're REALLY fuckin' funny, dude.

Yes, I realise I'm a very shallow, dispicable person.

Well, that's a good thing, then.

Hi RC, this is my situation.

I met this girl when i was on third grade of middle school.
After different situations which are really unnecessary to write i fell in love with her, but she had a boyfriend.

She didn't hang out with me that much, our main interactions where in school (in between classes, on lunch, etc.) but she always told me her problems, she had a boyfriend btw.

i am a rare kind of person, if i like a girl, i won't look to anyone else, so, after almost a year, i still like her.

I live on another town (like 20 miles from her's, which is like 40 minutes in car) now im on 1st grade of highschool and i have made several chit chats with her on msn. (she has no boyfriend since january) So im like well, ill try it!

I already managed to talk to her without getting nervious (which was very hard to do... honestly)

She is most of the time out, doing activities, or just hanging out, so i almost never find her online, or she is "away".

So i ask for her number... i have called twice, sadly, she wasnt at home.

what can i do to contact her? to develop a relationship? i would really like to know her better...
sorry for my english xD

At 4/25/09 12:37 AM, lordjanemba wrote: what can i do to contact her? to develop a relationship? i would really like to know her better...

A crucial part in developing a relationship with a girl and getting her to want to be with you, is to be interesting, fun to be with and free.

What I mean with free, is that you shouldn't be all over her and make it obvious to her that you like her. Showing a lot of interest can kill her interest in you because people do not want what they can't get. If you run after her, she'll run away instead of run towards you.

So what you need to do is be interesting so she'll want to be with you, while at the same time 'not trying to get with her'.
Ask her how she's doing, what kind of things she wants to achieve in life, what she really wants to do in life, what thing she would do if she wasn't to scared to do it, etc. Get to know her by asking questions like this and get her to tell a lot about herself.

Don't worry about getting in contact with her. You should focus on getting to know her, and if you do this correctly, she'll eventually want to talk to you more and want to meet you again.

Also, Josh, where have you been man? Damn, you've been gone a LONG time!

At 4/25/09 02:37 PM, Vincoid wrote: Stuff I couldn't have said better

Also, Josh, where have you been man? Damn, you've been gone a LONG time!

I've been extremely busy with my girlfriend, well... we're not together right now. I've been trying to pass school and make a little cash on the side. I'm just a busy guy. Thought I'd check it.

At 4/25/09 07:07 PM, Everlasting-Elements wrote: I've been extremely busy with my girlfriend, well... we're not together right now. I've been trying to pass school and make a little cash on the side. I'm just a busy guy. Thought I'd check it.

That's good to hear man. Glad you're doing ok ;)

There's a girl I like who is a waitress at a terrace restaurant type of thing. I want to know how to make myself more attractive.

Hey guys. You got anything for a guy wanting to start a relationship after something...awkward?

Anyway, so on friday, we had a dance. Our school tradition is that if you had a date, you would turn your dance bracelet ticket inside out. The person I wanted to ask always left hers at home, so I didn't know if she got asked out or anything.

Fast foward to the dance. Its prettty fun;ok music, friends there, the works. During the dance, my friend keeps on saying he's going to ask his crush to dance, which reminded to go and see if she had a date. Luckily she didn't, but unluckily for me, I was too much of a chicken to ask her upfront to dance, so I ask my friend who is closer to her as a friend to say that someone wants to dance with her.

Fast foward again to the last song of the dance: the final slow song. I was so sure about asking her to dance, but I just couldn't. I'm not the most attractive person, and i've tasted rejection before. I just didnt want to take the chance I guess. It was the perfect oppurtunity too. She was all by herself on the bleachers, sad, and I didn't do anything.

Now Yesterday, I'm talking to my friend on myspace, with her saying she finally knew who I wanted to dance with. We then go into this huge conversation about her saying that while she was dancing with my friend that I asked to tell her, my cush comes over and spills that she knows it was me, when I was going to ask her and shit like that. I thought she didn't want to dance with me, but it turns out she did, and was scared of rejection too. At that time, I realized I fucked up. Out of guilt, I sent her a PM, confessing everything, but she hasn't replied.

School is tomorrow, and I'm wondering what I should do. Please help!

You should've just asked her. I had a military ball last night, and I had a ball. I danced with my girlfriend, random girls, and other people's girlfriends. I can't even dance but I did anyways because I had a blast. Not to mention that girls like that kind of (unwarranted? in my case with dancing) confidence.

Oh and I got fired from my job today. Shit sucks.

At 4/26/09 12:33 PM, LazyApples wrote: There's a girl I like who is a waitress at a terrace restaurant type of thing. I want to know how to make myself more attractive.

In order to tell you how to be more attractive, I have to know how attractive you are now.

Why don't you start by telling me about the things you find attractive about yourself, what not, what you're insecure about, etc.

Also, what is attraction? What do you think girls find attractive?

On all these points, give out as much detail as possible. If you have doubt about something, write it down anyway, everything helps.

At 4/26/09 09:38 PM, PWN411N00BS12 wrote: School is tomorrow, and I'm wondering what I should do. Please help!

Go talk to her. Assume that she's read your message and don't try to avoid the subject. You could explain to her how fucked up you think it is to be this shy.

You see, you're afraid of rejection. Rejection is your fear. Have you got any idea how to get rid of a fear?

Hint: Not by running away from it.

Hint2: Not by trying to get past it.

The only way to get rid of a fear is to experience it.

I don't know if you've ever heard of Derek Ogilvie, but he's this guy who can communicate with the dead, as well as will children that can't talk yet. Wether you believe this or not is irrelevant, because it's not about that.
I was watching that show one day when he was with some kid that was scared as hell when it came to clowns and buttons. The way he solved this was very simple. He brought over this clown who was wearing normal clothing and didn't have anything on his face yet.
He and the kid started playing, and as they did, he slowly started applying stuff to his face, putting on his nose, hair, clothing, etc.
Because this kid already knew this guy and was having fun with him, he trusted him. But, because of this, he also experienced that clowns aren't that scray at all and can be a lot of fun. And because this clown had a jacket with huge buttons, he also stopped being scared of those (both fears were related).

The deal with this story, is that this kid's fear was dealt with by experiencing it. They took the risk of him getting scared and the reward was that he is now not afraid anymore.

What you should get from this story is that every single fear works this way. Fear is Fals Evidence Appearing Real, which means that fears are all in your head and are not real.
Not even fears that are based on reality are real. For instance, let's say you were once mugged at night and are now afraid of going out at night. Your fear is based on the experience of being mugged, which is real. But what prove do you have to say that it will happen again? How will you know that you would've been mugged again had you gone out last night? How do you know it will happen if you go out tonight?

The same thing applies to rejection. Fear of rejection is a natural part of who we are. To risk rejection is to get rid of the fear. It takes time and a lot of experience before you will actually be able to get rid of the fear, but it's definitely worth it.
Besides, look at the benefits of risking rejection:
- If you get rejected, you have gained new experience.
- You enlarge your comfort zone, which happens when you leave your comfort zone and risk uncomfortable situations.
- You might not get rejected and end up with a new friend, a girlfriend, etc.

And the downsides? Exactly the same things! Sure, it might not get you a gf right then and there, but the experience can help you be more confident the next time you take the risk.

So what you need to do is start risking. Go and talk to her, risk the uncomfortable situation, risk her rejecting you, risk not knowing what to say, risk making her feel tense.

Risk everything and allow yourself to gain everything.

At 4/26/09 10:15 PM, PhoenixTails wrote: You should've just asked her.

True, but that was yesterday, so unless you happen to be Doc and have a spare Delorean, that's not going to help much ;)

:I had a military ball last night, and I had a ball. I danced with my girlfriend, random girls, and other people's girlfriends. I can't even dance but I did anyways because I had a blast. Not to mention that girls like that kind of (unwarranted? in my case with dancing) confidence.

They like that you don't give a shit, which is basicly the same as confidence. At some point you just need to drop the ball and have fun for yourself and stop caring about what other people think.

Oh and I got fired from my job today. Shit sucks.

Hope you find something else soon buddy.

I'm not attractive; I'm a wuss. I don't know how to approach her, and I don't know any body language.

At 4/27/09 01:14 PM, LazyApples wrote: I'm not attractive; I'm a wuss. I don't know how to approach her, and I don't know any body language.

You missed the part where I told you about the detail huh?

Try again ;)

Ok...first time I've been here, I may aswell give it a shot.

I've never had a girlfriend there's been plenty of girls I've asked out etc yadda yadda.
I know I'm funny and attractive based on outside comments and observations from people.
ANYWAY, that's the generic stuff out of the way.

A year ago I started becoming friends with a girl who hung out with some friends of mine at school, after a couple of weeks she started coming up and talking to me more, texting me a lot and generally acting as if she liked spending time with me.
I was told she liked me but I spent a few months before telling her, even though I was blatantly obvious and awkwardly unsubtle.
ANYWAY, she apparantly got fed up and annoyed at how I "Never gave her any space" and complained about me to friends...yadda yadda.

Last June she left and went to another college and I never spoke to her since, untill she added me on MSN last month after getting my email off a friend, she's apologised about how she acted and has said stuff along the lines of "That was in the past" etc.
One main point is that she comes from a pretty rough background family wise and suffers from depression at times, this made me think this:
If she doesn't like herself or has low self esteem=she won't like people who find her attractive or like her because she doesn't respect herself..
Just a random musing..

She's said a few times on MSN that "You should come out for a night with me sometime" and even though she said some harsh things, I still have some unresolved feelings for her, not LOVE OMGG, but something considerable there.

The thing is, I'm not sure if I should persue something, considering that she apparantly did like me at some point and try to convince her that I've matured and become less awkward.

Sorry about the cavalcade of text.

At 4/27/09 01:16 PM, Vincoid wrote:
You missed the part where I told you about the detail huh?

Try again ;)

My insecurities are actually mostly about my personality. Other than that I'm scared that I'll get blown off, or do the wrong things. I find my looks attractive, but my personality is not very attractive. That's why I came here.

Okay well I have a problem that I think maybe I might get help from here with...

Alright sooo my "girl friend" just broke up with me... I need help with thinking of a way that I might be able to get around the reason. Her reason was and I qoute " I cant be buddy buddy with someone I am a worried about being a girlfriend with". So her reason is that being a girl friend to me keeps her from being able to do some stuff she would normally do if we were not.

We only dated for like a week and even then I could tell something was up. I broke up with my ex girl friend before her to be with her and I feel horrible for it. I wouldnt have done it if I knew it wasnt going to last. Normally I would just be like ok sure what ever because relationships come and go. With her though its different I am retardedly happy around her when dating her just being friends makes it wierd for me... but being my girl friend makes it weird for her..

So my question is do you think theres any possible way for things to work out between me and her so that I have her as my girl friend? Or will I have to go back to just being friends and pretty much killing my feelings again?

I need some advice how to improve my chances of forming a relationship, if possible, although this might seem a bit fucked up, and is a massive story, I originally wasn't going to post the whole thing, but it's time to share.

" Profile Details Lie

About 3 months ago, I asked a hardly-known girl (we will call her KB) for her number, in which I got, since the very second I texted her, we almost never stopped, This girl seemed to me (anyways) to be abused by classmates and such, I offered help and she blantently rejected, saying she was used too it, so I " you shouldnt be treated that way " and then gave me a " my BF does the same when hes mad " but in a more painfull way, I soon learned her BF was some major asshole, Anyways, We kept txting, There was a school trip in which we watched a movie together, blah. and eventually Prom was cruising along it was the friday after spring break, ( during this time we had a big argument over somthing idr ) I already had a date, which wasn't her and somehow, I got her closer too me before prom, she wasnt planning on originally, but she went, during the pre-prom her BF (which I later learned they had broken-up) now, he did know about us ( which also created that gap in spring break) so he was watching me like a mo-fo, I took me " extremly-hot" date (which she really was) to the car, all the while seeing my (KB) get into ex-bf truck, even though her date had taken the limosuine ( this proves me that her prom date and her werent close ) anyways.

So fast-forward to the important things, the dinner, shes not at our table, blah. The dance, Previously I told her I was going to dance with her, but she left, only 4~ songs in, so I was confused to see text messages on my phone, saying how she couldnt stop crying, I didnt know what to do really, I just said everything will be ok, This is where I originally thought I fucked things up, but I was wrong.

Only a simple 4 days later had we already made up, somehow, god knows, She apparently loves my massages, so I offered her a full-body one, she then suggest to do it completly-naked, now this conversation lasted for awhile, we planned this to be ( last saturday ), now as the week went by, she got pissy again, and the next week came by, and oh knoes I had done somthing ( now im going wtf ) anyways, for some reason this little massage turned into both of us having completly open conversations, including sex positions, boobies, cocks, masturbation Ect, So things heated up, Alot, and seriously not only a massage, but me losing my virginity, in every aspect, Planned, for Saturday. This was strange, considering we havnt kissed yet, now my original "new years goal" was simply have sex in as many aspects possible" but this attitude surprised me.

Friday rolls by, she gives me a few texts, and suddenly quits, so naturally, by my feelings im worried, saturday rolls in, i send a few more, and she gives me an escuse that her phones been acting up, so i " so are we doing anything today? if were not it's totally fine with me?" She says idk, which i "ok then" she doesnt text the whole day, sunday comes by, no texts, at this point I feel strangely worried about her.

Anyways, today, Monday (or more like yesterday rite) We both give our " good mornings" and me giving her the " your hair looks nice today" which, it did for that it is almost never straightened. and she texts me a " yeah yeah " ( u kno the yeah rite, which she gives me on almost everything ) so I ask her why she never takes me seriously, which she replies and totally confuses me, " why are you so rude to me?" now, I have never been rude to her, so I ask why, which she doesnt respond, a few hours go by, and I ask about Saturday, and ensuring her that I wasnt angry that we didnt do anything ( which I really wasnt ), somehow, she just gets mad, and leads to a " im not ready for a relationship" so, I am kinda confused here, she asks to be left alone, I ask some more, which leads to a " I was afraid if we did anything saturday u would think that we were together", ( which I didnt know she didnt want a relationship, so I said I understood that, which I did tbh) then she says " what the fuck", gets all pissed off at me, I say im sorry ( for what? lul) So Im left with questions >:(.

TLDR:

Girl, Doesn't want to be in a relationship, although offers every sexual possibility ( which im not 100% game)
Girl, Gets pissed at me, What to do now? To keep my chances afloat.

Girl, Probably Insane and manic.

Girl, Never complements me on anything. ( wtf?)

:Now, you may need to know a little about me, for which could be a major part of why I could be fucking things up.

I'm the most fucking shy person ever ( I dont even take shits in public places just b/c of ppl )
I'm too fucking nice ( apparently )
Did I mention I'm too fucking nice?
Seriously, Im ugly.

now im gonna post this shit and hopefully wake up to some suggestions, imo, she wants to stay at fwb, i think, so when she does feel like getting a relationship, maybe i could pick up on it, but now im scared to the fact she might be "fwb" with every other fuck tard in school.

oh G.

At 4/27/09 01:39 PM, TheTrooper5 wrote: The thing is, I'm not sure if I should persue something, considering that she apparantly did like me at some point and try to convince her that I've matured and become less awkward.

To me, her problem with you seemed to be space, like she said. Having got rid of that problem (by moving away) her interest in you returns.

Going into a relationship with her again is easy. The only difference with the last time is that you should not hang out with her as much as you did, don't try to control her life in any way (asking what's she's doing, where's she's at, etc) and focus more on yourself.

You don't have to convince her of anything, just make sure not to make the same mistake again. As for being awkward, in what way were you awkward?

Sorry about the cavalcade of text.

The more the better (as long as your spelling is good :P)

At 4/27/09 03:17 PM, LazyApples wrote: My insecurities are actually mostly about my personality. Other than that I'm scared that I'll get blown off, or do the wrong things. I find my looks attractive, but my personality is not very attractive. That's why I came here.

Ok. I've got a few posts covering the basics about attraction and some traits girls find attractive, which I'll post after this. There's also one or two about tension and rejection which I'll also post here.
Just read those and get back to me with any questions you have.

At 4/28/09 12:06 AM, death32320 wrote: Okay well I have a problem that I think maybe I might get help from here with...

Alright sooo my "girl friend" just broke up with me... I need help with thinking of a way that I might be able to get around the reason. Her reason was and I qoute " I cant be buddy buddy with someone I am a worried about being a girlfriend with". So her reason is that being a girl friend to me keeps her from being able to do some stuff she would normally do if we were not.

The way I read this makes me believe she doesn't want to be friends with you because it keeps her from being more than friends.

Then again, I'm confused because of your use of "girl friend", instead of "girlfriend" and "girl friend", where girlfriend means you're having a relationship, and girl friend is a girl that's just a friend.
If you sort that one out for me, I can tell you more.

So my question is do you think theres any possible way for things to work out between me and her so that I have her as my girl friend? Or will I have to go back to just being friends and pretty much killing my feelings again?

I can't really tell right now. There's way too little information when it comes to her. I need to know more about why she broke up, including wether she was your girlfriend or girl friend, in order for me to tell you what to do about it.

Also, what do you mean with dating? Just regularly meeting each other as friends, getting to know each other better, etc. or dating as in being in a relationship?

At 4/28/09 02:40 AM, Tykwa wrote: WALL OF TEXT!!!

now im gonna post this shit and hopefully wake up to some suggestions, imo, she wants to stay at fwb, i think, so when she does feel like getting a relationship, maybe i could pick up on it, but now im scared to the fact she might be "fwb" with every other fuck tard in school.

I get the feeling she's not wanting to be fwb at all. What I think is going on is that she kicks on controlling you. She is using you to feel good about herself, by making you say things to make her feel good, or when she acts as if she's hurt, trying to console her.

There are two indicators for her not wanting to be fwb. The first one is her using you for her emotional well-being. If she becomes fwb with you, she'll have to commit to it. It'll become something she can't just walk away from, because if she did, she would lose the validation she's getting from you, which is more imprtant to her than anything else.
Secondly, the planning of sex. You simple don't plan sex unless; A) You're paying her for it, B) You're being payed by her. Otherwise, you HAVE sex, not PLAN it.
This point gets even stronger when you take in account the fact that this wasn't even in person. Most of your communication with her is via text, which allows her to control you more easily because; A) She doesn't have to be that great of an actor to convince you she's hurt, B) She can simply not reply and leave you wondering what the hell is going on, eating away at your insecurity and neediness. In person, this would be way more difficult.

oh G.

Exactly. What I thin you should do is simple cut off all communications for this girl, since it's the only thing you can do to save your own well-being. No girl is more important than that, especially not if she's using you.