At 2/21/09 11:33 AM, Scrotaculous wrote:
At 2/21/09 04:12 AM, Asteraith wrote:
Hey all; most of you won't know/remember me. I haven't posted in nearly a year. I'm about to tell you all a story I've read more times than I can remember, and ignored absolutely all of those times.So this isn't you, you are just posting it? Also do you feel this story is correct, because I do not. I feel like if you can't control yourself, the you never could before doing drugs.
This is my own story, but I've read it a thousand times before. Last night I came onto the stoners club for the first time in ages just to see who was still around and what was going on. It was pretty much the exact same as I left it, just with a few new people having the same old drug conversations.
I guess thats what made me post my long and rambling post. I've been dealing for a while, and a lot of the people i sell to are old functional addicts and bar rats in their 40's-50's. Many of them maintain careers or make do off of social security. I know one guy, my gf's uncle, who started smoking pot at 14, drinking at 17, and now lives his life counting how many cigarettes and beers he goes through in a day so that his welfare check lasts through the month. He never crashed, or fell apart. He just kind of slowly declined. Now he's a pathetic loser.
And that's what scares me. My problem isn't self-control, or an overly addictive personality. I don't binge, and I'm not a wreck. That's the crux of it. When you crash, at least you can pull yourself together and start over. The problem is when you fall into a steady, comfortable groove. You try one legal drug or natural high, and bit by bit you get comfortable and bored with it, so you find something else and something else. One day you realize that you aren't "trying" anything, you're just maintaining a high.
I've seen guys just like me 3o years into their own minor drug careers, long term pot smokers and drinkers, little things, and all of them are far worse and far more hopeless than my younger friends who crashed out on harder drugs.