My Poem on the WTC shit.. plz read

[Epic]

It was something we never thought we'd see
It could never happen to you and me

An attack against all civilization
An attack that shocked our nation

Four airliners, all hijacked
A precise and planned attack

Fueled by evil, a merciless crime
The worst terrorist act of all time

The World Trade Center towers
Symbols of our financial power

Crumbling, falling, cascading down
Concrete and debris, hitting the ground

So many families torn apart
A tragedy felt in all of our hearts

If we're ever to overcome this devastation
We must pull together as a nation

To the victims' families, we send our prayers and love
As we seek guidance and hope from the Lord above

God Bless America

[untitled]

At 9/17/01 12:24 AM, Epic- wrote: It was something we never thought we'd see
It could never happen to you and me

An attack against all civilization
An attack that shocked our nation

Four airliners, all hijacked
A precise and planned attack

Fueled by evil, a merciless crime
The worst terrorist act of all time

The World Trade Center towers
Symbols of our financial power

Crumbling, falling, cascading down
Concrete and debris, hitting the ground

So many families torn apart
A tragedy felt in all of our hearts

If we're ever to overcome this devastation
We must pull together as a nation

To the victims' families, we send our prayers and love
As we seek guidance and hope from the Lord above

God Bless America

that's nice, it really is...seriously just because i post a fat guy doesn't mean that i'm not serious!

[cableshaft]

A couple tips from someone who thinks he's alright at poetry but doesn't really try it anymore:

If you're going to limit yourself with a an AABB rhyme scheme (i.e. last word of each line of stanza rhymes), then you REALLY need to keep the rhythm of the two lines the same (i.e. they need to have about the same syllables, and both lines should be able to read in the same rhythm) .... too many of those lines the rhythm was like steady one line, then really rushed the second line because of all the extra syllables...it just doesn't flow right.

2. It's really hard to limit yourself with rhyme/rhythm if you're talking about something specific using specific words because you don't have that many words you can substitute to make it sound better (specific words = world trade center towers as opposed to like, the fake nostradamus quatrains of "in the new city, two towers ripped apart by chaos" or whatever)

So as it is it needs work. It FEELS badly written, but that's because of the style you chose to write it in. You chose to limit yourself with a rhyme scheme and use specific words at the same time. What you really should do is either ditch the rhyme scheme so you can say what the hell you want, or get a little more artsy fartsy and use more vague words and keep the rhyme scheme and get it mistaken for a Nostradamus prophecy.