Newgrounds.com — Everything, By Everyone.

At 6/29/04 05:54 PM, j00bie wrote:

At 6/29/04 05:50 PM, Bob_is_Audio_Penguin wrote: a few downloads but no votes or reviews come on people!

i reviewd it and gave it a 10 :)

and for that i'm greatful

At 6/29/04 05:57 PM, Dobio wrote: How are you planning to answer all these questions when you were banned by a mod? (not me) :o

hell have to go on a massive answering fest (aka spam) when he gets back. for the time being, he can search for the answers.

At 6/29/04 05:01 PM, phileeguy wrote: quick question, im typing with my feet....

im holding onto two kids, one my evil son, and one my good nephew. they are both dangling over a cliff, and i can only save one, who do i take?

your son, he's the one to carry your bloodline.
but then again...better make it your nephew.

At 6/29/04 05:41 PM, ADarkerBreed wrote: Why does everyone get a Johnny the Homocidal Maniac sig after I made on for this one person... I forgot who...

YOur question is too ghey. Please try again.

At 6/29/04 05:44 PM, j00bie wrote: Where's your mother?

downstairs making me a sandwich like women should.

At 6/29/04 05:44 PM, Funky-Penguin wrote: Are you really a cool penguin?

Yis.

At 6/29/04 05:50 PM, Bob_is_Audio_Penguin wrote: a few downloads but no votes or reviews come on people!

omg i'll download it in a min
then review

At 6/29/04 05:56 PM, HuIk wrote: Hot dog fingers.... mmmmmm.

I'd say they're more like human fingers.

At 6/29/04 05:57 PM, Dobio wrote: How are you planning to answer all these questions when you were banned by a mod? (not me) :o

Bans don't last forever, surely a mod would know that?
=\

At 6/29/04 06:14 PM, j00bie wrote: hell have to go on a massive answering fest (aka spam) when he gets back. for the time being, he can search for the answers.

lolwut? I would never do such a thing like that.

At 6/29/04 02:42 PM, cool_penguin_0 wrote: whether its sigs, secks or ...answers to your problems, cool_penguin_0 will find the right answer for j00.

FIRST QUESTION? *sits at desk*

Help me please. My girlfriend is pissing me off so badly. All of her clothes are too big for me! And she's so lazy, every time I go for a piss the sink's full of washing up. What the hell should I do? I mean sure she's hot and all, but ffs...HELP!!!!!

At 6/30/04 11:07 AM, KiLL_youR_FRiENDs wrote: Help me please. My girlfriend is pissing me off so badly. All of her clothes are too big for me! And she's so lazy, every time I go for a piss the sink's full of washing up. What the hell should I do? I mean sure she's hot and all, but ffs...HELP!!!!!

Slap that bitch up so she cleans the damned dishes.
Also, tell that fat slag to lose some weight if her clothes are too big for you, or you should gain some weight.
OR just piss in a bottle and throw it in the bin.

Wow, that's some good advice, thanks!

Penguins are so ruley...

Why don't 'newbs' ever read the damn rules?

Why doesn't the text search work?

Why are you always asking for signatures when I'm sure you have plenty?

Why am I still writting this reply?

Why did I even reply to this thread?

At 6/30/04 11:26 AM, lluB-sI-tahT wrote: Why don't 'newbs' ever read the damn rules?

Because they don't know about "the rules"

Why doesn't the text search work?

because you touch yourself at night </standard, unfunny used-too-much-by-earfetish phrase>

Why are you always asking for signatures when I'm sure you have plenty?

Because I have the right to ask for more sigs.

Why am I still writting this reply?

Because you're ghey roffel

Why did I even reply to this thread?

because you are a postcount whore.

At 6/30/04 11:34 AM, dick_head_tottie wrote: Why does cool_penguin like the cock?

because male chickens taste better.

At 6/30/04 11:38 AM, Chrome- wrote: do j00 leik it up teh butt!?

0nly fr0m j00.

At 6/30/04 11:47 AM, Chrome- wrote: 0mgf0rz3z THANXJ00Z Z00 MUCH!

j00r welcome

OMG GUYZE TEH AGONY AUNT IS BACK
Ask your polite questions.
NOW.

oh noez, a bump

"cool penguin, why do you rock so much"
-Anon

Well, Anon, it's because I just damned well do.

At 6/29/04 02:42 PM, cool_penguin_0 wrote: whether its sigs, secks or ...answers to your problems, cool_penguin_0 will find the right answer for j00.

FIRST QUESTION? *sits at desk*

why wont bad people go away and stop rapeing me?

At 8/2/04 12:41 PM, skullmaster wrote: why wont bad people go away and stop rapeing me?

because, they see "skullmaster" and assume it says "skullfuckme" and so do so, without your consent. That also explains why you only have one eye.

when will half lfie 2 be out

Y IZ IT DAT J0BIE SM3LLS OF DA POOPIEPOO?

At 8/2/04 12:51 PM, Mr_Fluffykins wrote: when will half lfie 2 be out

I think it's already out.

At 8/2/04 12:57 PM, DingoTheDog wrote: Y IZ IT DAT J0BIE SM3LLS OF DA POOPIEPOO?

Because he may not use the old "dry-wet-dry" paper combination when he visits the toilet.

Everyone's favourite agony aunt is back guys!!1

Wai = mai pen0r sew bik?

\/\/|-|Y 4|\/| 1 5|_||=|=3R1|\|G |=R0|\/| 41D5 |=0R 15 Y34R5 4|\|D |-|4\/3|\|'7 1 D13D Y37?!/1/1?!/1?!

Translation:
Why am I suffering from aids for 15 years and haven't I died yet?

At 10/18/05 11:14 AM, -DareDevilGuy- wrote: Wai = mai pen0r sew bik?

'cause you have good genes 'n' stuff.

At 10/18/05 11:17 AM, Pink_Beer wrote: who invented the condom?

Well, it's not entirely sure, but the first efforts at making condoms involved the use of woven fabrics. These were obviously not effective. The earliest effective condoms were made of sheep gut or other animal membrane. These are still available today because of their greater ability to transmit body warmth and tactile sensation, when compared to synthetic condoms, but they are not as effective in preventing pregnancy and disease. Mass production of condoms started in mid-19th century, shortly after the invention of the rubber vulcanization process.

At 10/18/05 11:21 AM, -DareDevilGuy- wrote: Why am I suffering from aids for 15 years and haven't I died yet?

Because...you are AIDS.

At 10/18/05 11:29 AM, cool_penguin_0 wrote: 'cause you have good genes 'n' stuff.

But my daddy = teh small

Well, it's not entirely sure, but the first efforts at making condoms involved the use of woven fabrics. These were obviously not effective. The earliest effective condoms were made of sheep gut or other animal membrane. These are still available today because of their greater ability to transmit body warmth and tactile sensation, when compared to synthetic condoms, but they are not as effective in preventing pregnancy and disease. Mass production of condoms started in mid-19th century, shortly after the invention of the rubber vulcanization process.

Wrong, it was first invented by a French doctor after the king wanted to stop havign so many children, but he did want sex. The doctor took the stomach or another organ (don't remember which one) of a sheep, and told the king to put it on his penis. It worked.

Because...you are AIDS.

Can I eat that?

At 10/18/05 11:31 AM, -DareDevilGuy- wrote: teh post

I hope you are not making a mockery of these poor people who need the help of an Agony Aunt.

Any other questions, the more personal and embarrasing the better.

Dear Cool_penguin_0,
How do I visit ebay?
Love, Anon.

Well Anon, all you need to do is visit www.ebay.co.uk 'n' shit.

Dearest Aunt cool_penguin_0.

I need to know... how fast do err.. toenails grow?

PLEEZ HELPZ.

Will I get Metal gear Solid 3: Subsistence someday?
and...

WAZZUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUU
UUUUUUUUUUUUUUUP!?

At 10/19/05 09:30 AM, Carvel wrote: Dearest Aunt cool_penguin_0.
I need to know... how fast do err.. toenails grow?
PLEEZ HELPZ.

Fanks j00 for the nicely putten question.
An interesting fact about toenails is that they grow approximately 1/4 as fast as fingernails.
Fingernails grow at an average rate of 0.1 mm/day (1 cm every 100 days). The average is not constant, though, and actual growth rate is dependent upon age, season, exercise level, and hereditary factors.

At 10/19/05 09:52 AM, Simonthesorcerer wrote: Will I get Metal gear Solid 3: Subsistence someday?

Well, it depends on certain factors. How much money you have, how expensive the game is, how badly your parents beat you up, how good you've been for Santa, and about six trillion other factors.

and...
WAZZUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUU
UUUUUUUUUUUUUUUP!?

Presuming this means "how are you, my shockingly handsome chum?" I would say "you're not my chum, but I'm feeling swell anyway".

At 10/19/05 11:48 AM, cool_penguin_0 wrote:

Fanks j00

Why?

At 10/19/05 11:53 AM, Charlie_Murphy wrote: Why?

Why not?

At 10/19/05 12:14 PM, Wylo wrote: How do you find a needle in a haystack?

Magnets. Really big-arse magnets. Also MAD PROPS to you (I think it's you) for this:
(clicky wicky)