God fuckin damn it this sucks I just bought a new fleshlight and it's garbage

This is my third one overall and I usually buy a new one every year for funsies and the second one was better than the first but this one is a colossal disappointment

It feels like I'm fucking a wet tire the fuckin thing hardly even feels like anything and it's all empty and no bumps so it's like fucking rubber bands in a straight smooth line

I knew this was a bad idea I'm living off a fuckin tax return right now and I just blew $60 on this swimming pool noodle

I have had better orgasms jerking off with hot candle wax and olive oil while shoving my dick in a tube of crest toothpaste than with this rubber duck

share your infuriating fleshlight tragedies

When I want a woman, I take her.
try it sometime

At 3/9/17 10:20 PM, Jurornumber3 wrote: But what if you prefer to do it solo because you can't handle intimacy?

Grow balls

Sorry to hear that?

Part of me wants to say "poor you". The other part wants me to tell you to invest in a fleshlight STU

At 3/9/17 10:25 PM, Sikteqqiya wrote:

At 3/9/17 10:20 PM, Jurornumber3 wrote: But what if you prefer to do it solo because you can't handle intimacy?

Grow balls

Oh please. Here we go trying to pretend masturbation isn't natural and is only designed for eternal kissless virgins who have sealed away their fate to a life without intimacy.

You're probably one of those dudes on online dating websites that asks 100 girls to suck your dick and 5 of them accept because they're all fat depressed chicks with absolutely nothing better to do

stop flaunting your masculinity around you fuckin loser, you have 100 posts within a fucking day of signing up

At 3/9/17 10:55 PM, Piemix wrote: stop flaunting your masculinity around you fuckin loser

Tell me I'm pretty, tell me I matter.

At 3/9/17 11:35 PM, D3KU wrote:

At 3/9/17 11:15 PM, Sikteqqiya wrote:

At 3/9/17 10:55 PM, Piemix wrote: stop flaunting your masculinity around you fuckin loser

Tell me I'm pretty, tell me I matter.

You are pretty. You matter.

Hugs you deeply, sobs

That's, that's all I ever wanted, thank you, I'm saved now

At 3/9/17 10:17 PM, Sikteqqiya wrote: When I want a woman, I take her.
try it sometime

Take her where? The Dangerzone?

At 3/10/17 03:55 AM, axehandle-stain wrote:

At 3/9/17 10:17 PM, Sikteqqiya wrote: When I want a woman, I take her.
try it sometime

Take her where? The Dangerzone?

Take her to your place so you can kick it like Tae Bo.

At 3/31/17 09:49 AM, Jurornumber3 wrote: I got this anal masturbator.

It feels pretty great.

It's hell on the arms to plunge it up and down rapidly for ten or more minutes, but the orgasams are so good.

Whoa, looks like someone hit Darth Vader in the head with a hatchet.

I guess you'll just have to replace your penis.

At 3/9/17 10:17 PM, Sikteqqiya wrote: When I want a woman, I take her.
try it sometime

I can't talk to a woman for more than 2 days without missing my ex so much I start ignoring them

At 3/31/17 08:01 PM, Leidolfr wrote:

At 3/31/17 07:59 PM, Piemix wrote:

At 3/9/17 10:17 PM, Sikteqqiya wrote: When I want a woman, I take her.
try it sometime

I can't talk to a woman for more than 2 days without missing my ex so much I start ignoring them

I'm amazed a woman wasted time with you period, so I'm sure ya DO miss ya ex

dude you look like a fat homeless warthog caveman, I find it difficult to believe a single woman on the planet would ever want anything to do with your basement-dwelling chewbacca looking self

At 3/31/17 08:10 PM, Leidolfr wrote:

At 3/31/17 08:06 PM, Piemix wrote: dude you look like a fat homeless warthog caveman, I find it difficult to believe a single woman on the planet would ever want anything to do with your basement-dwelling chewbacca looking self

Feel better? How long did you date this airhead there heartbreak kid, if its a year or less, grow up. You're just mad because my eyes are prettier than yours and while you do roids and lift weights I'm stronger than you by sittin on my ass and gettin drunk.

[ Id be mad too ]

Actually, does it make you feel better that I don't and never took roids in my entire life and I still look better than you can ever dream of looking? And does it diminish your insecurity by continuously bringing up my physique? And most of all, does it make you feel better denying that you're a fat drunken piece of shit that admittedly sits on his ass all day?

yeah man, I take it to heart when I hear those hurtful words from a goblin-looking cunt like you. I would be straight up embarrassed to talk to women looking like you do.

At 3/31/17 08:47 PM, Leidolfr wrote:

At 3/31/17 08:26 PM, Piemix wrote: Actually, does it make you feel better that I don't and never took roids in my entire life and I still look better than you can ever dream of looking?

better, subjective, a foot shorter, obviously.

You know, everyone who's ever mocked how tall I am in life has always been a fat ugly miserable virgin, and you continue to milk it to death, which spells out your status in life along with your blatant jealousy of me. I guess if it's the one thing that makes you feel better about being such a worthless piece of shit that has a slim to none chance of getting laid, then I'm not stopping you baldy

At 3/31/17 10:41 PM, Leidolfr wrote:

At 3/31/17 10:38 PM, Piemix wrote: You know, everyone who's ever mocked how tall I am in life has always been

Happens alot does it tiny? Keep liftin them weights bro

I will, and I'll enjoy the dozens of women who talk to me on a daily basis. Keep getting drunk and name calling on the internet you fat scum

At 4/1/17 10:31 AM, Entice wrote:

At 3/9/17 10:11 PM, Piemix wrote: It feels like I'm fucking a wet tire the fuckin thing hardly even feels like anything and it's all empty and no bumps so it's like fucking rubber bands in a straight smooth line

Why would it need bumps? If a pussy had bumps covering the inside I'd be pretty concerned.
Just buy some lube and use your hands, as a bonus the lube will come in handy if you decide to fuck a real person.

Fair point. Without them there's no stimulation whatsoever, and it's way less tight and temperature adjusted like a real pussy is

I've been using my hands, for the first time in years, shit is way easier and it allows me to masturbate in public bathrooms when I need to let my love seed fly in between classes

I am thoroughly enjoying the pointless, irrelevant, back-and-forth squabbling in this thread. Please don't lock, mods.

At 3/9/17 10:55 PM, Piemix wrote:
stop flaunting your masculinity around you fuckin loser, you have 100 posts within a fucking day of signing up

hahaha i agree with this sentence, why do people do that? why do people think thats cool lol

My new fleshlight fucking sucks

Isn't it good, actually Like an extra feature

The lack of fleshlight talk is disappointing