I feel like only thing that would satisfy me un life would be more physical activity. Getting in touch with the core stuff like perfecting small talk, knowing popular things, know how to talk to girls, improve body shape, get a car, rent some place, you know, be normal, in sync with society/universe, be more likable to others. But I think I am at point of no return. How unhuman am I if such basic core things like aforementioned don't come natural to me? I don't consider myself lazy, I work hard full-time, I did my best at school, but at some point I realized I have some psychologocal defect small enough to allow organism to survive but big enough to miss out on normal things normal people enjoy ( by "normal" I don't mean boring, I mean it in positive way ). My lower back hurts constantly, I feel nauseated often and can't look at nice girls without thinking of having sex with them. I'm pathetic fuck who shouldn't pass on genes but I don't want to anymore. Kggkbovojfbrjrifiggidhshdugohkfokf. I can't even drink or smoke for stress relief because drinking makes me nauseous and smoking hurt my lungs so whats left is to jerk it out. A little off center and I'm out of tune. Just kicking this can along the avenue. I want to dance with everybody else in a dance of life.
