Do you or anyone you know have an amusing sex story?

My cousin has one. When he was about sixteen he was dating a girl. On the first day they dated she was trying to make him fuck her,but here's the thing. He showed up at her house, which is a raised ranch, and she's waiting there is nothing but her panties and bra, and she leads him into a room with nothing but a mattress on the floor, and says, in a completely serious non-sexy voice:

"Put it in me, daddy."

At this time, she was a virgin, so she was confused why suddenly my cousin became flaccid, he was so turned off he put his clothing back on and left.

When he told me this I laughed so fucking hard that I snorted the vodka/sprite mixed drink I had and it came out my nose.

Tell me stories NG, I'm still a bit buzzed so even if it's not that good it'll probably make me die of laughter.

At 10/20/15 08:46 PM, Suprememessage wrote: At this time, she was a virgin, so she was confused why suddenly my cousin became flaccid, he was so turned off he put his clothing back on and left.

When he told me this I laughed so fucking hard that I snorted the vodka/sprite mixed drink I had and it came out my nose.

Tell me stories NG, I'm still a bit buzzed so even if it's not that good it'll probably make me die of laughter.

Gay

I have plenty of stories. TLDR: period blood can actually taste amazing.

im not going to tell any of my stories tho cus FUCKAUUUDOLPHIN

BLOOOOOOODDDDMMMYES

This one time, I accidentally made a fart noise using the creases of our chests.

At 10/20/15 09:14 PM, FinaLee wrote: This one time, I accidentally made a fart noise using the creases of our chests.

That's my fetish.

How would that even happen

At 10/20/15 09:18 PM, Suprememessage wrote: How would that even happen

You know how you can make a farting noise with your hand and armpit by making an air bubble? I think the same thing happened to me, only it was with pecs and boobies.

At 10/20/15 09:22 PM, FinaLee wrote:

At 10/20/15 09:18 PM, Suprememessage wrote: How would that even happen

You know how you can make a farting noise with your hand and armpit by making an air bubble? I think the same thing happened to me, only it was with pecs and boobies.

fart noises are a regular occurrence. frick. its air getting sucked into the vagina or something notsure

I know a girl who can queef on demand.

At 10/20/15 09:22 PM, FinaLee wrote:

At 10/20/15 09:18 PM, Suprememessage wrote: How would that even happen

You know how you can make a farting noise with your hand and armpit by making an air bubble? I think the same thing happened to me, only it was with pecs and boobies.

I laughed so much at that one post that I swallowed my lip and started throwing up.

Worth it though.

Thank you for sharing that amazing story.

I love when they call me daddy.

I haven't had a whole lot of sex but I once farted shortly after I finished.

Whoops.

We laughed it off.

At 10/20/15 10:53 PM, Homicidee wrote: I knew this one kid that was a virgin and every time he would yell out "Virgin for life!" Everyone laughed at him because you know how ridiculous that was. Anyways he went to a house party It was around 2 am females were drunk he got drunk to. He immediately took his chance to fuck her supposedly. He then tells me all about it. I punch him because he's obviously lieing. For being stupid he has to attend summer school during that time he meet a girl he liked towards the end of summer school he fucked her, but wait no ones drunk though. Later he meets a girl through Facebook dates her long distance. He finally has the courage to visit her. Desperately fucks her and tells me that she was his first time.

Man he's like one of those girls that you know has slept with atleast five dudes and yet she's still a virgin.

Spiritually, of course.

Because Mommy and Daddy are Christian.

What a good girl.

At 10/20/15 11:12 PM, Homicidee wrote: brag
sex
atheist

This story is really coming together quite nicely.

One time I sexed a girl in the vaginis. It's true!

One time my friend explained to me in great detail how he had anal sex with his girlfriend.

please dont tell mom

At 10/21/15 12:57 AM, Monster64 wrote: please dont tell mom

I told mom.

At 10/21/15 12:57 AM, Monster64 wrote: please dont tell mom

Only if you cum inside every single one of them.

At 10/21/15 01:23 AM, TailsPrower wrote:

At 10/21/15 12:57 AM, Monster64 wrote: please dont tell mom

Only if you cum inside every single one of them.

He's need about an hour and half to do that. That's a lot of time spent on masturbation.

At 10/20/15 08:46 PM, Suprememessage wrote: Do you or anyone you know have an amusing sex story?

Yeh, AIDS

NEXT

That was pussy. And Ive said 'daddy', some guys like it. Okay heres my story, so I'm getting fingered by a girl over the kitchen counter while her boyfriends sleeping in the other room.............blah blah............. Drama. Worst thing I ever did. Much shame. I don't have any other stories.

At 10/21/15 12:57 AM, Monster64 wrote: please dont tell mom

Please tell me that isn't real.

Anal!

I remember once when I was like 18 I got back to Florida for the first time in a year there was this girl that wanted to sleep with me that I had been talking to out of state for a while. So when I get back to the states we decide to go to the beach and mess around. We're making out super heavily and I'm already fingering her. She decides she wants to go back to the house and fuck, so I pick her up and run to her car with her. I'm fingering her the whole way, causing her to go 30 miles an hour over and a police officer pulls her over. She gets a ticket, gets turned off, drives me back home, and for like a year wouldn't talk to me because she expect me to pay the ticket.

That stuck out in my head the most. I could think of a funnier one I'm sure, but that doesn't come anywhere close to your "put it in me daddy" bit, I laughed my ass off.

At 10/20/15 08:46 PM, Suprememessage wrote: "Put it in me, daddy."

Shit, fuck, are you serious? Your friend is the biggest vagina in the world if a virgin, ranch girl (i suppose she was cute?) in her underwear saying that turned him off.
Fucking hell just thinking about it turned me the fuck on.

At 10/21/15 12:57 AM, Monster64 wrote: please dont tell mom

They all look rancid, THEY ALL LOOK FUCKING RANCID.

At 10/20/15 10:53 PM, Homicidee wrote:

I'd expect someone who speaks english all fucking day to be able to write better than what you just did.

At 10/21/15 01:50 AM, someaveragechap wrote:

At 10/21/15 01:23 AM, TailsPrower wrote:

At 10/21/15 12:57 AM, Monster64 wrote: please dont tell mom

Only if you cum inside every single one of them.

He's need about an hour and half to do that. That's a lot of time spent on masturbation.

how dare you underestimate the caliber of my nutsack

I called my friend while he was having sex once. The end.

C'mon...you probably wanna jack off to these stories instead of "dying" of laughter.

Too many to count. Every girl I've ever had sex with laughed, so.

At 10/21/15 09:16 AM, Hoodie wrote: Op quit lying.

About what? I'm not lying. Personally I can't fucking verify his story (I wasn't there) but that's what he said, word for word.

At 10/21/15 10:08 AM, Radaketor wrote:

At 10/20/15 08:46 PM, Suprememessage wrote: "Put it in me, daddy."

Shit, fuck, are you serious? Your friend is the biggest vagina in the world if a virgin, ranch girl (i suppose she was cute?) in her underwear saying that turned him off.
Fucking hell just thinking about it turned me the fuck on.

Girls who say that turn me off too. It's just fucking weird. And she was cute, I suppose, or she is now anyway, I have her as a friend on Facebook, although she's kind of a slut nowadays. In an ironic kind of way my cousin's current girlfriend is pregnant so I suppose calling him 'daddy' would be fitting now.

This one time I wanted to stick a toothbrush handle in my ass just to see how it felt but then I realized it was actually a penis and that it was actually my brother's penis and that's the day I found out that I was gay for my brother.

I used saran wrap as a makeshift condom once when I was like 16.