BTW, I've been studying the Malleus Maleficarum (The Witch Hammer) to try and reverse engineer exactly what stereotypes, supersttitions, and just good old fashioned religious traditions say about worshipping our small god, Satan, Lucifer, First Among the Fallen.
First of all, let me reiterate that the existence of Devil Worshpping Witches is a fundamental Christian truth, and anyone who denies the existence of Satan Worship or who does not take it as a serious threat is a heretic. Such a heretic denies the holy truth of the Bible when it says clearly in Exodus 22:18 "Thou shalt not suffer a witch to live."
Secondly, I learned of some new fun things to do this Candy Costumes day!
1: Magic penis theft. The Malleus Maleficarum states that witches have the power to make penises disappear, leaving nothing but smooth skin where the cock and balls should be. Do not dare doubt this, because it has been confirmed by a priest who would never lie, and that would make you a heretic who should be burned at the stake. Apparently the penises remain alive after being stolen and are stored in hidden cookpots in bird's nests where they eat corn and barley and hop around. Powerful witches have large collections of these living stolen penises, most prized among the collections the cocks of Priests.
2: Cum swapping demons. Sex with succubi is nothing new, but what you probably didn't know was that when a man has sex with a succubus, that semen is saved and given to be used by a male demon to impregnate a witch, making demon sex both gay, trans, cumswapping, and cuckholding all in one go! Truly our Dark Lord is miraculous! If you see someone laying on the ground having an orgasm, they aren't masturbating, they are fucking invisible demons in the Festive Holliday Spirit of Halloween!
3: Pretending to be midwives and stealing babies. Rendered dead baby fat is an important ingredient in most of Satan's cunning potions, especially the ones that make broomsticks fly. By pretending to be a nurse or a midwife, you can kill the baby in it's mother's womb and report it as a miscarriage, thus freeing up a dead baby for making a delicious soup which will give you all knowledge of the Devil's Black Arts
4: Suicide. As had been mentioned earlier, Christians have always been fans of suicide themselves, notably the Jonestown Massacre but even as recently as Heaven'sGate. What you probably didn't know is that if you are ever charged with witchcraft, you can avoid confession and involuntary salvation by commiting suicide, ensuring your place on the left hand side of the Satan in glorious Hell with no worries of harps or angel wings in your future.
5: Defiling churches. Don't be scared; fart loudly during the sermon, spit on the floor during prayer, hell, take communion and spit it back out into a rag to use for your own special potions. One case in the Malleus Maleficarum states a demon preaching from the pulpit, as long as the congregation are "hearers of the word" but not "doers." One of the best ways to worship the Devil is to be a christian hypocrite!
6: Being nasty. The overall purpose of the Devil's influence (According to the Malleus Maleficarum) is to just do the most perverse sin you can imagine to make sure you go straight to hell. The nastier, the better, so just be creative in your devotion to the Illuminator this Halloween!
