00:00
00:00
Newgrounds Background Image Theme

Kingkavvvv just joined the crew!

We need you on the team, too.

Support Newgrounds and get tons of perks for just $2.99!

Create a Free Account and then..

Become a Supporter!

Review a story; Share a story

464 Views | 3 Replies
New Topic Respond to this Topic

Review a story; Share a story 2015-02-02 21:49:54


Hey everyone. I'm TaintedLogic, and I've decided that this forum needs some better ways of being more collaborative. So, in this thread (if things go according to plan) sharing your work will be contingent on reviewing someone else's first. Each post in this thread should contain a review of the work posted above you as well as a new work you'd like to share with the community! These pieces could be poems, short stories, movie scripts, song lyrics, or whatever! :D Please bear in mind that this might not be the optimal place to share anything that's over, say, about 1,500 words (2 posts worth of content).

Good luck; have fun! Now let's breathe some life into this forum again! ^_^

Allow me to get the ball rolling with a poem:

The Awakening

Sleep slipping through my fingers like time,
looming thoughts of desire in my mind,
I was carried up the stairs by echoes
of my dark thoughts.

Searching in the labyrinth of night,
I found the darkness at the edge
of innocence, the release of tension
from the grinding clocks of the day.

But the end was already near.

I heard a voice in my dreams
and it said, in its direct, piercing way,
“Come, friends, let us continue to be slaves
to the arrow of time.”

Reluctantly, I obeyed,
misguided by my own erroneous clock,
its flawed, irregular beat telling me
that it was not quite yet morning.

I dragged myself out of bed.

I looked in the mirror, haunted
with the image of this monster
I couldn’t quite take seriously
in his bathrobe and pajamas.

My face and my hair both have been pressed
into the mold of morning.
I leaned over and let cold death
jolt me back to life.


"Time's fun when you're having flies." ~Kermit the Frog

BBS Signature

Response to Review a story; Share a story 2015-02-03 02:42:57


Hey, man. Just saw your post. I posted a similar thread without the proviso of revision. I really have no intention of posting my work, but am willing to review others'. Hopefully both these posts gain traction and I'll try to help out here as well.


Giving out writing reviews to anyone who wants them (exception: poems. I'll find you).

BBS Signature

Response to Review a story; Share a story 2015-02-03 19:17:14


At 2/3/15 02:42 AM, DeftAndEvil wrote: Hey, man. Just saw your post. I posted a similar thread without the proviso of revision. I really have no intention of posting my work, but am willing to review others'. Hopefully both these posts gain traction and I'll try to help out here as well.

Thanks man! I appreciate it. Yeah, I'd love to see both of these threads do well. This forum needs someone to breathe life back into it. ;)


"Time's fun when you're having flies." ~Kermit the Frog

BBS Signature

Response to Review a story; Share a story 2015-02-25 14:06:36


Your poem was fantastic and breathtaking. I loved every bit of it. It was written very well.

Here is my entry

Cold
By Jay W. Eccent

Freezing cold!

His eyes were closed. He could not open them. Forcibly, the man tried to
move.. No use.. Nothing.

Finally, his eyes that felt so glued together opened like water breaking hard through a large dam.

His name.. He could not remember. All he knew was that he was standing, cold.. Frozen like ice.

The man tried to turn his head.. nothing.

His vision was blurred, his path was blocked by a solid, clear mass.

An eerie feeling passed over him. What was he to do?

'Think, Think.' His heart pumped loudly like a machine. 'Think, Think.'

He had no breath, no air seemed to stem from his lungs.

Light pierced through the ice like structure, warming his cold face.

Wet graced his skin as the structure seemed to melt away.

His skin though, it felt so stiff, so solid.

Quickly, with all his strength he brought up his fists breaking through the solid jail.

Falling to the ground on his side, the man was thankful he had survived. Water shot out his nostrils and mouth like a shotgun.

Standing straight, Eyes forward, he swore he would find what had happened to this world for what he seen would have caused him tears of shear sorrow if he had ducts.

He tried to compute what was going on all around him.

The world was frozen in suspended animation.. But.. There were no humans.

All forms frozen in ice were robotic in nature. As the cybernetic forms broke through there cocoons of exile and as the android looked down at the console of his stomach he realized.. 'This was our time'..

At 2/2/15 09:49 PM, TaintedLogic wrote: Hey everyone. I'm TaintedLogic, and I've decided that this forum needs some better ways of being more collaborative. So, in this thread (if things go according to plan) sharing your work will be contingent on reviewing someone else's first. Each post in this thread should contain a review of the work posted above you as well as a new work you'd like to share with the community! These pieces could be poems, short stories, movie scripts, song lyrics, or whatever! :D Please bear in mind that this might not be the optimal place to share anything that's over, say, about 1,500 words (2 posts worth of content).

Good luck; have fun! Now let's breathe some life into this forum again! ^_^

Allow me to get the ball rolling with a poem:

The Awakening

Sleep slipping through my fingers like time,
looming thoughts of desire in my mind,
I was carried up the stairs by echoes
of my dark thoughts.

Searching in the labyrinth of night,
I found the darkness at the edge
of innocence, the release of tension
from the grinding clocks of the day.

But the end was already near.

I heard a voice in my dreams
and it said, in its direct, piercing way,
“Come, friends, let us continue to be slaves
to the arrow of time.”

Reluctantly, I obeyed,
misguided by my own erroneous clock,
its flawed, irregular beat telling me
that it was not quite yet morning.

I dragged myself out of bed.

I looked in the mirror, haunted
with the image of this monster
I couldn’t quite take seriously
in his bathrobe and pajamas.

My face and my hair both have been pressed
into the mold of morning.
I leaned over and let cold death
jolt me back to life.