It's been a while since my last update.

Right after I posted from the kitchen, I made my way towards the front door. Upon entering the hallway, a sickeningly sweet smell filled my nostrils. I knew that something was wrong, so I quickened my pace.

When I turned the corner, my eyes met the familiar face of Bedn. I panicked. Bedn was there. In my home. I had thought that Bedn was only an urban legend... I never thought that he could be real.

I ran. I didn't know where to go. I managed to slip into the guest bedroom undetected, and I shut myself in the closet. My heart was pounding as I heard Bedn checking every room. Creeeeak. Footsteps. Then nothing.

For a moment, I thought that he must have known where I was. He stepped closer to the closet door and stopped for what seemed like hours. The sweet smell was nearly vomit-inducing. Then I heard the footsteps of him retreating to check another room.

I realized too late that I had dropped my phone in the hallway while I was running for my life. It was too late to go back. I was in the closet for hours before I no longer heard footsteps anywhere. I think that he's gone now, so I returned to the hallway for my phone.

When I checked my phone, there was a text message from myself. It said only one word: "Bednanas"

I finally made it to my car, but it wouldn't start. It looks like someone cut the fuel lines.

On the dashboard, a lone banana sits.

I reasoned that, if I couldn't use my car, I'd ask my neighbors for help. I was sure that they would be willing to lend a hand.

I knocked. No response. I knocked again. The door creaked open. I turned on the lights and the horrors within came into view. There was blood everywhere. On the floors, walls, door handles... but not a body to be found. My heart began to beat quicker as I searched for their keys.

"Aha! Found them!" I said to myself as I pulled the bloody keys off of their kitchen counter. I jogged to their car, and I was delighted to find that it had no problems starting.

I contemplated calling the police, but I knew that this was far outside of their jurisdiction. There is only one person who could help me...

After driving for a few minutes, I came across a group of hitchhikers. They introduced themselves as, uh... I don't remember. I call them Mullet Man, Duke Nukem, and Lara Croft.

Anyway, Duke Nukem says that they've been trying to get to Washington DC. They've been running from Bedn, and apparently Mullet Man is some sort of hot shot geneticist who knows the only way to destroy him.

I tell them that they must be bullshitting me. I know where the cure is, and it's not in Washington.

Duke Nukem starts going apeshit. He bashes Mullet Man's skull in with his fists and begins sodomizing his eye socket with his massive, throbbing penis.

If I were in a better mood, I would have joined in the fun, but I've had enough of this. I grab the gun now lying on the ground and I JFK Duke Nukem 420 noscope.

So, Duke and Mullet are dead, and Lara Croft is coming with me. This was the plan from the beginning, but Duke was kind enough to do half of the work for me.

We ought to fund a team of experts on this.

At 11/16/14 12:39 PM, NewgroundsMike wrote:

At 11/16/14 12:37 PM, Bit wrote: Does anyone know what this button does? I've never clicked it before.

It logs you out.

.

After many long hours of travel, I arrived at my destination.

"Ahh, Wade. Just the man I was hoping to find."

"Hello, Bit."

"How do you know my name?"

"I know everything, Bit. I see all."

"So, what brings you to the HQ?"

"Your arch nemesis Bedn is back. And he's trying to kill me."

"I find that hard to believe. Bedn was killed during the Duck Division wars."

"That was never confirmed. In fact, I think... W-Wade! What are you doing?

"B-Bedn! It's you!"

"..."

"I need to get out of here and warn Tom. It's not too late to stop you."

"Yes it is, Bit. Tom is kill."

I stared in disbelief into the cold, soulless eyes of Bedn. I saw an infinite void staring back.

It was as though he were analyzing my very essence. Finding my fears and weaknesses as easily as you or I would do a crossword puzzle.

Here was the monster who infiltrated NG HQ, stole Wade's identity, and killed Tom.

But the last hope to destroy him died with them. He was an unstoppable juggernaut now.

A vengeful elder god.

I looked down at my feet. Something caught my eye.

I hadn't seen it before, but it was really the key to everything.

I immediately became aware of my destiny, and of my true place in this vast universe.

Looking down at my feet revealed that I was actually cadny the whole time.

the end

Flush you to that log off button! Click on the friend request button since you have a new friend now!

Sorry that was shitty.

At 12/12/14 05:26 PM, Bmwd wrote: Flush you to that log off button! Click on the friend request button since you have a new friend now!

Sorry that was shitty.

A friend request which I dare not accept nor deny.

At 12/12/14 06:04 PM, Bit wrote:

At 12/12/14 05:26 PM, Bmwd wrote: Flush you to that log off button! Click on the friend request button since you have a new friend now!

Sorry that was shitty.

A friend request which I dare not accept nor deny.

Click on the block button then!

At 12/12/14 10:16 PM, Bmwd wrote:

At 12/12/14 06:04 PM, Bit wrote:

At 12/12/14 05:26 PM, Bmwd wrote: Flush you to that log off button! Click on the friend request button since you have a new friend now!

Sorry that was shitty.

A friend request which I dare not accept nor deny.

Click on the block button then!

I don't feel like being water-boarded.

At 12/12/14 06:04 PM, Bit wrote:

At 12/12/14 05:26 PM, Bmwd wrote: Flush you to that log off button! Click on the friend request button since you have a new friend now!

Sorry that was shitty.

A friend request which I dare not accept nor deny.

Did you just edit the HTML?

At 12/16/14 11:11 PM, cga-999 wrote: Did you just edit the HTML?

No.