Newgrounds.com — Everything, By Everyone.

That's right, in this thread you get to post your best one-liners, punchlines, and stories in an attempt to make everybody laugh! You may either come up with them yourself or search for them on the Internet.

There will be a 10 out of 10 rating system in place.

Whoever tells the funniest jokes shall be declared "Joke Master of the Year"

To begin, I'll start things off with the following joke:

A priest and a pastor are standing by the side of a road holding up a sign that reads "The end is near! Turn around now before it's too late!" A passing driver yells, "You guys are nuts!" and speeds past them. From around the curve, they hear screeching tires---then a big splash.
The priest turns to the pastor and says, "Do you think we should just put up a sign that says 'Bridge Out' instead?"

Guess what? Chicken butt.

@Jester wins this thread, also jokes like the one you posted are stupid.
Jester wins, end of thread.

At 8/20/14 02:17 PM, Amaranthus wrote: @Jester wins this thread, also jokes like the one you posted are stupid.
Jester wins, end of thread.

Glad that was resolved, then

Knock knock.

At 8/20/14 02:22 PM, SwisherCovent wrote: Knock knock.

We have a doorbell.

At 8/20/14 02:26 PM, Radaketor wrote:

At 8/20/14 02:22 PM, SwisherCovent wrote: Knock knock.

We have a doorbell.

It's been broken for years, what you on about?

At 8/20/14 02:53 PM, Captain-Slugworth wrote:

At 8/20/14 02:26 PM, Radaketor wrote:

At 8/20/14 02:22 PM, SwisherCovent wrote: Knock knock.

We have a doorbell.

It's been broken for years, what you on about?

Your mom's been broken ever since I fucked her up.

TheGameChanger is a faggot. I win.

I asked my wife to role play a rape fantasy with me.
She said, "NO!"
I said, "That's the spirit!"

Okay, so I guess this is more of a story about a recent conquest.

It all started when I was really hungry after having a few afternoon beers on my day off, so I walk to the local Taco Bell. I notice there's this qt behind the counter and I'm just like "Hey, baby, can I get your number in case I need a large order of Quesarittos with a side of yew?"

She starts blushing and to my surprise she actually gives me her number and she starts texting me immediately despite being at work. I'm sure Taco Bell management doesn't give any fucks. Anyways she starts sending me these selfies and I'm all tryna play it cool, calm, collected and throw in some of my best jokes to get her panties wet and I notice from her selfless that her tits are actually the size of basketballs. I have no idea how I overlooked this earlier, must have been the uniform. Anyways, at this point I'm just like "DAMN NIKKA, CHECK THIS SHIT OUT," to my friends who I happen to be rooming with while I'm sextin this Taco Bell Goddess. "IMMA BE LIKE MICHEAL JORDAN WITH THEM MOTHERFUCKERS."

She tells me she's into wine and starts sending me selfies of her drinking wine after work and I'm just like thinking "Alright, I can get down wit dat." So I be like "Yo, Taco Queen, you like pink, or red, or white?" She's like "Whatever, I'm an alcoholic" or some bullshit like that I wasn't really paying attention at this point. "Alright babe, Imma swing on by, what's your address?"

So I get there and things start heating up real fast after the first glass. I was tryna savor the flavor while I was sippin n chippin but she was downing her drink like a gorilla and touchin all over me. I resign my hesitation because I knew I wanted to fuck her, so I just go for her chalupa and turns out she had a burrito.

At 8/20/14 03:04 PM, Cronizone wrote:

LOL! 8/10

@Jester, I shake my head at these people who know nothing about the art of comedy.

Sign by a roadside Church: "Honk if you love Jesus, keep texting while driving if you wanna meet him."

I'm unfunny, so:

At 8/20/14 05:23 PM, CiviLies wrote: I'm unfunny, so:

Haha! 7/10

Well, I said that you could use anything from the Internet, so........

My best jokes:

69 (lel)

hueheuheuehue

420 blaze it lelelelelelel

B====D~~~~~~ <---- hahahaha its a penis get it

did I win

At 8/20/14 06:35 PM, larrynachos wrote:

No, it has to be an actual joke, not stupid bullshit.

At 8/20/14 06:47 PM, TheGamechanger wrote: No, it has to be an actual joke, not stupid bullshit.

Dangit.

Okay, so why did the chicken cross the road?

....

tee hee...

TO GET TO THE OTHER SIDE BWAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHHAAHHAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHA

yup, I pretty much won. 100% original joke by me, btw.

At 8/20/14 06:49 PM, larrynachos wrote:

At 8/20/14 06:47 PM, TheGamechanger wrote: No, it has to be an actual joke, not stupid bullshit.

Dangit.

Okay, so why did the chicken cross the road?

TO GET TO THE OTHER SIDE

That reminds me of this......

This thread won't last 16 hours

A man walks into a bar and says ouch.

it doesnt get better than this

At 8/20/14 07:20 PM, levonlevonlevon wrote:

At 8/20/14 07:13 PM, fieIetiger wrote: it doesnt get better than this

uh...thats not really funny. you sicko.

@Zachery, I don't think that this is the real fieldertiger.

So, how about that airline food, huh?

At 8/20/14 07:44 PM, NGPulp wrote: So, how about that airline food, huh?

I hear that it's AIR-sterical!

At 8/20/14 07:48 PM, TheGamechanger wrote:

At 8/20/14 07:44 PM, NGPulp wrote: So, how about that airline food, huh?

I hear that it's AIR-sterical!

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=rxy74u18WaE

Man, that retarded girl is pretty hot but should I sleep with her?

Only if you want your first time to be special

So.. hehe.. how about that airline food?

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